


Bleeding Hearts

by Pixeleve



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Queer Relationship, Dreams and Nightmares, Falling In Love, Far Future, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Prophetic Dreams, Queer Themes, RiverClan (Warriors), ShadowClan (Warriors), SkyClan (Warriors), ThunderClan (Warriors), Tragic Romance, WindClan (Warriors), disaster gay medicine cats just trying their best, im new to ao3 and have no idea how to tag, no beta reader we die like men, skyclan is here too bc it takes place in the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-02-23 07:24:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 75,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23007868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixeleve/pseuds/Pixeleve
Summary: Runningpaw is the WindClan medicine apprentice, but he yearns to be more. Ravenpaw is the ShadowClan medicine apprentice, but he just wants to be appreciated. When these two find solace in each other among everything else, and against every clan rule, what fate will befall these two bleeding hearts?
Comments: 17
Kudos: 36





	1. Yearning Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runningpaw of WindClan is finally apprenticed to the medicine cat, Cloverwing. It's all he's ever wanted. So why does he still want more?

**Chapter 1: Yearning Heart**

* * *

_"I'm going to tell you a tale of caution, Fogwhisker," a dark silver dappled she cat growled. "Medicine cats have never been allowed to love, but this rule did not stop these two lovers. A WindClan medicine cat who yearned for more, and a ShadowClan medicine cat who wished to be noticed."_

_"Medicine cats have never been able to love, and now their story lives so all may heed this warning and tread carefully."_

"The time has come for me to take on an apprentice," Cloverwing announced. She had waited many moons to choose an apprentice, and the clan was relieved at this news.

"Runningkit, you have reached the age of six moons and from this day forward, you shall be known as Runningpaw," she declared. "I shall be your mentor. I will do my utmost to pass all I know onto you."

Runningpaw felt lonely as he stared down at his clanmates. They were cheering his name but it felt hollow. Only his mother, Brownthistle, seemed to truly have feeling in her chants. Her blue eyes sparkled with tears.

"Oh, my little kit," she cried. "You're all grown up!"

"I'm only a 'paw, mom," Runningpaw chuckled, rolling his eyes.

"No matter," Brownthistle chided. "You may be an apprentice now, but that doesn't mean I'll stop scolding you if you do something foolish."

"I know, mom," Runningpaw sighed, but he was grinning. Though she was overprotective at times, he knew it came from a place of deep love.

"I bet you're eager to start," Brownthistle purred. "You go on now, and be sure to listen to everything Cloverwing tells you."

"Bye, mom," Runningpaw meowed. Brownthistle gave a sigh and let him head off toward the medicine den, where Cloverwing was waiting outside.

"We're low on burnet, dock, coltsfoot, and tansy," Cloverwing said. "Can you tell me what those do?"

Runningpaw thought carefully. "Burnet gives strength, dock is for soothing scratches, coltsfoot is for kitten-cough, and um, tansy- uh…" he racked his brain. "Oh! It stops coughing!"

"And?" Cloverwing pressed.

"Um, and it can cure wounds, and poisons, and," Runningpaw was growing frustrated with himself. "It's bad for queens."

"Good," Cloverwing purred. "Don't beat yourself up about remembering. It's your first day."

"Okay," Runningpaw said meekly.

Cloverwing eyed him. "Tell me, since it's late greenleaf, why are we getting coltsfoot and tansy?"

Runningpaw knew this. "Because kits get chilled easier from the wind and get sicker than warriors."

"Good again," Cloverwing nodded in approval. "You had your share of both those herbs this past leaf-bare." He saw guilt in her eyes.

"I survived, thanks to you," Runningpaw meowed, ducking his head away shyly. "Mom says I would've died like my sisters without you."

"It's scary when a kit gets greencough," Cloverwing shivered. Their clan's numbers had seriously dwindled due to the sickness." She shook her head. "Go bring some comfrey root and daisy leaves to Rabbitear and Featherleap, then we'll go."

Runningpaw nodded and headed inside the dim den, brushing past the heather. He breathed in scent of mixed herbs, both fresh and stale. He quickly located the comfrey root, but had to dig a bit to find some daisies. He found them hiding behind some borage, and then ducked out of the den.

Runningpaw navigated through the bustling camp, winding through cats moving about. It was pleasing to see his clanmates so lively after moons of sorrow.

He approached the gorse den to see both elders lying on their backs, basking in the warming-up weather. He gave a little cough.

Featherleap turned to him. "Oh, Runningpaw, hello," she purred. "Rabbitear, get up! You've been aching all night and Runningpaw's come to help."

The other elder grumbled as he rolled over. "And just as I get comfy too," he huffed. "Do you medicine cats always have this bad of timing?"

"Just me, I suppose," Runningpaw sighed.

Featherleap chuckled. "Oh, I like this one."

Rabbitear rolled his eyes. "I don't care for snippy apprentices."

Featherleap leaned in to whisper to Runningpaw. "He says that because he was one." She shushed Runningpaw, and then laughed.

"Hurry it up," Rabbitear growled.

"On it," Runningpaw meowed. He began spreading the poultice onto their sore spots.

"Be nicer to him, Rabbitear," Featherleap chided. "I remember how much you hated tending for the elders when you were an apprentice."

Rabbitear made a scoffing noise, but said nothing.

"Oh, no it's okay," Runningpaw said. "I like helping others."

"My, you are just so sweet," Featherleap purred. "You remind me of my brother."

"Your brother?" Runningpaw echoed as he moved onto her joints.

"Yes, Silverwater," she sighed. "He trained Cloverwing you know. So generous."

"So annoying," Rabbitear huffed.

Featherleap shot him a glare before she continued. "He always wanted to help everyone, even cats from other clans." She sighed. "Medicine cats aren't bound to the same rules as us."

"What happened to him?" Runningpaw asked. He had begun to line their nests with the comfrey root now.

"Passed away, long before you were born," Featherleap meowed quietly. "Sickness. He spent all his time helping others, he never helped himself."

"I'm sorry," Runningpaw said. Somehow he felt guilty.

"Oh, it's not your fault, dear," she sad. "Just don't make his mistake."

"I won't," Runningpaw promised. "I'll leave you to your sunbathing now."

"Take care, little one," Featherleap purred.

Runningpaw gave her a nod before he turned around to leave the den. He approached Cloverwing chatting with Grassclaw, ready to restock their stores.

"Oh, gotta go," Cloverwing said to her sister as Runningpaw walked up to her. She turned to her apprentice. "Ready?"

"Yes," Runningpaw confirmed.

"You follow me, since you don't know the territory," Cloverwing meowed. Runningpaw nodded.

They brushed past the heather barrier and out into the open territory. The moors stretched out like waves out in front of them, wind billowing the tall grass.

There was a cluster of rocks up ahead, and Cloverwing led them over. Runningpaw looked around. It was everything he had dreamed of, but it felt like something was missing. He shook his head and followed his mentor.

"These are the Patch Rocks," Cloverwing explained. She poked at the base of a plant with basal leaves. "Burnet thrives here."

Runningpaw dug up the roots of a particularly large clump and picked it up. "Got it," he mumbled.

"Moving on," Cloverwing said, heading over the flat rocks. They trotted through the moors, the grass tickling his legs, and dirt soft beneath his paws as opposed to the ground of camp, hard from being walked upon for hundreds of moons.

There was a mound that was shaped strangely, and as they got closer, Runningpaw realized it used to be a badger, or fox, den. Various plants spread out around it, along with some rabbit and other prey holes.

"The soil here is very rich," Cloverwing meowed. "There's many herbs that grow here, including dock."

Runningpaw picked the large leaves, and looked up at Cloverwing expectantly. She began to speak, when there was a loud yowl from the ShadowClan border.

"We better go," Cloverwing said firmly, breaking into a run. Runningpaw followed, matching her pace with his longer legs.

They slowed to a trot once they got closer to the border, and found the dawn patrol. The smell of blood and ShadowClan was heavy in the air.

"What happened here?" Cloverwing demanded.

"ShadowClan marked over the river!" Bramblepelt growled. His ear was badly torn. "We crossed the river to mark on their side, but their dawn patrol attacked us."

"Fool, of course they did," Cloverwing growled. "Runningpaw, the dock."

He brought her some as she tended to Bramblepelt, Tangletail and Lilynose. Runningpaw approached Turtlepaw and her mentor, Yewtail.

"Runningki- oh it's Runningpaw now!" Turtlepaw gasped. "I missed your ceremony! Hare-dung!"

"It's okay, Turtlepaw," Runningpaw chuckled. He applied the dock to her cheek once he chewed it and she winced.

"Ha, stings," she grimaced.

"Suck it up," Runningpaw meowed. "You asked for this battle."

"Maybe so," Turtlepaw grumbled. "Don't forget my flank. Eaglepaw got me good there."

Runningpaw sighed and rubbed it into the deep cut. "You'll need some cobweb when we get back."

"Alright," she sighed.

Runningpaw tended to Yewtail, whose wounds were incredibly minor, and waited for his mentor to finish with Tangetail, who was whining the entire time.

"Did you at least beat Eaglepaw?" Runningpaw asked his friend. He remembered her complaining about him several times.

"Of course I did!" Turtlepaw boasted. "And I wasn't even trying my hardest."

"If you were, I bet you wouldn't have gotten as hurt," Runningpaw teased.

Turtlepaw made a noise of exasperation. "Just because you're a medicine cat now doesn't mean you can be short with me."

"That's exactly what it means," Runningpaw laughed.

"No, it means you tend to mine and every other cat's every whim," she snickered. He jabbed her.

"Does not," Runningpaw said.

Turtlepaw stuck her tongue out at him, and he nudged her playfully.

"Runningpaw, go down by the river and fetch some coltsfoot for me," Cloverwing said. "I'll be a bit longer."

"Okay," he said. He followed the stream down, looking for the yellow flowered plant. He spotted some along the bank, leaning over the water as if they wanted a drink.

"Gotcha," he mewed softly to himself, pulling up the roots of some but making sure he left some as well. He made his way back to where his mentor was waiting and dropped the coltsfoot as her paws.

"Nice job," she nodded. She stood. "You be on your way, and don't get into a fight with RiverClan on your way back."

"No promises," Bramblepelt winked. Cloverwing groaned.

"You are a nuisance," she growled at him. "Runningpaw, let's go."

Runningpaw picked up the herbs they had collected and he quickly caught up to her. She let out a heavy sigh. "Alright, last is tansy. We have to go a little into Twoleg territory, so you'll wait by the border for me."

"Why can't I go?" He asked through all the herbs he was holding.

"Just yesterday you were still in the nursery," Cloverwing pointed out. "You can come next time."

Runningpaw felt a prick in his chest. He furrowed his eyebrows in frustration, but he sighed. "Fine."

When they approached the border near the Twoleg place, he placed the herbs safely down and sat. Cloverwing crossed the border, and soon disappeared from view. To the left of him, he could see a barn in the distance. He purred at the thought of all the fat mice that probably lived there.

Cloverwing was back shortly, with the yellow herb in her jaws. "We can head back now," she meowed.

On their way back, they passed a cluster of trees just beyond their territory. "Sometimes, we'll go in there for herbs for ones that only grow in the woodlands," she advised him as they passed it. "I won't send you there on your own for a while, since rogues tend to make camp there on occasion."

Runningpaw nodded. At least she had a reason for that. He was still upset about not being allowed in the Twoleg-place. As if he couldn't handle a kittypet or two.

They walked back into camp, and Runningpaw's legs felt numb from all the running and walking. Turtlepaw was sitting in the medicine den, a pitiful look on her face.

"What's wrong, Turtlepaw?" Cloverwing asked.

She presented her paw. "I stepped on a thorn on the way back, and I don't wanna take it out of it bleeds too much!" She whined.

"I'll take the herbs to the back," Cloverwing said. "You take care of this wounded warrior" There was a hint of sarcasm to her tone.

"Hold still," Runningpaw meowed. He plucked the thorn from her paw pad and quickly wrapped it on cobweb. He also tended to her flank wound from the border skirmish, putting cobwebs on it so it wouldn't reopen every time she moved.

"My hero," Turtlepaw snickered.

"Oh, shut it," Runningpaw sighed. "I won't tend to every thorn in your paw, you know."

"But you're the medicine cat now," Turtlepaw meowed. "You gotta."

"Medicine apprentice," Runningpaw pointed out. "I'll likely be stocking our stores more than often."

"Pah!" Turtlepaw scoffed. "You're boring as a medicine cat."

"Well, being a warrior doesn't interest me," Runningpaw huffed. "All the fighting and hunting. It's definitely not me."

"I'd never be a medicine cat," Turtlepaw chuckled, grooming a paw. "You can't ever have a mate or kits. How sad is that?"

"The idea of settling with a she-cat for the rest of my life isn't exactly appealing," Runningpaw laughed. "I think I'm good where I am."

"Well, what about kits?" Turtlepaw suggested. "They're so little and cute!"

Runningpaw thought. "I guess they're cute, but I don't want any of my own."

"StarClan, Runningpaw, you're going to be alone forever!" Turtlepaw exclaimed.

"That's kinda the definition of a medicine cat," Runningpaw pointed out. "Besides, I have you."

"Well, what are you gonna do when I have a mate and kits?" Turtlepaw huffed, flicking her tail in frustration.

"You- I- what?" Runningpaw stammered. "What?"

Turtlepaw blew her lips in embarrassment. "Well, yeah. I like someone. He likes me too. What happens when I have my own family?"

"We won't stop being friends," Runningpaw rolled his eyes. "And besides, I'm not alone. I got my mom."

"Fine, fine," Turtlepaw sighed. "Even if you did like someone, it'd be breaking the code."

"Precisely," Runningpaw said. "Now, shoo."

She blew a raspberry at him, and left the den. Cloverwing came out from the back. "It's a good thing a mate and kits doesn't interest you," she meowed. "Falling in love when you're a medicine cat is hard."

"Did you?" Runningpaw asked.

Cloverwing closed her eyes. "Once." She lowered her head. "I chose my duties over love. It was more important. Remember that."

"Not a problem," Runningpaw insisted. "The whole settling thing down feels... Well, it's not for me."

"That's good," Cloverwing purred. "Now, I want to show you how to feel for kits."

She led him to the gorse den, where the queens stayed. "Gorsesky?" Cloverwing called out.

"Over here," called the grey she cat. She was laying close to the front.

"We're here to feel for your kits," Cloverwing said. "We should be able to now."

Gorsesky nodded. Cloverwing gently began kneading her side, face focused. "I feel two kits in there. Why don't you try, Runningpaw?"

He nodded shyly and copied his mentor's movements, careful to keep his claws sheathed. He could feel two lumps squirming around inside. It felt strange.

"Woah," he whispered. "Weird. Uh- no offense."

Gorsesky let out a _mrrow_ of laughter. "Oh, none taken. It does feel odd. More so for me, I think."

"Well, they feel pretty healthy, and you're not sick either, so you have every reason to expect two healthy kittens," Cloverwing reported.

Gorsesky smiled. "Oh, Rainpuddle will be delighted to hear that."

Runningpaw quickly learned being a medicine cat was exhausting. Everyone was constantly complaining. How Cloverwing managed to be so kind and patient, baffled him.

Every time he dashed back and forth across camp, he saw Brownthistle looking at him with such a proud twinkle in her eyes it made his stomach knot. He wasn't doing much. Just plucking thorns out of paws and giving elders poultices for their joints. Still, he felt a small bit of satisfaction at every little task.

Once the stars were out, Cloverwing dismissed him and Runningpaw collapsed into his new nest. He stared up at the open sky, going over the events of the day. He had enjoyed it, but he couldn't help but feel his heart yearn for more.

* * *

**WindClan**

**Leader:** Sparrowstar: a brown she cat with a lighter chest and white speckles

 **Deputy:** Perchfur: a dark grey tom with white paws

 **Medicine cat:** Cloverwing: a light grey tabby she cat with green eyes

**Apprentice: Runningpaw**

**Warriors**

Grassclaw: a dark grey fluffy she cat

Bramblepelt: a brown mottled tom

Goosewing: a sleek, white she cat

Tangletail: a rusty tabby she cat with a thick tail

**Apprentice: Applepaw**

Lilynose: a silver tabby she cat

**Apprentice: Mousepaw**

Brownthistle: a white she cat with brown splotches

Mothsky: a honey colored tabby she cat

Yewtail: a light ginger tabby tom

**Apprentice: Turtlepaw**

Rainpuddle: a blue-grey tabby tom

**Apprentice: Blackpaw**

Mallowpool: a dark ginger tabby tom

**Apprentices**

Runningpaw: a brown tom with white spots and blue eyes

Applepaw: a dark ginger tom

Mousepaw: a dark brown and white tabby tom

Turtlepaw: a tortoiseshell she cat

Blackpaw: a solid black she cat

**Queens**

Nightblossom: a black she cat with white paws and ears (mother to Moonkit and Crowkit)

Gorsesky: a fluffy light grey she cat (expecting Rainpuddle's)

**Elders**

Rabbitear: a thin brown and white tom

Featherleap: a silver tabby she cat

**Kits**

Moonkit: a white and black dappled she kit

Crowkit: a black tom kit

**ShadowClan**

**Leader:** Snowstar: a large white tom

 **Deputy:** Sootflower: a rugged dark she cat with black flecks

 **Medicine cat:** Hazelstripe: a light brown tabby tom

**Apprentice: Ravenpaw**

**Warriors**

Sunfall: a strong golden she cat

**Apprentice: Spiderpaw**

Sharpheart: a black tom

Redhawk: a dark ginger tom with black stripes

**Apprentice: Snailpaw**

Mossrock: a grey tabby she cat

**Apprentice: Duskpaw**

Fernshadow: a dark grey tom

Darktail: a white tom with a black tail

Brightstep: a white and ginger tabby she cat

**Apprentice: Eaglepaw**

Reedclaw: a dark brown tom

Quickfoot: a dark silver mottled tom

Dewstorm: a light blue grey tom

**Apprentice: Mistpaw**

Junipershade: a dark blue-grey she cat

Amberflight: a dark golden she cat

Pebblepelt: a dark grey tabby tom

**Apprentices**

Ravenpaw: a black dappled tom with a grey underbelly

Spiderpaw: a long legged white she cat

Snailpaw: a mottled brown tom

Duskpaw: a grey she cat with black flecks

Eaglepaw: a white and brown tabby tom

Mistpaw: a blue grey she cat with a white chest and underbelly

**Queens**

Flowerfur: a brown tabby she cat (mother to Tigerkit)

Pinepetal: a dark brown she cat (mother to Brownkit and Patchkit)

Moundtail: a light grey tabby she cat (expecting Pebblepelt's)

**Elders**

Stonewater: a blue grey tabby tom

Whitemuzzle: a thin white tom

Willowdusk: a lean, silver dappled she cat

**Kits**

Tigerkit: a brown tabby she kit

Brownkit: a light brown tom kit

Patchkit: a black and white she kit

**ThunderClan**

**Leader:** Owlstar: a white and brown tabby she cat

 **Deputy:** Mallowheart: a light brown dappled she cat

**Apprentice: Sandpaw**

**Medicine cat:** Milkpool: a white and grey patched she cat

**Apprentice: Fallowpaw**

**Warriors**

Mossbelly: an aging dappled white tom

**Apprentice: Jumppaw**

Mushpelt: a shaggy-furred brown tom with faint tabby markings

Brownfoot: a cream she cat with brown legs and underbelly

**Apprentice: Lilacpaw**

Molefoot: a light brown tom with coarse fur

Sparrowfall: a light brown tabby tom

**Apprentice: Cherrypaw**

Ivystripe: a silver tabby tom

Olivebelly: a light brown tom

**Apprentice: Leafpaw**

**Apprentices**

Sandpaw: a dusty ginger tom

Fallowpaw: a light brown tom with darker paws, ears and muzzle

Jumppaw: a black and white she cat

Lilacpaw: a silver tabby she cat

Cherrypaw: a ginger she cat with white paws and ears

Leafpaw: a grey tabby tom

**Queens**

Acornsong: a brown tabby she cat (expecting Mushpelt's)

Petalbriar: a light ginger and white tabby she cat (mother to Blossomkit and Redkit)

Sundrop: a beautiful golden she cat (mother to Lightkit, Morningkit, Lionkit, and Honeykit)

**Elders**

Greypelt: a grey she cat with a white muzzle and drooping whiskers

**Kits**

Blossomkit: a ginger and white spotted she kit

Redkit: a dark ginger tom kit

Lightkit: a pale golden tom kit

Morningkit: a golden tabby she kit

Lionkit: a golden tabby tom kit

Honeykit: a dark golden she kit

**RiverClan**

**Leader:** Sapstar: a dark golden she cat

 **Deputy:** Beechpool: a light ginger dappled tom

 **Medicine cat:** Seedcloud: a cream tabby tom

**Warriors**

Cloudpatch: calico she cat

Beartooth: a stocky brown tabby tom with black accents and a white chest

**Apprentice: Perchpaw**

Duckfoot: a grey tom with large paws

**Apprentice: Swamppaw**

Hailbreeze: a thin white she cat

**Apprentice: Briarpaw**

Creeksnow: a white she cat with silver flecks

**Apprentice: Yarrowpaw**

Reedwing: a beige tabby tom

Fuzzyheart: a thick-furred cream tom

**Apprentice: Gingerpaw**

Darkwillow: a black she cat

Flowerbranch: a calico she cat

**Apprentice: Bluepaw**

**Apprentices**

Perchpaw: a black she cat

Swamppaw: a dark grey-brown speckled tom

Briarpaw: a beautiful brown tabby she cat

Yarrowpaw: a light ginger tabby tom

Gingerpaw: a dark ginger she cat

Bluepaw: a silver tabby tom

**Queens**

Ripplepetal: a silver dappled she cat (mother to Pondkit and Streamkit)

Nettlebranch: a white and brown she cat (expecting Fuzzyheart's)

Jumpfeather: a light grey she cat (mother to Heronkit, Sandkit and Brookkit)

**Elders**

Rumblebelly: a very dark brown tom

**Kits**

Pondkit: a blue grey tabby she kit

Streamkit: a silver tabby she kit

Heronkit: a brown tom kit with white flecks

Sandkit: a light brown she kit

Brookkit: a light grey she kit

**SkyClan**

**Leader:** Alderstar: a broad shouldered brown tabby tom

 **Deputy:** Redfoot: a white she-cat with ginger paws

 **Medicine cat:** Honeypool: a golden mottled she cat with amber eyes

**Warriors**

Ivyshadow: a silver tabby she-cat

Ashleaf: a solid grey she-cat

**Apprentice: Willowpaw**

Mossclaw: a thin white tom

Quailbush: a light grey and white she-cat

**Apprentice: Cedarpaw**

Thistlewing: a dark brown tabby tom

Ducktail: a little grey and white she-cat with a stubby tail

Tigerfur: a beautiful ginger tabby she-cat

Dewnose: a white tom with golden patches

Rockfoot: a dusty brown tom

**Apprentice: Amberpaw**

Shadefall: a black tom

Gorsewhisker: a light grey and white tom

Antheart: a light ginger tom

**Apprentices**

Willowpaw: a silver tabby she-cat

Cedarpaw: a brown tabby tom

Amberpaw: a dark brown tom

**Queens**

Cloudfern: a white she-cat with black paws (mother to Sheepkit)

Daisypetal: a calico she-cat (expecting Shadefall's)

**Elders**

Ratfoot: a light brown tom

Vinestep: a dark grey she-cat

**Kits**

Sheepkit: a fluffy white she-kit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was actually posted at the end of 2018 on fanfiction.net but i've recently started writing again and decided to post here even though the warriors fandom is kinda dead


	2. Lonely Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravenpaw of ShadowClan has been a medicine apprentice for a moon. Though it's been his dream since he was a kit, he is still unable to chase away the feeling that he will never be happy with himself.

**Chapter 2: Lonely Heart**

* * *

Ravenpaw yawned as sunlight peeked through the hanging ivy over the medicine den. He saw Hazelstripe was already up, mixing herbs.

"You didn't wake me," Ravenpaw said, stretching.

"We were both up late delivering Pinepetal's kits," Hazelstripe meowed. "I figured it'd be best to let you sleep in."

"Much appreciated," Ravenpaw chortled.

"Oh, Raaaaaavenpaw!" came a singsong voice. A grey she cat with black flecks burst in. "Good, you're awake!"

"Duskpaw, I just woke up, and I was up all night," Ravenpaw groaned, burying his face into his paws. He heard something drop at his paws, and saw a rabbit.

"Brought you breakfast, brother," Duskpaw huffed. "Least you could say is thank you."

Ravenpaw rolled his eyes. He tore into the flesh of the prey. "Whatever."

Duskpaw sighed as she sat next to her sleepy brother. "Only been a medicine cat for a moon and you're already as haughty as Hazelstripe."

The brown tabby turned to Duskpaw with an eyebrow raised. "Uh, no offense!" She said quickly. Hazelstripe rolled his eyes.

"You shouldn't disrespect your medicine cats, Duskpaw," Ravenpaw teased. "We're messengers of StarClan, you know."

"Please, I know you've only spoken to StarClan once!" Duskpaw laughed.

"His visions or dreams are none of your concern, Duskpaw," Hazelstripe warned. Ravenpaw raised his chin to her.

Sootflower, the deputy, barged into the medicine den. "Stinking WindClan!" She snarled. "We caught them marking over the river!" Her cheek had a fresh scratch on it, and her left side was bleeding onto the grassy floor.

"Where's the rest of your patrol?" Hazelstripe asked. Ravenpaw was on his feet now, fetching some marigold and dock.

"Just outside," she grumbled as she walked in. She sat down grudgingly in a nest, a disgruntled look on her face.

Behind her, followed Redhawk, his apprentice Snailpaw, Darktail, Brightstep, and her apprentice, Eaglepaw.

"Ravenpaw, you handle Sootflower and the apprentices," Hazelstripe meowed as he chewed the leaves of the herbs into a poultice. "I've got the others."

He gave a small nod. He'd never treated Sootflower before. Her sharp eyes and narrow face intimidated him, and when he applied the dock, she didn't even blink. "Expecting me to wince?" She asked when he paused. "Don't hold your breath."

"I won't, don't worry," Ravenpaw huffed. He continued to treat her nasty wound, applying a little extra marigold since it continued to bleed.

"I've been a warrior since your parents were kits," Sootflower growled. "Needless to say, dock has lost its sting."

"Fair enough," Ravenpaw said. He pressed cobwebs over her wound, and the second he pulled away she stood.

She stared at him sternly for a moment, before she bowed her head. "Many thanks." She walked out without another word.

Ravenpaw moved onto Eaglepaw. His nose was badly scratched, and both his shoulder and right hind leg had multiple gashes on them. "Did you fight a warrior, or something?" Ravenpaw scoffed at the reckless apprentice.

"No!" Eaglepaw snapped. "That menace, Turtlepaw! She fights dirty!"

"Did you beat her?" Ravenpaw asked as he rubbed the poultice on his wounds. He was so caught up in complaining he didn't even wince.

"Of course I did," Eaglepaw bragged, giving a laugh. "She's no match for me!"

"I see, so in other words, she sent you running for the marshes," Ravenpaw meowed, his tone dry.

Eaglepaw scoffed, but said nothing more. Ravenpaw finished quickly, and continued onto Snailpaw, who had been waiting patiently, as his wounds were less severe. Just minor scratches and bites.

"Do you think Sootflower's gonna tell Snowstar how I did?" He asked meekly.

"Maybe," Ravenpaw answered. "How did you do?"

"I fought a warrior," he said, looking giddy. "I don't know her name, but I think I got her good. She yowled pretty loud. Sootflower looked pretty impressed."

"If Redhawk thinks you fought well, he'll be the one to tell Snowstar," Ravenpaw reminded him sharply. "Sootflower's the deputy, not your mentor."

Snailpaw looked at the ground. "Right."

"You can leave now," Ravenpaw meowed. Snailpaw got up, and trudged out of the den.

"You know, cats might respond better to you if you weren't so harsh with them," Hazelstripe pointed out.

Ravenpaw grumbled. "I'm harsh because they expect me to baby them. I won't." There was a dark cloud over his heart, making him feel empty inside.

Hazelstripe sighed. "Just keep in mind, Ravenpaw, a little kindness goes a long way. I'm going to check up on Pinepelt and her kits. You can reorganize the stores. When you're done, I want you to tend to the elders."

Ravenpaw groaned, feeling like he was being punished. Just because he didn't want to act like a second mother to his clanmates put him in the wrong?

He collected all the out of place herbs and moved them to the back, going over all the clusters of herbs and making sure everything was where it should be. He found foxglove seeds in with poppy seeds and could hardly believe what could've come from that mix up.

Ravenpaw pricked his ears at the sound of several things clattering, and ran out into the front part of the den to see Tigerkit on the ground surrounded by sticks and herbs, scattered everywhere.

"Tigerkit!" He snapped. "No kits in the medicine den!"

"Eek!" She squealed. "Ravenpaw!" Clearly she didn't know he had been back there. "I- um-"

"Look what you've done!" He growled. "I just organized all this!"

"I'm sorry, Ravenpaw!" She cried.

"If you're so sorry, you'll help me clean up," he said sternly.

"Yes, Ravenpaw," she agreed, bowing her head in shame.

"Do you know why kits aren't allowed in the medicine den?" Ravenpaw asked her. Tigerkit shook her head.

"A lot of these herbs are dangerous to kits," he meowed. "Eating them when they aren't needed can hurt you. Do you like being sick, Tigerkit?"

She shook her head furiously. "No! It's gross, and tastes bad in my mouth."

"These herbs can make you sick, or even kill you," Ravenpaw explained. "Do you know what this is?" He held up a deathberry.

"No," she answered.

"Looks tasty, yes?" He pressed. Tigerkit nodded.

"Well, if you were to have eaten it, you would've died," Ravenpaw growled. "You don't know what any of this does. That's why kits aren't allowed in here."

Tigerkit stared at the deathberry with round eyes, then down at her paws. "I won't come in here again. Promise."

"Good," Ravenpaw meowed. "Now, just gather those sticks back together and you can go back to playing."

She pushed the sticks into a pile by the little pool of water. She looked at Ravenpaw, and he nodded. She scampered out of the medicine den and he saw her barrel excitedly into her mother.

Ravenpaw let out a heavy sigh and slumped down. He took a quick drink from the pool of water and gathered some moss and dipped it in the water.

He carried it into his mouth to the elders. "I brought fresh water," Ravenpaw meowed.

"Give it to Whitemuzzle," Stonewater grumbled. "Kept me awake all night with his hacking."

"A miracle you could hear me over Willowdusk's snoring," Whitemuzzle scoffed.

The silver dappled she cat gave him a smack. "Oh, don't you drag me into this!"

Ravenpaw felt Whitemuzzle's throat. "There's no swelling," he reported. "Probably just a tickle."

"I told you so, Stonewater," the tom retorted. "I'm as fit as a warrior."

"I'd be able to tell more if you shut up for a moment to let me feel properly," Ravenpaw meowed tersely.

"That attitude will get you nowhere," Whitemuzzle warned him.

"I'm doing well in my training, so I think I'm getting somewhere," Ravenpaw huffed.

"You should respect your elders, you know," Whitemuzzle said gruffly.

"If other cats complain instead of letting him do his job, I think he's allowed to be sharp with his elders," Stonewater rumbled in amusement.

Ravenpaw said nothing as the emptiness inside grew over his heart. "Anything else?"

"I think we're good," Willowdusk meowed, stopping Whitemuzzle from complaining further.

Ravenpaw nodded, leaving the wet moss with them to drink from if they needed. As he walked back to the medicine den, he ran into Hazelstripe. "Oh, Ravenpaw," he meowed. "Can you fetch me some borage leaves? Pinepelt isn't producing enough milk as I'd like."

"Fine," he sighed. He located the leaves easily, and brought them back to the nursery, a hollow surrounded by woven branches and thistles for safety.

"Here," Ravenpaw said, dropping the borage leaves at Hazelstripe's paws.

"And this will give my kittens more milk?" Pinepelt asked as she hesitantly chewed up the leaves Hazelstripe handed her.

"Yes," Hazelstripe confirmed. "You should have some again next quarter-moon if you still don't produce enough milk. But don't fret, with this, Brownkit and Patchkit will grow big and strong."

Pinepelt purred her thanks. The tiny, hairless kittens were keading at her belly. Ravenpaw couldn't help but think they looked a bit ugly. He wondered if he ever looked as rat-like as them when he was a kit.

As they walked out of the nursery, Ravenpaw saw Hazelstripe rub muzzles with Amberflight, his mate. He was an exception to the no-mates rule, as he was a warrior before he became a medicine cat. They only couldn't have anymore kits, but with their one daughter Sunfall, a well-respected warrior, they were content.

He saw Duskpaw proudly walk into camp with a hefty haul of two mice, a squirrel, and a toad. Mossrock looked exceptionally pleased with her apprentice.

She waltzed up to her brother with a prideful smile. "Look at all I caught!"

"Don't eat it all yourself," Ravenpaw teased.

"I was actually going to bring some to Pinepelt. I bet she's starving," Duskpaw huffed. "It would've been more fun if you were with me, though."

Ravenpaw rolled his eyes. "You know becoming a warrior never interested me."

"But you look all dark and brooding!" Duskpaw protested. "You'd intimidate all the other warriors."

"I don't care," he grumbled. "The isolate life of a medicine fits me."

"But you learn to fight anyways as a medicine cat," Duskpaw pointed out.

"For self-defense!" Ravenpaw growled. "You bring this up all the time. Will you drop it? I don't want to be a warrior. I chose this life!"

He stalked off back into the medicine den, tail lashing. "Oh, Ravenpaw, there you are," Hazelstripe mewed. "Sharpheart was complaining of a bellyache. Can you give him these juniper berries?"

Ravenpaw responded with a low growl, snatching up the berries and walking over to the black tom laying pitifully inside the warrior den. "Don't gorge yourself on mice before going to sleep or you're going to have bellyaches forever," Ravenpaw snapped, dropping the berries, and left before the warrior could even react.

"That was fast," Hazelstripe commented.

"It usually is when you skip the coddling," he meowed.

Hazelstripe sighed. "What have I told you about being nicer to your clanmates?"

"I don't know," he grumbled. "I probably wasn't listening."

Ravenpaw could feel his mentor's exasperation spiking the air. "You can be rude to me all you like, but that won't change things," Hazelstripe sighed. "Part of being a medicine cat is caring."

"Really? I thought it was treating the sick and injured," Ravenpaw retorted.

"You have to be approachable in order for cats to come to you with their ailments," Hazelstripe pointed out, his tone growing sharp.

"They'll come to me either way because I'm a medicine cat," Ravenpaw hissed.

"You're an apprentice!" Hazelstripe lashed his tail. "My apprentice! With this attitude of yours, cats will think you were forced to be my apprentice!"

"It's what I wanted, and I'm going to do it the way I want," Ravenpaw growled. "I won't change myself just to please others."

"Then you can reorganize and restock our stores until you realize why this is unacceptable," Hazelstripe growled back. "I've tolerated it for this past moon because I thought you'd mature a bit, but I suppose I was wrong."

"I get things done just fine!" Ravenpaw snapped. "I do all you tell me to do, and well, might I add! Why does it matter what my attitude is like?"

Hazelstripe only sighed. "Go pick the leaves off the blackberry branches we brought back yesterday."

Ravenpaw growled one last time, lashing his tail as he stalked back into the medicine den where the fresh blackberries laid beside older ones.

He ripped at the leaves angrily, but with care, and tossed aside the twigs they were attached to when he was finished with a branch. He could feel the disappointment Hazelstripe felt radiating off his pelt.

Ravenpaw wished he could convey how he felt to his mentor without an argument. How nothing he did chased away the void in his chest, no matter how helpful or extraordinary. How being kind took extra energy out of him and left him even more drained than before.

He watched the sunset from inside the medicine den with sad eyes and a lonely heart that only wanted someone to appreciate him.


	3. Moonlit Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runningpaw goes to the Moonfall for the first time and meets the other medicine cats. One in particular stands out to him.

**Chapter 3: Moonlit Hearts**

* * *

The black sky was perfectly clear, like a starry blanket hanging over Runningpaw. The silver moon was split in half, which meant it was time for the medicine cats to meet at the Moonfall.

"Runningpaw, where did you put the lungwort we collected the other day?" Cloverwing called.

"Er- near the mallow," Runningpaw shouted back to her.

She emerged with the speckled leaves in her mouth. "Alright, let's set out."

Leaving her sister, Grassclaw, in charge of keeping curious kits out of their herb stocks, they left camp. The smell of fresh water was heavy in the cool night air, and Runningpaw could hear the river rushing eagerly with it having thawed out finally not too long ago.

The nights were getting warmer as new-leaf went on, and Runningpaw eagerly awaited the warm breezes as he would run across the moors. As he thought, a cold gust of wind chilled him, and he shivered. He hated the cold.

"It seems like the other clans are waiting on us," Cloverwing fretted. "I hate making them wait."

"I'm sure they don't mind," Runningpaw assured her. He could smell ThunderClan, RiverClan, and ShadowClan fresh in the air. It mixed strangely in his nostrils.

There was a steep slope winding around the waterfall, dirt slicked from so many of their predecessors walking it before them. The waterfall was loud, echoing in his ears. He could feel the mist in the air as it crashed down, and it dusted his thin fur.

"Careful now," Cloverwing warned. She went first, inching her way down with moons of experience. She made it look easy.

The first few steps weren't that difficult, but as Runningpaw went further down, the more the path inclined and the more he felt as if he was going to slip. He didn't have the hard paw pads like Cloverwing did. Not yet. His pads were still pink and soft from kithood.

Stumbling on his last few steps, Runningpaw caught his balance in time to stagger right in front of the other medicine cats. He was able to pick them out by scent and process of elimination.

There was Milkpool, the ThunderClan medicine cat, petite and gentle. At her side was Fallowpaw, her apprentice. He was much larger, with broad shoulders and the build of a warrior, but his weepy eyes made him less intimidating.

Honeypool was easy to recognize beside them. Runningpaw remembered the description of the crazed Honeyheart, a Skyclan queen with a mate from Shadowclan. She had died after killing several cats to keep her relationship safe, and her mate had gone to raise his kits in Skyclan.

Their daughter was a dark, diluted tabby, with the skulking build he recognized in his own clanmates, and powerful hindquarters. Barely any older than a new warrior. Honeypool nodded at him. "Runningpaw, right?" Her eyes were deep, and knowing, and wry.

He sniffed and nodded, not daring to regard her, lest she flay him with her gaze. _I don't ever have to worry about my mate or kits. Thank the stars._

Standing close to the water, was Seedcloud, the RiverClan medicine cat. Youngest of the bunch and yet to take an apprentice, he looked more confident in paws than Runningpaw was sure he would ever feel.

Then there was ShadowClan. Hazelstripe, a tall and skinny tom with a reassuring expression on his face. Beside him, strangely, the most handsome tom Runningpaw had ever laid his eyes on. His fur was black like midnight with orange amber eyes like a forest fire. His shoulders were strong, and his coat thick and shiny. He was Ravenpaw, only a little older than Runningpaw.

Suddenly, he felt as if he had stared too long at the tom, because his expression changed ever so slightly, and Runningpaw looked away instantly. He felt himself stealing glances when he hoped the ShadowClan apprentice wasn't looking.

"I brought the lungwort," Cloverwing mewed, breaking the tension. "Sorry to make you wait."

"It's nothing to worry about," Milkpool assured her, taking the lungwort and handing over some burnet and rosemary.

"It's nearly moonhigh," Hazelstripe said. "We should go in."

Leading the group of medicine cats, Hazelstripe circled around the back of the waterfall. There was a gap behind the cascading water; a small rocky cove that sparkled with moonlight. Everyone's pelt looked like it shimmered with silver, and the half-moon reflected in Cloverwing's eyes as she looked to her apprentice.

"Runningpaw, is it your wish to enter the mysteries of StarClan as a medicine cat?" Cloverwing asked.

Runningpaw felt his breath catch. "It is."

Cloverwing gave a small nod. "Then come forward." She beckoned him forth and he stepped before all the other medicine cats. He felt exposed under their scrutinizing stares.

"Warriors of StarClan, I present you with this apprentice. He has chosen the path of a medicine cat. Grant him your wisdom and insight so he may understand your ways and heal his clan in accordance with your will," Cloverwing spoke. Her voice echoed around the den.

Runningpaw laid down on the cold, stone floor. He closed his eyes, focusing on the rumble of the water just outside. It became rhythmic in his ears, until he heard nothing.

Sunlight warmed his back. Dazed, Runningpaw opened his eyes and looked around. Birds chirped and the grassy fields rolled, but though it felt familiar, he had no idea where he was.

_"Runningpaw."_

_Runningpaw turned around in alarm, and came to face a thin, lanky white tom. His jaw almost dropped._

_"Dad?" He choked out. "I- I know medicine cats talk to the dead but I didn't think I'd see you."_

_"I'm so proud of you, Runningpaw," his father purred._

_He flicked an ear. "Thank you..." The praise felt empty._

_The StarClan cat looked at him. "You're bothered by something. What is it?"_

_Runningpaw sighed. "It's not what I thought it was. I mean, I like helping others. I know it's what I'm meant to do. But…"_

_"But, what?" His father pressed._

_"I know it's only been a moon, but I can't help feeling like- like I'm missing something," Runningpaw explained. He found it difficult to put into words._

_"You're young," his father meowed. "It'll come to you."_

_"But what if it doesn't?" Runningpaw exclaimed. "What if I always feel like a piece of me isn't happy?"_

_The white tom let out a heavy sigh. "Oh, Runningpaw. Being a medicine cat isn't easy. I know you'll figure out what's holding you back. I believe in you."_

Runningpaw didn't even have a chance to answer, because when he blinked, he was opening his eyes in the cove behind the waterfall. The other medicine cats were still dreaming.

He found his eyes drifting to wear Ravenpaw was laying, and jumped when he caught amber eyes staring back at him. Ravenpaw let out a little chuckle and sat up.

"Who did you see?" The ShadowClan cat asked.

"M- my father," Runningpaw answered. "He died of greencough."

Ravenpaw looked thoughtful. There was an uncomfortable silence broken by only the crash of the waterfall.

"You should jump on those last few steps," Ravenpaw said suddenly.

"Huh?" Runningpaw asked.

"You stumbled. Earlier," Ravenpaw pointed out. "If you jump off the slope you won't fall."

"Oh." Runningpaw was surprised. "Thanks."

The other medicine cats began to stir, first Seedcloud, with all the others following close behind. Cloverwing sat up, elegant as always, and looked to Runningpaw.

"You dreamt?" She asked.

Runningpaw nodded. "I- I saw my dad."

Cloverwing blinked. "Whitewhisker. That's good. StarClan has accepted you."

"I know," Runningpaw said. "I don't feel any different."

"You won't," Cloverwing said. "Not at first, at least. It's a slow adjustment. The hard part is telling your normal dreams apart from visions."

"It gets easier with time," Hazelstripe interjected. "So does interpreting their signs."

"My brother found a toad where the apprentices train," Honeypool said, both amused and pensive. "I think Toadcroak is trying to tell me to take on an apprentice."

The medicine cats all dipped their heads in respect. "He's resting well, and leaves a talented successor behind him."

"Doesn't SkyClan share a border with ShadowClan?" Ravenpaw muttered to Hazelstripe. His mentor shushed him.

"So young, to be responsible for a whole clan's health," Seedcloud said quietly.

"We should head back," Milkpool mewed. "Come now, Fallowpaw."

The large tom stood up and stretched, back fur standing up. "Yes, Milkpool." It was strange to see such a physically imposing tom listen so obediently to such a tiny she cat.

"We can all walk together," Milkpool said. She moved forward first, climbing up the rocks like an expert, with strong claws and legs from climbing trees like a true ThunderClanner.

Runningpaw followed after Cloverwing, scrambling up the steep incline with unsheathed claws to grip. He lost his footing for a moment, only for Cloverwing to help him up the rest of the way.

"I'm not made for climbing," Runningpaw admitted, a bit embarrassed.

"Not many WindClan cats are," Seedcloud chuckled.

"How are your clanmates, Cloverwing?" Milkpool asked. "Greencough only just left ThunderClan last quarter-moon.

"Fortunately, we didn't lose many," Cloverwing sighed. "Catmint always seems to bein short supply when the cold comes around."

"We lost most of our elders," Seedcloud said. Guilt dripped in his voice. "Only Rumblebelly made it."

"I'm sure you did all you could, Seedcloud," Hazelstripe assured the young medicine cat. "It was their time."

Seedcloud cleared his throat. "And you, Runningpaw," he said, turning to him as they walked. "How was your first moon of being an apprentice?"

Runningpaw felt put on the spot. "I- um- liked it, I guess? We're always running out of moss bedding and the other apprentices keep getting thorns in their paws. It's a bit... annoying."

"Runningpaw!" Cloverwing scolded. "It is the duty of a medicine cat to care for their clanmates!"

"It is annoying, isn't it?" Ravenpaw mewed. There was an understanding look in his eyes.

Runningpaw felt his embarrassment ebb away and managed a chuckle. "They're always complaining!"

Ravenpaw's lips twitched in a smile for a second, before he received a harsh glare from his mentor, and he went back to his neutral expression.

Runningpaw got a cuff on the ear from Cloverwing. "You treat your patients with kindness, Runningpaw. I will hear no more of this."

The WindClan apprentice let out a short huff but stayed quiet. He wasn't in the mood to get an earful from Cloverwing on the way back to camp when all the other medicine cats had gone. She had a rumored bad temper, and Runningpaw wasn't going to push her.

"This is where I leave you," Seedcloud mewed, leaping over the stones and crossing the river. "Milkpool, I'll be stopping by for some daisy soon if you don't mind? Nettlebranch has been having back pain and the ragwort I've been using has been no help."

Milkpool dipped her head as they parted ways, and her and Fallowpaw disappeared into the trees. Seedcloud was already bounding away, leaving just the WindClan and ShadowClan cats to continue on.

There was only the sound of quietly flowing water with the occasional cricket to fill the silence. Runningpaw could see Hazelstripe was exceptionally strict, and he was too worried if he spoke again Cloverwing might scold him again.

Hunger gnawed at his belly as they walked, having not been able to eat prior to speaking to StarClan. He wanted nothing more than a juicy rabbit and a good night's sleep.

"Try being more strict with Runningpaw," Hazelstripe whispered into Cloverwing's ear, clearly unaware that Runningpaw could hear him. He whispered like an elder telling gossip.

Cloverwing blinked thoughtfully and shook her head. She whispered back, but Runningpaw couldn't make out what she had said. He wondered if it had been good or bad.

"Come on, Runningpaw," Cloverwing meowed. "We have an early morning tomorrow if we're going to collect that tormentil."

Runningpaw started to move to cross over to the WindClan side of the border, but he felt a fluffy tail tickle his spine. He turned to see Ravenpaw looking at him expectantly.

"Hey."

"What?" Runningpaw felt nervous. Ravenpaw seemed so aloof with an air of irritation to him, Runningpaw found it difficult to read him.

Ravenpaw's intense look softened. "Bye."

"Uhm- oh, bye," Runningpaw stammered.

The two ShadowClan cats disappeared into the darkness of their territory. An owl hooted from somewhere in the shadowy pine trees, sending a chill down Runningpaw's back. He turned away and followed Cloverwing home.

Light breezes made the long grass ripple like water over the moors, and the silver moon made the grass shimmer with faint light. It was past moonhigh, and Runningpaw's body felt tired from the day's events, but his mind was wide awake.

Perhaps it was from visiting StarClan for the first time, but he felt his heart knotting itself over and over again. Or maybe he was just over hungry. Whatever the reason, there was one unexplainable thing. Ravenpaw's hot amber eyes would not leave his thoughts for the entire night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it begins.......


	4. Pining Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravenpaw attends the Gathering. The only thing on his mind is Runningpaw.

**Chapter 4: Pining Heart**

* * *

Ravenpaw had been to a Gathering once before. It was strange to see all the clans conversing like old friends, but it was nothing special. So why was he so worked up over this one?

"Someone's in a hurry," Duskpaw commented.

Ravenpaw was quickly going over the herb stores, making sure everything was in place and sorted. "I'm just being careful," he said. "See, if I hadn't then I would've let this sorrel go mixed in with the dock."

Duskpaw rolled her eyes. "You know I won't let anyone in, Ravenpaw." She had been forced to stay at camp for the Gathering for starting a border skirmish by marking on the ThunderClan side of the border.

"You'd be coming with me if you weren't so petty," Ravenpaw huffed, turning to face his sister. "It's your own hubris."

"Hey, if I gotta miss a Gathering just for sticking it to those squirrel fart-faces, then I will," Duskpaw snorted. "You get to go to every Gathering, unless you really piss off Hazelstripe."

"Look on the bright side," Ravenpaw said. "Fart-faces was the most tame swear you've said all day."

"Shut it, you fox-dung," Duskpaw scoffed, but there was a grin on her face.

"Oh, I take it back," Ravenpaw snickered.

"Keep being mean to me and I'll feed you deathberries in your sleep," Duskpaw teased.

"Are you ready, Ravenpaw?" Hazelstripe called, sticking his head in the den. "Snowstar is leading everyone to the Marsh Island now."

"Coming!" Ravenpaw said back. He turned to Duskpaw. "Remember, if anyone asks for anything, ask Sunfall. She'll probably know what to do."

He left the den before Duskpaw could answer, catching up to his mentor and walking at his side. "You've been in a good mood today," Hazelstripe commented. "Whitemuzzle only complained about your attitude once."

Ravenpaw flicked his tail. "I can be in good spirits every now and then. It's the Gathering after all."

"If you held on to that feeling, maybe you could be a little more gentle with your patients," Hazelstripe said.

Ravenpaw held back a groan. "Hazelstripe, can we not have this conversation again? Please." He was tired of getting lectured about his bad attitude.

The light brown tabby sighed. "Okay."

ShadowClan was closest to the Marsh Island, so it wasn't too long of a walk until the evergreens and pine trees became scarce and made way for the swampy clearing. Thick water lapped at the muddy ground, foaming with bubbles sparkling under the moonlight.

Ravenpaw followed Hazelstripe across the rocks to the dry land in the center of the marsh. The clan scents were stale, and they hadn't seen any other clans yet.

"Looks like we're early," Spiderwhisker said. She had been made a warrior a quarter-moon ago, along with her brothers, Snailspots and Eaglestorm. Spiderwhisker was widely regarded as a beautiful she-cat. Duskpaw had complained that all the toms were paying attention to the new warrior now because of her beauty. Ravenpaw couldn't see it. Sure, she was kind and always welcoming, but the concept of looking at a she-cat and instantly being able to tell if she was pretty or not baffled him.

"We often are," Pebblepelt said, looking about. "They'll be here soon."

Tigerpaw stuck close to her mentor, practically attached to his flank. Pebblepelt looked like he wanted to shake her off, but with no other apprentices for her to mingle with besides Ravenpaw and Mistpaw, he let her stay.

Ravenpaw was in the middle grooming his face and whiskers just when a grassy scent slowly filled the air. Fresh and warm, with the distinct smell of wildflowers; WindClan.

Sparrowstar was leading her clan across the rocks. Her long legs made leaping across them look easy, and soon she was on the dry land touching noses with Snowstar in respect. Ravenpaw found himself scanning the crowd with an eagerness he'd never felt. His heart skipped when he spotted him.

Runningpaw, the WindClan medicine apprentice. Just as clumsy and nervous as he had been the first time they met, he tripped and fell into the shallow water and quickly scrambled onto dry land. His mentor, Cloverwing, stopped to greet Hazelstripe and the two of them gathered in a thicket of roots where the medicine cats would meet.

Ravenpaw's eyes followed Runningpaw across the clearing, and it wasn't until he made it halfway across that he turned to look at Ravenpaw, probably having felt his eyes on him. Runningpaw glanced over to where their mentors were and then back to the ShadowClan cat and began trotting over to him.

A bit panicked, Ravenpaw quickly smoothed down his ruffled fur and waited for Runningpaw to approach him.

"Hey, there," Runningpaw said.

"Hey yourself," Ravenpaw said. _Was that too rude?_ He thought to himself.

"Shouldn't we be over there?" Runningpaw flicked an ear in the direction of their mentors.

"We're only apprentices. We can still mingle with the other clan cats," Ravenpaw pointed out.

"I guess you're right," Runningpaw meowed. He still looked nervous.

"This is your first Gathering, isn't it?" Ravenpaw asked.

Runningpaw nodded.

"Just relax," Ravenpaw said. "It's pretty casual anyways. Mostly harmless clan flirting and conversation."

Just as Ravenpaw spoke, there was a rise in volume over where Spiderwhisker had attracted the attention of three WindClan toms. Runningpaw rolled his eyes as if it was usual behavior for those toms.

"Isn't it silly?" Runningpaw scoffed.

Ravenpaw watched as Spiderheart toyed with the WindClan toms. "What is?"

"Flirting," Runningpaw said, as if it was obvious. "Imagine seeing a she-cat and wanting to be her mate forever. That's so weird to me."

Ravenpaw's chest felt tight. He almost didn't ask the question he wanted to ask, but it was as if the words left his mouth before he even thought about it.

"What about a tom?"

Runningpaw blinked. "Um- h- huh?" He stuttered. He sounded confused, but Ravenpaw had a feeling he had heard the first time. He just wanted to make sure he didn't misunderstand.

Ravenpaw looked to the side cooly. "You know. If you looked at a tom, and wanted to be his mate forever. And you were also a tom."

Runningpaw looked caught off guard. "I don't think you can do that. Can you? I mean- there isn't some rule against it?" It was something he had clearly never thought about before.

"There isn't," Ravenpaw said. "Two elders in my clan are both toms. And mates. Well, they argue a lot, but they wouldn't share a nest if they didn't love each other."

"I don't think you can look at someone and just love them at first sight," Runningpaw said. He was looking back over at Spiderheart. The toms were still enamoured with her. "You have to get to know them."

"What about love at first conversation?" Ravenpaw asked. "They do something or say something and it's so endearing you just can't get them out of your head." He suddenly felt exposed. "Or, you know, whatever. Something like that."

Runningpaw started to reply, but stopped when the scent of another clan came in on the wind. A salty and fishy aroma followed the RiverClan cats as some swam in, and others jumped across the stones. Seedcloud was there, fur wet, but he didn't look drowned. Following him closely was a little blue-grey she-cat, still holding onto her kitten fluff. He made a beeline for Hazelstripe and Cloverwing, who greeted him politely.

Just moments later, masked by the scent of RiverClan arriving, came SkyClan with Alderstar, their newly made leader, leading them into the clearing. Honeypool glanced at Runningpaw and Ravenpaw for a lingering moment, before she too joined the other medicine cats for small talk.

The three WindClan toms who were hitting on Spiderwhisker dispersed to scout a new target, seemingly either bored of her or she finally rejected them.

"How shallow," Ravenpaw scoffed. "They know nothing will ever happen because it's against the code."

"They do it _because_ it's against the code," Runningpaw said. "I think it's a thrill."

"The code doesn't apply to us the same way, you know," Ravenpaw pointed out. "We can do whatever we want."

"Within reason, of course," Runningpaw added. "Just because those rules don't apply to us doesn't mean we're lawless."

"Yeah, we're not allowed mates or friends basically," Ravenpaw scoffed. "Not that any she-cat remotely interests me. But to completely outlaw any meaningful relationships seems unfair."

Runningpaw stayed silent.

"I mean, how does Hazelstripe expect me to care about cats if I'm not allowed to get close to anyone?" Ravenpaw growled.

The sickly sweet, sappy scent of ThunderClan came finally, with Milkpool and Fallowpool following dutifully behind their leader, Owlstar. The two medicine apprentices watched as the ThunderClanners began to mingle with the other three clans, and their fellow medicine cats met with them underneath the upturned roots.

Ravenpaw sighed, letting his frustrations go. "Sorry. We should probably join them now."

For a moment, he thought he felt Runningpaw's tail brush his flank. It felt comforting, but when he looked, Runningpaw looked away. He pushed the thought away.

"Making friends?" Cloverwing chuckled as the two apprentices trotted up. Hazelstripe had his eyes carefully trained on Ravenpaw.

Runningpaw swept in gracefully. "Ravenpaw was just telling me about all he's learned. You must be happy to have such a smart apprentice, Hazelstripe."

Ravenpaw himself was a terrible liar. It was written all over his face. But Runningpaw? He lied to their mentors like it was second nature, complete sincerity on his face as he showered Ravenpaw in praise and admiration.

Hazelstripe's judging look softened and he almost looked pleased. "I'm glad you two are getting along," the ShadowClan tom said. "Ravenpaw could use a friend like you."

Runningpaw looked a bit embarrassed, his anxious nature returning to his features. "Runningpaw still has a lot to learn," Cloverwing said. "Maybe I'll send him to ShadowClan sometime to learn the herbs that grow there."

"That sounds like a nice idea, Cloverwing," Hazelstripe agreed. "Send him our way any time."

 _Runningpaw? In our camp? In the medicine den?_ Ravenpaw glanced at the WindClan tom. He looked bashfully delighted at the idea. _StarClan, help me._

"Runningpaw, Ravenpaw," Seedcloud spoke up. "This is Pondpaw. She's my apprentice now."

The little she-cat looked bashful but she flicked an ear in acknowledgement. Seedcloud bowed his head. "Forgive her, she's not too vocal."

"It's nice to meet you, Pondpaw," Runningpaw said kindly.

Ravenpaw bowed his head to Pondpaw slightly, her round green eyes staring at him curiously. It was obvious this was all incredibly new to her.

Owlstar climbed onto the dead, burned tree trunk first, with the other four leaders following. A hush fell over the clearing slowly as cats realized the Gathering was about to begin.

Owlstar spoke first, the eldest of all the leaders. "ThunderClan has recovered from yellowcough successfully in the past moon and we are strong once more. Sandpaw and Cherrypaw stand before us tonight as Sandfur and Cherrytail."

The ThunderClan leader paused, waiting for the cats to cheer for the new warriors before she continued. "Sadly, Mallowheart has passed due to yellowcough, and I have appointed Ivystripe in her place."

A young, agile looking grey tabby tom puffed his chest out as Owlstar finished. He looked competent, albeit nervous under the scrutiny of the other four clans.

Snowstar stepped forward next. "ShadowClan is prospering. Prey is running now the cold has gone," he spoke. "We have a new apprentice with us tonight; Tigerpaw."

The she-cat stood up straight and welcomed the attention of the other four clans cheering her name. She seemed to thrive in the spotlight like no other.

"Moundtail has given birth to three healthy kits and we know they will become strong warriors of ShadowClan in six moons," Snowstar announced. "That is all."

"RiverClan is doing well," Sapstar spoke. "The river is flowing and our medicine cat, Seedcloud, has taken an apprentice; Pondpaw. A border patrol reported scents of a fox near the ThunderClan border, so we advise ThunderClan to be on alert."

Owlstar nodded to the RiverClan leader. "Thank you, Sapstar."

"We have another new apprentice with us tonight," Sapstar continued. "Please welcome Streampaw."

Likely Pondpaw's sister, Streampaw glanced over to where the medicine cats were sitting and flashed Pondpaw a prideful smile. Pondpaw responded only in a slow blink.

Sparrowstar waited for the cheers to die down before she spoke. "Rabbits are plentiful and WindClan is growing in numbers. Moonkit and Crowkit are now apprentices here with us tonight, and Blackpaw is now Blackstorm."

Ravenpaw noticed Runningpaw looking towards his clanmates scattered across the clearing, a smile on his face that didn't match the disconnected look in his dark blue eyes.

He didn't know what was bothering the tom, but regardless, Ravenpaw felt inclined to do something, however strange for him. Subtly, he flicked his tufted tail tip over Runningpaw's tail, tickling his fur enough to get his attention but not noticeable to others.

Runningpaw glanced at him, and Ravenpaw continued to lightly tap his tail to Runningpaw's. The WindClan cat's dark blue eyes mesmerized Ravenpaw, and he found himself wishing to be a RiverClan cat just to swim in those inky depths. Realizing he'd been staring far too long, Ravenpaw tore away and focused back on the Gathering.

Alderstar had already started talking. "-is running well. That is all SkyClan has to report."

It seemed Ravenpaw had caught the tail end of whatever the SkyClan leader had to say, though admittedly, he didn't care too much about their affairs. He nearly jumped out of his fur when he felt Runningpaw's tail brush along his flank.

"Uh- WindClan is going now," he said awkwardly. "I'll see you whenever Cloverwing sends me over?"

Ravenpaw urged himself to say something more. Ask him what was bothering him? Ask him to meet sooner? However, all that came out was a measly, "yeah, that sounds nice."

Idiot, Ravenpaw told himself.

"Okay- um- I'll see you then," Runningpaw mewed. He trotted up to Cloverwing and Ravenpaw watched his skilled legs leap from rock to rock without faltering.

"I'm glad you and Runningpaw are getting along," Hazelstripe said as he approached.

"Uh, yeah," Ravenpaw mumbled. To be honest, he wasn't totally listening. He was watching Runningpaw's mouth upturn in a laugh at something a tortoiseshell she-cat said, and his ribs felt like they were too weak to contain the thumping of his heart.

"Don't be like that," Hazelstripe said stiffly. "A friend might do you some good."

Ravenpaw twitched his tail and turned around to glare at Hazelstripe. "Be like what? Myself?"

Hazelstripe let out a heavy sigh. "Ravenpaw…"

"No," Ravenpaw growled. "Just don't. Let's go." He lashed his tail and joined the group of ShadowClan cats that were beginning to gather as the clans were dispersing.

Lucky for him, Hazelstripe didn't push the issue. He spent the walk back to camp dully listening to Mistpaw telling Tigerpaw about a story some RiverClan elders had told her. He let his mind drift aimlessly, and found himself reimagining what Runningpaw's touch felt like on his fur.

Everyone in ShadowClan disliked Ravenpaw. He knew it, and he didn't care. Runningpaw had seen his attitude and still talked to him. Something was different about Runningpaw from any other cat Ravenpaw had met, both tom and she-cat. And Ravenpaw was determined to figure out what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ravenpaw: I sure hope this doesn't awaken anything in me


	5. Restless Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runningpaw finds himself easily distracted by everything. His wandering thoughts are of no help either.

**Chapter 5: Restless Heart**

* * *

Runningpaw's mind was always busy; thoughts never quiet. One thing jumped all over the place and it was like every idea and thought he ever had were always shouting at each other.

He opened his mouth to taste the air and the smell of warm peat filled his mouth. Green-leaf's hot sunshine was pounding even in the early morning, but an airy breeze kept the sweat off his back.

The slope he was walking down steepened and he slowed his step to head carefully down. A fresh, tangy smell bathed his tongue and he changed direction to follow the scent.

A thick patch of thyme was stretching up to meet the sun at the base of a small ridge, morning dew already burnt off the soft leaves. Gently, he plucked the stems with his teeth and gathered a few stalks.

The biting scent cleared his nostrils as he carried the thyme in his jaws back to camp. Letting muscle memory take over, Runningpaw let his mind wander.

It had been a quarter-moon since the Gathering, and still he had yet to clear Ravenpaw's words from his head. _Taking a tom as a mate…_ It shouldn't have been too surprising of a concept but it made his heart twist. _What was he trying to tell me?_ Something about his behavior stuck out to Runningpaw, but he was unable to place it. It made his throat tight and his heart race so fast he couldn't breathe.

Ravenpaw was hard to decipher, that much was sure. He talked about toms liking toms like she-cats do, and he certainly felt strongly about bending the rules, but Runningpaw felt like he was missing something. Whatever it was, it nagged at him, refusing to give him peace of mind.

He managed to reign in his thoughts about Ravenpaw as he walked into camp and dropped the fresh thyme at Cloverwing's paws. She stared at him blankly.

"Runningpaw, I told you to get blackberry leaves," she said.

Runningpaw balked. _That's right, she did. How could I forget? The thyme smelled good, and I just-_

"Never mind it," Cloverwing sighed, shaking her head. "I'm coming with you this time. We don't want Crowkit to scratch the sting more than he already has." The foolish kit had swatted at a bee too threateningly while playing by a heather thicket and got stung right on his nose.

Keeping his head low shamefully, Runningpaw followed Cloverwing back out of camp. His leg muscles had gotten considerably stronger since he was first apprenticed. He could walk the length of the territory twice and back without feeling his bones ache.

Heading over the moortop, Cloverwing came to halt. She looked at Runningpaw with expectant green eyes. "Runningpaw!" She snapped. He jolted his head up and in her direction, shaking off whatever he was thinking about.

"Yes?" He mewed. The sternness in her eyes caught him off guard.

"I called your name twice. Did you hear me?" Cloverwing pressed.

Runningpaw stared in dismay. "No."

Letting out another heavy sigh, Cloverwing repeated herself. "I said, which way are the blackberries?"

Runningpaw blinked, scanning the moors. He could smell the river, and a rabbit downwind. He gazed past the wide valley of swooping hills. "That way," Runningpaw said, pointing in the direction of northwest. "Near the gorse patches with the purple lilac bushes."

Cloverwing dipped her head and headed downslope, thin shoulders moving under her glossy coat. They were close to ThunderClan territory now, and Runningpaw could smell the sweet maple trees and the woodsy smell of the forest.

A squeaking sound caught his attention and his ear swiveled in the direction it came from. A grey-brown squirrel was chewing on a cob nut with its little paws, square teeth whittling it down.

"Runningpaw!"

Cloverwing's mew made the squirrel look up. Its tail bushed and nose twitched. Upon spotting him and Cloverwing, it scurried up a birch tree with a light scratching sound against the bark. Runningpaw's eyes followed it until it was up in the branches and out of sight.

"Sorry," he mumbled, and followed her once more. Cloverwing's tail tip was flicking in what seemed like annoyance, but either way, she said nothing.

The purple lilac bushes came into view and Runningpaw breathed in the sweet, heady scent of the flowers for a moment. He wanted to stop for a little longer, but he could feel Cloverwing's impatience with him growing, so he tore himself away.

Plucking some of the bundles of blackberries and leaves, Runningpaw carried them in his mouth, and resisted the urge to chew even as his mouth watered. Though the taste was simple, Runningpaw appreciated the tartness, and the musky smell that accompanied the plant.

"Since we're both out here, we might as well restock our stores," Cloverwing mewed. "Care to tell me what we're low on?"

This time, Runningpaw registered her words. He thought for a moment, going over their herbs alphabetically. "Catchweed. Goosewing keeps rubbing off her poultice."

Her tail tip twitched. "No, Runningpaw. We got catchweed the other day. Try again."

 _We did?_ Runningpaw blinked. _Oh, wait, yeah._ "I- I don't know."

"It's part of the job to know what herbs need restocking," Cloverwing meowed.

"I know," Runningpaw said back pitifully through the blackberries in his mouth. "I'm sorry."

"Your head has been in the clouds ever since you started your apprenticeship," Cloverwing pointed out, a stern tone to her voice. "A wandering mind helps no one. Your clan will depend on you one day."

Shame pricked at his chest. He curled his claws into the grass. He wanted to say something to fix things, but the words wouldn't come. There was a pressing weight on his chest, making it difficult to breathe.

"Open your mouth," Cloverwing said. "And close your eyes."

Hesitantly, Runningpaw did as told. The moor scents flooded his senses and he took a deep breath. The winds carried rabbit and lapwing on the breeze, mingling with the heavy smell of dry earth.

"We need some lavender," Cloverwing said. "You'll smell it before you see it. Where is it?"

Runningpaw tried to focus, steadying his breathing. A warm, musky smell surrounded him and the various scents of prey and herbs threatened to overwhelm his senses, along with the blackberries he was carrying, he struggled to lock down the scent. A sweet and smoky floral scent caught his attention in the direction of RiverClan territory.

"Th- that way," Runningpaw stammered, calming himself. He was breathing hard but the smells were almost too much. He took a deep breath and looked to Cloverwing.

"You have good senses," she mewed.

Cloverwing walked down the slope, gorse patches scattered around in the thin, wispy grass. Heather tickled their flanks as unobstructed winds rippled their thin fur.

The thin puffs of lavender danced in the wind further downhill in a little dip between the mounds. The smell got stronger as they went downslope, the scent trapped in the low ground. Cloverwing cut the stems with her claws and held the stalks in her teeth gently as she turned for camp.

The sun was beginning to beat down on them now, burning yellow in the middle of the cloudless sky with no trees or shade to block it out. Runningpaw loved nothing more than being under the open sky, but on hot days with dry air, he wouldn't mind a nice tree to cool off under.

He saw the rippling purple and pink of the heathland their camp resided in, blowing gracefully against the dry wind. Honey bees buzzed around the red flowers, coating themselves in the yellow pollen. Runningpaw watched as the small group of the bees left the heather and drifted towards ThunderClan, likely to where their hive was.

The two of them walked through the knotted heather barrier, woven into gorse thickets and grass and down into the hollowed out old tunnel that was the medicine den.

Crowkit was sitting in a nest as Nightblossom dragged her tongue over his forehead comfortingly. "Has he touched it again?" Cloverwing asked the queen.

"No, but it looks a little swollen," Nightblossom said.

"It scratches," Crowkit whined.

"Itchy, honey," Nightblossom corrected. "You scratch an itch, you don't itch a scratch."

"Get those leaves into a pulp," Cloverwing said over her shoulder, placing the lavender beside the mint.

Setting the blackberries aside, Runningpaw plucked the brown tinged leaves off the stems and crushed them into a paste with his teeth and lathered it onto Crowkit's nose. The kit relaxed slowly, seemingly relieved.

"Does it feel better?" Nightblossom asked him.

Crowkit nodded.

"What do you say to Runningpaw now?"

Nightblossom swatted his paw from touching his nose as Crowkit said, "thank you."

"If it swells more, come back in," Runningpaw said, grooming a paw to get the excess taste of the poultice out of his mouth.

Nightblossom nodded and led Crowkit out of the den, keeping a sharp eye trained on him in case he touched the sting. Cloverwing took the leftover blackberry leaves and stuck them in their place.

"You know," she started. "If you had that type of focus all the time, you'd be much more efficient."

Runningpaw slumped his shoulders. "I can't sometimes. It's hard."

"I know you're hardly more than a kit yourself," Cloverwing continued. That stung. "But you have more responsibility than other apprentices do. I need you to have no distractions."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. Runningpaw shook out his fur, feeling guilty. Why did so many things have to draw his short attention away from everything else? Every little movement in the corner of his eye, not to mention everything made him so nervous he felt like he was choking.

"Has Ravenpaw rubbed off on you?" Cloverwing asked. The question was so sudden that Runningpaw jumped.

"Huh? Ravenpaw?" He thought of the strangely handsome tom, and his mind leapt to their conversation at the Gathering. He shook his head. "No! He's… he means well."

Cloverwing's eyes remained steady. "He's bitter. I don't want his bad attitude to influence you."

"He's not influencing me!" Runningpaw squeaked, voice going high in embarrassment. "I thought we were allowed to be friends with other medicine cats." His voice trailed off at the end, muttering it lowly.

Cloverwing sighed. "You can. I just don't want you getting the wrong idea."

Runningpaw flicked an ear. "What's that?"

She shuffled her paws. "Hazelstripe told me some things about Ravenpaw. It's not my place to share them with you. Just be careful around him, alright?"

Runningpaw huffed softly. "Alright. He's not influencing me, though, you know. We just talked. That's all." It wasn't a lie. Even if it had been, he still would have told it. Because they did just talk. But it felt like so much more.

"That's fine, then," Cloverwing said. She stayed quiet, and Runningpaw felt his chest clench. What had Hazelstripe told her? Sure, Ravenpaw was a little dark, but certainly not a bad cat. He was confident in that.

"Runningpaw?" A voice called. It belonged to Brownthistle, his mother. "Have you eaten yet?" She came in with a rabbit hanging from her jaws. "I just got back from the hunting patrol and thought we could eat together."

Runningpaw glanced to Cloverwing and she dipped her head in approval. He walked outside of the tunnel and brushed muzzles with his mother. She had the smell of fresh-kill on her fur.

"I'd love to eat with you, mother," Runningpaw purred. His work kept him busy, he knew with being the only one his mother had, she missed his presence.

Staying close to the medicine den, Brownthistle dropped the rabbit between the two of them. She tore into the fatty stomach and Runningpaw bit into the leg, his favorite part. The sweet blood oozed and the legs were especially meaty. He hadn't realized how hungry he was.

"How's your training going?" Brownthistle asked.

Runningpaw took his time chewing to avoid answering, but he eventually had to swallow. "It's fine."

Brownthistle frowned, not satisfied with his answer. "Runningpaw, is something wrong? Do you not like being a medicine cat?"

His head shot up. "I do! I like it more than anything."

Brownthistle keened her ears. "But?"

"It's just a lot," Runningpaw fidgeted.

His mother leaned over their food to give him a lick on the ear. "I'm sure it's stressful, but I have faith you're going to be the best medicine cat WindClan has ever seen. Even better than Silverwater." She gave him a sly wink, but he only shrinked down. Silverwater was Cloverwing's mentor. He helped everyone, from his own clanmates, to cats from other clans, and even rogues. How could he ever live up to that?

"I dunno," Runningpaw muttered, filling his mouth with rabbit.

"Just relax," Brownthistle purred.

Relax? How could he relax? He was so worried about messing up or saying something wrong it impeded on his ability, not to mention how incredibly easily it was for him to get distracted. However, Runningpaw only flicked his tail and continued to eat.

The sun burned orange on the wide horizon, painting the sky with pink along the edges past WindClan's borders. Fading light made the open camp glow with warmth, and the dry air became cooler with the night coming.

"I know you're worried about doing a good job," Brownthistle spoke in between licking her paw and swiping it over her face. "But I have faith in you. The whole clan does."

Runningpaw swallowed his last bite of the rabbit. It went down thickly and he felt unsatisfied. "It's more than worry, mom." He debated confiding in her. She was his mother. Surely, she of all cats, would understand what he was feeling?

"Just don't think about it, honey," Brownthistle sighed.

Runningpaw flicked his tail. _I can't tell her._ He stood, and gave her shoulder a respectful lick. "'Night, mom." He made his way back towards the medicine den.

"I love you, sweetie," Brownthistle called after him.

He looked over his shoulder. _She won't understand._ "I love you, too," he said back.

"Runningpaw," Cloverwing said as he entered. "I want you to strip the leaves off the herbs we collected and sort them. Then you may sleep."

Suspecting it was some slight punishment for his wandering mind all day, Runningpaw dipped his head and walked further down the tunnel. It smelled musty, with various scents of fresh and stale herbs heavy in the air.

Starting with the thyme he had gotten distracted by that morning, he carefully picked the soft leaves off the stems one by one. He knew personally how delicate thyme leaves were. His first time picking them he had completely torn the leaves, and Cloverwing had been explicitly upset with him. He was now extra careful in plucking the thick leaves off their stems.

Moving onto the blackberries, Runningpaw snuck a berry in his mouth and enjoyed the simple but tart flavor as he stripped the leaves from the stems and fruit, separating them into two piles from each other.

The lavender didn't need to be stripped but he did set them outside to dry. The sky was black now, with the sliver of the pale moon barely shining light on the exposed camp of WindClan. Cloverwing was already fast asleep in her nest, paws twitching as she dreamed.

Runningpaw circled over his nest and lied down, closing his eyes. The second he was no longer busying himself, his chest tightened and his throat felt like it was being squeezed. It was like he was being crushed by every thought he had ever had. The pressure of living up to his mentor's legacy, of pleasing his mother, of impressing his clan. Of… whatever was going on with Ravenpaw. Nothing would allow him an empty mind to rest.

In an attempt to ease his mind, Runningpaw had taken to biting his claws. It was something of a bad habit, so much so that they were practically useless stubs. It didn't matter too much; as a medicine cat, there wasn't much of a reason for him to need his claws anyways, and if he were to be attacked, he always had his back claws. The ends were splintered from his teeth gnawing at them too much, and he had bitten so close to the edges it hurt.

He was tossing and turning now, unable to keep still. Every time he got close to feeling comfortable, his heart would speed up and make it difficult to breathe. It was like his mind was tired but his body had uptight energy.

Giving into frustration, Runningpaw got up from his nest. He glanced over to Cloverwing, who was still in a deep sleep, and snuck out of their den. The clearing was filled with his peacefully sleeping clanmates, who were almost all deep sleepers due to sleeping outside.

Without even realizing it, he ran. His nimble legs carried him across the dark moors, his body finally matching the frantic pace at which his heart and mind were racing. The cool smell of night filled his senses, and the air rippled through his short fur as he sprinted across the rolling hills. There was something freeing about running to him. Maybe it was because it felt like he was running away from everything that bothered him. Whatever it was, he didn't stop.

Runningpaw wasn't watching where he was going. He knew the territory like the back of his paw, so why would he? His thoughts stopped suddenly when he crashed into something, and he fell in a tumble of limbs.

The creature cawed at him angrily, and Runningpaw scrambled up to see a raven peering at him with beady eyes reflecting the moonlight. "Sorry!" Runningpaw breathed, surprised.

The bird ruffled its feathers and shuffled a few steps away from Runningpaw, but didn't fly away. Had he injured it by running into it?

"Can you still fly?" Runningpaw asked, inching forward slightly.

Silently, the raven flew up into the air, just above Runningpaw's head. It squawked at him and flew off. _Follow it,_ his heart told him. The impulse was far too strong to resist. Without thinking, Runningpaw chased after the raven.

The distance between him and the bird remained the same all the while. It flew in a low zigzag, but never straying from the direction it was headed, and always just out of his paws reach. It was leading him somewhere. He just knew it!

Runningpaw's chest heaved. The raven paused, swooping just over his head. _It wants me to keep following…_

He didn't move for a moment, and the raven flew off again. "I'm coming!" Runningpaw called, beginning his chase again. Desperation pricked in his paws.

Suddenly, he forced himself to skid to a halt, digging his paw pads into the dirt to stop himself from falling into the river. He had chased the raven all the way to the border of ShadowClan. The raven crossed over the water and into ShadowClan territory.

"Wait!" He called after it, but it was futile. The black bird had already disappeared into the dark of the trees.

A feeling of defeat filled him, and just as his heart rate began to slow now that he had tired himself out, a voice startled him.

"Fancy seeing you here."

Runningpaw jumped, and looked around. The voice came from the willow tree. An old tree, with split roots, one side on WindClan territory, and one side on ShadowClan. Partially obscured by the low, sweeping canopy of the ancient tree, was Ravenpaw.

Runningpaw felt his heart jump. "I- I was chasing a raven."

Ravenpaw jumped from his low hanging branch and landed just behind the leaves of the tree. They brushed his flank as he walked through them, close to Runningpaw's face now.

"Looks like you found one," Ravenpaw whispered.

Runningpaw felt his breath hitch. "What… what are you doing here?"

Ravenpaw circled him. "I could ask you the same thing."

"I couldn't sleep," Runningpaw admitted. "What about you?"

Ravenpaw sat beside him. "I like to come here at night sometimes. This tree… it's sort of my place. I come here to be alone."

Runningpaw suddenly felt guilty for being there. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Ravenpaw's eyes danced. "No, it's okay. You can be here too."

Runningpaw's heart fluttered. "I-" He had so much to say, but he had no idea where to start. "I've been thinking about what you said." He swallowed. "At the Gathering."

Ravenpaw blinked. "Come." He walked back through the low hanging leaves of the willow tree, and Runningpaw followed.

The ShadowClan tom knew the tree like home. His claws seemed to fit perfectly into the groove of the bark and Runningpaw struggled to climb at the same pace.

"You asked me if I thought toms could like other toms," Runningpaw puffed as he caught up to the other medicine cat.

Ravenpaw whirled around, amber eyes burning hot into him. "Well? Do you?"

Runningpaw stumbled in an attempt to find his footing on the thick wood of the tree. "Truthfully? I don't know. But I think you do."

Ravenpaw blinked. "Me?"

"Isn't that why you asked me?" Runningpaw asked. "Because you like toms like she-cats do."

Ravenpaw looked away. It was the only answer Runningpaw needed. "It's alright, you know," Runningpaw said. "You're not any different to me."

Carefully, Ravenpaw met eyes with him. "You don't think of me differently?"

Runningpaw shook his head. "No."

Ravenpaw leapt past Runningpaw and settled into the hollow of the tree, a little dip where the branches met the trunk. He beckoned Runningpaw to him with a flick of his tail.

"It's taboo, you know," Ravenpaw muttered. "Just because you won't produce kits. I know my clan wouldn't care, cause I'm a medicine cat and can't have kits anyway. But still."

"She-cats are dumb anyways," Runningpaw said.

Ravenpaw shook his head. "They're quite smart," he admitted. "You just don't think they're pretty."

"Well neither do you!" Runningpaw retorted sharply. Silence was immediate. He almost thought he was too harsh, by the wide eyed look Ravenpaw was giving him, but then, the ShadowClan tom erupted into laughter. He was laughing. It was a beautiful noise. Runningpaw found himself laughing too.

Once their laughing fit died down, Ravenpaw let out a sigh. "I feel like I can be myself with you," he said quietly. "I'm not afraid to show you who I am."

Runningpaw swallowed his anxiety, and flicked his tail over Ravenpaw's. He locked eyes with him. "Me too."

Runningpaw let himself sink into Ravenpaw's side, feeling his worries ebb away as he breathed in his husky scent. Ravenpaw's tail curled around Runningpaw protectively, and the gesture made his heart flutter. Runningpaw could feel Ravenpaw's purrs resonating, however hard he tried to mask them, but the WindClan tom enjoyed it. It was nice to experience a side of Ravenpaw he showed no one else.

"You should head back…" Ravenpaw muttered. He sounded like he was falling asleep. "Before someone notices you're gone."

"What if someone notices _you're_ gone?" Runningpaw pointed out.

Ravenpaw flicked an ear. "No one misses me when I'm gone."

"I'd miss you," Runningpaw whispered.

The ShadowClan tom blinked at him. Then, he smiled. Soft, and a little crooked, but completely real and genuine. Runningpaw had never seen Ravenpaw smile before, and in that moment, he wanted nothing more than that smile, forever.

"You know, Runningpaw," Ravenpaw meowed as he stood up, gently pushing the WindClan tom off him. "You worry a lot."

Runningpaw turned away, shy. "I know."

"That's why you were running, right?" Ravenpaw asked. "You get too anxious and can't control it. And so you can't sleep."

Runningpaw nodded mutely. For a cat who rarely showed much emotion, Ravenpaw sure was good at reading others.

"You should try the four, seven, eight technique," Ravenpaw said. "ShadowClan cats teach it to expecting queens to calm their nerves. Breathe in for four seconds, hold it for seven, and exhale for eight."

Runningpaw blinked. "I- I'll try that."

"We have to be up early," Ravenpaw said. "You should go back before the sun rises."

"Promise me you'll go back too? You need sleep just as much as me," Runningpaw said.

"Runningpaw, you know I-"

"I'll only go if you promise me."

Ravenpaw sighed. "Okay. I promise I'll get some sleep."

Runningpaw smiled a little. Timidly, he brushed his nose against Ravenpaw's cheek. "I- um-... I'll see you later," he stammered.

When he pulled away, Runningpaw saw the shock on Ravenpaw's face. It wasn't a negative response, as he could see the corners of his mouth tugging up in that crooked smile. With a flick of his tail tip, Runningpaw leapt over the open moors. He looked over his shoulder once, to see Ravenpaw still sitting by the river. They stared for a moment, before the ShadowClan tom turned, and disappeared into the darkness.

When the smell of the heather fields hit him, Runningpaw slowed. His eyes were dry and itchy with sleep, and laying with Ravenpaw only made him more tired. Sneaking in with light pawsteps, Runningpaw curled into his nest.

 _One, two, three, four._ He breathed in slowly.

 _One, two, three, four, five, six, seven._ He held his breath.

 _One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight._ He exhaled.

It was strangely relaxing. His body felt light and his muscled untensed. Runningpaw continued counting his breaths slowly, feeling the sinking feeling of sleep allowing his mind to go blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 4-7-8 technique is a common trick for relieving anxiety! I use it sometimes when I get my terrible sleep anxiety, which is what Runningpaw deals with here, or with my panic attacks. Either way it’s a super helpful technique and I thought it would be good to show Runningpaw’s anxiety disorder. He also has ADHD, which even though I have that too, I researched it because I’m often not aware what I do is a symptom.


	6. Fox Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runningpaw surprises Ravenpaw with a visit to ShadowClan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna be honest here, I totally forgot to update yesterday lol

**Chapter 6: Fox Hearts**

* * *

Warmth seeped into Ravenpaw's thick fur. A paw was prodding him in the side. He groaned.

"Ravenpaw, wake up." It was Hazelstripe's voice.

Reluctantly, Ravenpaw stirred. The sun had already risen past the treeline. He blinked the sleep from his eyes. "Wha?" He mumbled. Maybe he shouldn't stay up so late at the willow tree anymore. Though, sometimes, Runningpaw was there, and that was definitely worth it.

"You were talking in your sleep," Hazelstripe said.

Ravenpaw sat upright, remembering his dream with hot ears. "What did I say?"

"It was mostly nonsense," Hazelstripe continued. "You did say Runningpaw's name a few times, though."

Embarrassment flashed through his fur. "Oh, I remember now. We were at the Moonfall."

Hazelstripe spared him a glance. "Hm. Interesting. Was there anything else?"

Was Hazelstripe _teasing_ him? Ravenpaw lashed his tail. "I can't remember much," he lied. There was no way he was going to confess the true nature of his dream to his mentor, of all cats.

Hazelstripe gave a shrug. "Alright, then. Well, drink something and then we can get the day started."

Stretching into the warm sun as he exited the medicine den, Ravenpaw squinted at the brightness of the day. He much preferred cool nights over bright days. Wandering over to the little pond by the nursery, Ravenpaw lapped at the cool water. It tasted a bit mossy, but he didn't mind.

His tall ears pricked at some commotion at the camp entrance, and he turned to see a cluster of his clanmates crowding the barrier. Some had their hackles raised. Alarm rippled through him.

"What's he doing here!" Someone exclaimed in anger.

Pushing past his clanmates, the scent of wildflowers and fresh grass bathed his tongue. It was the scent of WindClan. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Runningpaw, swamped by his clanmates.

"Move, you mouse-brains," Ravenpaw hissed. "He's a medicine cat!"

The ShadowClan cats parted at his sharp tone, and blinked at him. "Can't you smell the herbs on his fur?" Ravenpaw growled. "He's here to study."

Clearly overwhelmed, Runningpaw smoothed the fur on his chest. His eyes were wild, and the fur on his spine was settling back down. "H- hi," he stammered nervously. "Quite the welcoming party."

Ravenpaw snorted. "Sorry about them. They're fools."

"Hey!" Eaglespots growled. Ravenpaw shot him a look, and the warrior shut up.

"Hazelstripe!" Ravenpaw called into the medicine den. "Cloverwing sent Runningpaw over. Eaglespots nearly killed him, though."

"I'm fine," Runningpaw breathed, obviously flustered.

Hazelstripe emerged with a blink of surprise. "So she did. Perhaps that's why you dreamt of Runningpaw last night."

Runningpaw turned to Ravenpaw. "You dreamt about me?" He sounded surprised, and his blue eyes were round, with wide black pupils to match.

Ravenpaw avoided eye contact. "It was probably some way to let me know you were coming. It doesn't mean anything." He was lying to himself, and he knew it, but he quickly changed the subject. "So, our herbs are in here."

Quickly, Ravenpaw slipped past his mentor and through the hanging ivy stalks. The bright sun made the den shine with yellow, casting the light on every wall.

Along the walls, the herbs were neatly gathered in clustered piles of three. "We use lots of ivy to store other herbs," Ravenpaw said. Some of the older herbs were wrapped in ivy leaves to keep them fresh.

"What's the herb that only grows here?" Hazelstripe asked, testing his apprentice.

"Wild garlic," Ravenpaw replied easily. It was on the far end of the herb stores, well stocked, and it smelled slightly stale. "We use it for rat bites a lot."

Runningpaw leaned close to sniff it, and his nose scrunched as it wafted to him. "It's pretty sharp," he coughed.

"You should smell it when it's fresh," Ravenpaw scoffed.

"That's actually not a bad idea, Ravenpaw," Hazelstripe meowed.

Ravenpaw blinked. "Huh?" _What'd I say?_ "What is?"

"Smelling fresh garlic," Hazelstripe clarified. "Come, you two. It'll help to see what the herbs look like in the wild and how to harvest them."

Hazelstripe walked out of the den and looked around the camp. His eyes settled on Duskpaw with her mentor, Mossrock. She was struggling to get Duskpaw out of her nest. "Mossrock!" Hazelstripe called.

The grey tabby looked up, and gave Duskpaw one final cuff on the ear before she trotted up to Hazelstripe. "What is it?" She asked.

"Get Duskpaw and accompany us around the territory, will you?" Hazelstripe meowed. "Looks like Duskpaw could use a wake-up walk, and I want to show Runningpaw our natural herbs."

Mossrock glared at the WindClan tom briefly, but she relaxed upon smelling the scent of herbs on him. She dipped her head and dragged Duskpaw back to them. "A warrior wakes up at dawn, Duskpaw," Mossrock said sternly.

"A she-cat needs her beauty sleep, too," Duskpaw huffed.

"Maybe you should sleep longer then," Ravenpaw snickered.

Duskpaw hit him in the shoulder, and he just rolled his eyes. Duskpaw peered at Runningpaw. "Oh, hi!" She exclaimed. "Ravenpaw, you didn't tell me you have friends!"

"Shut it," Ravenpaw growled. "This is Runningpaw. He's the WindClan medicine apprentice. Runningpaw, this is my sister, Duskpaw. Feel free to ignore her."

Runningpaw flicked his tail tip. "It's nice to meet you. I- uh- didn't know you had a sister, Ravenpaw."

Duskpaw feigned offense. "You didn't tell him about me? Your wonderful sister?"

Ravenpaw blinked. "No."

"Alright, quit it," Hazelstripe huffed. "Runningpaw needs to focus."

Pine trees stretched out into the distance in every direction, and Ravenpaw could feel the uneasiness coming off of Runningpaw. Being in an enclosed area was probably unpleasant for him. The path they were walking was smooth, with marks from an earlier patrol still fresh in the dirt.

"Here," Hazelstripe meowed, stopping. His nose was pointing at an alder tree with peeling bark. Some had been stripped away by Ravenpaw the other day when Stonewater had been complaining of a toothache.

"Since WindClan territory has very little trees, alder bark is hard to come by," Hazelstripe explained. "I'll be sure you leave with some. Do you know what it's used for?"

Runningpaw shook his head, and Hazelstripe continued. "We use it for toothaches. Chewing it eases the pain."

Runningpaw looked thoughtful, as if carefully listening to what Hazelstripe was telling him. Ravenpaw couldn't help but notice how beautiful he looked while he was thinking. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly, and although his eyes darted all around, his tail tip was flicking with each word Hazelstripe said.

"It's really dry, so we give it with a drink of water," Ravenpaw added as they moved on. "Though I guess some heather nectar would work, too."

"I haven't dealt with any toothaches," Runningpaw admitted. "Cloverwing mostly has me with the elders and kits." He sounded a bit dejected.

"I'm sure there's a good reason for that, Runningpaw," Hazelstripe said over his shoulder. "Cloverwing knows what she's doing." Runningpaw kept his mouth shut after that.

They came to the edge of the forest where the dirt panned out into the marshes, and the pine trees grew more sparsely. The flat ground became uneven, with hollows filled with wet, warm mud. Runningpaw let out a squeak as his long legs slipped out from under him and he slid into a dip, front paws sinking into the mush.

Ravenpaw moved to help him, but he gained his balance quickly and shook himself out, grooming a paw. "Ah- um, sorry," Runningpaw mumbled, clearly ashamed of his mistake. "The ground here is different than WindClan."

"Just watch your step," Hazelstripe said kindly. He had never spoken to Ravenpaw with such patience. It made his fur prickle a bit.

Ravenpaw kept a close eye on Runningpaw's feet, ready to swoop into action if he were to miss a step again. Part of him secretly hoped he would, just so Ravenpaw could catch him and have a moment to stare into each other's eyes. However, it seemed Runningpaw was now acutely aware of where he was stepping, as his eyes were trained to his own paws.

A primal feeling tickled down Ravenpaw's spine, and he turned to look behind him instinctively. Before he could spot what triggered such a response, Runningpaw yowled.

"I smell fox!" The WindClan tom hissed.

In an instant, the patrol reacted. Mossrock lifted her jaws to the air. "He's right. And it's near."

"Why didn't we smell anything?" Hazelstripe growled, looking around.

"Doesn't matter," Duskpaw snapped, jumping back from a bramble bush. Her hackles were raised and her tail bushed. Ravenpaw watched in horror as he saw the russet-brown, narrow muzzle of an adult fox poking out of the brambles.

Duskpaw sprang, claws stretched out at the face of the fox. Mossrock was flanking the creature with a snarl curled on her lips, while Hazelstripe stood to the side, body protecting Ravenpaw and Runningpaw.

"I want you to run," Hazelstripe growled, glancing over his shoulder at Ravenpaw. "Take Runningpaw and run back to camp. Get help, and do not look back."

Ravenpaw was frozen. His eyes were locked on the sight of his sister grappling with the fox. Duskpaw was pinned to the ground, struggling to push its face away from her as it tried to bite down on her neck. Saliva dripped from the jaws of the fox's white teeth, only a whisker away from tearing into Duskpaw's throat. Fear flickered in her eyes, and she glanced over at her brother.

"Run, Ravenpaw!" Duskpaw cried.

Duskpaw's voice cut into him, shaking him out of his trance. Ravenpaw turned to Runningpaw. The WindClan tom had his eyes glued to the fox, feet stuck in place.

Swiftly, Ravenpaw slammed his shoulder into Runningpaw. "C'mon!" He shouted. Runningpaw seemed to register his words in the midst of his frozen fear, and scrambled to follow as he ran.

Ravenpaw spun around to face Runningpaw, watching as the WindClan tom struggled to keep up with the undergrowth tripping him up. Nosing him, Ravenpaw steadied Runningpaw.

"Use your claws!" Ravenpaw said sharply.

"I- I can't," Runningpaw cried.

Ravenpaw pushed himself to Runningpaw's side to balance him against the undergrowth. They stayed side by side until they burst through the barrier into ShadowClan camp.

"Ravenpaw!" Junipershade exclaimed. "What happened?"

Ravenpaw was panting too hard to respond. "Fox!" Runningpaw puffed. Though he was panting, he was a WindClan cat, and running came naturally. His hard breathing was likely from fear.

"Near… the marshes," Ravenpaw managed between breaths.

"Snowstar!" Junipershade yowled. "Fox by the marshes!"

The leader responded instantly, shouting names of cats to go and serve as backup. Ravenpaw felt someone warm usher him into the medicine den, and he suddenly felt his bones feel tired once the dimness of the den hit him. Runningpaw was sitting beside him, so close the ends of their fur were touching.

Ravenpaw collapsed into his nest with a soft gasp. _How could I do that…_

Worry rippled off of Runningpaw, and it reflected in his blue eyes. "Ravenpaw!" He gasped. "Are you okay? Did the fox get you?"

Mutely, Ravenpaw shook his head. Words wouldn't come.

Gently, Runningpaw sat himself beside Ravenpaw. He smelled of sweet heather and it flooded Ravenpaw's sense of smell. "Talk to me," Runningpaw whispered.

Ravenpaw gulped. "I- I just left her there," he choked out. "Duskpaw, she- she's facing that thing all alone, and I just left her."

"She's got help," Runningpaw said.

Ravenpaw shook his head. "No, I- I know how to fight. ShadowClan medicine cats learn it. I could've done something. I should have done something."

Runningpaw's worried look softened. "I can't fight. You would've had to protect me, and I'd be dead weight. This way, we got them back-up sooner."

"She's gonna die," Ravenpaw muttered. "And it's my fault." He felt Runningpaw place his paw over his, but once the words came, they wouldn't stop. "There's nothing I can do. Duskpaw's gonna die."

"Ravenpaw, look at me," Runningpaw said gently. "Thinking like this is not going to help your sister."

"I just ran," Ravenpaw groaned, head buried in his nest. "I should have helped her. This is all my fault. She's gonna die and it's going to be because I ran."

He could hear Runningpaw's soothing words, but they were nothing but a dullness drifting from one ear and out the other. His whole body felt heavy, like the weight of a tree was pressing him down into his nest.

_It's all my fault. She's going to die and it's all my fault! I call myself a medicine cat? And for what? To leave her to die? I can't do anything. I can't heal and I can't fight. I know Hazelstripe hates me. The whole clan hates me. Duskpaw probably thinks I hate her. She can't die thinking I hate her! StarClan, this is all my fault! If only I'd scented the fox sooner. Or stayed to help her. Or-_

His ruminating thoughts were cut short by a quick and sharp pain in his ear. "Ow!" He exclaimed, glaring at Runningpaw. "Did you just bite me?"

"You gotta quit it," Runningpaw said firmly.

"I can't," Ravenpaw moaned helplessly. "What if she needs me? I left her!"

"And we left for a reason," Runningpaw said. "They're going to need us to help them when they get back. We need to be ready."

Ravenpaw struggled to push his dark thoughts away, however hard her tried. Runningpaw must have noticed, because he spoke up again.

"Show me your marigold," Runningpaw demanded.

Ravenpaw stood, though his body protested. "It- it's over here." Everything was in such a meticulous order; he made sure of that. Whenever Hazelstripe brought in new herbs, or Duskpaw brought something she thought might be useful, Ravenpaw had a certain place for everything.

Nestled in a neat little stack, where the marigold petals and leaves. Some were dried out and needed to be tossed, but others were fresher from a few days ago.

"We're going to need cobwebs too," Runningpaw continued.

Turning to a darker corner of the den, Ravenpaw gathered up the thin, wispy webs into a haphazard pile with the marigold. He waited for Runningpaw to give him another instruction.

"What if they pulled something?" Runningpaw pressed.

"We'll need comfrey roots," Ravenpaw answered without missing a beat. He snatched up the fat, dirty roots, shaking the clumps of dry soil off it.

Ravenpaw was now wrapped up in gathering all the potential herbs they might need. He had Runningpaw locate the dock leaves for him, while he got dandelion leaves for painkillers. They ran into each other a few times as they moved back and forth around the den, trying to locate everything they might need.

In the end, they had gathered marigold petals and horsetail to stop the bleeding, comfrey for wrenched muscles, dock leaves for smaller scratches, dandelion leaves for painkillers, and cobwebs to seal up the wound.

Just in time too, because as they were done, Snowstar staggered into the den, white fur stained with crimson blood. "He got hurt the worst!" Mossrock cried as she followed.

Ravenpaw craned his neck to see Duskpaw limping into the den, alive. She was favoring her right side, as her left shoulder was dripping blood from a very clear bite mark.

"I'm getting too old for this," Hazelstripe groaned as he stumbled behind the warriors.

Ravenpaw was on his sister in an instant as Runningpaw tended to the ShadowClan leader with shaky paws.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Duskpaw meowed quickly. "Snowstar needs help! That fox got his neck!"

Spinning around, Ravenpaw turned to see Runningpaw frantically applying pressure to the wound in Snowstar's neck. The blood was hot and sticky in the air, clouding his senses. It coated Runningpaw's paws, oozing through his toes as he tried to stop the bleeding.

Ravenpaw grabbed some cobwebs to help, but Snowstar turned his head to him. "No… don't…" he said, weakly, sputtering blood. "Don't waste…"

Ravenpaw had a pretty good idea of what Snowstar was trying to say, but either way, the ShadowClan leader was unable to finish his sentence. He was consumed by a coughing fit, spitting up blood as he did so. Runningpaw stumbled back in surprise, and the white tom fell limp.

"He'll be back in a second," Ravenpaw said to Runningpaw. "We have other patients."

Nodding, but still shocked, Runningpaw padded over to Mossrock, tending to her injuries. Ravenpaw turned back to Duskpaw, who had begun licking her wound and wincing. He smacked her muzzle.

"Quit it," Ravenpaw muttered. "Get over here."

Duskpaw stretched out her shoulder, letting out a stifled grunt as Ravenpaw spread the poultice of marigold and dock onto the wound. The bleeding had stopped, so he knew it was shallow, but he was unable to shake his fear.

"Do you know how reckless you are, Duskpaw?" Ravenpaw growled. "Challenging that fox by yourself… It takes skill to be that stupid."

Duskpaw glared at him. "Excuse me? I saved your sorry flank! If it wasn't for me, you and that skinny little WindClan cat would be mousedust!"

"Foxes aren't something to play around with!" Ravenpaw snapped, and he pressed a bit hard on her wound to make his point. "They're dangerous killers!"

Duskpaw scoffed. "You think I don't know that? I had to make sure you and Runningpaw got away. The clans need you."

"Well, I need you," Runningpaw hissed. He blinked away tears. _Fox-dung, why do I have to start crying now?_ "You… you could've died, Duskpaw."

Duskpaw's angry look faded. "Ravenpaw.. I…"

He looked away from her. "Just… don't touch those cobwebs."

Talking about their feelings wasn't something Ravenpaw and Duskpaw did. No, they made fun of each other and made rude remarks. But no matter how much she got on his nerves, Ravenpaw couldn't imagine life without his sister. They'd grown up together.

Mossrock was limping out of the medicine den now, and Runningpaw was rubbing poultice on Sunfall's flank. She looked like she'd gotten off pretty easy.

Hazelstripe was chewing a poultice and began applying it to his own wounds, wincing as he strained himself. He looked like he'd done more fighting than his older body would have liked. Ravenpaw was on him in an instant.

"Sit down," he growled. "You're injured."

"I'm a medicine cat, Ravenpaw," Hazelstripe meowed. "I can tend to my own wounds. Go to the others."

"Runningpaw has them," Ravenpaw said. "Now, _sit_. I won't ask again."

Either he gave in or was shocked by his tone, Hazelstripe sat still. Ravenpaw was quiet as he tended to the injuries. Hazelstripe had licked away most of the blood and not irritated the wound, but the flesh was exposed and tender, even to just the open air.

"I heard you with Duskpaw," Hazelstripe said. "You could've been nicer. That's your sister."

"Well, she pulled a dumb move," Ravenpaw growled. "And you did, too. It's been moons since you fought, let alone a fox! You're not a spry young warrior anymore, Hazelstripe."

Hazelstripe blinked. "I couldn't leave." The old tom looked down. "The thought of that fox getting to you, or to Runningpaw… I had to stay and fight."

"If you 'stay and fight' one more time, you might end up dead," Ravenpaw puffed, grunting as he pushed Hazelstripe's dislocated shoulder back into place. "Or worse. The elders den."

"You can just say you were worried about me, Ravenpaw," Hazelstripe said quietly. "You don't need to hide it."

Ravenpaw scoffed indignantly. "I wasn't worried!" Huffing, he pushed the cobwebs towards his mentor. "You can dress your wounds yourself then. And don't sleep with comfrey roots in your nest tonight."

Lashing his tail, Ravenpaw turned to see if Runningpaw needed help. _Stupid old crow…_ He thought to himself. _Who does Hazelstripe think he_ is?

"I just finished tending to someone," Runningpaw meowed as he walked up. "I didn't catch his name. Um… dark brown fur."

"It was probably Reedclaw," Ravenpaw said. "I saw him come in. Is that everyone?"

Runningpaw nodded. "The others left but I made Snowstar stay. I think he should have something to ease his mind."

"I told you, WindClanner, I'm fine," Snowstar grumbled.

"Hazelstripe and I are the ones who decide that," Ravenpaw said, walking over to his leader. "Losing a life is no small deal, now shut it."

Runningpaw gawked at Ravenpaw. He could see the WindClan tom staring at him in surprise out of the corner of his eye. _He probably didn't think I'd be so harsh with my own leader…_

Ravenpaw prodded at Snowstar, checking for any soreness or tender spots. He was still coated in fresh blood, but there was nothing wrong other than a new scar where his wound had healed.

"I'm still going to give you some chamomile," Ravenpaw said, turning to get it.

Snowstar turned to protest, but Hazelstripe spoke up before the leader could get a word in.

"I wouldn't argue if I were you, Snowstar," Hazelstripe said. "Besides, Ravenpaw is right. Losing a life is a difficult experience, and taking some chamomile only takes a moment."

Snowstar let out a barely audible grumble, but the tom begrudgingly decided to listen to his medicine cats, and ate the chamomile placed at his paws by Ravenpaw.

"You should know we killed the fox," Hazelstripe said once Snowstar had gone. "Still, I think Runningpaw should be heading back to WindClan. Today has been more than he signed up for."

Ravenpaw dipped his head. He grabbed some large ivy leaves and packed some alder bark and wild garlic into it for Runningpaw to take back with him to WindClan.

"Add some horsetail," Hazelstripe mewed. "I was going to explain it to him before that fox showed up."

"I'll collect more tomorrow," Ravenpaw said as he put the last of the horsetail in with the bundle. "We used all we had for everyone's wounds."

"Cloverwing will be happy to get this," Runningpaw said politely, dipping his head respectfully to Hazelstripe.

Runningpaw walked to the end of the den, then paused. For a moment, he was still. Then, he turned around with round eyes, ears turned back and the fur alone his spine was raised.

"Ravenpaw," he muttered. "Will- will you walk me to the border?" Without hesitation, Ravenpaw moved forward towards the WindClan tom.

"Ravenpaw."

He turned around. Hazelstripe was staring at him with firm eyes. He seemed like he was about to argue, but he saw Runningpaw shuffling nervously at the entrance of the den, and his strictness seemed to ebb away.

Hazelstripe closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. "Be quick."

Ravenpaw nodded, physically trying to push down his excitement of spending more time with Runningpaw. He followed suit behind the other medicine apprentice as they walked out of the ShadowClan camp. Runningpaw hunched down low to slip through the tangle of brambles that was the camp barrier. His thin fur glided through the thorns easily, making Ravenpaw jealous. He always had to wriggle free of the brambles and leaves getting stuck in his thick coat.

Once they were free from the prying eyes and ears of ShadowClan cats, Runningpaw's behavior completely changed. His arched back relaxed, and his ears stood tall and calm, tail flicking nonchalant behind him.

"C'mon!" He said, bounding ahead of Ravenpaw. "I'll race you!"

"Wh- what?" Ravenpaw stuttered. "But you were just afraid of being on your own!"

Runningpaw rolled his eyes. "I was faking it. I just wanted you to come to the border with me. Now hurry it up!"

 _And here I thought I had him pegged…_ "You're devious!" Ravenpaw growled playfully, chasing after the WindClan tom. It was easy to catch up with him, as he was tripped up by undergrowth every few steps, but once the ground flattened out and upturned roots were left behind them, Runningpaw pulled ahead. Ravenpaw was panting when they reached the border.

"How are you so full of energy?" Ravenpaw puffed. "We were attacked by a fox and you're racing me to the border."

Runningpaw shrugged awkwardly. "I think we did good today. And, well… I like spending time with you."

Ravenpaw twitched his whiskers, feeling his face get warm. "Oh. I like spending time with you, too."

"Besides, a good run helps the heart," Runningpaw meowed. "Figured it might help you shake off those bad vibes."

"No, I quite hate running," Ravenpaw groaned, though he was amused.

The sky was beginning to grow pink on the horizon. The moors glowed with sunset colors, as did Runningpaw's mousy brown and white fur. Shades of warm yellows shimmered on his pelt, and his blue eyes were swimming.

"I should, um- I should get going," Runningpaw stammered.

"Wait."

Runningpaw turned back around. "Yes?"

"I-"

Ravenpaw swallowed. And then he said something he thought he would never say.

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's thanking him for helping him with his depressive episode. I love them. Ravenpaw is purposely written as spiralling into depression, because he does have it. I know what it's like.


	7. Tender Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runningpaw finds some rogues in need of his help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coronavirus be givin me too much free time

**Chapter 7: Tender Heart**

* * *

New-leaf had come and gone quickly, and the heat of green-leaf was beginning to ebb away, giving way to colder nights and cloudier skies. The grass on the moors had already begun to brown a bit, and the trees in ThunderClan were turning yellow as leaf-fall was on its way.

Sparrowstar was addressing the clan from atop the Highhill, a mound of earth where an old badger set was. It was Sparrowstar's den, but she preferred to sleep out under the stars with the rest of her clanmates. Turtlepaw and her brother, Applepaw, were standing beside the slim she-cat. Applepaw was much larger than her now.

"I, Sparrowstar, leader of WindClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these apprentices. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you as a warrior in their turn."

Tangletail and Yewtail, their mentors, were sitting at the base of the Highhill, both looking equally proud. Applepaw's tail was lashing nervously, but Turtlepaw looked as eager as ever. Runningpaw knew she had awaited this moment for moons.

"Applepaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?" asked Sparrowstar.

The dark ginger tom nodded.

Sparrowstar dipped her head. "Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Applepaw, from this moment you will be known as Applewhisker. StarClan honors your patience, and we welcome you as a full warrior of WindClan."

"Applewhisker! Applewhisker!" The clan chanted. Sparrowstar laid her chin on top of Applewhisker's head, and he licked her shoulder.

Sparrowstar turned to Turtlepaw. "Turtlepaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

The tortoiseshell she-cat bristled with anticipation. "Yes! I do!"

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Turtlepaw, from this moment you will be known as Turtleheart. StarClan honors your determination, and we welcome you as a full warrior of WindClan."

Turtleheart bowed her head as she licked Sparrowstar's shoulder, the thin she-cat resting her muzzle on top of the new warrior's head as the clan cheered her new name.

"Turtleheart! Turtleheart!" Runningpaw shouted the loudest. It was the first time he had seen her embarrassed, ears flicking under all the direct attention. Still, she stood tall and confident as ever.

Turtleheart leapt down from the Highill, briefly brushing muzzles with her former mentor, Yewtail, before making her way towards Runningpaw.

"I never thought it would be so nerve-wracking!" She exclaimed, licking a paw. "All of our clanmates, staring at me, cheering my name. It was amazing!"

"I'm proud of you," Runningpaw purred. Though she was only a moon older than him, it felt like she was much older now she was no longer a 'paw.

"You better be just as proud when I climb those ranks and become leader," Turtleheart scoffed, nudging his shoulder. "With Gorsesky's kits ready to be apprenticed soon, odds are Sparrowstar will choose me or Applepa- er, Applewhisker, to mentor one of them."

Runningpaw glanced over towards the nursery. It was true her kits, Harekit, Sandkit, and Furzekit were getting far too big for the nursery. Moonkit and Crowkit had been apprenticed two moons ago, now Moonpaw and Crowpaw.

"It might be too soon," Runningpaw meowed. "They'll likely go to more experienced warriors."

Turtleheart rolled her eyes. "Oh, let me hope." She was looking in the same direction as him, too. "Well, I suppose if I don't get one of them, I might get one of Grassclaw's kits."

The grey tabby queen was watching her kits- about two moons old now- walk on wobbly legs in an attempt to keep up with Gorsesky's kits. Mosskit bore a striking resemblance to her father, Perchfur, that it was like she was his clone. Silverkit, however, was more of a mix between both of her parents, with stripes like her mother but white paws like her father.

"I wonder if I'll ever have an apprentice…" Runningpaw muttered. Though he hated to think about it, one day Cloverwing would pass, and he would have to take an apprentice to continue the line of medicine cats.

"I bet you're glad you don't have to have a flashy ceremony like warriors do," Turtleheart teased. "You'd die on the spot from all that attention!"

"Leave me alone," Runningpaw scoffed, butting her in the shoulder. Turtleheart only laughed.

"Don't worry," she mewed. "I'll make sure when I'm leader, no one will bother you."

"Gee, thanks," Runningpaw said sarcastically.

Turtleheart's face lit up. "Hey! Maybe one of my future kits will want to be your apprentice! Wouldn't that be neat?"

"StarClan, Turtleheart, how can you have your whole life planned out?" Runningpaw sighed. "I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow, let alone moons from now!"

Turtleheart smiled. "It makes me feel safer, I guess. I like thinking about what my life will be like. I know it probably won't go the way I want, but it's nice to dream."

"Well, then dream with me as we walk, cause I need to collect some herbs," Runningpaw said. "And bring someone else, too."

"Yewtail!" Turtleheart called. "Want to come with me and Runningpaw to collect some herbs?"

With a nonchalant shrug, the light ginger tabby stood and walked over to them. "Where are we going?" He asked.

"Into the Twoleg-place for some catmint," Runningpaw said as he padded through the heather barrier that guarded camp. "And we can get the other stuff on our way back."

"So we're your muscle for going into the Twoleg-place," Turtleheart purred. "Me and Yewtail got you covered."

"Hey, I can handle a few kittypets," Runningpaw scoffed. "Cloverwing taught me some simple moves after I had that run with that fox in ShadowClan a few moons ago, remember?"

"Well, there could always be rogues," Yewtail added.

"Cloverwing says the most that's happened is a few kittypets getting angry that she's on their territory," Runningpaw said, shrugging. "But still, I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"We should get going while we still have light, then," Turtleheart said, pushing forward.

As they walked the length of WindClan territory, Turtleheart recounted exactly how she imagined her future would go to Runningpaw. She had told him before, but it was something that she loved telling, from the excited tone her voice developed as she spoke.

"Yewtail," Runningpaw meowed. "Did Turtleheart tell you any of this while she was your apprentice?"

The tabby tom gave a short nod. "I like to think I helped her make it a reality."

Turtleheart purred. "You did. You're an amazing mentor, Yewtail."

Yewtail flicked an ear. "You were an amazing apprentice, too."

Runningpaw tuned them out as they began to bat compliments at each other back and forth. He had already been forced to listen to Turtleheart gush about how much she was in love with Yewtail for seven moons, and he wasn't about to bear witness to it now.

Lucky for him, it was fairly easy for him to get distracted. He watched as she sheep bayed as they grazed, and the dog that herded them paced the length of its territory watchfully. Runningpaw had been scared of the dog the first time, but learned that so long as he didn't get too close to the sheep, the dog was of no harm.

Parts of the grass had been flattened by monster tracks, ones that made loud noises and were different than the ones on the Thunderpath. Most of the time, they slept out of sight, but sometimes, Runningpaw would see them devouring the herbs that the Twolegs grew. The scent of sheep and horse was strong in the air, smelling heady and partly of dirt.

They came to a small Thunderpath, and the three of them stopped. The WindClan border stopped here, and the strange, flat dens of the Twolegs were just across the hard, black ground. The sour, acrid smell burned Runningpaw's nose and mouth, and he screwed up his face. He saw Turtleheart and Yewtail doing the same.

Runningpaw felt the earth rumble slightly. "Step back!" He hissed to the warriors, inching back with his belly low to the ground. A shiny blue with its round, black paws sped past, blowing hot hair into the three WindClan cats' faces as it zipped by.

They shrank back, fur standing up in alarm. "How are we going to cross?" Yewtail muttered.

"It'll be fine," Runningpaw meowed. "I've crossed it dozens of times with Cloverwing. We just go one at a time."

Swallowing his fear that never dulled every time he crossed the Thunderpath, Runningpaw hurled himself across the black ground. It was hot and sticky against his paws, but he knew better to lick it off. It always left a taste in his mouth worse than mouse bile.

When he reached the other side, everything was still quiet. "Now!" He shouted.

Turtleheart made the first move. In a flash of tortoiseshell fur, she was running across the Thunderpath with wild eyes. She let out a choking breath once she was across, coughing from the puke-worthy scent.

There was a low growling in the distance, signalling another monster coming. It flew past with glaring colors, and Runningpaw could see the Twolegs inside as it ran by.

Turtleheart gasped. "Do those _things_ eat Twolegs?"

Runningpaw ignored her. "Yewtail, come on!"

The warrior hesitated for a moment before he nodded and launched himself forward. In a few seconds, Yewtail was across, pressing his bushed up pelt against Turtleheart's as they stood on the thin strip of grass.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" She managed.

"We'll have to do it again on our way back," Yewtail meowed, shuddering.

"It gets easier," Runningpaw offered. He knew it didn't sound like much, but it was what Cloverwing had told him, and it was true for the most part.

"We only have to go in one Twoleg nest," Runningpaw explained. "There's a kittypet who lives there, but its always inside the den so it won't bother us."

They walked along a different Thunderpath, one where the monsters slept in open dens and small, Twoleg territories were guarded by flat, wooden slats and reddish rocks. Barking exploded from behind one the fences, where a dog with a squished face was throwing its head back and forth as it spotted them.

Runningpaw jumped in the air in alarm, back arched and tail fuzzed. He relaxed slightly when he saw the silver vine connected to a stick in the ground, restricting the dog's movements. Turtleheart and Yewtail seemed to notice this too, as they calmed, but stayed alert.

Runningpaw stopped at a tall, white wooden fence, wiggling his haunches in preparation to jump. He landed on the skinny plank and jumped down into the Twoleg territory. He saw the kittypet lounging in the window, basking in the early sun. It caught sight of him, but paid him no mind.

The soft grass felt like it had barely been walked in, and it soothed his sore pads after walking on the rough Thunderpath. The tips of the blades were still damp with morning dew, and despite the scent of Twolegs heavy in the air, it was nice.

He knew catmint by scent, as almost every cat did. It was sweet smelling and mouth watering. It was nestled in a shady corner of the grass with drier soil, and the leaves glistened with dewdrops. Runningpaw tenderly nipped at the stems, the tiny hairs on it tickling his nose. Once he had gotten all he could carry without stripping the plant bare, Runningpaw leapt back up onto the fence and down to his clanmates.

"Oh my," a soft voice purred. "I've never seen you around here before."

Runningpaw turned around to see a kittypet making her way towards them. She smelled milky, but of no mother's milk he'd ever smelled before, and a Twoleg collar hung close to her neck.

Yewtail and Turtleheart unsheathed their claws, and the kittypet halted. "Hey, I'm only playin'," she said quickly.

"She's just a kittypet," Runningpaw meowed. "Let's go."

"I'm not just a kittypet," she chuckled. "I'm a lonely one." She made her way closer to Runningpaw, tail flicking under his chin.

Runningpaw blinked. "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But we really have to get going."

The kittypet batted her eyes at Runningpaw. "The name's Sweetie, but you can call me the she-cat of your dreams." A purr resonated in her throat as she pressed her side up against Runningpaw.

He was at a loss for words. _Is she…_ He swallowed. "I'm a clan cat. We don't associate ourselves with kittypets."

Sweetie purred even deeper. "Oh, you can associate with me all you want, honey," she giggled. "I like my toms a little _wild_." She whispered the last word in his ear, and Runningpaw jumped back, her warm breath ruffling his ear fluff.

His stomach was knotting itself and he was feeling more and more uncomfortable with every passing moment. Yewtail and Turtleheart, however, seemed to be fully entertained by Sweetie's antics at that point. She was winding herself around Runningpaw, eyes hot and heavy as they met his. 

Runningpaw pulled away, blood pounding in his ears. He could not have felt any less interested in that moment. Ravenpaw's question at the Gathering entered his mind. He shook his head. 

"Yewtail, Turtleheart, we're leaving!" He said quickly, hiding his uneasy look from them as he marched ahead.

Sweetie sputtered as the three WindClan cats took off. "W- wait! At least let me know your name!"

Runningpaw ignored her and continued walking back towards the Thunderpath they had crossed to get there. He barely spared a glance in either direction before he bolted across the hard ground.

Turtleheart let out a cry as a monster flew by just as he touched down on the other side. She saw her opening and Yewtail followed as they crossed together.

"Are you insane!" Turtleheart gasped. "That monster would've flattened you!"

Runningpaw smoothed down his fur. "Well, it didn't."

Yewtail chuckled. "Someone didn't like being flirted with."

Runningpaw's ears shot up. "I- I'm a medicine cat!" He shrieked.

"Oh, come on," Yewtail said. "Admit you thought she was pretty cute."

"I think she was pretty cute," Turtleheart agreed.

Runningpaw lashed his tail, and turned, refusing to give them an answer. He heard them giggling behind him, and he did his best to ignore their hushed, teasing whispers.

"Ugh, I can't get that Thunderpath smell out of my nose," Yewtail groaned. "It feels like it's lingering in my mouth!"

Runningpaw sniffed the air. "It's not your mouth," he meowed. "I think it's rogues."

Turtleheart flexed her claws into the dirt. "Let's find 'em and chase 'em out!"

"I see them!" Yewtail gasped, sprinting down the slope. Runningpaw squinted, then his eyes went wide in alarm. Turtleheart had already taken off just after Yewtail.

"Stop! Stop!" Runningpaw cried, nearly tripping up as he ran down the hill, long legs slipping out from under him. "Wait!"

Yewtail and Turtleheart camp to halt just in front of three rogues. They were standing over a holly plant, and one of the rogues had the bright red berries in his mouth.

"Don't eat that!" Runningpaw gasped. "It's poison."

The rogue tom spat out the berries immediately. Yewtail and Turtleheart gave Runningpaw strange looks, but turned back to the rogues.

"You're on WindClan territory," Yewtail growled. "Leave before we make you."

"We know we're trespassing," the tom meowed. "But please, hear us out."

Runningpaw stared at the three rogues. The dirty white tom who had almost eaten the holly berries had a disgusting wound in the process of healing on his shoulder, and he was missing both an ear and an eye. His ribs were poking out, and the sour smell of infection floated off him.

Next to him, was a ginger tabby she-cat. Her eyes were sunken into her head like she hadn't slept in days, and her belly was round with kits. One of her hind toes looked like it had been broken, either by a predator or some other incident, as she refused to step on it.

Guarded by the tom and the she-cat was a raggedy light grey she-cat. Her pelt sagged on her old bones, and her fur was matted. Runningpaw could practically see the ticks and fleas itching at her. Her tail was kinked, and she walked like her bones had been troubling her for moons.

"We heard the clan cats have healers," the pregnant she-cat meowed softly. "We need help. Please." Her eyes were sad and tired.

"You're on our territory," Yewtail growled. "You think we're just going to let you wander on our land and steal our prey?"

"Yewtail, hold on," Runningpaw said. "They're sick."

"The warrior code states to challenge all trespassers," Yewtail snapped.

"And my medicine code says to care for all," Runningpaw retorted. "We're taking them back to camp."

"Are you sure?" Turtleheart asked hesitantly, glancing at the rogues. "They could be dangerous."

"I'm sure." Runningpaw looked back to the rogues. They looked barely strong enough to walk. There was no way they posed a threat to WindClan.

The trek back to their camp was silent and awkward. A chill ran through the open moors even with the sun at its peak. Large, puffy white clouds hung still in the sky, but with no trace of grey, Runningpaw wasn't concerned about it raining.

Yewtail had made the rogues walk in front of them. Although Runningpaw couldn't blame him for being careful, it was difficult to watch the weak rogues haul themselves painfully up the hills and ravines.

Some of the patches of grass and dirt were so dry that they crushed underfoot. The elderly she-cat took a stumble, and with it, kicked up a cloud of dirt dust. _Perhaps some rain wouldn't be too bad after all._ Runningpaw thought.

Runningpaw went straight to Sparrowstar's den. "Sparrowstar!"

"Yes?" came the answer through the lichen.

Runningpaw pushed through the lichen. Sparrowstar was laying delicately in her nest, with her little paws tucked neatly under her chest. Though he had spoken to her many times, she never failed to intimidate him.

"I, uh- we- we found some rogues on the territory," he stuttered.

Sparrowstar sat up. "Is anyone hurt?"

 _Fox-dung. I should've worded that better._ "No, no! No one is hurt."

Sparrowstar relaxed. "Then what's the issue?"

"It's just…" _Spit it out!_ "They're really sick. I feel like we need to help them. I mean, they came to us for help."

The WindClan leader was standing now. She walked past Runningpaw and out of her den. "Let me see these rogues," Sparrowstar said assertively.

The three rogues were in the center of camp, drawing everyone's attention. Gorsesky and Grassclaw were holding their kits back with their paws. Moonpaw and Crowpaw were staring at the rogues curiously, but neither of them made a move.

"Let me see your paw," Runningpaw said to the white tom.

Hesitantly, he offered his paw to Runningpaw. He pressed his nose gently to the rogue's paw pad. It was hot to the touch. "See, Sparrowstar? His pad is warm," he mewed. "He's got a fever."

Runningpaw was just about to inspect the elderly she-cat when he heard Cloverwing's cry from the medicine den. "No, Runningpaw!" She screeched. "Stay away from them!"

Runningpaw recoiled in surprise, ears flat. "Why? They need our help." He twisted his head around to Sparrowstar, looking at her pleadingly, but her face was unreadable.

"Leaf-fall will be here soon, and then leaf-bare, and we have no herbs to spare," Cloverwing meowed. "Go wash that sickness off your muzzle, Runningpaw."

He opened his mouth to protest. "But, Cloverwing-"

"They must leave," she insisted. "We don't want them spreading anything, especially now."

Runningpaw blinked. She was talking about Sparrowstar's remaining two lives. Only himself, Cloverwing, and the deputy, Perchfur were aware of such privy information.

"They're of no threat to us in this state," Runningpaw blurted. "I can help them, I know I can!"

"Sick cats are prone to even worse diseases," Cloverwing growled. "Surely you should know that after everything I've taught you. They'll get greencough and spread it to the whole clan."

Cats edged back as they heard the mention of greencough. They were lucky enough to only have whitecough last season, but with such a short green-leaf, everyone was nervous. The pregnant rogue began to cough, spasms racking her fragile body.

"Please, let me help them," he begged, turning his attention to Sparrowstar.

"Cloverwing is right," Sparrowstar murmured. Runningpaw could guess what she was thinking. "These rogues must leave. Runningpaw, you will see them to the border."

There were scattered noises of approval at her decision, but Sparrowstar cut them short. "Back to your dens," she told her clan, tail wisping out behind her. It was clear her decision troubled her.

Cloverwing lingered for a moment. "Be sure to wash your muzzle in the river. I won't be happy if you catch anything from those rogues."

Wordlessly, Runningpaw dipped his head. He nodded to the rogues, beginning to escort them out of camp. They trudged behind him, and he could hear the pregnant she-cat crying softly into the fur of her mate. His heart ached with the desire to do _something_.

Runningpaw let out a pained sigh. They were out of earshot from his clanmates, and he stepped in front of them. "I'm going to help you get better," he swore.

"But your leader," the she-cat sniffed. "She said no."

"She's wrong," Runningpaw said. "I have a duty, and that's to help sick cats. And that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"What will you do?" The white tom asked.

"Stay close, but out of sight," he replied. "I'm going to take you to an old badger set."

Hunkering downwind, Runningpaw led them near the RiverClan side of the border. The river was moving slowly, glimmering with white sparkles on the surface. The ground got softer as they got closer to the river, and Runningpaw pressed his nose to the dirt.

Quickly, he picked up the very stale scent of badger. "This way," he whispered.

He ducked down into the hole and gave it a sniff. Nothing had been there for moons, and although it was dark, it held warmth well. He stepped back. "Go on in," Runningpaw told them.

The tom went in first, giving the musty air a wary sniff. Deciding it was suitable, he led his mate in, and the elder she-cat followed.

"Will you get in trouble?" The pregnant she-cat whimpered.

"I don't know," he said. That was a lie. He was going directly against not only Sparrowstar, but Cloverwing. He would most certainly get into trouble. _That's only if I'm caught._

"Thank you, young one," the elder she-cat croaked. It was the first time she had spoken, and now Runningpaw knew why. He made a mental note to bring her something for her throat.

"Tell me your names," Runningpaw meowed. "I'll need to know it's you."

"I'm King," the white tom said. "And this here's my girl, Cookie. That's my ma, there. You can call her Nan."

"Alright. I'm Runningpaw," he said. "I'll be back after the sun goes down. Don't leave this set unless you want to be attacked."

He was sure to splash water on his face from the river before heading back to WindClan. Though he wanted to help them, he'd rather do his best to not get sick from them as well. Cloverwing sniffed him thoroughly when he returned, and only when she deemed him clean did she let him touch their herb supply.

"I think I'm going to go to sleep early," Runningpaw mewed. The sun was turning the horizon dark. "I'm tired from walking around the territory all day."

Cloverwing gave him a long stare, and then nodded. "You may rest."

Truthfully, Runningpaw wasn't tired. His mind was working a mile a minute, going over what herbs they could spare for the three rogues. Wind blew heavily into the medicine den, tossing up some of the herbs and chilling Runningpaw to his bones. He was tapping the tip of his tail anxiously as he waited for Cloverwing to settle in her nest.

It was well past sunset when Runningpaw heard Cloverwing's breathing evening as she fell into a slumber. Faint rays of starlight shone into the den, but Runningpaw slept in the back of the den, where it was plunged into complete darkness.

When he heard a snore escape Cloverwing's nose, Runningpaw knew he was in the clear. With light paws, Runningpaw got up from his nest. His eyes were adjusted to the dark by now and burned from being awake so long, but his determination kept him from dozing.

Having already gone over his mental checklist of herbs he knew they could spare, Runningpaw quickly gathered the horsetail Ravenpaw had given him those moons ago. Packing it into some dock to carry it all together, Runningpaw added some moss soaked with honey, borage, burnet, and cobweb.

Casting a glance at Cloverwing who was still snoring softly, Runningpaw slipped out of the den. He was pushing his luck, as Turtleheart and Applewhisker were sitting vigil, but he snuck around the back of the thick gorse brambles of the nursery den and bounded down towards the river.

The moors looked different at night, so as he got closer to the water, Runningpaw let his nose guide him. The freshwater smelled cool in the night, and it almost masked the rancid tang of sickness coming from the badger set he had hidden the rogues in.

"King?" Runningpaw whispered. It was far too dark inside the den for him to see. It was like looking into a starless sky. "Cookie? Nan?" Their names felt foreign on his tongue, like a different language.

There was a long silence before he heard a voice. "Runningpaw? Is that you?" It was Cookie. Her voice sounded meek.

"Yes," he answered, and stepped further inside.

King was on the ground, face contorted in pain. His legs were thrashing as he tossed and turned. Runningpaw dashed forward and knelt at the tom's side.

"What happened?" He exclaimed, looking over the tom with panic.

"I don't know," Cookie cried. "He said he felt dizzy and so he went to lay down. Next thing I knew he was moving about like something was attacking him!"

Runningpaw felt like his brain was working twice as fast. "I need mugwort! It's green and by the river. It smells like sage. Hurry!"

Cookie bolted out of the den. It was the only time Runningpaw had seen her look so full of energy. Nan was fast asleep in the darkness, throaty snores echoing. Cookie must not have wanted to wake her, thought Runningpaw.

Cookie was back in a flash, mugwort tangled in her mouth. She spat it out on the ground at his paws. "I hope this is it," she whined. They had been haphazardly torn up, but it was definitely the mugwort.

"It is, thank you," Runningpaw said quickly. He chewed up the leaves into a fine paste as fast as he could. "I need you to open his mouth."

Cookie was shaking, but she took a deep breath and did as told. She steadied King's head and pried open his jaws, trying to keep him still. She was whispering gentle words in his ear that Runningpaw couldn't make out. Runningpaw let the mugwort paste slide down King's throat, pushing on his throat to get it to go all the way down his esophagus.

A few moments went by, and King stopped convulsing. His breaths were shallow, but steady. Runningpaw pressed an ear to his chest to listen to his heartbeat. It was fast, though there were no signs of irregularities. Cookie let out a heavy sigh of relief.

"Thank you, thank you," she sobbed, burying her face into Runningpaw's shoulder. "You are sent from the stars!"

Runningpaw felt his heart go out to her. "I brought some herbs. I would've brought food, too, but I can't hunt very well."

Cookie shook her head. "Anything you can spare is good enough."

Runningpaw started by examining Cookie. She was pretty far along, and expecting four kittens. He was sure to give her borage and burnet to keep her strength up.

"I noticed your toe is broken," Runningpaw meowed. "May I see?"

She stretched out her right hind leg, where one of her toes was swollen and twisted at an ugly angle. "I haven't been able to walk on it," she admitted. "I fell from a dumpster."

Though Runningpaw had no clue what a dumpster was, he could tell the bone needed to be pushed back into place in order for it to heal properly. He gave Cookie a warning as he did so, but she queen made no noise of pain when he set it.

"I've felt worse," she whispered. Runningpaw wrapped her foot tightly with cobwebs, and finished by tying it in place by cobwebs he fetched by the river.

"You can place a little bit of weight on it now," Runningpaw said. "But continue to favor your other leg until its healed."

Runningpaw opened up the dock leaves he used to pack the herbs he brought. "Make sure Nan drinks this honey when she wakes up," he said, pushing the bundle of moss towards Cookie. "It'll help her throat."

Cookie was nodding intently as Runningpaw explained the uses of the herbs to her. Her amber eyes were focused on everything he was saying. "Repeat it back to me," Runningpaw told her.

She pointed to the borage first. "Blue flower for King's fever, bushy green one for his infection, honey for Nan's throat, and the spiky one to stave off hunger." Though she had forgotten the names of the herbs, she still understood what he had explained to her.

"I'll be back in the morning," Runningpaw said. "Stay further inside the den to keep from my clanmates smelling you. I'll try to bring you some food then."

Cookie thanked him profusely once more, and Runningpaw made his way back to WindClan camp. He splashed his muzzle with water from the river again, though he was sure they had nothing contagious he could catch anyways.

When he tiptoed into the medicine den, Cloverwing stirred, and he froze in his tracks. She rolled over and let out a snore. He breathed a sigh of relief and quietly collapsed into his nest. Exhaustion snatched him like a hawk does to a mouse, and he was quickly enveloped in a dreamless sleep.

When he woke, he felt like he had only just gone to sleep. Dawn light poured in the den, and Cloverwing's nest was empty. He stretched, body sore, and poked his head out of the den. Though the camp was bustling now, Cloverwing had likely gone on the dawn patrol to pick some herbs.

The crisp air pricked at his thin pelt, and he gave a little shiver. He glanced at the fresh-kill pile, ripe with prey. _Someone will see me if I take something… I should try catching something._

Looking around to make sure no one was watching him, Runningpaw moved to slip past the heather barrier, when a voice stopped him.

"Just where do you think you're going?" It was Cloverwing, tail flicking lazily. Her eyes were narrowed at him with suspicion.

Runningpaw fidgeted. "I'm going to the river. We're low on coltsfoot. I thought I could get some in case of kitten-cough."

Cloverwing took a moment before she dipped her head, and Runningpaw darted off. He hadn't expected Cloverwing to still have been in camp. Had the dawn patrol already returned, or had she been waiting for him to wake? Either way, Runningpaw made his way towards the badger set where he had hidden the rogues.

He smelled lapwing on the breeze, and crouched low. He remembered Turtleheart had showed him how to catch them when she first learned, but he hadn't been able to get the jump down right. Regardless, searching for other prey would waste time, and he could already spot the lapwing nest a few fox-lengths ahead of him.

Runningpaw crawled forward, eyes locked on the heather nest. There was only one lapwing, and if it had young or eggs, he couldn't see from where he was. He sprang forward, paws outstretched.

The lapwing noticed him quickly, and it flew up, his claws grazing one of its wings. Runningpaw landed clumsily, but leapt up in the air once more. The lapwing was injured, and fluttered awkwardly as it tried to get away. This time, Runningpaw pinned it down, snapping its neck mid cry.

 _Not my proudest kill,_ Runningpaw thought, _but I'll take it._ He picked it up by the tail feathers and sprinted down the grassy hillock, delving into a thick line of heather. The dusty pollen made him feel the urge to sneeze, but he ignored it, and shook out his fur once he was free of it.

Gorse was scattered all around the fields, yellow against the pale green, in thick swathes. He saw some honey bees flitting around the flowers, a still sign green-leaf was not yet finished.

Without calling, Runningpaw ducked into the badger set. King and Nan were awake, and they jumped a bit when he entered. Cookie was rubbing some horsetail into King's infected shoulder.

"Ah, Runningpaw!" Cookie exclaimed. "I'm worried I'm not doing this right."

Runningpaw took a look. "No, you're doing fine," he said. "You just want to pick away the dry bits of scab to really get it into the wound. We want the horsetail to clear up the infection."

" _Runningpaw_!"

Runningpaw turned around, wide-eyed at having been caught. There, standing in the mouth of the badger den, was Cloverwing. Her tail was lashing crossly and he felt small under her sharp glare.

"You're given a direct order by Sparrowstar and you respond by going behind not only her back, but _mine_?" Cloverwing growled.

"Please, don't punish him!" begged Cookie. "He has a good heart! Without him, King would be dead."

The white tom bowed his head. "And you have my thanks for that, Runningpaw."

Cloverwing looked between Runningpaw and the rogues. He could see her face switching between anger and pity. Finally, her troubled eyes closed, and she sighed.

"Runningpaw, I am not happy you disobeyed me or Sparrowstar," she said. Runningpaw's stomach did a flip that made him feel sick. "However, I can tell you feel strongly about this. You have the makings of a true medicine cat."

He felt his spirits rise. "Oh, Cloverwing, thank you! Does this mean they can stay?"

"Not so fast," she said sharply. "You still went against Sparrowstar."

Runningpaw lifted his chin defiantly at her. "I'd do it again."

"I know you would," Cloverwing said. "Which is why this time I will help you. But only until they are strong enough the travel." She turned to the three rogues. "Then you must leave."

Cookie nodded rapidly. "Yes, yes, we will. King says he feels better already, and that honey really helped Nan's throat."

Nan purred, still sounding raspy but less pained. "I almost feel young again." There was a twinkle in her eyes that Runningpaw was delighted to see.

"I brought you food," Runningpaw said, pushing the lapwing towards them. "I know it's not much… I'm not a very good hunter."

"It's more than enough," Cookie said gratefully. "Here, King. You haven't eaten in days." She pulled apart a meaty piece and nosed it to her mate.

"You need it more than I do," King insisted. "You've got to eat for the kittens too."

"I'll fetch you something else," Cloverwing said, standing. "I trust you have them handled?"

Runningpaw nodded. "Will you bring some feverfew on your way back? The borage didn't break King's fever."

Cloverwing nodded, a faint smile on her lips as she left the set. Runningpaw turned to King. "Alright, so Cookie put the horsetail on that wound," he meowed. "Next, we wrap it with cobwebs to keep it protected. Tomorrow, wash it out with some water, apply more horsetail, and then fresh cobwebs. Understand?"

King nodded as Runningpaw pressed the cobwebs onto his shoulder. He didn't complain about the pain, just as Cookie didn't. "I saw you fixed Cookie's foot," said King.

"It should heal rather quickly," Runningpaw answered. "It looked like a fresh break. Just make sure she doesn't push herself."

King nodded. "It's my job to take care of her and Nan."

Nan let out a grumble. "I can take care of myself, King."

"Tell that to your ticks, ma," King retorted.

Nan let out a raspy chuckle and settled back down, nipping at her tail where a tick was probably bothering her.

"I'll bring some mouse bile by next time," Runningpaw promised.

Cloverwing returned with a mouse that Cookie forced King to eat while she shared the lapwing with Nan. King took the feverfew without protest at its flavor, something that Cloverwing seemed a bit taken aback by.

"Crowfood tastes worse, believe me," King chuckled wryly as he swallowed the feverfew.

Runningpaw cared for the rogues over the course of a quarter-moon. Nan was free of her ticks, which had totaled in eight being removed by the mouse bile. King was starting to look less starved now that he was being hunted for, and his fever had broken. His infected wound had started to scab, and all three of them seemed to be much healthier than when they arrived.

On their final day, Runningpaw went to see them off. "I brought some marigold," he said. "It does the same thing as horsetail. Just in case the infection comes back."

Cookie purred. It was the first time he'd heard her do such a thing. "Thank you very much, Runningpaw."

"We will forever be in your debt," King meowed. "Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"You can stay healthy," Runningpaw said firmly. Nan let out a barking laugh. "Look, there's a barn west of here. It's got lots of mice. I'm sure you can rest there."

Cookie leaned into King. "That sounds nice. We could stay safe from the weather when I give birth."

"We'll head there, then," King agreed. He flicked his tail to Runningpaw. "May our paths cross again."

Runningpaw felt his ears burn a little. Though he was scarred, he couldn't help but admire King. His coat was snow white now, free of dirt and grime. His missing ear and eye did nothing to take away from his rugged looks; in fact, they reinforced his tough look.

Runningpaw gulped. "I'm glad to have been of service."

He watched them trot off in the direction of the barn, where dark evergreens casted deep shadows. Dawn peeked over the treeline and shone through the gaps in thick leaves. He felt Cloverwing walk up behind him.

"You did good," she said softly.

Runningpaw met her eyes. They were genuine, green glimmering with pride he had never seen before. He could feel her satisfaction coming off her in waves.

For once, Runningpaw actually too, felt pleased with himself.


	8. Guilty Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravenpaw's mother goes into labor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up lol

**Chapter 8: Guilty Heart**

* * *

It had been hot for far too long. Logically, Ravenpaw knew that green-leaf had only lasted for around two moons, the shortest one yet, but the cold was something he had long awaited. With his thick fur, the sun always baked him. Now that the air was chilled, Ravenpaw took a deep breath, feeling the crisp air cool his lungs.

"You're in a good mood," a voice purred in amusement.

Ravenpaw turned. His sister Duskcloud had been made a warrior a moon ago. She was holding a squirrel in her teeth. "Thought you might be hungry," she said, tossing the prey towards him.

Ravenpaw gave a nod. Silently, he shared the squirrel with his sister. Duskcloud's shoulder had raised, pink scars from where she had her encounter with the fox almost nine moons ago. Ravenpaw still had nightmares about it sometimes.

"Admiring my battle scar?" She teased. "You could use one yourself. Might make you look more handsome."

"Really?" Ravenpaw meowed. "'Cause I was just thinking how ugly yours looked."

Duskcloud gave him a hard shove. "You're just jealous because it makes me look more mature than you."

"Don't make me put you on elders' duty," Ravenpaw threatened.

Duskcloud rolled her eyes. "You and I both know you can only boss around the other apprentices. I'm a warrior now."

"Oh yeah?" Ravenpaw huffed. "I can boss around your apprentice then."

Duskcloud shot him a look. "You wouldn't dare! I'm taking Shadepaw hunting today!"

Ravenpaw sighed. "Nah, I won't. Hazelstripe is making me tend to the elders today anyways. He'll have my pelt if he finds out I shoved it onto Shadepaw."

"Ha!" Duskcloud exclaimed. "What did you do to get put on elders duty?"

"None of your business," Ravenpaw huffed, standing.

"Fine, don't tell me," Duskcloud pouted, scraping dirt over the remains of the squirrel they had finished.

Ravenpaw left without answering her. He ducked under the low hanging branches in the elders den, drooping leaves swiping over his head. The hollow it sat in kept the warmth in, but there was still a chill lingering in the air.

Ravenpaw blinked. Only Willowdusk and Stonewater were there. "Where's Whitemuzzle?"

Stonewater shifted in his nest. "He went out for a walk. Said he had to stretch his legs. I just think he wants to hunt."

"Well, that was foolish," Ravenpaw huffed. "He was complaining yesterday of aches and pains."

"I don't blame him," Willowdusk sighed. "Sometimes I get jealous of all you young cats running around, catching frogs. I miss those days."

"If you go jumping after frogs, don't come to me when your joints hurt," Ravenpaw huffed. "That'll be your own fault."

"I think I'll stick to having the apprentices bring me my frogs," Willowdusk purred. "These paws have seen the last of their jumping days."

"I'm collecting the old bedding," Ravenpaw said. "Is it scratchy?"

Stonewater pointed his nose in the direction of his mate's nest. "Wouldn't shut up about how irritating it was last night," he grumbled. "Patchpaw was kind enough to change mine not long ago, though. Didn't even have to be told."

Deciding to ignore the slight jab, Ravenpaw felt around for the dry and stale smelling moss. Some had even started to change color, showing how old it was. _No wonder Whitemuzzle was complaining! This moss feels like it's a moon old!_ "Lazy apprentices," he muttered under his breath.

"You say somethin'?" Whitemuzzle had just padded into the den, and Ravenpaw could tell he was limping. He inhaled sharply as he sat down beside Stonewater.

"Let him be," Willowdusk sighed. "You and I both know Brownpaw and Shadepaw detest helping out, and Tigerpaw would much rather be playing with the kits in the nursery."

Whitemuzzle let out a snort. "What, does that mean he's gonna be in and out of our den all day long? I wanted to take a nap."

"It's not my fault you're sore!" Ravenpaw snapped. "You're the one who decided to go out when it's cold."

Whitemuzzle raised his nose at him. "How did you know I'm sore?"

Ravenpaw hooked a piece of dry moss and tossed it aside. "Did you forget in your old age that I'm the medicine apprentice? You were limping when you came in, and you made a noise when you sat down, like it hurt."

Stonewater was licking Whitemuzzle's ears, trying to soothe him. Whitemuzzle let out an amused huff. "Hunting at my age is always a bad idea."

Stonewater swatted his ear. "I knew you went hunting! You lied to me!"

Whitemuzzle lashed his tail. "Of course I did. You would've tried to stop me!"

"And now you've gone and hurt yourself," Stonewater growled. "Let Ravenpaw take a look, and not another word."

Even though the two toms failed to go a moment without bickering, Ravenpaw could feel how much they cared about each other. Not many mates were as lucky as Stonewater and Whitemuzzle, able to retire and live the rest of their days out peacefully together. Even as they argued everyday, not once did they ever not push their nests together to sleep.

"What were you hunting?" Ravenpaw asked, feeling Whitemuzzle's foreleg.

"A pigeon," Whitemuzzle answered. "I jumped just right, and caught it too, but I must have landed funny."

"It feels sprained," Ravenpaw mewed. "I'll get some elder leaves."

"Bring some mouse bile too," Willowdusk called. "I can't reach this tick in my neck."

The ivy hanging over the entrance had frozen dew, and it made Ravenpaw shiver as he entered the medicine den. He was quick in fetching what he needed, having everything exactly the way he liked it. Hazelstripe had finally stopped messing with his order of things, and it made him feel more relaxed.

The elder leaves were in a neat pile next to the fennel. It was low, and Ravenpaw made a mental note to collect more the next time he went out. It was easy to locate the mouse bile in the medicine den. It was kept in a secluded corner, but the bitter stench just blended in with the various smells of herbs.

As Ravenpaw padded close to the elders den, he heard them talking in hushed whispers. He stopped, and arched his ears.

"I feel bad for Hazelstripe," Willowdusk sighed. "Ravenpaw must be difficult to train."

"He's a pawful!" Whitemuzzle hissed quietly. "It's like he's filled to the brim with bad attitude and poor manners."

Stonewater shook his head. "I don't know how Hazelstripe does it."

Ravenpaw bristled. He knew the clan talked dirt about him behind his back, but hearing it directly never hurt any less. He pushed past the branches and entered the den, a sour expression on his face.

"Why don't you ask Hazelstripe yourself?" Ravenpaw snapped. The elders looked like frightened deer having been caught gossiping about him.

"Ravenpaw, we-" Willowdusk began, but he ignored her.

"Give me your leg," Ravenpaw ordered. Whitemuzzle stretched his foreleg out with a grimace. He chewed the elder leaves into an ointment and applied it to the sprain, licking it into the swollen skin.

"That hurts!" Whitemuzzle yelped.

"It would hurt less if you quit moving around," Ravenpaw shot back.

Whitemuzzle shut his mouth and kept his leg still. Ravenpaw was nearly done rubbing in the poultice into the sprain. _I already know Hazelstripe doesn't like me. I don't need some crotchety elders or anyone else reminding me._

Ravenpaw began to groom through Willowdusk's fur with his claws. A tick was lodged in the nape of her neck.

"Look, you're a talented medicine cat," Willowdusk said gently. "You just come off too rough towards others."

 _You'll be telling me I should be more like Hazelstripe next,_ Ravenpaw thought, tugging at her tick harder than he needed to.

"Ow!" Willowdusk exclaimed.

Ravenpaw cracked the tick between his teeth. "I'm finished."

He had just started putting together fresh bedding for Whitemuzzle and Willowdusk, when his ears picked up a commotion from the nursery. Ravenpaw turned from his work and in the direction of the nursery.

Sunfall was ushering her kits- Fennelkit and Stormkit- out of the nursery with hushed whispers. Brightstep was right behind her, belly swaying and swollen with kits. Sunfall's movements were quick-paced, making a beeline to the medicine den. Brightstep was nudging Fennelkit and Stormkit in the direction of the elders den.

Ravenpaw stood up. "Brightstep, what's going on?"

"Sunfall's gone to get Hazelstripe." The queen had a look of urgency on her face.

"Hazelstripe is out collecting herbs," he explained. "What is it?"

Brightstep was silent. She glanced over in the direction of the nursery. Muffled cries of pain could now be heard.

Ravenpaw looked at her, then back at the nursery. "Where's my mom?" His chest clenched. She had moved into the nursery not long ago when she found out she was pregnant again. It had come as a pleasant surprise to both her and Sharpheart.

Brightstep's lack of an answer was enough for Ravenpaw to run off in the direction of the nursery, but he crashed into Sunfall.

"You shouldn't go in there," she warned. "Her kits are coming and it's going all wrong."

"I'm still a medicine cat, now let me through!" He pushed passed the queen and into the den. It was dim, and the sharp tang of blood hit him. Junipershade lay on her side, sprawled out in an awkward manner. A spasm travelled down her body, and she trembled, suppressing her cries of pain.

"Hazelstripe, is that you?" She asked, eyes glazed with pain.

Ravenpaw swallowed. His mouth was dry. "N- no, it's me, mom. Ravenpaw."

"The kits," she panted. "It's too soon."

"I know, I know," Ravenpaw muttered, licking her heaving flank to try and soothe her. "I need too get some herbs. Please, just breathe."

Darting out of the nursery, he hurled himself into the medicine den. Never in his life did he think he would be grabbing at his herbs, carelessly wreaking havoc on the tidiness of it all.

 _Herbs for kittings, herbs for kittings…_ Desperation clawed at Ravenpaw. Every moment he wasn't in there with his mother was torment. Frantically, he snatched up a thick stick, chervil, poppy seeds, and ragwort.

Ravenpaw sprinted back into the medicine den. Sunfall was inside, muttering soft words to Junipershade. "Move," he growled. He was half tempted to merely shove her aside, but Sunfall obeyed and took a few steps back.

The smell of blood was making his head spin. Ravenpaw steeled himself. "Eat these," he said. "It'll help."

Craning her head down, Junipershade lapped up the chervil and ragwort. She chewed for a moment, swallowed, and laid her head back down. Her breathing was uneven and ragged, and the blood loss was far more extreme than any other kitting Ravenpaw had seen.

"Do you want to bite this?" Ravenpaw asked, pushing the stick close to her.

Junipershade barely had the strength to shake her head. Another convulsion rippled through her, and this time her cries were weak and tired. Her eyes kept fluttering open and shut. She was growing weary from all the blood she had lost.

"I see a kit!" Sunfall gasped.

"You're doing good," Ravenpaw meowed, trying not to let his worry show. "Just keep pushing."

Ravenpaw turned to Sunfall. She was licking the pathetic kitten, her tongue almost the size of the kit's body. Its bloody black fur was ruffled from Sunfall's licking, but no movement came.

"There's still two kits," Ravenpaw said, tearing his eyes away from the stillborn lump. "You're so strong, mom."

Junipershade's eyes were barely open now, head laying slack on the ground as her contractions shuddered through her body. Her sides were heaving in shallow, uneven rises and falls. Ravenpaw took to licking her ears to keep her awake.

His forelegs were soaked in his mother's blood in an effort to stop the bleeding. Ravenpaw's efforts were focused on staying calm and keeping Junipershade conscious. Sunfall had nosed the stillborn kit into a dark corner so Junipershade couldn't see. Ravenpaw wasn't even sure if his mother was aware of what was going on anymore.

"It's so cold in here," Junipershade panted.

Ravenpaw paled. It wasn't cold at all. Truthfully, the nursery always kept in the humidity and hotness from other cats being in such a cramped space. The heat was making his cheeks flush, but Junipershade was shivering as if she was in a blizzard.

"It's alright," he hushed her. "You're doing so good. Sunfall, warm her up."

Sunfall didn't move. The look on the queen's face betrayed her. "We need Hazelstripe," she whispered.

Ravenpaw ignored her. If she wasn't going to help, there was no point in answering. Another shudder passed through Junipershade, and Sunfall's fallen expression changed as she began to tend to the second kit.

"Only one more kit," Ravenpaw muttered. "Stay with me now. You're gonna be okay."

Sunfall had stopped licking the second kit. It lay unmoving just like the one before it. Ravenpaw had never seen such tiny kits before. They were the size of his paw.

"Is it alive?" Junipershade asked weakly, trying to sit up and look.

Ravenpaw gently pushed her back down. "Just focus on your breathing. There's still another kit. You need your strength."

Junipershade conceded and flopped back down. Her hazy eyes were focused ahead, staring blankly at nothing as her breathing weakened. Ravenpaw pressed his nose into her fur.

"I'm going to find my father," Sunfall said finally, slinking past Ravenpaw to track down Hazelstripe.

Ravenpaw was spewing reassuring words to his mother as he tried to get her to concentrate on pushing. If he hadn't known his fur was black, he would've thought it was red from the thick blood that covered him now.

Junipershade arched her ears up and raised her head. She was looking at something at the mouth of the den. Ravenpaw glanced behind him, but nothing was there.

"Do you hear it?" She whispered. "Birdsong."

Ravenpaw's throat grew tight. "Mom, there's no birdsong."

Junipershade sighed and laid her head back down. "It's so beautiful. Butterflies everywhere… so beautiful."

Ravenpaw shook her. "Hey, look at me!" His voice cracked as he held back his tears.

His mother's eyes found him, and they seemed to clear. "My Raven," she breathed. A smile danced on her mouth. "So underappreciated. Misunderstood. You and Dusk… are my light." She let out a weak exhale, and her eyes shut.

Ravenpaw was frozen for a moment. "Mom? Mom!" He nudged her with his muzzle. "Don't close your eyes; get up!" His heart was racing and he found it hard to breathe.

He glanced around the nursery frantically. He stopped, spotting a third kitten near his mother's tail. "Ah!" He exclaimed. He nipped the sac and began licking its fur.

"Wake up, mom," he cried between licks. "You've got kits to feed! You can't leave!"

Grief crashed down on him like a wave. He buried his nose into his mother's fur, breathing in her warm scent. She always smelled sweet, like honey and lillies. Junipershade still did not move, even when his tears stained her pelt. Ravenpaw admitted defeat. He sniffed deeply, and turned his attention back to the kit.

Ravenpaw didn't hear Hazelstripe come in. He was too busy trying to get the little kit to cry, breathe, move, anything. He jumped when he felt Hazelstripe's tail on his shoulder.

"It's stillborn," Hazelstripe said softly. "You can stop."

Ravenpaw didn't process his mentor's words immediately. He heard them, but he was afraid if he took the time to respond, it would be time wasted when he could be licking the kit. He was licking gently, worried the kit was so weak he would hurt it.

"Let it go, Ravenpaw," Hazelstripe murmured. "It's alright."

Ravenpaw let out a low, mournful croon deep in his chest, but he did not stop his vigorous licking. _I'm not letting you go,_ Ravenpaw thought. _You're going to make it._ He repeated it in his head like a mantra, as if thinking it could make it come true.

And as if his silent prayers were heard, Ravenpaw felt a tiny shiver run through it. Its jaws opened with a soundless mew, and Ravenpaw let out a choked gasp.

"You're alive," he sobbed. "Oh, StarClan, you're alive." Ravenpaw collapsed. He was exhausted. His whole body felt numb as he held the tiny kit in his paws, mutely crying into the moss of his mother's nest.

Hazelstripe could tell Ravenpaw was crying from the shudder of his body with every silent sob that wracked him. "That kit needs to nurse," he said gently.

Collecting himself, Ravenpaw stood. "You're- you're right," he muttered. "Where's Sunfall?"

Hazelstripe bowed his head. "I'll get her."

Shock was setting in. Ravenpaw thought about getting some juniper berries for himself, but then he thought of his mother again, and he didn't. He staggered out of the nursery, feeble kit held by the scruff in his teeth.

Sharpheart, his father, ran up to him. "Ravenpaw!" He exclaimed. He looked down at his son's paws. "You're covered in blood. What happened?"

He had been on the patrol with Hazelstripe, and thus, was in the dark. He saw the kit in Ravenpaw's jaws, and his expression changed. "Ravenpaw, where's Junipershade?"

Ravenpaw stayed mute. His eyes were orange and bleak, staring dully at the ground where he had left bloody pawprints. The atmosphere was cold, but he couldn't feel anything. Sharpheart's eyes gradually widened when Ravenpaw didn't answer, and he ran past him into the medicine den. The warrior let out a dreadful wail once he was inside, which soon devolved into muffled sobs.

"Ravenpaw, how could you let this happen?" Sharpheart yowled woefully, staggering out of the medicine den.

Ravenpaw flinched at his father's words. "I- I tried."

Sharpheart's nose bridge was scrunched in a snarl. "You should have tried harder! Are you training to be a medicine cat for nothing if you can't even save your own family members?"

Hazelstripe approached, Sunfall at his side. She took the pathetic kit from Ravenpaw gently. It tried to cry, but no sound came. It wriggled pathetically in Sunfall's grip, but seeing the kit with energy was a good sign.

Ravenpaw stood numb, taking the brunt of his father's cruel words. "This is your fault!" Sharpheart cried. "If Hazelstripe had been here instead of you, Junipershade would still be alive! This is all your fault!"

"Alright, Sharpheart," Hazelstripe said. "That's enough. Come with me." He tried to escorted the distraught tom into the medicine den, likely to calm him down, but Sharpheart shoved the medicine cat off.

"He might as well have killed her himself!" Sharpheart hissed at Hazelstripe. He rounded on his son. "You should have never become a medicine cat! You would've been lousy as a warrior and you're lousy as a medicine cat too!"

"That is _enough_ , Sharpheart!" Hazelstripe snarled. "Go wait in my den. Now!"

Ravenpaw's vision blurred, and he blinked. Hazelstripe was talking to him, but he couldn't hear. He was too far away, trapped in his own head.

"Do you hear me, Ravenpaw?" Hazelstripe was forcing eye contact. "This is not your fault. You did everything you could. Believe me."

"I lost her, Hazelstripe…" Ravenpaw choked out. "If I was just better… If I was you…"

"You can't think like that," Hazelstripe meowed. "There was nothing you could have done, Ravenpaw. You can't save everyone."

"I wanted to do this so I _could_ save everyone," Ravenpaw said. "And I failed."

Hazelstripe stared at Ravenpaw for a moment. "Your job isn't to save everyone. It's to help those you can."

Ravenpaw shook his head. "If I can't save everyone… what good am I?"

"You saved her kit," Hazelstripe pointed out. "I think that's pretty good."

His mind felt fuzzy, and the air felt heavy. "I need to be alone." Ravenpaw stumbled away, Hazelstripe's pleas falling on deaf ears.

Everything was empty. He couldn't feel the pain in his paw pads as he stepped on the pricks of thorns on the ground, nor did he hear the branches creaking and shifting in the wind. It was as if something had possessed his body for him, guiding his paws as he numbly walked.

_Duskcloud doesn't know… Will she blame me too? Dad is right. This is all my fault. If I was just who everyone wants me to be, I wouldn't be a failure. If I wasn't me, I could have saved her._

Ravenpaw was walking unsteady, swaying this way and that as his body felt weak. Though he had initially cried, those tears had stolen all emotion from him. He was now an aimless husk of a cat, following the tug in his chest to where it wanted him to go.

He didn't hear Runningpaw at first. It wasn't until the WindClan tom was leaping down the willow tree, did Ravenpaw process his presence.

"Are you alright?" Runningpaw gasped. "You're covered in blood!" He was sniffing at Ravenpaw, checking him over for any wounds. Ravenpaw turned away weakly.

"Don't worry," he muttered. "It's not my blood." Though Runningpaw's presence never failed to make Ravenpaw's heart race at impossible speeds, his heart was still.

Runningpaw relaxed. He pressed his body against Ravenpaw's. "What happened?"

Ravenpaw collapsed to the ground, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding. His world felt dark, like the last light was snuffed out, leaving Ravenpaw in shadow, and alone.

"I'm a terrible medicine cat," he murmured. "I… I couldn't save her. My own mother."

"Oh…" Runningpaw's voice was soft. He pressed his head against Ravenpaw's shoulder. "Ravenpaw… that isn't your fault. I know you will blame yourself, but you need to believe me. No matter what happened, I know you tried your best."

Ravenpaw turned dull eyes to Runningpaw. His words felt genuine, and his eyes were gleaming with something bright and warm. "Everyone in my clan wants me to be just like Hazelstripe," he said quietly. "And if I was like Hazelstripe… maybe… maybe I could have saved her."

"I want you to be you," Runningpaw said firmly. "Because there's no one like you and I love that." He began licking the blood clean from Ravenpaw's paws. "Look, I don't know what to say or do. I'm not very good with this sort of thing. But you have the desire to save everyone, and I need you to know it's okay if you don't. It doesn't mean you're any less of a medicine cat, or a son. It doesn't make you a failure."

Ravenpaw's throat tightened. He tried to swallow his sobs, but they were too thick, and he let out a choked noise. His eyes were heavy clouds, and his tears poured out like hot rain down his face. Runningpaw's tongue came in soothing strokes on his legs, washing the drying blood from his fur. As raw, desperate cries wracked his body, Runningpaw stuck by his side, an ever comforting rock.

Ravenpaw sunk into the sodden earth, sniffing as his tears halted. His eyes were drained dry. Blinking the salty remains of his tears away, he yawned. He latched onto Runningpaw, holding the WindClan tom like his life depended on it. Runningpaw continued to groom him, licking his ears softly.

He hadn't meant to fall asleep. Ravenpaw looked around. The sky was still black, and the claw shaped moon hung high above him. There was a weight against him. Curled into his belly fur with his chin resting on Ravenpaw's legs, was Runningpaw. He was as quiet as a mouse as he slept, and his presence lifted some of the crushing weight off of Ravenpaw's shoulders.

He laid his head back down, content to sleep under the stars holding onto Runningpaw. He had expected him to leave, and the fact he stayed though the sun had set was a relief and a surprise.

Junipershade's light had gone out, leaving Ravenpaw's world dark. As he stared at Runningpaw, matching his breathing to his, a new light began to flicker, taking his mother's place.


	9. Honey Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runningpaw visists SkyClan.

**Chapter 9: Honey Hearts**

* * *

Runningpaw could smell the sweet of maple trees even from across the border. He was looking out over SkyClan territory, where it was covered in shadow, rays of sun peeking through the thick leaves. Though he despised being unable to see the sky above him, Runningpaw liked the oranges, reds, and yellows on the trees and ground.

The sound of crunching leaves came from his left, and Runningpaw spun. Two SkyClan cats slipped out from behind the ferns and looked at him.

"You," said a silver tabby she-cat. "Are you Runningpaw?"

He dipped his head. "I take it you are my escorts?"

The SkyClan she-cat nodded. "Sheeppaw, help him carry his herbs."

The white she-cat, Sheeppaw, swooped in as Runningpaw laid down the parcel of herbs he had been carrying. He was thankful, as they were starting to make his mouth tingle from holding them too long.

Sheeppaw shuddered from the bitterness, eyes squinting from the taste. "Um, thank you," Runningpaw muttered.

"'is nothin'," Sheeppaw said through the herbs.

"My name's Willowfur," the warrior said. "We have not met before."

"It's nice to meet you," Runningpaw said. Willowfur only dipped her head, and silently took the lead with her apprentice at her side.

Runningpaw hesitated, feeling anxiety creep into his chest as the sky was blocked out by trees. Trunks were gnarled and twisted, some scarred with claw marks of cats before, with dry and dead brown leaves being crushed under their paws. The different types of trees stretched out into the distance, the thick canopy blocking out the sun. The forest was dotted with brambles here and there, and rutted with ditches that Willowfur avoided for Runningpaw's sake.

He hurried forward, but his one paw got stuck in a gopher hole that fallen leaves had covered up. His face grew hot from the stares he received from the SkyClanners.

"Keep up," was all Willowfur said.

Runningpaw brushing himself off, cursing under his breath. A towering wall of brambled loomed ahead. Sheeppaw slipped through the tunnel first with a jump, and Runningpaw was about to follow when Willowfur stopped him.

"Watch out," she growled, disappearing as well.

Cautiously, Runningpaw followed. He scrambles backwards upon finding out the wall of brambles was a ruse, and the camp in fact resided in a gully, deep with a steep incline. Skidding his paws forward, Runningpaw clumsily made his way down into the ravine, jumping at the last few steps so he wouldn't fall.

"Honeypool is waiting for you in there," Willowfur said, pointing her tail in the direction of thickly clustered holly bushes. Sheeppaw handed him his herbs back, and he nodded his head in thanks.

The smell of SkyClan was a bit suffocating, having never been in or around their territory ever before. Their light scent was almost always masked by the other clans at the Gathering, though it was heavy in the air in their camp.

Suddenly, a scent that didn't belong filled his sense of smell. A familiar one. Cool, husky, with a touch of bitterness. Runningpaw stuck his head through the holly leaves, looking down into the low dip that was the medicine den.

"Ravenpaw!" He called. Delight rushed through him.

The ShadowClan tom turned his head slowly, ears up in surprise. His amber eyes went wide. "Runningpaw? What are you doing here?"

"Cloverwing planned a few days for me to train with Honeyheart," he explained. "Did I mess up?"

Honeypool shook her head. "Not at all. Must have slipped my mind. It's no matter, come join us."

Runningpaw sat next to Ravenpaw, his heart beating loudly. He hoped Ravenpaw couldn't hear it. He forced his tail tip to keep still, though he eagerly wanted to flick it from side to side. Never did he think he'd be spending the day with Ravenpaw.

"I'll be choosing my apprentice soon, so this is good practice for me!" Honeypool purred. Something felt off.

"How are you holding up?" Runningpaw asked quietly, nudging Ravenpaw a little. There was genuine concern in his deep blue eyes.

"Better now that you're here," Ravenpaw whispered. His eyes were lacking their spark, and his fur clearly hadn't been washed in a few days. Though he was obviously lying about his mental state, Runningpaw knew then was not the time nor place to push the issue.

"Can either of you tell me what we use burdock roots for?" Honeypool asked.

Ravenpaw spoke first. "Burdock root treats rat bites. You clean the roots and make it into a pulp." His voice was monotone and dead.

"What about where to find it?" She pressed.

"It likes shade and it's usually somewhere near waterways," Ravenpaw answered.

"Good," Honeypool said. "Go find some."

Ravenpaw faltered. He blinked in surprise. "Where?"

"I won't tell you," she said. "I want you to use your senses and find it yourselves. Both of you."

Runningpaw stood quickly, head spinning from the sudden assignment. Ravenpaw picked himself up slowly, like it pained him to do so. His posture was poor, with slouched shoulders and emotionless body language.

"Are you coming with us?" Runningpaw asked.

Honeypool nodded. "I wouldn't want you getting lost, but I won't help you."

Runningpaw took the lead nervously, with Ravenpaw just behind him. "Well, we're looking for burdock, so we should try some places with water, like ponds. Right, Ravenpaw?"

He looked to the ShadowClan tom for his agreement, but he only looked blankly at him. "Uh, sure," Ravenpaw muttered.

Runningpaw cast him a concerned glance, but Ravenpaw was staring off ahead. It was abundantly clear he didn't want to be there.

"Okay, well, it needs shade," Runningpaw said, hoping Honeypool didn't notice anything strange. He scanned the area just outside camp, and his eyes landed on a large treeline across the landscape. "There should be some over there," he said, flicking his tail in that direction.

Runningpaw looked at Honeypool, hoping for some hint, but she only shrugged. Stomach knotting with nerves, Runningpaw headed for the treeline. As they walked, Runningpaw let his tail brush against Ravenpaw's flank subtly, pretending it was merely a mistake.

For a moment, it was easy for Runningpaw to imagine Honeypool wasn't there. That it was just him and Ravenpaw, shielded from harsh weather under the canopy of branches and leaves, warmed by each other in the same nest. The daydream felt so natural, that he jumped when Ravenpaw called his name.

"Sorry, what?" Runningpaw mewed.

"I said I heard some water," Ravenpaw said. "I think there's a stream nearby."

Runningpaw angled his ears, trying to pick out the sound of running water. Sure enough, a little to the east of them, was the sound of trickling water against rocks. All the forest sounds made it difficult for him to discern things from one another.

"Good ears," Honeypool praised him. Ravenpaw turned his head away in response.

The scent of mice and squirrels was everywhere, and the grass and trees smelled different than that in WindClan. They were disturbing prey as they walked, the crunch of fallen leaves giving their location away. There were still a lot of leaves that the trees needed to shed, but Runningpaw could feel the cold lingering in the air.

"I can smell chervil," Runningpaw said, sniffing the air. "But I can't tell if there's burdock here."

"I'll try closer to the water," Ravenpaw meowed.

Runningpaw kept his nose close to the ground, searching for the distinct bitterness of burdock. SkyClan had an abundance of chervil, with the soft leaves of sorrel growing beside the trunks of trees. The sound of running water was gentle and soothing, unlike the harshness of the border river. It was calm sometimes, but the little stream was so small Runningpaw doubted even the tiniest of fish swam in it.

"Over here!" Ravenpaw announced. Runningpaw looked over his shoulder to see the ShadowClan tom digging up the burdock delicately. He shook the loose dirt off the roots and presented it to Honeypool.

"Good job," she purred.

"Please," Ravenpaw scoffed, his tone cold and biting. "Burdock is easy to find in a heavily forested place like this. I thought you were going to challenge us." It sounded like he was baiting her.

Ravenpaw was always one to speak his mind, but even so, it always surprised Runningpaw. _Is he allowed to talk to her like that? StarClan, Cloverwing would have my pelt if I dared to sass her like that._

Honeypool blinked, unfazed by his remark. "Everybody needs an easy warmup. Warrior apprentices don't start the day off with the hard stuff. But, if you want a challenge, you can try and find some stevia."

Ravenpaw fell silent. "What's that?"

"It sounds familiar," Runningpaw muttered. "I think Cloverwing told me about it, but I can't remember."

Honeypool looked almost proud of herself for stumping them. "It only grows on SkyClan territory. It blooms around leaf-fall, so this is the last chance to collect before leaf-bare comes."

"How do you expect us to find it if we don't know what it looks or smells like?" Ravenpaw huffed.

"You'll have to find it based on my description," Honeypool mewed. "Consider it a competition."

Runningpaw felt a wave of nausea pass through him. _I hate competing..._ "Can you- uh- can you tell us what it looks like, at least?"

"It's got broad, green leaves, and it smells very sweet," Honeypool clarified. "And careful harvesting it, because it has very brittle stems."

Ravenpaw rolled his eyes and picked a direction to walk in. Runningpaw did a little run to catch up with him. The ShadowClan tom was speed walking, leaving Honeypool in the dust, paws stomping.

"Do you know where you're going?" Runningpaw asked, keening his head to look at him. He had an annoyed look on his face.

"Does it even matter?" Ravenpaw grumbled. "She just wants to see us fail."

Runningpaw sighed. "You did ask for a challenge."

The ShadowClan tom groaned. "I guess I did."

"Hey," he said. "If anyone can find it, it's you. You're… amazing."

Ravenpaw's tail swished low, stirring up leaves. He flicked an ear, and grimaced, but he said nothing back. _Did I say something wrong? Is he mad at me?_

Ravenpaw let out a heavy exhale. "Well, if there's one thing I enjoy, it's proving people wrong." He flicked his tail tip. "C'mon, then."

The black tabby trotted ahead, his fluffy tail swaying back and forth as it made leaves of oranges and reds fly up in the faint breeze that murmured through the air. Dappled light and shadows danced across his midnight fur, shimmering with golden rays. The scuffing of squirrels up in the trees was strange to Runningpaw, but he was purely focused on Ravenpaw.

His blue eyes followed the rippling fur that covered his lean, muscular shoulders, moving elegantly with every step. The glint of his fiery amber eyes was reflecting the gold of the sun in them, illuminating their bright orange hue. There was something beautiful about the sad, melancholic way he always moved and spoke, never failing to mesmerize Runningpaw.

Ravenpaw turned around to look at Runningpaw, and the WindClan tom averted his eyes, feeling hot in the face. His heart pounded, and when he looked up, Ravenpaw was still looking at him with a slight smirk on his face.

"Wh- what?" Runningpaw stuttered. _He caught me staring at him!_

Ravenpaw turned and faced forward again, continuing on. "Nothing." There was a teasing note to his voice.

The undergrowth grew thicker, with clusters of elderberry bushes and tangled vines and ivy tripping him up. The air became slightly humid from how dense the forest grew, trapping the warmth inside. There was a ridge leading down into a hollow, and in one clean jump, Ravenpaw hopped down.

"You go that way," Ravenpaw mewed. "I'll check down here."

Nodding, Runningpaw slinked off into the undergrowth, careful not to stray too far from Ravenpaw, just in case. A sharp, cold wind cut through the trees, making Runningpaw shiver. It blew a flurry of leaves off their branches, and he watched as they danced in the air and drifted to the ground. Ferns rustled around him as he sniffed out the area.

Under the roots of a beech tree, there was a vole picking at the nuts on the ground. Guilt flashed through Runningpaw when the vole scampered away in fear when it noticed him. _If I was any good at hunting, I could've caught that…_

A sweet smell caught his attention, and Runningpaw tracked it down quickly, only to find a patch of bright-eye growing eagerly in a patch of sunlight. He could smell the nectar, and he crouched low as he watched a hummingbird flutter over and stick its thin beak into the flower.

"Runningpaw!"

He jumped at the sound of his name, and the hummingbird darted away.

It was Ravenpaw calling him. "I think I found it!"

He broke into a run, hopping over tree roots sticking out of the ground and dead vines looping around fallen leaves. He overstepped, and tumbled down into the hollow were Ravenpaw was sitting a few fox-lengths away. Runningpaw rolled into a patch of scrubby crabgrass, sprouting around a thicket of brambles.

Embarrassment filled him, and he was about to apologize, when Ravenpaw suddenly burst into laughter. Runningpaw positively melted at the angelic sound; a bit husky, but soft, and pure.

"What?" Runningpaw mewed, feeling a bit exposed.

Ravenpaw sighed softly. "Ah, it's just… you're cute."

Runningpaw felt his whole body catch on fire. He nervously twitched his whiskers. "I- I am _not_ cute," he protested feebly.

Ravenpaw let out a quiet snort. "See, even that was cute."

"No, it wasn't!" Runningpaw retorted. Eyeing Ravenpaw's relaxed stance, he swayed his haunches back and forth, and pounced on the tom. Ravenpaw let out a surprised grunt, and then smirked.

"Is that how you want to be?" Ravenpaw teased, knocking Runningpaw over.

The WindClan tom rolled onto his back. "And what if it is?"

"Then, I'd have to… do this!" Ravenpaw bowled into Runningpaw, and the two wrestled in the hollow, rolling around the dry grass and crushing tiny daisies under their weight. Their laughter echoed around the slade, batting at each other with sheathed, soft paws.

"I see you found the stevia."

Runningpaw let out an 'oof' as Ravenpaw shoved him off him. The ShadowClan tom sat up quickly, shaking the grass bits out of his fur and avoiding eye contact. There was a look on his face Runningpaw hadn't seen before. _Is he… ashamed?_

Honeypool leapt down into the hollow. "You're allowed to have fun, once in a while," she said kindly, and a little wry. Ravenpaw kept his head low. "But, you will be carrying the stevia for me."

Runningpaw watched as Ravenpaw silently turned and began harvesting the stevia. Very little flower buds had opened, and though he was careful, Runningpaw could see the tom's paws shaking slightly. Wordlessly, Ravenpaw gathered the leaves up and the two of them followed Honeypool back to the SkyClan camp.

"We use stevia for kits primarily," Honeypool explained as they walked. "It boosts the immune system in leaf-bare so they stay strong. Not to mention it tastes pretty sweet!" She let out a little giggle, but Ravenpaw made no indication he was even listening to her.

Runningpaw decided to try and pick up the conversation. "Um, would it be good for elders, too?"

Honeypool nodded. "Yes, although we prefer to use alternatives for the elders. Kits have a hard time taking bitter herbs, while the elders are more accustomed to it."

Honeypool disappeared through the thorny tunnel leading into the SkyClan camp, and this time, Runningpaw was extra careful as he made his way down the steep ridge down into the ravine of the camp. Ravenpaw was just a mouse-length behind.

"Honeypool, you're back!"

The three medicine cats looked up to see a light grey and white tabby tom approaching them, a thrush in his mouth. He was clearly aged, but still fit, as seen by the shape he was still in.

Honeypool's eyes softened. "Hi, dad."

Dad? Runningpaw looked over to Ravenpaw, who now had an extremely icy glare on.

"You must be Runningpaw and Ravenpaw," the tabby tom said politely. "I am Gorsewhisker, Honeypool's father."

"It- it's nice to meet you," Runningpaw stammered. Ravenpaw's energy had changed so abruptly upon seeing Gorsewhisker that it was throwing Runningpaw off.

Gorsewhisker seemed to be oblivious, as he turned to Ravenpaw next. "You know," he said. "I was actually born in ShadowClan, you know. I knew your parents quite well. Madly in love, even as apprentices."

Ravenpaw was bristling now, and a low growl was building up in his throat. Honeypool noticed the tension, and stepped in between them.

"Ravenpaw, why don't you take the stevia and burdock to the medicine den?" She suggested, though it was more of an order than anything. "Now."

Lashing his tail, Ravenpaw stalked off and disappeared through the holly guarding the entrance to the medicine den. Runningpaw watched the interaction, completely baffled.

"Um, what just happened?" Runningpaw mewed, looking back and forth.

"Runningpaw, go grab something from the fresh-kill pile for Ravenpaw and help him sort those herbs," Honeypool said, completely ignoring his question.

He lingered for a moment, half listening to Gorsewhisker praise Honeypool's intelligence and capability before he inevitably caved, and trotted over to the fresh-kill pile. There was a plump, juicy mouse on the top, and Runningpaw snatched it up by the tail and carried it into the medicine den.

Ravenpaw was slouched over the herbs, sorting them into incredibly neat piles. His ears twitched when Runningpaw came in, but he said nothing.

"I brought some food," Runningpaw mewed, dropping the mouse.

Ravenpaw didn't look up. "I'm not hungry."

Quietly, Runningpaw began to eat the mouse, watching Ravenpaw work. Honeypool's stores were organized much differently than Cloverwing's, which was more of an organized mess than anything. It was also different from Ravenpaw's stores, who had everything in such immaculate order that one thing out of place made him furious.

"You don't know who Gorsewhisker is, do you?" Ravenpaw asked. Runningpaw shook his head, and Ravenpaw sighed.

"Gorsewhisker is of ShadowClan blood," he began to explain. "A SkyClan cat by the name of Honeyheart fell in love with him."

 _Wait… I know that name._ Runningpaw felt a chill run down his back. _Oh._

"Honeyheart wanted Gorsewhisker all to herself, but because they were in two different clans, she couldn't account for any other she-cats courting him," Ravenpaw meowed. "So her solution was to murder any she-cat who showed even the slightest interest in Gorsewhisker. Sound familiar now?"

Runningpaw gulped. "You're talking about the she-cat slasher," he said shakily. "You mean that Honeyheart is Honeypool's mother?"

Ravenpaw nodded. "Honeyheart killed eight she-cats to ensure Gorsewhisker's love. Including my mother's sister."

"Hollypaw."

Ravenpaw and Runningpaw looked up to see Honeypool standing in the mouth of the den. She walked slowly in, Ravenpaw's dark amber eyes following her steps as she sat down in front of them.

"You know her name?" Ravenpaw asked hesitantly.

Honeypool nodded. "I know the names of all my mother's victims."

"How can you possibly be okay with knowing that!" Ravenpaw blurted, his eyes sharp and narrowed.

"I never knew my mother," Honeypool said coolly. "She died just after I was born. I love my father, but I don't like Gorsewhisker. Cats died because of them both, which, you know… Not the image I want for myself as a messenger of StarClan and an advisor to my leader. I don't need the relationships anyways. I'm a medicine cat."

"Your mom killed eight cats for one," Ravenpaw growled.

"Not worth eight cats," Honeypool said evenly.

"Well, none of it would have ever even happened if Gorsewhisker had been allowed to switch clans in the first place," Ravenpaw pointed out harshly. "She only killed ShadowClan cats because Gorsewhisker was in ShadowClan, and she wasn't."

"Maybe so," Honeypool hummed thoughtfully. "What a funny idea to entertain. Maybe in another world, clans never went to war over half-clan kits. Maybe families were never torn apart by loyalties. The best way to prevent this stuff from happening is to follow the rules. Maybe they'll be changed someday, but not anytime soon.."

"But it still happens," Runningpaw said meekly. "Doesn't that mean something? If it keeps happening… regardless of the rules?"

Honeypool let out a deep sigh. "You two are very bright young toms. If you do as you're told, no one gets hurt. My mentor, Toadcroak tried giving aid to kittypets, and was torn apart by a dog. My sister, Quailpaw, joined ShadowClan as an apprentice, and died. StarClan works in interesting ways."

Ravenpaw blew his lips. "That's still hardly convincing."

Honeypool raised her chin. "As long as these rules exist, it will hurt less if we follow them."

 _Ravenpaw thinks these rules shouldn't exist anyways,_ Runningpaw thought. Honeypool's words about obeying the rules made his heart twist for some reason. _We haven't broken any rules… So why do I feel like this?_

Ravenpaw turned away. "You didn't choose to be Honeyheart's daughter, but Gorsewhisker chose to be her mate. Even knowing what she did. The rules are flawed."

Honeypool looked to be understanding. "I'm not saying the laws are perfect. Times change. Under another leader, my littermates and I might have been left for fox-food. But we live under the rules now, and maybe once cats stop breaking them, they'll change."

"Rules need to be broken if you want them to change!" Ravenpaw blurted. His eyes were lit with a fiery passion.

As quickly as he had said it, the passion in his eyes burned out when Honeypool gave him a blank look. Ravenpaw turned away, successfully subdued, and separated the burdock and the stevia into their respectful places.

The air was full of awkward tension that made Runningpaw feel uncomfortable. It made him feel like he was choking. "So- um- Honeypool?" He asked, trying to change the topic. "We're staying for a few days, right? Where- where should we sleep?"

He noticed an old, dry mossy nest hidden in the shadows of the den. There was an indent in the center, indicating it had been untouched since whoever slept there last. It wasn't Honeypool's nest; hers was close to the entrance.

"Oh, did you make a bed for us?" Runningpaw asked, eyeing the nest. It was a nice gesture, even if the moss was stale looking.

"No!" Honeypool gasped. Runningpaw flinched considerably, and she softened. "I- I'm sorry. That's… that's Toadcroak's old nest. I haven't the heart to get rid of it. You can pick wherever you want to sleep in here. Just not there."

"Oh." Runningpaw glanced over towards Ravenpaw. He was sitting hunched over the burdock, unenthusiastically picking dirt off the roots. "Do you want to come collect moss with me?"

Ravenpaw either didn't hear, or ignored him. Honeypool cleared her throat. "You shouldn't make Runningpaw collect the moss for your own nest, now, Ravenpaw," she said.

Ravenpaw stood abruptly and walked out of the den. Runningpaw blinked in surprise, and Ravenpaw poked his head in. "Are you coming or not?" The ShadowClan tom asked.

Runningpaw scrambled after him and caught sight of the tom climbing up the slope out of camp. His fluffy tail disappeared through the thorny wall, and he had a sinking feeling he had been left behind. However, when Runningpaw finally made it to the top of the hollow, Ravenpaw was waiting for him.

"Are you alright?" Runningpaw asked.

Ravenpaw huffed. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, for one, you showed up at the willow soaked in your own mother's blood last quarter-moon and I haven't seen you since," Runningpaw pointed out sharply. "You were gone when I woke."

"Sorry I had business to do," Ravenpaw growled.

"And that! You're so much snappier than usual," Runningpaw meowed. "You can tell me if something is wrong you know."

"You realize this whole thing was a ploy set up by our mentors, right?" Ravenpaw snapped. "They think I have some sort of soft spot for you."

Runningpaw flushed. "Well… don't you?"

Ravenpaw scraped at the base of a pine, picking moss from the roots. "Maybe," he grumbled.

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I'm here for you, Ravenpaw," Runningpaw meowed, tilting his head to look Ravenpaw in his eyes. They were damp.

"Hazelstripe just wanted me out of camp," Ravenpaw growled. "Like I'm some burden. I just… haven't been able to do much of anything since…" He trailed off, staring at the ground. "All I want to do is be alone. Can't he respect that?"

"That's the last thing you need," Runningpaw said. "Trust me, I know."

"How?" Ravenpaw whirled on Runningpaw. "How can I live knowing she's gone because of me? Because I failed? How could you possibly know what that's like?"

"Because I lost my father," Runningpaw said gently. "I watched him rot away and there was nothing I could do to make it different."

"But your mother doesn't blame you for it, does she?" Ravenpaw asked. It was a loaded question he already knew the answer to.

Runningpaw shook his head. "No, she doesn't."

"My father hates me now," Ravenpaw growled. "He looks at me with such disgust when there used to be love. And I'm angrier than ever."

"At your dad?"

"No. I should be, shouldn't I?" Ravenpaw peeled a long strip of moss off the tree trunk and flung it into the growing pile. "But he's got every right to hate me."

"Then who are you angry at?" Runningpaw pressed. He was picking off moss from the upper part of the tree while Ravenpaw focused on the roots.

"Ugh, I don't know," Ravenpaw growled.

"Is it Hazelstripe?"

"No, no."

"Me?"

"No!"

"StarClan?"

Ravenpaw shook his head wildly. "Maybe? No? I don't know! I'm just angry!"

"Then who?" Runningpaw asked, trying to get the tom to look at him. "Who are you so angry at?" Seeing Ravenpaw so distraught tugged at his heartstrings and made his chest ache.

"I'm angry at _myself_!" Ravenpaw hissed. His voice cracked, sounding furious but as if he was about to cry at the same time. He was glaring at Runningpaw. He had backed up and crouched low to the ground when Ravenpaw hissed at him, thin fur bushed up.

Ravenpaw relaxed. His eyes welled up, and he turned away.

"Ravenpaw…-" Runningpaw tried, but the ShadowClan tom cut him off.

"Don't. Just… don't," he sighed pathetically.

There was a long silence that seemed to stretch on forever. Even the forest seemed like it had gone quiet. Everything had completely froze.

"I think we've gathered enough moss," Ravenpaw muttered. "C'mon."

As Ravenpaw marched away with his moss, Runningpaw dejectedly grabbed the other pile of moss and followed. The ShadowClan tom roughly thrust his way through the thorn entrance to the camp and marched directly to the medicine den.

He ignored Honeypool greeting him, and found the darkest corner of the den to messily craft his nest. Honeypool sent Runningpaw a look, silently asking 'what's his deal?' but he only looked away in defeat.

Pink light glowed weakly in the medicine den, making shadows dance on the walls. A chill was setting in the camp as the sun went down, and Runningpaw curled into himself in an attempt to stay warm.

A queen poked her head into the medicine den. "Honeypool?" She asked, taking a wary step inside. The golden she-cat spun around to face the queen. She was tiny, with a stubby tail to match her innocent appearance.

"What is it?" Honeypool said.

"Um, Mintkit has the sniffles," she said meekly. "I know it's probably just a chill from playing, but with leaf-bare on the way…" she trailed off, tail lashing anxiously behind her.

Honeypool dipped her head. "You can never be too careful." She paused for a moment, then turned to Runningpaw. "Why don't you help Ducktail?"

Runningpaw obeyed, looking over her stores for the herb he needed. _All I do back home is tend to the kits and elders, too,_ he lamented in his head. _Cloverwing has barely let me do anything of importance since I treated those rogues._

"What are you looking for?" Honeypool asked. He had been scanning her herbs over and not found what he was looking for.

"Coltsfoot," Runningpaw mewed.

"Ah," Honeypool said, realizing something. "We don't have coltsfoot in SkyClan." She walked up beside him and pointed to a bundle of peppermint. "We like to use peppermint because the smell opens up the airways."

Nodding, Runningpaw grabbed some of the fresher looking leaves, and some lemongrass as well. Though Ravenpaw had his back turned away from him and Honeypool, Runningpaw could see his ears perked up, absorbing the information.

"What's the lemongrass for?" Honeypool asked, testing him.

"It's good for a common cold," Runningpaw replied. "And just in case the kit gets a cough, too."

Honeypool gave him an approving look, and he followed Ducktail to the nursery. It was bigger than the WindClan one, with honeysuckle dangling over the top and the leaves covering the entrance.

"Mintkit, baby, come here," Ducktail said into the shadows.

A well-sized tom kit scampered up, the edges of his nose crusted a bit. He looked about five moons old, if not more. Runningpaw was willing to bet Ducktail was glad he was her only kit, because if there were others, the nursery would be too crowded.

"This nice cat is going to make your cold go away, okay?" Ducktail mewed.

Mintkit blinked up at Runningpaw, and then to his mother. "I told you I'm fine, ma. I just got cold playing with Olivepaw and Dawnpaw."

"It's better to be safe than sorry," Runningpaw said. "Don't you want to become an apprentice? If you're sick, it'll be postponed."

Mintkit's amber eyes went wide. "Well… I guess I can take a little medicine. But only a little!"

"That's all you'll need," Runningpaw said. He had the tom kit eat some of the lemongrass leaves, to which he was audibly disgusted with.

"You know, you smell weird," Mintkit meowed. "You're not SkyClan, so what clan are you?"

"I'm the WindClan medicine apprentice," Runningpaw answered. "An ordinary apprentice wouldn't be allowed in your camp like this."

"That's 'cause medicine cats follow different rules than warriors do!" He exclaimed.

Ducktail purred. "Yes, that's right."

"I would be a medicine cat but then I can't fight," Mintkit said. "I wish I could do both."

"You can still help your clanmates as a warrior," Runningpaw said. "I'm sure Honeypool would appreciate the help." He pushed the peppermint leaves forward. "Breathe in the scent deeply to clear your nose up."

Mintkit sniffed the leaves and gave a little purr. Runningpaw turned to Ducktail. "Make sure those stay by him while he sleeps. He should feel better by the morning."

Ducktail sighed happily. "Thank you."

"He's young and strong," Runningpaw said. "He looks like he'll be made an apprentice soon."

Ducktail nodded. "Oh, any day now." She cast a glance over to the leader's den, a space in the wall of the hollow across the clearing where vines hung. "Alderstar just doesn't want to admit he's growing up."

Runningpaw cocked his head, not understanding.

Ducktail let out a chuckle. "Alderstar is my mate. Mintkit's father."

"Oh." Runningpaw didn't bother to hide his surprise. Mintkit looked like a carbon copy of his mother, aside from his long tail.

"Isn't that cool!" Mintkit exclaimed. "My dad is the coolest because he's leader."

"Now, now, Mintkit," Ducktail scolded gently.

"It's true!" Mintkit huffed.

The image of a clearly nervous Alderstar at his first Gathering popped into Runningpaw's mind. The SkyClan tom had been leader for as long as Runningpaw had been the medicine apprentice, and although he was definitely much more confident, he still had trouble seeing past his first impression.

"Will you be in SkyClan long?" Ducktail asked. She seemed extremely friendly, more talkative and open than the other SkyClan cats appeared to be.

"A few days," Runningpaw replied. "My mentor wants me to spend a few days in every clan so I have a vast knowledge of medicine."

"Oh, very nice!" Ducktail exclaimed. "Well, I wish you the best of luck!" She smiled widely, dipped her head, and ushered a yawning Mintkit into the nursery.

"I'm-" Mintkit paused to yawn again. "I'm not tired, ma."

"What if I told you a story?" Ducktail asked.

"Well… maybe I might be a little tired," Mintkit mumbled.

Runningpaw chuckled to himself a little as he picked up the leftover lemongrass leaves and headed back into the medicine den. Honeypool was licking her chops, sitting over the bones and feathers of a thrush.

"Is Mintkit always like that?" Runningpaw asked.

"Like what?" Honeypool mewed.

"Stubborn," he said.

Honeypool let out a ' _mrrow_ ' of laughter. "He's quite stubborn, yes. But he's passionate, too."

"He mentioned an interest in medicine," Runningpaw said. "Have you talked to him about becoming your apprentice?"

"In passing," Honeypool admitted. "Though, between you and me, Alderstar has already picked Mintkit's mentor."

"If he wants to be a medicine cat, why would Alderstar do that?" Runningpaw was confused. He'd spent his last moon in the nursery learning basic herbs with Cloverwing. He was practically guaranteed to be her apprentice.

"Every chance he gets, Mintkit begs Olivepaw and Dawnpaw to teach him moves early," Honeypool chuckled. "He's got a good heart, but it's not the heart of a medicine cat."

Runningpaw let out a fond purr. He was reminded of Turtleheart when they were kits in the nursery together. She loved playing every hunting and fighting game she could, with anyone who'd entertain her, and she would always bug the older apprentices to show her things.

"You've had a long day," Honeypool mewed. "You should get some rest."

Truthfully, Runningpaw wasn't all that tired, but the walk from WindClan to SkyClan had been a long one, and his legs begged him to lay down. His nest was opposite of Ravenpaw, who appeared to be asleep with his back turned in the corner of the den.

He was hit was exhaustion as he laid down in his nest, even though it felt different from the heather nests he was used to back in WindClan. It was strange to have something over his head as he slept, with no stars shining openly down on him. Only on the nights with the worst weather did WindClan cats settle into old badger sets for safety, but it never got any less foreign.

Runningpaw woke sometime later from a dream that felt fuzzy in the back of his mind. He tried to remember it, but his dry mouth told him he was thirsty, and the dream faded away.

He stumbled to the edge of the den and lapped at the water dripping down into a puddle. It was cold and icy with the night, and a shimmer of moonlight reflected in the water. Runningpaw licked his lips and glanced outside. The moon was still roundish from the full moon, but it wouldn't be long until the half-moon.

The hair on his neck raised with the sensation he was being watched. He instinctively turned around just in time to see Ravenpaw quickly looking away. Runningpaw blinked in surprise.

"Ravenpaw?" He whispered, unsure if his eyes were playing tricks on him in the dark. "Are you awake?"

There was a beat of silence. "...No."

Runningpaw curled into his nest. "Look… I know you're upset with me. That's okay, you know."

Ravenpaw shifted. "I'm not."

"You're not?" Runningpaw was surprised.

Ravenpaw was quiet for a moment. "I… I want to apologize. For earlier. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

Runningpaw shook his head. "It's okay."

Ravenpaw finally turned around to look at him. His amber eyes looked exhausted and red-rimmed. "No, it's not. I shouldn't have said what I did about your father. I know you miss him. I'm sorry." He sounded so tired.

"Well, I forgive you," Runningpaw said. "I may not feel exactly what you're feeling, but I'll try to be there when you need me."

"When did you stop hurting?" Ravenpaw asked quietly. "She… she's always on my mind. I see her when I close my eyes. How did you get it to stop?"

"I… I don't really know," Runningpaw admitted. "It scabbed over, I guess. I think of him less as time passes. But sometimes, I do think of him, and it hurts all over again."

Ravenpaw's voice was barely audible. "Did… did you ever get… nightmares?"

 _Nightmares?_ Runningpaw thought. _Is that why he wasn't sleeping? Has he been awake this whole time?_ "Ravenpaw, how long has it been since you've slept?" Runningpaw asked, chest tight with worry.

He looked at the ground. "A few days. Sometimes I fall asleep for a moment… and then I see her. And I wake up."

"I never got nightmares when my dad died," Runningpaw meowed. "I don't know how to help."

Ravenpaw's eyes looked up at him and then back down at the ground. "Could you… come closer?"

Runningpaw felt his heart catch in his throat. Mutely nodding, he scooted closer to the ShadowClan tom. He laid down, back just a few whiskers away from being pressed into Ravenpaw's belly.

Hesitantly and holding his breath, Ravenpaw closed the distance between their bodies. He stretched a foreleg over Runningpaw, pulling him gently closer. He nestled his muzzle into the crook of Runningpaw's neck, long whiskers tickling the WindClan tom's ear fur.

"Um-" he stammered. "Is this-? Are you-? I mean…" Ravenpaw struggled to find the right words.

"I'm comfortable," Runningpaw whispered. "If that's what you're asking."

"Okay," Ravenpaw muttered. "Good."

Ravenpaw was insanely warm, a blanket of soft, thick fur relaxing Runningpaw and shielding him from the cold of a fading leaf-fall. Sleep tugged at him again, but his heart was pounding. Ravenpaw's scent was heavy in his nose, lightly musky and alluring.

With a deep sigh, Ravenpaw seemed to melt into him. His breathing deepened, and Runningpaw was surprised how quickly he had gone to sleep. He must have been exhausted!

Runningpaw wondered what Honeypool would say if she woke up before them and saw them. _I'm just helping him go to sleep,_ Runningpaw told himself. _Nothing more… right?_

He thought about how Ravenpaw held him. His heart leaped and his stomach was doing flips. _If this was something more… I wouldn't mind._ He entertained the thought of it, picturing running through fields of tall grass with Ravenpaw. He thought of warm green-leaf days, sitting under shady trees to cool off. He thought of piling up the fallen orange, red, and yellow leaves only to collapse into the heap together and stir the leaves up all over again. He thought of catching snowflakes on their tongues together and counting the stars. And as he drifted off, he thought of watching leaf-bare give way to new life, with birdsong and flowers blooming.

When sunlight shone on his eyes in the morning, Runningpaw felt the absence of Ravenpaw. He blinked the sleep from his eyes, and saw the black tabby grooming his face in the ray of sunlight that leaked in the den. It made his fur glow.

Honeypool had yet to wake, lying still in her nest. Ravenpaw noticed Runningpaw was awake, and he managed a smile. He looked well rested.

Runningpaw found himself wishing to wake up next to Ravenpaw every day, for the rest of his life. And he almost thought Ravenpaw was thinking the same thing.


	10. Worthy Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravenpaw keeps busy.

**Chapter 10: Worthy Heart**

* * *

_"Play nicely, Duskkit!"_

_"Moooom!" Duskkit whined, stopping short in her tracks. "It's just a butterfly. Ravenkit was chasing it too!"_

_Junipershade narrowed her eyes. "I wasn't talking to Ravenkit, I was talking to you."_

_Ravenkit stuck out his tongue at his sister, chin raised triumphantly. The monarch fluttered over his head, and rested on the tip of his nose. He stood perfectly still, eyes crossed to stare at the butterfly._

_"Ooh, don't move, sweetie," Junipershade mewed. "I think it likes you."_

_"No fair, no fair!" Duskkit gasped. "I want it to like me."_

_"Maybe you shouldn't have tried to pull its wings off, then," Ravenkit teased._

_Its majestic orange and black wings slowly opened and closed, and Ravenkit could feel its little feet perched on his grey nose. He was holding his breath, as if the slightest movement would disturb it._

_"They say butterflies hold souls," Junipershade said._

_"Really?" Ravenkit meowed. As he spoke, the monarch departed, flitting away. He turned to look at his mother, only to find she was no longer laying_

_"Mom?" Alarm flashed through him. "Mom, where'd you go?"_

_He looked around. "Duskkit, where-" He turned to his sister, only to find she too was missing. In fact, the entirety of ShadowClan camp was completely void of any cats._

_"Hello?" The camp was so dead silent that it made his ears ring. When he shouted, the ground opened up beneath his paws, dropping him into a dark abyss._

_He landed in something wet and sticky, and the smell of blood choked him. It was disgustingly warm and it pulled him down like a current. In the distance, he saw the body of his mother struggling to swim through the sloshing waves of blood._

_"Mom!" He cried, trying to run towards her, but the current was stronger, and made every step he took agonizingly slow. "I'm coming, just hang on!"_

_Junipershade's head breached the surface, blood sticking to her. She reached a paw out desperately, stretching out to try to get to her son. A bloody wave crested and crashed over Junipershade, submerging her in the blood._

_"Mo-" He tried to call out to her, but a wave caught him by surprise and the blood stuck in his throat. He coughed and spluttered, struggling to paddle back to the surface, but another wave came. He sunk into the depths of the thick, hot blood._

Ravenpaw woke up in a cold sweat. It was still dark out. The memory of his nightmare came flooding back to him, and everything felt heavier.

With a hunched posture, Ravenpaw stood from his nest. He could see a tinge of yellow on the horizon, and he figured he might as well stay awake than try to go back to sleep.

Brushing past the cold ivy hanging over the medicine den, Ravenpaw stepped out into the chilly early morning. Outside, sitting just by the entrance of camp, was Tigersnag. She had gotten her warrior name the night before and was sitting vigil. She was sat perfectly still, looking out on the horizon.

He remembered the time she had snuck into the medicine den back when she was a kit and knocked over a ton of the supplies. Now, she often was making sure the kits steered clear of messing with the medicine den. It felt strange, seeing someone who was younger than him get her name before him.

"You're relieved," Ravenpaw said.

Tigersnag looked startled. "Oh. I didn't even realize the sun was coming up."

"Come get some ragwort," Ravenpaw mewed. "It'll keep your energy up for the remainder of the day."

"Oh, right," she chuckled. "Thank you."

Tigersnag followed Ravenpaw into the den, nosing past the cold tendrils dangling over the entrance. He passed the tabby the shrubby leaves, and the new warrior lapped them up.

Tigersnag made a face. "Ugh, it's terrible!"

"That's how you know it's good for you," Ravenpaw said.

Tigersnag shook herself, and took to grooming to get the foul taste out of her mouth. "Thank you," she mewed with a smile. She slipped out of the den quietly and Ravenpaw let out a particularly heavy sigh.

Just when he thought he was alone for a moment, Ravenpaw heard Hazelstripe shifting in his nest behind him. He quickly licked a paw and swiped it over his cheeks and face. He felt Hazelstripe's eyes on him.

"Did you sleep?" Hazelstripe asked.

Ravenpaw didn't look at him. "A little."

"Ravenpaw-" Hazelstripe began, but his apprentice cut him off swiftly.

"We need to collect catmint now that leaf-bare is almost here," Ravenpaw said quickly. "I better get on the dawn patrol."

"Songkit was asking for you last night."

Ravenpaw froze. His little sister was half a moon old now and all she ever did was trail after Ravenpaw whenever she could. "I'm busy," Ravenpaw said coldly.

"She needs her big brother," Hazelstripe said gently.

"She needs her mother," Ravenpaw growled. Before Hazelstripe had the chance to answer, Ravenpaw stalked out of the den. He heard his mentor say something, but he was already heading towards Sootflower.

"Ravenpaw," she greeted him gruffly. "Need something?"

"I'm stocking up on catmint for leaf-bare," Ravenpaw mewed. "Lemme on the patrol."

The deputy nodded. "We can make a detour near the SkyClan border." She turned to Spiderwhisker and Patchpaw. "You two up for a patrol?"

Patchpaw grinned and nodded. Spiderwhisker gave a little sigh. "Sure thing," the warrior sighed. Patchpaw was always the early bird type.

"If you're looking for catmint does that mean we have greencough?" asked Patchpaw, her tail bushed up a little.

"He's just being safe," Spiderwhisker told her apprentice. "Catmint dies in the cold."

"Quickfoot!" Sootflower shouted. "Come join this patrol."

The silver mottled tom stopped dotting on Mistsnow and trotted over to the deputy. "Can't a tom spend some time with his mate?" Quickfoot grumbled.

"Not if you knock her up," Spiderwhisker teased. "Kits in leaf-bare sucks." She glanced awkwardly at Ravenpaw. "Uh, no offense."

"None taken," Ravenpaw muttered. "Medicinally, it is difficult. Better to wait till new-leaf."

Even though leaf-bare was taking over leaf-fall, the undergrowth remained thick underfoot. Ravenpaw's breath came in puffy clouds from the cold as they padded over the frosty ground.

The dawn sky was clear with crisp breezes as Ravenpaw trailed behind the patrol. Spiderwhisker was sniffing the air carefully as Quickfoot renewed the scent markers on the ThunderClan border.

"All clear," the tom mewed.

"Let's head towards SkyClan," Sootflower said. "Ravenpaw can look in that abandoned twoleg nest on the border for some catmint, and we'll check WindClan on the way back."

A small gully dipped along the border near SkyClan, where a rundown twoleg nest resided. The fence's white color had faded, and the structure of the nest had been falling apart since long before Ravenpaw had even been born.

The patrol laxly crossed the abandoned Thunderpath, so old and worn that weeds had begun to sprout in the cracks of the hard, black earth. The sharp little stones grazed Ravenpaw's pads, but it was gravelly from monsters having not traveled it in many seasons.

Ravenpaw sprang up onto the edge of the fence and down into the wild, frost-stiffened grass down below. "Look around," he mewed to Patchpaw as she jumped down after him.

"It's all black," Patchpaw said, turning her nose up. A clump of catmint was shriveled and covered in frost along the base of the splintering fence.

"I still smell some fresh catmint," Ravenpaw said, rooting around the dead vegetation near the wall of the nest. His stomach dropped. What if it had all been killed already?

Hidden by dry, brown leaves, was a large patch of catmint. Ravenpaw breathed a heavy sigh of relief. The leaves had protected it from the cold. He scraped away the leaves and earth and nipped at the fuzzy stalks. He held the leaves in his teeth, careful to not let his tongue absorb the delicious flavor.

"Whoa!" Patchpaw exclaimed. "I've never seen so much catmint before!"

"The leaves protected it," Ravenpaw said through the catmint. "Cover it up again."

Patchpaw brushed the dead leaves over the catmint with her tail, covering it up completely. "Will it be safe?"

Ravenpaw shrugged. There was no way to be sure. She seemed to understand, for she turned away and leapt up and over the fence back down to the patrol.

"Can you make it back to camp on your own?" Sootflower asked.

Ravenpaw gave a curt nod and set off back towards camp. He detested how other cats assumed he was incapable just because he was a medicine cat.

He was quick to camp, hurrying so the flavor wouldn't seep on his tongue, but also because the last thing he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts.

The thorn tunnel bristled as he brushed through, and he saw Hazelstripe sitting just outside the medicine den in the sun. He looked old in the light, and the aged look of his mentor threw Ravenpaw off. His grandkits, Stormkit and Fennelkit, were running circles around him, happily mewing. Sunfall was sitting in the mouth of the nursery, watching them annoy her father with an amused look.

"Ravenpaw!" Stormkit exclaimed. "What smells so good?"

"That's catmint," Hazelstripe mewed. "It's very precious to medicine cats."

"That's a lot!" Fennelkit said, reaching his head forward to sniff the catmint.

"It is," Hazelstripe agreed. "How'd you find so much in this weather?"

"It was covered by some leaves," Ravenpaw answered dully. "The frost didn't reach it."

He slipped in the medicine den and set the catmint down into its empty space. He heard Stormkit and Fennelkit begin to tussle, and saw Stormkit pin down his brother with a triumphant mew.

"Did you see that?" Stormkit asked eagerly, looking up at his grandfather.

Hazelstripe purred lowly and nodded. "I did, Stormkit. That was a good pounce."

"I'm gonna be the best warrior in all of ShadowClan!" Stormkit boasted.

Fennelkit brushed the dirt off himself with a shake. "Oh yeah?" He gave his brother a playful shove. "Well, I'm gonna be the best warrior in all of the clans!"

"You can both be great warriors in your own ways," Hazelstripe said. "Strength isn't all there is."

Ravenpaw exited the den and Stormkit and Fennelkit bombarded him by running into his legs. He stumbled back, feeling awkward. He never knew how to behave around kits. He couldn't talk to them in his usual bitter manner like he did with everyone else. Just because he didn't like kits, didn't mean he was going to be needlessly rude to them.

"You should eat something, Ravenpaw," Hazelstripe mewed. Stormkit was pulling at his ear with his teeth. Hazelstripe seemed completely unfazed. "The hunting patrol just got back. I saw Snailspots put a starling in the pile," he said. "Isn't that your favorite?"

"I'm not hungry," Ravenpaw answered quickly. His stomach twisted in protest, but made no noise to alert Hazelstripe.

His mentor tilted his head. Stormkit tumbled off. "When's the last time you ate?"

"Last night," Ravenpaw lied.

"I didn't see you take anything from the pile," Hazelstripe pointed out.

Ravenpaw dodged the comment. "We have work to do, you know. What should I do?"

Hazelstripe sighed. "You can take a break, you know. The half-moon is tonight. You'll need your energy."

"I'm going to see if the elders need anything," Ravenpaw said, ignoring Hazelstripe.

He sensed Hazelstripe's eyes follow him all the way as he headed to the elders den. He ducked under the leafless branches, bark fraying from the cold and kits scratching at it.

"I was just about to get Hazelstripe," Whitemuzzle said. "But you're here now."

"What is it?" Ravenpaw asked, grateful to actually have something to do.

"Stonewater's got a cough," Whitemuzzle said. His voice was gruff as always, but there was an undertone of worry.

"Let me feel," Ravenpaw said. "And don't talk so I can feel properly."

Without being given the chance to protest, Stonewater lifted his chin to let Ravenpaw prod gently at his throat. There was a touch of swelling around his tonsils.

"It's a bit swollen," Ravenpaw reported. "Be right back."

He picked up some coltsfoot from its pile next to the tansy, which was stale and needed replacing. A sour smell caught his attention, and he turned his head in the direction. He saw a few rotted juniper berries and stared at them for definitely way too long. He had yet to throw them out.

 _Junipershade…_ His heart tugged and his throat grew raw. _Mom._ He turned away from the berries and forced himself to leave the den.

"Um, there's some berries that need to be tossed out," Ravenpaw said quickly to Hazelstripe. "Just thought I'd tell you."

"Oh, oh, I'll do it!" Stormkit exclaimed, scrambling over Fennelkit to get into the medicine den.

"Stormkit, no, you're not allowed in there!" Hazelstripe called after him, to no avail.

Ravenpaw could hear Whitemuzzle and Stonewater bickering as he got closer. Listening to the two of them argue like kits made him wonder what he'd be like when he got old.

"-not sick!" Stonewater protested as Ravenpaw walked in.

"You two are going to drive me insane," Willowdusk growled. "I'll come back when you stop arguing like kits over a moss-ball."

Lashing her tail in annoyance, Willowdusk stormed out. Ravenpaw glanced over his shoulder to see Stormkit and Fennelkit practically run the old she-cat over as they begged her for a story.

"Ravenpaw, tell Stonewater he's sick," Whitemuzzle said, huffing. Stonewater rolled his eyes.

Ravenpaw gave a sigh. "If you're going to ignore a medicine cat's diagnosis, you're free to get worse." He set the coltsfoot down. "But taking this will help ease your breathing."

Stonewater turned his head up. "I don't need herbs," he grumbled.

"Take them anyway," Whitemuzzle urged. "At least then you're eating _something_."

"I already told you," Stonewater meowed. "I hate taking prey from the younger cats. They need it more than I do."

"Then there," Whitemuzzle meowed. "Take the coltsfoot."

Giving a cross mutter, Stonewater brushed the shredded leaves close to him and bent to lap them up. Whitemuzzle's expression changed from upset to relieved once all the coltsfoot was gone.

"Thank you, Ravenpaw," Whitemuzzle said. Stonewater only gave a grunt.

Ravenpaw blinked in response, giving a short nod. As he was heading back to the medicine den, Sunfall called out to him. He narrowed his eyes, and turned in her direction.

"What is it, Sunfall?" Ravenpaw asked. Being so close to the nursery made him feel sick.

"I know Songkit would really appreciate it if you visited her," Sunfall said softly. "She really loves you."

"I- I can't," Ravenpaw gulped. "I'm sorry."

"Please, Ravenpaw," Sunfall pleaded. "Sharpheart refuses to see her. He says she looks too much like her mother. Duskcloud has been too busy training Shadepaw. You're all she's got."

"She's got you," Ravenpaw pointed out sharply, stalking off with a wave of nausea making him have to shut his eyes briefly.

Duskcloud was returning from a training session with Shadepaw at her heels, carrying a fat toad and sweating. She must have worn him to the bone. Brownpaw was following with his mentor as well, Dewstorm.

Ravenpaw made eye contact with her, and he swiftly looked the other way. He heard her call his name. Anxiety shot through him.

"Wait, please," Duskcloud gasped. "I want to talk with you."

"So talk," Ravenpaw growled stiffly.

Duskcloud didn't flinch at his tone. "We should go somewhere private. Care for a walk?"

"Do I have a choice?" Ravenpaw groaned. He had been dreading a conversation with his sister ever since he told her about their mother's untimely death.

"Uh, no," Duskcloud said. "Come on."

"Actually," Ravenpaw said quickly. Think of something! Quick! "I have to… uh… get tansy. We're all out. We can talk another time."

"Hazelstripe can get tansy," Duskcloud meowed. "He's been lounging with Stormkit and Fennelkit all day."

"But, I-"

" _Ravenpaw_."

He swallowed dryly. "Fine."

They walked in uncomfortable silence. With Ravenpaw following behind his sister, he had no way of reading her expression for any idea of how she was feeling. Pine needles pricked their paws as they padded. He had no idea as to where Duskcloud was taking him.

The evergreens parted to reveal a small clearing with thick bushes growing over a rocky ledge. Ravenpaw's stomach twisted. Juniper berries.

"Why did you bring me here of all places?" Ravenpaw grumbled.

"Because I knew you would hate it," Duskcloud answered. "The berries make you think of mom, don't they?"

Ravenpaw narrowed his eyes at his sister.

Duskcloud shrugged. "Please. Juniper berries? Junipershade? It wasn't very hard to put it together."

"Congratulations then," he huffed. _Is that all she had to say?_

She was quiet for a moment. "You said mom heard birdsong when she was dying." She looked up at Ravenpaw. "Is that why Songkit's name is what it is?"

"What do you want, Duskcloud?" Ravenpaw growled. He was growing sick of her beating around the bush real fast.

"I want you to stop moping around all the time," Duskcloud meowed harshly. "You've been going around like a dark cloud with matted fur raining on everybody."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ravenpaw growled. "Is my mourning _upsetting_ you?"

"You're not the only one who's mourning!" Duskcloud shot back. "Do you honestly think I'm not feeling exactly what you are? Because I am!"

"You're not the one who killed her," Ravenpaw meowed solemnly.

"Neither are you!" Duskcloud growled. "You didn't kill her, kitbirth did!"

"I failed to save her," Ravenpaw pointed out in a low voice.

"Boo hoo," Duskcloud huffed. Her harshness surprised Ravenpaw. "You're not doing yourself any favors by acting like this. I'm quite literally the only one who understands what you're going through, so stop acting like you're all alone, because you're not."

Duskcloud shifted closer. "You have _me_ ," she whispered.

"Dad doesn't hate _you_ , though," Ravenpaw pointed out. "He blames me."

"You're hating and blaming yourself too," Duskcloud countered. "How does that make you any better than him?"

"I don't want to be better than him, I want to _feel_ better!" Ravenpaw cried. "Do you have any idea how angry I am?"

Duskcloud looked offended. "Of course I do! My own brother is a messenger of StarClan and we didn't get any warnings. Nothing. No advice or vision or omen to help save her. She just… died.."

Ravenpaw was quiet. "I couldn't help her, Duskcloud. I became a medicine cat so that I could save the ones I love. I don't know how things are gonna go back to normal now that she's gone."

"It's not ever going to be the same," Duskcloud said bluntly. "She was my mom, too. Wallowing in your own self pity isn't going to bring her back."

"I'm not wallowing!" Ravenpaw protested.

"Oh?" Duskcloud cocked her head. "Then what would you call it?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it. What _would_ he call it? "I- I'm mourning her. Aren't you?"

"If you have to ask, you aren't either," she growled in a low voice.

The tension was palpable as they walked back to ShadowClan. He had no clue what to say to Duskcloud. _What's her point?_

When they slipped through the thorn barrier back into camp, most everyone was sitting in the setting sun sharing tongues and prey. Duskcloud was gone before Ravenpaw had gathered his thoughts. He located her near the apprentice den, where she sat down with Dewstorm and Brownpaw.

Ravenpaw flopped down in his nest in the medicine den, feeling drained. His legs felt like they were melting into the ground, with his raw emotions swirling up to the surface.

He closed his eyes for a moment. His ears were pounding with the echo of his heartbeat as he tried to fend off his dark thoughts. His ears swiveled at the sound of someone entering the den.

"Did you forget it's the half-moon tonight?" Came Hazelstripe's voice.

Ravenpaw opened one eye. "No."

"Well then why are laying in your nest?" Hazelstripe asked.

"'Cause I'm not going," Ravenpaw huffed.

Hazelstripe's eyes widened a bit. "What? Yes, you are."

"The Moonfall doesn't need two ShadowClan cats," Ravenpaw pointed out. "I'm gonna stay here. Just in case."

"Don't you want to see Runningpaw?" Hazelstripe meowed. He was trying to sound casual, but Ravenpaw could hear the tempt underlying.

"Why would I?" Ravenpaw retorted.

"It's important you come," Hazelstripe said, not answering his question. "The only time you won't be going is if you're ill."

"We have ill cats to look over," Ravenpaw shot back.

"Just Stonewater with a cough," Hazelstripe countered. "Come now. I won't ask again."

Letting out a particularly throaty hiss, Ravenpaw stood. He could sense the impatience off his mentor's pelt.

He dragged his paws as they made the trek down the river towards the meeting place. The scents of WindClan and SkyClan tinged the air.

"The others seem to be waiting," Hazelstripe mewed, nose raised. ThunderClan and RiverClan scents weren't fresh.

"Oh, good," Ravenpaw said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Hazelstripe ignored him.

"Good to see you," Honeypool purred from down the slope.

Hazelstripe limped down carefully. The injury he sustained from the fox attack all those moons ago left him with a visible gait. Ravenpaw treaded down haphazardly, kicking up rocks and dirt as he skidded up to the other medicine cats.

"Hey, Ravenpaw," Runningpaw greeted. His voice was rumbly with a faint purr. Ravenpaw only gave him a blink in return.

Moments later, Seedcloud came down the slope with Pondpaw trailing behind him. Once they were down, Milkpool and Fallowleaf followed.

"Sorry we're late," Milkpool breathed.

Cloverwing shook her head. "No, you're right on time. Come, the moon is almost high."

They walked across the thin path behind the waterfall, cold water spraying their fur in tiny drops. The little gap was dim and cold, even with the half-moon shining silver against the wet rock walls.

As Ravenpaw stretched to lay down, Hazelstripe meowed, "Wait."

Shocked, he sat up quickly. _Is he doing what I think he's doing?_

"Before we share tongues with StarClan," Hazelstripe continued, his voice echoing around the hollow. "I have a task to do. It has come time that Ravenpaw be given his full name."

Ravenpaw failed to contain his astonishment. _Why? Why now? He couldn't have picked a worse time. This is why he insisted I come tonight!_

"Well, Ravenpaw?" Hazelstripe sounded amused, unaware. "Will you come forward?"

"I-" He swallowed. "No!"

Hazelstripe's eyes went wide. The other medicine cats' gazes burned into Ravenpaw's pelt. He could feel their confusion rippling off.

"Is it not your wish to become a medicine cat?" Hazelstripe asked, obviously surprised.

"It- it is!" Ravenpaw gasped. "I just… I'm not worthy."

Hazelstripe was silent for a moment. "Why do you think that?"

"I…" Ravenpaw sighed. "I'm not a good medicine cat. I don't deserve my medicine name. A good medicine cat wouldn't have sulked about losing a cat. They would have done better. I'm not worthy of the title."

Hazelstripe closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You have given your energy and dedication to medicine and to ShadowClan despite your grief. You are hurting, and yet you still persevered."

His vision blurred and stretched as his eyes welled. "Hazelstripe, I-"

Hazelstripe interrupted him. "So… I, Hazelstripe, medicine cat of ShadowClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of a medicine cat, and with your help he will serve his Clan for many moons."

Ravenpaw was acutely aware of his peers watching him with fur stood on end. He was fighting back his tears. Everything was fuzzy now.

"Ravenpaw," he went on. "Do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?

Ravenpaw was afraid to speak, in fear of his voice cracking. "I- I'm not worthy, I-" The look in Hazelstripe's eyes was gentle, and genuine. Ravenpaw blinked, and the hot tears that had built up in his eyes spilled over. "I do."

"Then, by the powers of StarClan I give you your full name as a medicine cat."

Ravenpaw sniffed deeply. His cheeks were wet, and a frosty breeze made them feel cold were his tears had run.

"Ravenpaw, from this moment, you will be known as Ravenwind." Hazelstripe's voice was mellow, but it rang with pride. "StarClan honors your resilience and willpower. Your pertinacity will save many lives to come."

Runningpaw was first to speak. "Ravenwind! Ravenwind!" He called out. The other medicine cats joined in.

Ravenwind fell to his knees. His tears dripped onto the slippery stones, blending into the water spritzed onto the rocks already. "I can't thank you enough," he said, body shaking with mute sobs. "I don't deserve this."

"If I've given you your name, then you deserve it," Hazelstripe meowed with a tone of finality. "Now, stand. It is time for you to share tongues with StarClan as a full medicine cat."

Ravenwind was shaking a little as he padded to lay down. How would the cats of StarClan react to him getting his full name when he's filled with such anger at himself? Surely his mother would be disappointed in him.

Ravenwind forced himself to settle down and curled into a ball. The steady crashing of the water lulled him to sleep.

_When he opened his eyes, he found himself in a lush clearing._

_The sun was bright and a warm breeze stirred the wispy grass. For a moment, he thought he was completely alone. He was about to resign himself to the fact StarClan was rejecting him, when an achingly familiar scent filled his nose._

_Honey and lillies._

_His mother._

_Ravenwind's heart ached and he slowly turned around. In all her glittering glory, stood his mother, Junipershade. She looked a bit younger, with clean fur and free of any scars._

_"Hello, my son," she purred._

_"Mom…" His eyes were welling up again._

_"Oh, oh, don't cry," Junipershade cooed. "Come here."_

_Ravenwind ran forward and buried his face into her chest fur. He sobbed openly, hot tears staining her perfect pelt. Her smell was a warm welcome, so familiar yet so foreign from not having smelled it in what felt like forever._

_"This is for you," Junipershade whispered._

_Ravenwind pulled back to see Junipershade holding coriander leaves in her teeth. Her eyes shimmered with pride._

_""You have earned this," she mewed softly. She tucked the herb behind his ear and it stuck there. "This herb will show you have completed your medicine training. And it looks quite wonderful on you."_

_Ravenwind touched it self consciously. "Are you sure? I- I couldn't save you. You're here because of me."_

_Junipershade purred in amusement. "Quite the opposite. You are here because of me."_

_Ravenwind flicked an ear in confusion. "What?"_

_"Do you know what coriander represents?" Junipershade asked, refusing to clarify. Ravenwind shook his head. "It symbolizes hidden worth," she answered. "You have an abundance."_

_"You're- you're not mad at me?" He couldn't help the astonishment leak through._

_"Oh, my little bird," Junipershade sighed. "How could I ever be mad at you?"_

_"This- it's- it's all my fault," Ravenwind stammered. "You shouldn't have died!"_

_"Raven, your job isn't to decide when cats die," Junipershade said. "It's to try and prevent it."_

_"I didn't prevent your death," Ravenwind pointed out. "Or your other kits."_

_"You prevented one," Junipershade said gently. "Songkit."_

_Ravenwind's shoulders sagged. "She needs you, mom."_

_Junipershade gave a sad smile. "Maybe so. But she's still got a big brother who saved her life and who loves her very dearly. I can't be there to love her like I did for you and your sister. So, promise me you and Duskcloud will take good care of her for me?"_

_Ravenwind nodded, blinking away tears. "I- we- we will," he stuttered. "I promise."_

_Junipershade's throat rumbled with a purr. "I know you will."_

_"When will I get to see you again?" Ravenwind asked hesitantly, feeling a shiver run through him._

_Junipershade sighed softly, almost inaudibly. "Good-bye, Ravenwind."_

_Her breath warmed his fur, and his paws tingled. He felt as if he could be whisked away into the stars with her forever, twinkling as a star up in the heavens beside her._

_He let out a sigh, feeling her slip away._

Ravenwind's eyes fluttered open on silvery darkness. He was curled onto the cold, flat ground beside the other medicine cats, who were beginning to stir.

The moon was past its peak. Fallowleaf was up already, hindquarters raised as he stretched. His medicine herb was behind his ear; a strawflower. Instinctively, Ravenwind touched his ear. The coriander was tucked there, safely behind his right ear.

Fallowleaf sniffed the air, pink nose twitching. "What's that smell?"

Ravenwind scented the air as well. "Oh, erm, I think it's my herb." Fallowleaf glanced at him. "It's coriander."

The ThunderClan medicine cat gave a deep purr. "It's all spicy and nutty. It's nice." He touched his own. "Mine doesn't smell like anything."

"It looks nice though," Ravenwind pointed out.

Fallowleaf shrugged. "I suppose."

"Don't be down on yourself," Milkpool said, stifling a yawn as she woke. "Your strawflower suits you perfectly."

Ravenwind felt Hazelstripe stir beside him. His mentor's whiskers twitched as he blinked his eyes open. His eyes were drawn to his mentor's own medicine herb. It was dandelion, a symbol of a strong connection to spirits.

"It's way past moonhigh," Hazelstripe noted, looking out the den. "Though communicating with StarClan usually does take longer with a new medicine cat."

Ravenwind flushed. "I- I was the second one up."

Hazelstripe let out a ' _mrrow_ ' of amusement. "For the mentors, Ravenwind."

"Oh." He felt a tad embarrassed.

Seedcloud and Pondpaw were the next ones up, followed lastly by Cloverwing and Runningpaw. Once everyone was fully awake, they made their way outside into the moonlight. The moon was beginning its descent, with the edge starting to touch the treeline.

"Um, congratulations on getting your medicine name," Runningpaw mewed as the medicine cats climbed up the ridge back towards their own territories. "It- uh- really suits you."

Ravenwind felt his heart flutter. "You think?"

"Oh, definitely," Runningpaw nodded. "You've more than earned it."

Ravenwind got a sinking feeling. He could almost hear his mother's voice in his ear. "I'm starting to think maybe you're right."

It was a quiet walk back to ShadowClan. He felt Runningpaw's eyes on him as they parted ways, and though he longed to look over his shoulder, Hazelstripe was already suspicious of his attachment to the WindClan tom.

The camp was dead silent when they entered. Pinepetal was standing watch and she gave them a nod as they slipped in. Ravenwind felt Hazelstripe had something to share with him, given the look in his eyes the whole trip back.

"Did you want to talk to me about something?" Ravenwind asked in a low voice.

"Yes, I-" Hazelstripe cut himself off to sigh. "I think of you like a son, you know?"

The comment threw Ravenwind a bit off guard, but he nodded. "Y- yeah. I do."

Hazelstripe sat down heavily, like he was weighed down by some invisible pressure. "It pains me to see you hurting so. I wish I could offer you some advice, anything, to make you feel better."

Ravenwind felt his heart tug. It was a conversation long overdue. They had both been putting it off. _As much as I don't want to hear this… I need to get it over with._

"But there's nothing I can say to comfort you."

Ravenwind blinked. _That's… not what I expected._ He had thought Hazelstripe was going to say 'buck up', 'she's in a better place', 'look on the bright side', or something along those lines. But he didn't.

"No one can comfort you, Ravenwind," Hazelstripe said. His voice was a sternness he had not heard before. It was different than when he would get scolded for his bad attitude. This was tender, and well meaning. "Nothing anyone says is going to change the way you feel. It can never get better."

Ravenwind's throat grew raw. "Are you going somewhere with this?"

"Yes," Hazelstripe meowed. "You're never going to miss her less. It won't hurt less. You might think of it less, sure, but it never fully goes away. And no matter how much you want to feel happy again, you can't just decide that. You're going to feel like dirt. And that's okay."

He saw his mentor in a new light. Almost fatherly, in the way his own emotionally distant father could never be. Ravenwind had to blink more than he needed to keep himself from crying. _StarClan, why am I so sensitive now?_

"I know what you're feeling is complicated," Hazelstripe said firmly, but still gentle. "And no, I don't quite understand. But grief is grief, and I don't want to see it consume you. Junipershade is not gone. She never was. She's alive, in you. In Duskcloud. In Songkit. And in all the lives she's touched. She lives on, in memory and in story."

Ravenwind let out a choked sigh he didn't realize he was holding. "Thank you." His voice was soft, afraid if he spoke too loud his voice would crack.

Hazelstripe looked relieved. "I've been thinking about the best way to reach you. You heal at your own pace, alright? But not at the expense of yourself."

"I- I'll try," he said.

"That's all I could ask," Hazelstripe meowed. "Are you going to sleep now? We still have some time before dawn."

Ravenwind thought for a moment, then shook his head. "No, I… I think I'll go see Songkit."

Hazelstripe dipped his head, and Ravenwind slunk out of the medicine den. In the shadows, he ducked under the thick branches and thistles that surrounded the nursery and down into the hollow.

He was surprised to see Sunfall awake with half-lidded eyes. She looked exhausted. Stormkit and Fennelkit were curled into each other in a nest a few mouse-lengths away, but Songkit was awake, though admittedly drifting.

Her kitten-blue eyes snapped open when she saw her brother. "Ravenpaw!" She gasped, elated.

"What are you doing up!" Ravenwind exclaimed. He turned to Sunfall. "Why isn't she asleep?"

Sunfall let out a tired chuckle. "I tried to get her to bed, but she refused. She insisted she stay up until you got back from the Moonfall."

Ravenwind sat down next to his little sister. Her ears had started to unfold, and her eyes were blue and round. Sunfall still had yet to let her out of the nursery, given she stumbled when she walked with wobbly kitten legs.

"You're quite stubborn, aren't you?" Ravenwind asked.

Songkit fought back a yawn. "I wanted to see you, Ravenpaw."

"Actually, it's Ravenwind," he said. "Hazelstripe gave me my full name."

"Cool!" Songkit gasped. Sunfall whispered her congratulations as well.

"Will you go to sleep now?" Ravenwind asked. "Kits need their rest."

"Stay with me?" Songkit asked. Her eyes were pleading.

Ravenwind succumbed easily. "Alright, settle in." Songkit eagerly nuzzled herself into his belly fur and looked up at him expectantly.

"I'm going to tell you a story about your mother, Junipershade. She was strong, brave, and gentle, and she loved you very much…."


	11. Certain Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runningpaw faces an outbreak.

**Chapter 11: Certain Heart**

* * *

A chilly, morning breeze cut sharply through the WindClan camp. Runningpaw shivered, his thun fur doing little to keep him warm. The heather that surrounded camp was a bit frosty, but it grew strong even in leaf-bare. The purple and red was harsh against the white snow that covered camp. A group of warriors were pushing the snow out of the clearing so the elders could sit in the sun.

"Aren't you going to go help them?" Cloverwing purred in amusement.

Runningpaw was jolted out of his thoughts. "I was, but…" He trailed off.

"Ah, you're worried about Turtleheart," she inferred.

Runningpaw nodded. "She's been training Harepaw and I know she really wants him to pass this assessment. It would mean a lot to the both of them."

Cloverwing sat down beside him. "Harepaw is a very talented young apprentice," she said. "And Turtleheart has trained him well. I have faith Sparrowstar will pass him."

"I know Turtleheart trained him good, but he's only been an apprentice for five moons," Runningpaw pointed out. "And given Furzepaw's death, who knows what Sparrowstar will do?"

"We need capable warriors for leaf-bare," Cloverwing said. "And Harepaw and Sandpaw have more than proved themselves as such."

Runningpaw sighed heavily. "Turtleheart is just so ambitious. I know she'll be so disappointed if Harepaw doesn't pass."

"He'll pass," Cloverwing said confidently. "Warrior apprentices train for a much shorter time than medicine cats do after all. My littermates were only apprentices for four moons before they became warriors."

"What about Sandpaw?" Runningpaw asked.

"Oh, she'll do fine as well," Cloverwing said. "Lilynose has trained other apprentices before her."

Runningpaw opened his mouth to say something, but tasted the air instead. The scents of Harepaw and Turtleheart came in on a breeze, along with Sandpaw and Lilynose.

Runningpaw sat up straight and his ears perked up. "They're back!"

Turtleheart was first to emerge through the tunnel into camp, wearing a serious look on her face. Runningpaw was worried for a moment, before Harepaw came through with two well-sized rabbits with dappled leaf-bare coats. It was then he noticed Turtleheart was carrying rabbit kits in her jaws, likely from the rabbits Harepaw caught.

Sandpaw came in next, carrying a fledgling dove. Behind her, Lilynose carried dove eggs in her mouth. Sandpaw looked exceptionally proud of herself.

Harepaw and Sandpaw brought their catches to the fresh-kill pile, which was somewhat scarce. Runningpaw made a move to go to Turtleheart, but she and Lilynose made a beeline for Sparrowstar's den, where the leader was resting.

"They have to consult with her," Cloverwing reminded them. "Why don't you give one of those dove eggs to the nursery?"

He knew she was only trying to distract him, but he obeyed, grabbing one of the eggs in his teeth gently and carried it to the nursery. Moonblossom's kits nearly bowled him over once he entered.

"Don't kill our medicine cat!" Moonblossom exclaimed with a purr. Her kits halted in their tracks.

"We thought it was an intruder, mama," Oatkit said, shuffling her paws.

"No, you just want to play," Moonblossom said. "But it's too cold. I don't want you getting sick."

"Well, I have something that might cheer you up," Runningpaw mewed, dropping the dove egg.

Moonblossom gasped. "Oh my! Is that a dove egg? Which apprentice found it?"

"I believe it was Sandpaw," Runningpaw answered. "She was carrying a dove when she came back from her assessment."

"Well how do we eat it?" Brightkit demanded, tilting his head.

"Maybe you could ask him," Moonblossom suggested. "Nicely."

Brightkit blinked up at Runningpaw. "Could you open it for us?" Moonblossom gave him a stern look. "Please?" he added.

"Sure thing," Runningpaw meowed. "It's easy, watch." Steadying it with a paw, he rolled it over onto its side and held it. He leaned down and bit down into the shell. Carefully, Runningpaw began to bite and spit out the eggshell bits, creating a hole in the egg. Once it was big enough, he stepped back.

Oatkit, Brightkit, and Reedkit eyed the cracked open dove's egg cautiously. "Go on," Moonblossom urged them. "Runningpaw was nice enough to crack it open for you."

"Is it good?" Reedkit asked in a meek voice, sniffing it.

"Well, I've only had lapwing egg myself," Moonblossom admitted. "But it's very good for you."

Oatkit was the one who took the bold step. She dipped her muzzle into the egg and began to lick the inside. "It's delicious!" She exclaimed.

"Move over then!" Brightkit said, pushing his littermate over to stick his head into the egg to lick the yolk. Oatkit and Brightkit tussled over it until Moonblossom cuffed them both over the ear.

"You can all share," she said. "There's more than enough for the three of you." The queen watched with a careful eye as her rambunctious kits took turns eating up the egg, making sure they didn't shove each other again.

"Was this the only egg?" Moonblossom asked.

Runningpaw shook his head. "No, there were three. I can bring you one, if you like."

Moonblossom purred. "Yes, please."

He slipped out of the nursery to see Turtleheart and Lilynose leaving Sparrowstar's den. They both looked extremely delighted. He quickly picked up one of the eggs from the fresh-kill pile and brought it back to Moonblossom.

Moonblossom nodded in thanks and began to bite the shell and crack it open.

"I think Harepaw and Sandpaw are getting made warriors," he said.

She was licking the yolk. "Really? Well, they deserve it. This is amazing." The queen stuck her muzzle delicately into the egg once again, this time chewing. "Lucky me," she purred through the tender meat.

Runningpaw bowed his head in a quick goodbye and left the nursery to sit below the Highhill, just in time to see Sparrowstar exit her den and climb up to address her clan.

"Let all cats old enough to run across the moor gather beneath to Highhill to hear my words!" Sparrowstar yowled.

WindClan cats began to assemble, whispering in curiosity. Runningpaw sat close, eagerly waiting. He felt someone sit down beside him. It was Turtleheart.

"You know, Harepaw is _my_ apprentice," she teased. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I'm nervous for you," Runningpaw said, flicking an ear.

"Well, don't be," Turtleheart said. "I'm confident in my apprentice. And in what I taught him."

"It's my job to worry," Runningpaw huffed.

"Right now, your job is to shut up and watch my apprentice become a warrior," Turtleheart snarked back, with a grin.

"I, Sparrowstar, leader of WindClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these apprentices. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you as a warrior in their turn."

Harepaw and Sandpaw stood a few mouse-lengths away, bristling in anticipation. Sandpaw was kneading the ground, and Harepaw's tail was lashing back and forth. Gorsesky and Rainpuddle were looking on with pride.

"Sandpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?" asked Sparrowstar.

Sandpaw gave a serious nod. "I do."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Sandpaw, from this moment you will be known as Sandsky. StarClan honors your decision making, and we welcome you as a full warrior of WindClan."

Sandsky dipped her head respectfully and gave Sparrowstar a brisk, nervous lick on the shoulder. WindClan cheered her new name.

"Sandsky! Sandsky!" Gorsesky looked exceptionally honored.

It was Harepaw's turn next. Runningpaw saw a shiver run down the lithe tom's spine.

"Harepaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?" asked Sparrowstar.

"I-" Harepaw gulped. "I do."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Harepaw, from this moment you will be known as Hareleap. StarClan honors your forethought, and we welcome you as a full warrior of WindClan."

Turtleheart was cheering his name before he had even licked the leader's shoulder. The rest of the clan joined in after her. Hareleap looked a bit nervous from all the clamoring, but he ultimately gave Sparrowstar his respect, and leapt off the Highhill.

"Now that I've finished training Hareleap, Sparrowstar has no good reason to look me over for deputy," Turtleheart boasted.

"I can think of one," Runningpaw pointed out. "Perchfur is still alive."

"He could retire!" Turtleheart huffed, embarrassed. "It's not like I want him to die, obviously. And maybe he becomes leader and then I'm Perchstar's deputy!"

Runningpaw rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Turtleheart."

"Oh!" She exclaimed. "I almost forgot. Yewtail was acting strange earlier. He said he was really tired and out of breath, and it's got me worried he's caught whitecough or something. He's too stubborn to ask for help, though."

Runningpaw sighed. "Why you chose him to be your mate, I'll never know."

Turtleheart giggled. "Oh, come on. He's sweet, funny, and he really loves me. What more can I ask for?"

"A brain?" Runningpaw retorted.

Turtleheart gave him a smack, but she was grinning. "Alright, you feather-brain, go fix him now."

"Fine, fine," Runningpaw sighed playfully.

Runningpaw made his way to the warriors den, which was completely empty aside from Yewtail. The moment he got close, a rancid scent hit him, and he bolted in.

Yewtail was laying on the ground in an awkward position, like he had just fallen over. His chest was still.

"Yewtail!" Runningpaw gasped. He ran forward and turned him on his back. _He's not breathing!_ He pressed an ear to the tom's chest, and heard his heart beating faintly.

Runningpaw pressed his paws on Yewtail's chest and began pumping in an effort to get him breathing again. He knew he needed to call for Turtleheart to get Cloverwing, but he didn't want to frighten her.

"Turtleheart!" Runningpaw shouted. "Fetch Cloverwing!"

The tortoiseshell poked her head in the den. "What's wrong? Is he okay?"

Runningpaw sharply looked over his shoulder, not stopping his working on Yewtail. "Just do it!" He hissed.

The blood was roaring in his ears. Everything felt painstakingly slow with every pump he pressed at Yewtail's chest. Then, Yewtail's body spasmed and he inhaled sharply. Runningpaw let out a heavy sigh of relief.

Cloverwing raced into the den moments later with Turtleheart at her heel. "Is he…?" Turtleheart sounded horrified.

"No!" Runningpaw said quickly. "He stopped breathing, but he's alright now. I don't know what happened, though."

"Help me move him into the medicine den," Cloverwing said. She lifted Yewtail up, and Runningpaw steadied him on the other side. Turtleheart was following with a deep, anxious look in her eyes.

They settled him in an extra nest in the edge of the den. He was still unconscious, and his breathing was shallow. Turtleheart was practically attached to his side. She wiped away bile that was dripping from his mouth.

"What could have made him collapse like that?" Cloverwing wondered aloud. "Was he conscious when you entered the den?"

Runningpaw shook his head. "No, he had already stopped breathing. I probably got there just in time." He gave Yewtail a sniff. "He smells sick, but it's unfamiliar."

"Turtleheart, did he eat anything? Could he have eaten something rotten?" Cloverwing asked, turning to the tortoiseshell.

She was quiet for a moment, thinking. She shook her head. "No, the prey all smelled fine. We ate before I went out for Hareleap's assessment."

"Well, it has to be something he ate," Cloverwing whispered to Runningpaw. "He's bringing up bile."

"What exactly did he eat?" Runningpaw asked.

"Um, a rabbit," Turtleheart replied. "He caught it on the dawn patrol. It was fresh."

"DId you share with him?" Cloverwing asked. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine," Turtleheart said. "But I didn't share it with him. He ate with Applewhisker."

"Go find Applewhisker," Cloverwing said quickly to Runningpaw.

Luckily for him, Applewhisker was easy to locate. Nearly all of his time was spent in the nursery with Moonblossom and their kits. He was giving Oatkit a badger ride as Moonblossom lounged sleepily in the sun.

Applewhisker saw the urgency on Runningpaw's face. "Oatkit," he mewed, letting her down. "Go show your mother that hunting crouch you've been practising."

Oatkit scampered off, completely oblivious.

"What is it?" Applewhisker asked.

"Do you feel sick?" Runningpaw asked. "You shared food with Yewtail, and he's fallen ill."

Applewhisker shook his head. "I feel alright." He sat down. "That badger ride tuckered me out, though." The dark ginger tom's flanks were rising and falling quickly, as if he was struggling to catch his breath.

"Come with me," Runningpaw said quickly. He didn't wait for Applewhisker to even answer. Instead, he tugged him up and practically dragged him to the medicine den.

"Shortness of breath," Runningpaw reported with Applewhisker in tow.

Turtleheart stood up. "You too?"

"Let me listen to your breathing," Cloverwing mewed. Applewhisker obeyed, casting Yewtail a worried glance. Turtleheart was looking fretfully between her brother and her mate.

Runningpaw was wracking his brain for anything he could think of. The sickness didn't smell like anything he'd smelled before, and by the looks of it, neither had Cloverwing.

Suddenly, a chill gripped him. It wasn't from the wind or cold. Instead, this creeped on him from the inside, spreading throughout his body. He staggered a bit, surprised. He shivered, and when he blinked up, he saw fields.

What? Runningpaw looked around. His heart was pounding. Focus. Focus! He told himself. The moors were dotted with purple flowers. They had bloomed recently. Beyond the flowers, he spotted a mountain.

Wait… No. It wasn't a mountain. As he got closer, he saw the faces of Yewtail and Applewhisker. They were the bodies of his clanmates, stacked high. Turtleheart was among them. No!

" _Dandelion_ ," a voice whispered in his ear. He didn't recognize it.

He spun around. There was no one there. His heart was pounding.

" _The roots,_ " the voice spoke again. It was a tom, calm and gentle, like a green-leaf stream. " _Act fast!_ "

Runningpaw gasped. The chill left him. Cloverwing was staring at him expectantly. It took him a moment to get his bearings.

"What just happened?" Turtleheart meowed. Her mew was laced with anxiety. He had never heard her sound so scared. "Is he okay?"

"A vision," Cloverwing answered. She approached Runningpaw delicately. "What did you see?"

"Those flowers," Runningpaw mewed. He was struggling to hold onto what he saw. _Cloverwing hasn't been out of camp in a while… she wouldn't know._ "By the ThunderClan border, some purple flowers took seed. They're poison."

"Purple flowers?" Cloverwing echoed. A flicker of recognition sparked in her eyes. "Meadow saffron!" Her mew was grim. "I'm a feather-brain!"

Runningpaw cocked his head. "What's meadow saffron?"

"An incredibly deadly plant," she replied. "It used to grow on the twoleg nest between ShadowClan and SkyClan. Silverwater once told me birds would spread its seeds and he'd have to dig it up. When the twolegs left their nest, they got rid of it and haven't dealt with it since."

"It must have come from some other twoleg nest," Runningpaw meowed. "I was told to get dandelion roots."

"It must have been Silverwater," Cloverwing mewed. "Take a patrol with you to get rid of _every_ last flower. I'll check the rest of the clan for symptoms."

"What if someone I take is sick?" Runningpaw asked.

"Take anyone who hasn't eaten," she answered. "Sandsky and Hareleap would be good choices. And get rid of all the prey. It could be poisoned too."

Nodding, Runningpaw darted out of the den. He spotted Blackstorm reaching into the fresh-kill pile. "Don't!" He cried out. She dropped the rabbit in alarm.

Sparrowstar looked up from her prey at his shout. "What's the matter, Runningpaw?"

"The prey is bad," Runningpaw said. "Yewtail and Applewhisker are sick. All of it needs to go."

Sparrowstar stood up immediately and shoved her finch away. WindClan cats only stared at Runningpaw blankly. "Do as he says," she growled to her clan.

"It's meadow saffron," he explained to her. "I had a vision." He turned to Hareleap, who was sharing tongues with his parents. "Have you or Sandsky eaten?"

"No, we have to sit vigil tonight," he said.

"Fetch her and come with me to destroy the flowers," he growled. He turned back to Sparrowstar. "You need to bury all the prey. Deep so no foxes or badgers can get it either."

Sparrowstar understood immediately. The last thing they needed was a sick, rotting carcass of a fox or badger on their territory. She barked orders at her clan, and they followed them with haste.

"What about the eggs I brought back?" Sandsky asked.

"We can keep those," Runningpaw meowed. "The meadow saffron won't be inside them."

"Cats may go hungry tonight," Sparrowstar announced, "but it's for the greater good. Better hungry than dead."

"Is Applewhisker alright?" Moonblossom cried. Her fur was bristling with terror.

"Cloverwing is tending to him," Runningpaw answered. Though he wasn't lying, he didn't quite answer her question. Without that dandelion root, he'll die for sure.

"Where's that plant?" Hareleap asked.

"Down by the river," Runningpaw answered. "On the ThunderClan border. Dig up all of it, even the roots. We have to make sure it can't grow back."

The new warriors nodded dutifully and took to a sprint out of camp. Runningpaw headed in the opposite direction, towards the RiverClan border, where a stretch of dandelion grew best.

He hurried across the snowy moor, flinging up snow behind him. He tasted RiverClan in the air, but it was stale, likely from the dawn patrol. Dandelion puffs blew in his face as the breeze shifted.

Runningpaw had to force himself to dig the dandelions carefully, so as not to destroy new buds taking root. He was so filled with dread it threatened to overtake him. Everything happened so fast. What do I do if I'm already too late? He was fighting back the fear that was blossoming in the pit of his stomach.

 _Silverwater gave you that vision_ , he told himself. _Trust his knowledge. He dealt with this poison in life. He knows what to do._

Runningpaw gathered roots from the swaths of dandelions dancing in the frigid wind. He was carrying more than he thought possible, but he knew stocking up would be their best option, as most of the clan had eaten prey before showing any symptoms.

Hareleap and Sandsky were making their way back to camp at the same time as him. They were covered in dirt and sweat. He dropped the roots to speak to them.

"We threw them in the river," Sandsky said. She sounded out of breath, but not from the saffron poisoning, just exhaustion.

Runningpaw nodded. "They'll go downstream and out of our territory. Good."

"And we figured fish wouldn't eat it," Hareleap added. "We also did an extra patrol to make sure there wasn't any more anywhere else in the territory."

Runningpaw felt a surge of second hand pride. _Turtleheart really did train him well._ _Not that I doubted her._ "Clean yourselves up," Runningpaw said. "Best to wash in some water, though. You handled the herb and we don't know if touching it is dangerous."

Hareleap and Sandsky nodded obediently and circled around camp to a pond behind the elders' den. Runningpaw picked up the heap of roots again and hurried through the heather tunnel into camp.

Snow shook off the heather and fell onto his back, making him shiver. He saw most of the clearing was now empty. He made a beeline for Cloverwing's den.

More cats had poured in since he had left. Yewtail was still unconscious, but now Turtleheart lay beside him, her breathing ragged. Applewhisker had gotten worse as well, but his eyes were still open.

He gave half of the roots to Cloverwing. "I can get more if we need it," he meowed.

Cloverwing shook her head. "No, this is more than enough."

Cloverwing held Yewtail's head and managed to get his mouth open. Runningpaw smeared the pulp onto the warrior's tongue. It took a moment, but they saw his throat bob, indicating he had swallowed it.

Runningpaw was about to give some of the dandelion root to Turtleheart, when Mousethorn let out a scratchy yowl.

"Sparrowstar stopped breathing!" He cried.

Cloverwing tore from Turtleheart's side to rush to Sparrowstar. Runningpaw made a move to help her, but Cloverwing hissed, "stay with Turtleheart!"

He gave a shaky nod. He inserted the paste into Turtleheart's mouth and waited to see her throat bob. It took longer than it did with Yewtail, and his heart clenched. Then, her throat moved. He let out a small sigh.

Cloverwing was still pumping on Sparrowstar's chest. It was strange to see their leader in such a helpless state. It made his stomach twist.

Sparrowstar's whole body shuddered, and her eyes fluttered open. To everyone else in the den, Cloverwing had started her breathing up again just like he had done with Yewtail. But Cloverwing and Runningpaw both knew that Sparrowstar had lost a life. That left her on her last, and only life.

Cloverwing cast him a grim look. Sparrowstar's eyes were bright again, but Runningpaw approached and ground up a small bit of the dandelion root for her.

"To keep up appearances," Runningpaw whispered, so only she could hear.

Sparrowstar nodded and swallowed the pulp. She rested her head back down onto her paws, looking tired. Runningpaw felt empty at imagining WindClan without Sparrowstar. She'd been leader all his life. What would WindClan be like when she was gone?

Runningpaw tore himself away, turning to his next patient. Applewhisker's eyes were starting to look cloudy.

"Swallow this," Runningpaw ordered.

Tiredly, Applewhisker leaned forward and allowed Runningpaw to feed him the dandelion root. He was barely strong enough to swallow it. The dark ginger tom blinked his gratefulness. Runningpaw could see the fear rounding his eyes.

Weakly, Applewhisker stood, and with a heaving chest, positioned himself up against his sister's side. She had been resuscitated sometime while Runningpaw had been gone, and like Yewtail, had yet to wake again.

Turtleheart let out a soft noise as Applewhisker cuddled up next to her. Runningpaw was vividly reminded of his days in the nursery with them, playing games of moss-ball and begging their fathers for badger rides. All of a sudden, Turtleheart and Applewhisker became Turtlekit and Applekit, curled up together for warmth with Runningkit.

"They'll be okay," Cloverwing whispered to him, snapping him out of his daze.

"I know," Runningpaw muttered. _It still hurts to see them like this, though._ He was harshly reminded of his sisters. Mousekit and Sorrelkit had succumbed to greencough like their father, Whitewhisker, at five moons old. Turtleheart and Applewhisker would sleep with him to keep him warm in their absence in the nursery.

Runningpaw collected his thoughts. "Should we warn the other clans?"

Cloverwing bowed her head. "Yes. We'll tell them at the Moonfall tonight."

Runningpaw's body tingled. _The Moonfall…_ Would Silverwater have anything to say to him? He figured Silverwater spoke to Cloverwing, but he had never seen the elusive medicine cat himself. He was only assuming it was Silverwater who delivered the vision to him, but given how he didn't see him, it could have been anyone. Well, it wasn't Whitewhisker, I know that.

His thoughts drifted. At the previous half-moon, Ravenwind received his full name. Runningpaw had wanted to say more to him, but given he had already done his extra training time in ShadowClan, he had no excuse to go and see him. He felt like he could fly at the thought of seeing Ravenwind. For whatever reason, he had been absent at the Gathering a quarter-moon ago, and Runningpaw felt himself yearning.

"StarClan to Runningpaw?"

He snapped back. Cloverwing was trying to get his attention.

"Oh! Sorry, Cloverwing," he said. "I'm a bit… tired."

She cracked a weary smile. "That's alright. But most of WindClan owes you their lives today. You should feel proud."

Runningpaw wasn't sure what he felt. Currently, he was fretting over Turtleheart and Applewhisker, who were like littermates to him, thinking about his vision, and hoping to see Ravenwind. He wasn't sure there was much room for pride in his mind.

Cloverwing sensed his hesitance, and she let out a quiet sigh. "What were you daydreaming about?" She asked. It was an innocent question as she tried to change the subject, but ultimately made Runningpaw's stomach do flips when Ravenwind entered his mind.

"I was- um, you see-" _What's wrong with me! I'm usually so good with lying!_ "It's complicated, and I-"

Cloverwing cut him off before he could finish his stuttering. "It's alright, Runningpaw. I understand."

He blinked, shutting himself up. "You do?"

"Seeing someone you love on the edge of StarClan is frightening," she said. "But you mustn't let feelings cloud your judgement."

"I won't- I mean, I'm not," he said quickly. "I'm just… really worried." He glanced over his shoulder. Applewhisker had his chin resting on Turtleheart's shoulder. Everything about them screamed sad and sickly.

"It's only natural," Cloverwing meowed. "However, as medicine cats, we must remain unbiased."

 _Unbiased?_ Runningpaw grew confused.

"You're grown, and it was bound to happen," Cloverwing continued. "But I feel I need to remind you of the rules. Medicine cats cannot take a mate nor bear kits."

Runningpaw felt his paws freeze to the ground and his heart sunk to the pit of his stomach like a large rock. _Oh. My. StarClan._ Cloverwing was looking in the direction of Turtleheart. _She meant love as in… no way! Turtleheart?!_

"What? No!" Runningpaw gasped. "I'm not- I don't- she's-"

Cloverwing cut him off once again. "It's alright, Runningpaw. The feelings are harmless. Everyone gets a crush sometimes. Well, not everyone, but you know what I mean."

 _No, I don't know what you mean!_ His throat felt dry. _I'd never be in love with Turtleheart! She's my best friend! She's like a sister to me!_

"Uhh… yep. You got me," he lied. _It's better she thinks I love Turtleheart than… than what?_ "B- but she's got Yewtail, and I just want her to be happy." _I do want her to be happy, but the last thing I want is to be mates with her! I love her to death, but never!_

Cloverwing purred. "Sometimes I wonder when you got so mature."

"Somewhere between almost getting mauled by a fox and having ThunderClan attack me when I went to their camp," Runningpaw answered wryly. Cloverwing looked more baffled than amused.

"I'm just glad you agree," Cloverwing sighed. "Silverwater had a difficult time helping me understand the rules."

Runningpaw distinctly remembered his mentor mentioning she fell in love once, though he guessed right in the fact she would never elaborate further.

"That life doesn't interest me," Runningpaw answered. _At least, it didn't used to._

"You know, I'm very proud of you, Runningpaw," Cloverwing purred. "You're an exceptional apprentice."

Surprise flashed through his pelt. "You're- you're an exceptional mentor."

The sun had set before he knew it.

Hareleap and Sandsky were standing vigil, while Grasswing and Blackstorm carried out the clan duties for Sparrowstar and Perchfur. They were some of the only cats who didn't have a brush with death. The unlucky souls who ate before knowing it was tainted were resting, on orders from both Cloverwing and Runningpaw.

The evening was brisk. A breeze rattled the bare branches as the two medicine cats made the trek to the Moonpool.

Night was brittle with cold. Frost had driven most creatures into hiding, and their pawsteps were the only movement that disturb the frozen, still earth. Snow crunched under them. Pawprints from other medicine cats were printed into the snow.

"The waterfall isn't frozen," Runningpaw noticed. He was surprised. Everything seemed like it had frozen over, but the water was cascading down brilliantly.

"The Moonfall never freezes," Cloverwing said confidently. "It would have to be much colder than this."

Runningpaw shivered at the thought. He slid down the slope to greet Seedcloud and Pondpaw. They were the only ones there.

"You're looking well," Seedcloud commented. His heart twisted when he saw the skinniness in the RiverClan cats.

Runningpaw dipped his head. "We have news, but it goes for every clan."

"We will wait," Cloverwing said as she leapt down.

"For what?" Fallowleaf asked in a deep voice. He looked a bit out of breath. He had been trying to catch up with them.

"Where's Milkpool?" Pondpaw squeaked.

"She's got a fever," Fallowleaf said. "I thought it would be better if she rested."

Cloverwing dipped her head. "Send her my well wishes."

"I will," he said. "Though, ThunderClan has been quite buzzing lately. Do you remember the farm cat I told you about at the last Gathering?"

Runningpaw recalled it hazily. He listened for Fallowleaf to refresh his memory. "The one you took in?"

"What happened?" Seedcloud asked. "Did he hurt anyone?"

"No," Fallowleaf shook his head. "Actually, he died. He got real sick and started coughing blood. Milkpool believes it was an advanced form of greencough that just destroyed his lungs."

"That sounds terrifying," Pondpaw whimpered.

"It was quite upsetting," Fallowleaf admitted. "I really thought we could help him. Maybe even get him to join ThunderClan. We could use some new blood."

"At least he hasn't infected anyone, right?" Cloverwing asked.

"No one has shown any symptoms," Fallowleaf confirmed. "Only Milkpool's fever."

"Do you need some borage?" Seedcloud offered.

Fallowleaf purred his thanks, but he shook his head. There was a noise at the top of the ridge, and they looked up to see Ravenwind sliding down the snowy slope. He was helping Hazelstripe down, who had difficulty with his limp.

"Good evening!" Runningpaw purred. Elation made its way down his spine.

Ravenwind's eyes were regaining their light. "Hi," he purred back. "How are you?"

"A little tired," he admitted. "You weren't at the Gathering last time. Where were you?"

Ravenwind's eyes widened. "Oh! You're never going to believe this. Duskcloud is pregnant."

Runningpaw's jaw dropped. "What? Your sister?"

Ravenwind chortled. "I know, right? I never thought anyone could love her, but I guess she tricked Shadeflight into it because he's barely left her side the whole time."

"Whoa!" Runningpaw gasped. "Her former apprentice?"

"You two gossip like elders," Hazelstripe broke in, laughing.

"You're the only elder here," Fallowleaf shot back with a sly grin.

"Low blow," Hazelstripe scoffed.

"Anyways," Ravenwind continued. "She was having bad cramps so I stayed in case she went into labor. She didn't. She's even refusing to move into the nursery until she has the kits."

"We have three queens," Hazelstripe sighed tiredly. "We can only hope the kits wait until new-leaf to be born."

"Sorry I'm late!"

The medicine cats looked up to see a frazzled Honeypool scrambling down the slope. "You're fine," Cloverwing said back. "The moon isn't high yet. We're just early."

"Why are we here so early anyways?" Runningpaw wondered aloud. The mentors fell silent. He looked between them, oblivious. "What?"

Cloverwing stepped forward. "I, Cloverwing, medicine cat of WindClan…" _This isn't happening._ "...call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice." _She's really going through with it._ "He has trained hard to understand the ways of a medicine cat, and with your help he will serve his Clan for many moons."

Runningpaw's breath was stuck in his throat. His heart was racing, echoing in his ears. He saw Ravenwind out of the corner of his eye. ' _Breathe_ ' he mouthed to him. Runningpaw took a deep, calming breath.

"Runningpaw," she continued, walking closer. "Do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?"

His heart was in his throat, and it blocked his words. He swallowed. "I do."

"Then, by the powers of StarClan, I give you your full name as a medicine cat."

Runningpaw held his breath. _What if I hate it? What if it doesn't fit me?_

"Runningpaw, from this moment on, you will be known as Runningshadow," Cloverwing announced. "StarClan honors your adamance and resolve. Your skills will save many lives to come."

Runningshadow let his breath out. Runningshadow. He looked to Ravenwind. He was grinning for him. _I love it._

"Runningshadow!" Ravenwind yowled. "Runningshadow!" The others joined in, and Runningshadow looked down at the rocks, feeling hot in the face. Even though it was just a small group of them, he felt too put on the spot.

"I'm honored, Cloverwing," he said. He gave her shoulder a lick. "You surprised me."

"You showed me today that you are more than ready to handle the responsibilities of a full medicine cat," Cloverwing purred.

Runningshadow blinked. "Oh! That reminds me!"

He launched into a detailed explanation of the meadow saffron, the dangers, symptoms, his vision, and the cure. The other medicine cats listened with equally serious looks on their faces.

"And don't leave even the tiniest leaf, root, seed, whatever," Cloverwing added. "It's a very resilient plant."

Honeypool bowed her head deeply. "Thank you for the warning. I'll keep an eye out for it now."

"Actually," Runningshadow cut in. "It's better to look even if you haven't seen it. It pollinates quickly and spreads far."

The moon grew to its peak, and the medicine cats all nodded to each other. "It is time for you to share tongues with StarClan as a full medicine cat," said Cloverwing.

Runningshadow could hardly believe it. He forced himself to lie still. His tail lashed in anticipation, but as the crashing of the waterfall filled his ears, he felt the familiar tug of sleep.

_His eyes opened on lush greenery. It was warm, and the sweet smell of rabbit pierced his sense of smell. Green-leaf breezes coddled him and he looked around the open fields for any sign of StarClan._

_"Boo."_

_A voice whispered in his ear, and Runningshadow let out a yelp of surprise, jumping up into the air. He spun around to see a pale grey tabby tom smirking like a kit. A red poppy clung to his left ear._

_"You're Silverwater," Runningshadow said, exhaling in relief._

_The former medicine cat licked a paw. "What gave it away?" He pointed to his poppy. "Was it this?"_

_Runningshadow shook his head. "Featherleap told me you like to play pranks. And you have the same eyes as her."_

_A purr resonated in Silverwater's throat. "She always liked to spoil good fun."_

_"Are you here to give me my herb?" Runningshadow asked._

_SIlverwater smiled. "I already did." He pointed to a stream, and giving him a look, Runningshadow peered into the water to see his reflection. Pale leaves hung from his left ear._

_"You put it there when you scared me!" Runningshadow exclaimed._

_"They're vanilla leaves," Silverwater said calmly. "It symbolizes longing."_

_Runningshadow frowned. How fitting, he thought sourly._

_"Oh, don't give me that look," SIlverwater sighed. "It symbolizes visions, too. Powerful ones." He winked._

_"It was you who gave me that vision, wasn't it?" Runningshadow asked firmly._

_Silverwater shrugged. "I like to keep an air of mystery."_

_"Do you do the same with Cloverwing?" Runningshadow demanded._

_"Sure," he meowed casually. "Why would I change who I am in death?"_

_Runningshadow sighed. "Well, alright." From all he had heard about Silverwater, the medicine cat was nothing like he had expected. "Is there anything you have to tell me?"_

_Silverwater raised an eyebrow. "Is there anything you want to hear?"_

_"What- what am I doing here?" Runningshadow asked. The words poured from his mouth like a river. "Why am I here at all?"_

_"To receive your herb," Silverwater replied._

_Runningshadow's nose twitched. "That's not what I asked, and you know it. Is there something I'm meant to do? Is there something out there for me?"_

_Silverwater looked sympathetic, but there was a cautious undertone to his expression. "No one's path is predetermined."_

_"There has to be something more!" Runningshadow pleaded. "It feels like I'm missing something. I thought it would pass, but it hasn't. What am I meant to do?"_

_"I cannot give you the answers you seek," Silverwater replied solemnly. "You must find them yourself."_

Everyone else was already awake. Runningshadow sat up abruptly.

Ravenwind sniffed him. "You smell good."

"Um- it- it's the vanilla," he stammered.

"It looks good on you," he purred. His amber eyes glowed with moonlight.

"So does yours," Runningshadow mewed.

"Doesn't smell nearly as sweet as you-" his eyes widened a bit. "I mean- as _yours_."

Runningshadow's heart was racing. But he was calm as ever. Ravenwind seemed to have an effect on him that no one else did. He used to not have a name for it.

I know what it is now.

"Let's walk to the border," Runningshadow meowed. "Together, I mean."

Ravenwind chuckled. "We always walk to the border together." Nonetheless, their pelts were brushing as they walked, and their tails grazed one another with every flick.

Cloverwing and Hazelstripe were involved in a deep conversion on why tansy was better than chickweed for preventing greencough. Neither Ravenwind or Runningshadow were paying attention. They were playing a dangerous game.

_I know what I'm missing. And I know exactly what I have to do to get it. When the full moon comes, I'll have the answer to the question he asked, all those moons ago._

* * *

**WindClan**

**Leader:** Sparrowstar: a brown she cat with a lighter chest and white speckles

 **Deputy:** Perchfur: a dark grey tom with white paws

 **Medicine cat:** Cloverwing: a light grey tabby she cat with green eyes

 **Apprentice:** Runningshadow: a brown tom with white spots and blue eyes

**Warriors**

Grassclaw: a dark grey fluffy she cat

Bramblepelt: a brown mottled tom

**Apprentice: Silverpaw**

Fernfoot: a silver tabby tom

Gorsesky: a fluffy light grey she cat

Tangletail: a rusty tabby she cat with a thick tail

Applewhisker: a dark ginger tom

**Apprentice: Mosspaw**

Lilynose: a silver tabby she cat

Sandsky: a dark grey she-cat with yellow eyes

Mousetalon: a dark brown and white tabby tom

Brownthistle: a white she cat with brown splotches

Dawnfeather: a light grey tom

Yewtail: a light ginger tabby tom

Turtleheart: a tortoiseshell she cat

Hareleap: a light grey tabby tom

Rainpuddle: a blue-grey tabby tom

Blackstorm: a solid black she cat

**Apprentices**

Mosspaw: a dark grey she cat with white paws

Silverpaw: a grey tabby she cat with white paws

**Queens**

Moonblossom: a white and black dappled she cat (mother to Oatkit, Brightkit, and Reedkit)

**Elders**

Rabbitear: a thin brown and white tom

Featherleap: a silver tabby she cat

Mallowpool: a dark ginger tabby tom

**Kits**

Oatkit: a dark ginger she kit

Brightkit: a white and ginger dappled tom kit

Reedkit: a black tom kit with white paws

**ShadowClan**

**Leader:** Snowstar: a large white tom

 **Deputy:** Sootflower: a rugged dark she cat with black flecks

**Apprentice: Nightpaw**

**Medicine cat:** Hazelstripe: a light brown tabby tom

 **Apprentice:** Ravenwind: a black dappled tom with a grey underbelly

**Warriors**

Sharpheart: a black tom

**Apprentice: Mothpaw**

Redhawk: a dark ginger tom with black stripes

Tigersnag: a brown tabby she cat

Snailspots: a mottled brown tom

Spiderwhisker: a long legged white she cat (expecting Darktail's)

**Apprentice: Patchpaw**

Mossrock: a grey tabby she cat

Duskcloud: a grey she cat with black flecks (expecting Shadeflight's)

Shadeflight: a dark grey tabby tom

Brightstep: a white and ginger tabby she cat

Pinepetal: a dark brown she cat

Quickfoot: a dark silver mottled tom

Mistpaw: a blue grey she cat with a white chest and underbelly

Dewstorm: a light blue grey tom

**Apprentice: Brownpaw**

Pebblepelt: a dark grey tabby tom

**Apprentices**

Nightpaw: a black tom with white ears and paws

Mothpaw: a light grey tabby she cat

Patchpaw: a black and white she cat

Brownpaw: a light brown tom

**Queens**

Sunfall: a strong golden she cat (mother to Stormkit, Fennelkit, and Songkit)

**Elders**

Stonewater: a blue grey tabby tom

Whitemuzzle: a thin white tom

Willowdusk: a lean, silver dappled she cat

**Kits**

Stormkit: a dark grey tabby tom kit

Fennelkit: a golden tabby tom kit

Songkit: a dark blue-grey she kit

**ThunderClan**

**Leader:** Owlstar: a white and brown tabby she cat

 **Deputy:** Ivystripe: a silver tabby tom

 **Medicine cat:** Milkpool: a white and grey patched she cat

 **Apprentice:** Fallowleaf: a light brown tom with darker paws, ears and muzzle

**Warriors**

Sandheart: a dusty ginger tom

**Apprentice: Volepaw**

Jumpwing: a black and white she cat

**Apprentice: Branchpaw**

Lilacpool: a silver tabby she cat

Redwhisker: a dark ginger tom

**Apprentice: Mothpaw**

Molefoot: a light brown tom with coarse fur

Lionwhisker: a golden tabby tom

Cherrynose: a ginger she cat with white paws and ears

**Apprentice: Dustpaw**

Fernleaf: a brown tabby she cat

**Apprentice: Beechpaw**

Olivebelly: a light brown tom

Leafstripe: a grey tabby tom

**Apprentices**

Volepaw: a golden and white she cat

Branchpaw: a dusty ginger she cat

Mothpaw: a golden tabby tom

Dustpaw: a silver tom

Beechpaw: a ginger tabby tom

**Queens**

Blossomfur: a ginger and white spotted she cat (mother to Amberkit)

Morningfoot: a golden tabby she cat (expecting Redwhisker's)

**Elders**

Larchtail: a grey and white she cat

Sparrowfall: a light brown tabby tom

**Kits**

Amberkit: a ginger and white tabby tom

**RiverClan**

**Leader:** Sagestar: a dark grey she cat

 **Deputy:** Duckfoot: a grey tom with large paws

 **Medicine cat:** Seedcloud: a cream tabby tom

**Apprentice: Pondpaw**

**Warriors**

Jumpfeather: a light grey she cat

Heronclaw: a brown tom with white flecks

**Apprentice: Oakpaw**

Swampclaw: a dark grey-brown speckled tom

Briarleap: a beautiful brown tabby she cat

Creeksnow: a white she cat with silver flecks

**Apprentice: Flypaw**

Yarrowpool: a light ginger tabby tom

Reedwing: a beige tabby tom

Brooktail: a light grey she cat

**Apprentice: Mosspaw**

Gingerclaw: a dark ginger she cat

Fernbranch: a white and cream she cat

**Apprentice: Smokepaw**

Bluestripe: a silver tabby tom

**Apprentices**

Pondpaw: a blue grey tabby she cat

Oakpaw: a brown tabby tom

Flypaw: a calico she cat

Mosspaw: a light ginger tabby she cat

Smokepaw: a dark ginger tom

**Queens**

Streamtail: a silver tabby she cat (mother to Silverkit and Goosekit)

Perchwing: a black she cat (mother to Rainkit, Cloudkit, and Stonekit)

**Elders**

Hailbreeze: a thin white she cat

Darkwillow: a black she cat

Fuzzyheart: thick-furred cream tom

**Kits**

Silverkit: a light silver tabby she cat

Goosekit: a dark grey she kit

Rainkit: a black she kit

Cloudkit: a black tom kit with a white chest and ears

Stonekit: a brown tom kit

**SkyClan**

**Leader:** Alderstar: a broad shouldered brown tabby tom

 **Deputy:** Redfoot: a white she-cat with ginger paws

 **Medicine cat:** Honeypool: a golden mottled she cat with amber eyes

**Warriors**

Ashleaf: a solid grey she-cat

**Apprentice: Olivepaw**

Willowfur: a silver tabby she-cat

**Apprentice: Sheeppaw**

Cedarpool: a brown tabby tom

**Apprentice: Mintpaw**

Ducktail: a little grey and white she-cat with a stubby tail

Dewnose: a white tom with golden patches

**Apprentice: Ferretpaw**

Rockfoot: a dusty brown tom

Shadefall: a black tom

Cloudfern: a white she-cat with black paws

**Apprentice: Dawnpaw**

Gorsewhisker: a light grey and white tom

Antheart: a light ginger tom

**Apprentice: Stagpaw**

Daisypetal: a calico she-cat

**Apprentices**

Olivepaw: a black and brown tom

Sheeppaw: a fluffy white she cat

Mintpaw: a grey and white tom

Ferretpaw: a dusty brown she cat

Dawnpaw: a calico she cat

Stagpaw: a dark brown tom

**Queens**

Tigerfur: a beautiful ginger tabby she-cat (expecting Dewnose's)

**Kits**

N/A

**Elders**

Vinestep: a dark grey she-cat

Ivyshadow: a silver tabby she-cat


	12. Confessing Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravenwind has something to tell Runningshadow.

**Chapter 12: Confessing Hearts**

* * *

Life was almost normal again for Ravenwind.

"Faster, faster!" Songkit giggled.

Ravenwind bounced around the clearing as his kit sister held onto his back with her sharp little claws. "Do you give up yet?" Ravenwind asked, peering up at her.

Songkit was grinning whisker to whisker. "Never!"

"Guess we'll have to do this the hard way!" Ravenwind growled playfully. He shook his body, pretending to try and shake her off, but Songkit hung on.

"Take that!" Songkit cried, and with a sheathed paw, smacked him on the top of his head.

"Get him, Songkit!" Fennelkit shouted from where he was wrestling with Stormkit.

"Oh!" Ravenwind exclaimed. He fell to the ground. "You've wounded me!"

"Give back the catmint, you evil rogue!" Songkit growled. She was still having trouble pronouncing her r's. "We have to make ShadowClan better!"

"You win this time, Songwind," Ravenwind weakly groaned. He had practically melted when she chose the made up warrior name for herself. Most kits insisted on playing as a leader, but Songkit had decided on naming herself after her brother.

Songkit scampered over to Duskcloud, who was watching intently. "Here you go," Songkit mewed. "This catmint will make you all better and your kits will be strong."

Songkit pretended to give Duskcloud the herb, and the queen pretended to eat it. "Thank you so much, Songwind," she purred. "You've saved us all once again!"

"I'll get you next time, Songwind!" Ravenwind growled, shaking a paw in the air.

Songkit leapt onto his back triumphantly. "ShadowClan always wins because we're the bestest and coolest!"

Songkit was still so small. She was a little over a moon old now, and though she no longer walked with wobbly kitten legs, she still looked like she was barely a week old. The only thing that indicated she was older than she looked was her fully opened ears and kitten teeth growing in.

"It's time for your nap, dear," Sunfall called.

Songkit let out a disappointed whine. "But I'm not tired, Sunfall!"

"I'm sure you're hungry from chasing away that bad rogue," Sunfall purred. "Even the strongest warriors need their rest."

"How come Fennelkit and Stormkit don't have to take naps?" Songkit demanded as she stomped her way towards her adoptive mother.

"Because Fennelkit and Stormkit are older than you," Sunfall reminded her. "They eat prey now."

At four moons old, Fennelkit and Stormkit were close to being apprenticed. They were almost the size of the average apprentice, but both Sunfall and their father, Fernshadow, were both of an above average size. Ravenwind wouldn't have been surprised if the toms turned out to be just as big, if not bigger.

"S'not fair," Songkit mumbled under her breath. Sunfall ushered the kit into the nursery with a heavy sigh.

"You're starting to rub off on her," Duskcloud chuckled.

Ravenwind sat up and licked a paw. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

Duskcloud shrugged guiltily, and Ravenwind smacked her nose. She hit him over the ear. "She better not make my kits as sour as you," Duskcloud mewed.

"Oh, don't worry, Ravenwind meowed. "I can do that all on my own."

"I'd like to see you try," Duskcloud growled playfully.

"Where's your servant?" Ravenwind teased. "Shouldn't he be trying to stop me?"

" _Shadeflight_ is on a hunting patrol," Duskcloud huffed. "Honestly, it's nice to breathe a little bit! He's acting like he's the one who's going to give birth! I think he needs those breathing exercises more than me."

Ravenwind nodded seriously. "Hmm, yes. Do you want me to instruct him through the labor breathing for you?"

Duskcloud let out a sharp laugh. "I'm probably going to be the one who has to calm _him_ down."

"Well, I know he loves you," Ravenwind meowed. "As shocking as it is."

Duskcloud hit him again. "Fox-heart."

"Frog-face," Ravenwind shot back.

"Coming up with names for your kits?" Hazelstripe asked as he approached. He wore a sly look.

Duskcloud gasped. "Ravenwind, look what you've done! You've tainted your mentor!"

Ravenwind rolled his eyes. Hazelstripe shrugged. "When you spend as much time with Ravenwind as me, you pick up some things," the old tom said.

"Since you asked," Duskcloud meowed with her chin raised haughtily, "Shadeflight and I haven't picked any names yet. Nothing quite feels right."

"Can I name one?" Ravenwind asked, not being serious.

"When StarClan freezes over!" Duskcloud exclaimed. "I'm partial to Hollykit. You know… after mom's sister."

Ravenwind blinked. "That's actually really nice. You should do it."

"I'm sure Junipershade would appreciate it," Hazelstripe said.

"I had hoped these little nuisances would've been born by now," Duskcloud grumbled. "I want to go to tonight's Gathering."

"Knowing you, you'd end up going into labor on the island," Ravenwind teased.

"Maybe so," Duskcloud admitted. "But imagine how dramatic that would be!"

"Too dramatic for my tastes," Ravenwind said. "I'd make Hazelstripe do it."

"Hey!" Duskcloud gasped, but she snickered at the look on Hazelstripe's face. "Oh, you know?" Her eyes lit up like she had a wonderful idea. "I could make that scrawny WindClan cat you like so much do it. What was his name again? Runningpaw?"

"It's Running _shadow_ now," Ravenwind corrected her. "And besides, he's not all honey and roses as he seems."

"Oooh, does he have a secret dark side?" Duskcloud teased. "Is that why you're friendly with him?"

"I'm just saying he's not a pushover," Ravenwind sighed. "You probably couldn't _make_ him do anything."

"Not many medicine cats are pushovers," Hazelstripe meowed. "I don't think I've ever met one who wasn't firm in one way or another."

Ravenwind stuck his tongue out at Duskcloud. She did it back.

Hazelstripe sighed. "Are you both four moons old?"

"Evidently so," chortled Shadeflight. He smelled of fresh pine and mouse. "Are you hungry, Duskcloud?"

"I'm alright," she purred.

"You should eat something for the kits," he insisted.

"I'm fine, Shadeflight," she sighed. "You need to stop fussing."

Shadeflight gave in, and sat beside her. She gave his cheek a lick, and Ravenwind heard a purr rumble in the young warrior's throat. "Get a den," Ravenwind growled. Duskcloud swatted him with her tail.

Shadeflight pressed a gentle paw over Duskcloud's round belly. His prew grew louder when he felt the kits move. Ravenwind could see the love swimming in Shadeflight's eyes.

"How many are there?" The warrior asked. Fondness dripped from his voice.

"Two," Ravenwind answered before Duskcloud could reply.

Shadeflight and Duskcloud stared at him blankly.

The medicine shrugged awkwardly. "What? I'm the medicine cat. Of course I'd know how many kits she's expecting. I can always tell." He casually licked his paw and swiped it over his face. "Plus, I do her check-ups."

Duskcloud rolled her eyes. "And you complain every time I come in."

"That's because you think every twinge of pain and cramp means labor!" Ravenwind pointed out. "And then it just ends up being gas."

Duskcloud flicked her ears in embarrassment. "Don't you have ticks to remove?"

"Nope," Ravenwind purred. "I already finished elder duties today. Mothpaw is fetching fresh bedding for them. I got all the time in the world to make fun of you."

"Shadeflight, go wound someone so Ravenwind will leave me alone," Duskcloud whined.

"That's called breaking the code, Duskcloud," Shadeflight mewed. She huffed.

Duskcloud raised her chin. "Nuh-uh, only ThunderClan cats are codebreakers. They blur the scent lines all the time."

Ravenwind groaned loudly. "Can we _please_ not do this now?" He knew how much distaste his sister harbored for the snooty clan.

The queen huffed once more. "Fine. But only because you said please."

Hazelstripe, who had been quiet for a while, spoke up. "Ravenwind, why don't we give Duskcloud and Shadeflight some alone time?" It was an offering to get away from the situation.

"Sure," he said coolly. "We should probably get things ready for your kitting."

Duskcloud gave him a look, but then she dipped her head. Ravenwind followed after Hazelstripe. Truthfully, the moment he suspected Duskcloud to be pregnant, he had made sure their stores were stocked full of everything they could possibly need.

 _I'll be ready this time,_ he swore.

"Having three queens in leaf-bare is going to be difficult" Hazelstripe sighed once they were in the den.

"Duskcloud is due any day now," Ravenwind meowed. "But Spiderwhisker's might be lucky enough to be born in new-leaf."

"She needs to be moving around more," Hazelstripe commented. "I'm worried she'll get bedsores."

"She's grieving," Ravenwind reminded him. It was the one thing he had learned to be sensitive about. "She lost her mate."

Hazelstripe looked away. "ShadowClan lost a good warrior." Darktail had been unlucky enough to get caught in a fox trap not long ago. Hazelstripe had been first on the scene, but there was nothing he could have done. Ravenwind knew he wished it had gone differently.

"I'll ask Brightstep to go on a walk with her tomorrow," Ravenwind said. "She might listen to her." The queen had miscarried, and the two she-cats spent most of their days consoling one another or sleeping.

"Hazelstripe!" Sunfall burst through the ivy hanging over the entrance. Panic was written all over her face. "Have you seen the kits?"

Ravenwind stood up. "I thought you put Songkit down for a nap."

She nodded. "I did. I went to get something to eat, but they fresh-kill pile is empty. When I went to check on her, she was gone! And I can't find Fennelkit or Stormkit either. I was hoping they were in here."

"And they're not with the elders?" Hazelstripe asked. Ravenwind could sense his worry.

Sunfall shook her head. "No, I checked there first."

"I'll inform Snowstar to get a patrol looking," Hazelstripe said. "You two go out and search for them."

Ravenwind was on his paws before Hazelstripe had finished his sentence. He heard Sunfall behind him as he sprinted through the snow, her paws pounding as they both ran.

"I've picked up their scents," Sunfall meowed. She sniffed the air. "Songkit's goes cold, but Fennelkit and Stormkit headed this way." She posted her nose ahead of them.

"Go follow after your sons," Ravenwind said. "I will try to pick up Songkit's trail."

"You're not trained for tracking," Sunfall pointed out.

Ravenwind whirled on her. "I have a nose, don't I?"

Sunfall gave him a quick nod and headed in the direction of Fennelkit and Stormkit's scents. Ravenwind could smell where Songkit's trail suddenly cut off. Her little pawprints simply vanished from the snow.

He snuffed at the scattered snow. Tiny claw marks were dug into the snow, almost like she had tried to dig a burrow.

"Songkit!" Ravenwind yowled. He tasted the air. It smelled like old prey and frost. The forest was dead quiet.

The wind blew until Ravenwind could barely feel the tips of his ears. Songkit can't survive long in this! Bare tree branches were heavy with snow held in their brown arms. The slightest movement threatened it all to come crashing down.

Ravenwind stopped and opened his mouth, trying to pick up any trace of his sister. It was in vain. He furrowed his brows and shook his head angrily. He was up to his belly fur in snow.

"Songkit, if you can hear me, say something!" Ravenwind cried into the white abyss.

His ears pricked at the sound of a branch snap. He turned in the direction of the noise, but saw nothing stand out against the bleak of the snow and pines.

"Missing someone?"

Ravenwind's heart skipped a beat as he spun to face whoever had snuck up on him. It was Snowstar. In his teeth, was a very disgruntled Songkit. In her own mouth, was a squirrel.

"That's two heart attacks in one day," Ravenwind snorted.

Snowstar silently dropped Songkit onto the snow. She shook herself, landing on her paws. She spit out the squirrel she was holding. It was clear its neck was broken, and cleanly too.

Ravenwind eyed the prey. "What is this?"

"I caught it!" Songkit boasted. She was shivering.

Ravenwind stared at her, then glanced up at Snowstar, silently asking for confirmation. The leader gave a curt nod. "I found her as she took the kill," he replied.

"You're coming back to camp now," Ravenwind growled.

"No!" Songkit squeaked, and attempted to run off, but Ravenwind was quicker. He snatched her up by the scruff and she thrashed.

"Lemme go, lemme go!" Songkit cried, struggling. "I can hunt good like everyone else!"

"You're not old enough," Ravenwind said through her fur. "It's against the code."

"But I caught something!" Songkit protested.

"Beginner's luck," Ravenwind said stiffly.

The two toms marched into camp, their pelts covered with ridges of snow. It was harder to see against Snowstar's stark white fur. Sunfall was openly scolding Fennelkit and Stormkit in front of the clan. Ravenwind dropped Songkit beside her adoptive brothers.

Snowstar's gaze was brutal. "What were you three doing out there?" The leader demanded. "I know you know it's against the code." Fennelkit and Stormkit shrunk down, but Songkit kept her chest puffed.

"It was my idea," Songkit said boldly. Though she was confessing, she didn't look like she regretted it.

Snowstar's eyes narrowed. "Explain yourself."

Songkit gulped a little. "I heard Sunfall say there wasn't any food. I know the Clan needs fresh-kill. We only wanted to help."

Snowstar's lip curled. "You could have frozen to death out there!" He yowled. Both Fennelkit and Stormkit dropped to a crouch, but Songkit stood her ground.

"We're sorry, Snowstar," Fennelkit muttered.

"We're not!" Songkit growled. Her brothers shot her looks. "Well, I'm not!"

Ravenwind smacked himself. _StarClan, I really did rub off on her, didn't I?_

The defiant kit continued, meeting Snowstar's gaze evenly. "We did it for the good of the Clan! The code says to defend your clan with your life. Hunting so we starve counts, doesn't it?"

"You're leaving out the part where it says you have to be at least six moons old to do so," Snowstar growled.

"But I caught something!" Songkit protested. "Shouldn't that mean something?" Her head remained unbowed and Ravenwind recognized the rebellious spark in her eyes. It was in his own.

Snowstar's haunches relaxed and he let out a heavy sigh. "Your heart is good, but your actions were wrong," said Snowstar coldly. "I'll let Sunfall decide your punishment. If I find you've ignored the code again, I won't be as lenient."

Songkit never wavered. "May I put this in the pile?" She asked. This time, her tone was respectful.

Snowstar thought for a moment before dipping his head. "You've already caught it, and we don't waste prey."

Songkit grinned and scampered over to the empty fresh-kill pile and deposited her catch. Though he was impressed with her skill, Ravenwind had only felt such fear one other time before.

"See to it the kits are warmed up," Snowstar said to Hazelstripe. The older tom picked up Stormkit and Sunfall grabbed Fennelkit. Ravenwind was about to pick up Songkit, when Snowstar spoke to him.

"Ravenwind," he meowed. "Come see me in my den when you're finished with her."

Feeling anxiety creep in, Ravenwind nodded. Snowstar turned tail and disappeared into his den. He scooped up Songkit and once again, she fought back wildly.

When he set her down, she made a break for it. "Not so fast," Ravenwind growled. He he;d her down by the tail. "You're freezing!"

Songkit huffed and slumped down on the ground. Ravenwind had her immobilized. He swept his tongue over her cold, fluffy fur over and over. Songkit grumbled every time.

"Quit your bellyaching," Ravenwind growled. "You brought this on yourself."

Songkit produced a pathetic hiss, but she was silenced when he drew his tongue over her ears. "I'm not cold anymore!"

"That's not for you to decide," Ravenwind meowed. "Which one of us is the medicine cat?"

Songkit frowned, giving in. She let out a low grumble. "You."

Ravenwind sighed quietly when she finally stopped struggling and let him wash her clean. Her little body felt so cold, even with the thick, fluffy fur she had inherited. The second he released her, Songkit bolted.

Sunfall blocked the tiny kit from leaving the den. "And where do you think you're going?"

"Sunfall!" Songkit squeaked in surprise.

"I think you've had enough excitement for one day," growled the queen. Her sons trailed shamefully behind her as she grabbed Songkit by the scruff. She was carried up wearing her miffed expression.

"Snowstar said he wants to speak with me," Ravenwind mewed.

"I'll plan your vigil," Hazelstripe said seriously.

"Ha ha, very funny," Ravenwind grumbled. He pushed his way past the ivy tangles and made his way towards Snowstar's den.

Ravenwind announced his arrival with a hushed mew. "Enter," came Snowstar's voice.

He nosed through the lichen drape. Snowstar was sitting up in his nest. Ravenwind sat on the smooth floor. The medicine cat tried to read his leader's expression, but the great tom's eyes were cold and steady as always.

"Songkit displayed some very impressive hunting skills today," Snowstar meowed.

"I didn't show her anything," Ravenwind replied quickly. _Does he think I taught her something?_

"No, I thought not," Snowstar rumbled. "Your talents don't lie in hunting." _Ouch_. "I suspect she may just have a natural talent. But if she can't learn to respect the rules, that talent has no place in ShadowClan."

His tail lashed. Though he knew Snowstar was right, he felt inclined to defend his sister. "She's still very young," Ravenwind said firmly. "She'll learn in time."

"I trust you will make sure she does," Snowstar said.

Ravenwind eyed him. "Why not Sharpheart? He's her father, not me. Or Sunfall. She's the one raising her."

Snowstar seemed to have expected him to say such a thing. He curled his tail over his forepaws. "We both know your father wants nothing to do with Songkit. Maybe he will in the future, maybe never. And Songkit already knows Sunfall is not her mother. If she's taking after you, Sunfall will have very little power over her actions."

"You're asking me because she listens to me," Ravenwind said.

Snowstar dipped his head.

Ravenwind narrowed his eyes. "You do realize I can't control if she's like me, right?"

"I know that," Snowstar said. "If she follows the code loyally, I do not see any problem with how she behaves otherwise."

Satisfied, Ravenwind dipped his head. "I'll make sure she understands."

"Good." The leader sounded pleased. "You may go."

Ravenwind turned and padded back to the medicine den.

Hazelstripe feigned surprise when he returned. "Oh, Ravenwind! You're alive."

"Wow, you're full of laughs today," Ravenwind meowed wryly. The tabby shrugged in response.

When the sky turned black and the cold full moon made the snow glow, Snowstar left his den to address the clan. Ravenwind slipped into the mass of his clanmates. He saw Duskcloud watching jealousy as Shadeflight joined the group of cats attending the Gathering. Snowstar dipped his head once Shadeflight had trotted over, and turned to lead his clan out of camp.

Ravenwind preferred to walk in the back. Call it paranoia, or whatever, but knowing no one was behind him put him at ease. No absent father to glare at him, or sisters to look at him with expectant trust, despite him orphaning them both.

 _I don't have any friends in this clan,_ he thought, hardly even sour over the thought. Ravenwind had the respect his position entailed, but nobody pretended to like him. _Runningshadow doesn't pretend anything. That's what's great about him. He's earnest. And sweet. And handsome. He never expects anything of me as a brother or a medicine cat or a prophet. He just wants me for me._

His thoughts of Runningshadow carried him weightlessly to the gathering island, like he was walking on clouds. The stones to the island glided beneath his paws. He even passed a few of his clanmates in his hurry. If the stars were good, he'd get to talk to Runningshadow. Alone. An idea of what he'd say was already forming in the back of his mind, and as he surveyed the crowd of cats, he felt a sense of nervousness rise up in him.

Runningshadow made him happier with their limited conversations than any interaction he'd had with clanmates. Duskcloud was… Duskcloud, delightful and atrocious of a molly she was, but Runningshadow was a safe spot in the shade. His name was fitting. _Fleeting, but secure. Hurried, but familiar. My Runningshadow._

 _I love him._ Ravenwind thought. It made him giddy. He felt just as little and excited, like Songkit was toward the rest of the world. _I love Runningshadow._

_And I want to tell him._

"Where's WindClan?" Ravenwind demanded of Shadeflight.

His sister's mate shrugged, looking back over his shoulder. "Probably taking their sweet time. For cats gifted with speed and agility, they sure do love to take their time."

"No need to be so crass," Ravenwind told him crassly.

Shadeflight looked at him as if he had sprouted wings and told him he was taking flight to find StarClan.

"Useless," Ravenwind told him, and pushed past. ThunderClan and RiverClan had arrived, with SkyClan arriving just as ShadowClan swept the clearing. He bumped into one of the fishy-smelling apprentices on his way to the medicine cat seat.

The calico she-cat yelped and looked up at him with wider eyes than a kitten. She quickly noticed the herbs decorating his pelt. "Sorry, erm, your Wisdom!"

"My Wisdom?"

"Eh- Medicine Cat? Mama said to always respect messengers of the stars." The young apprentice lowered her head and eyes.

 _Your medicine cat didn't kill your mother, then._ Ravenwind pushed the thought aside. _My mother wouldn't want me thinking about that. Think about Runningshadow instead. He'll be here soon, and then you can tell him- tell him-_

He realized he was still staring at the poor she-cat. "Eh. Don't let anybody tell you what to do, kit. You're your own cat." Ravenwind brushed past her, looking back to scent for any whiff of the moor every few pawsteps. _At this rate, I'll be an elder before he gets here._

Honeypool brushed past him, her honeysuckles bobbing and swaying around her like she was a flowering tree. "It's good to see you, Ravenwind!" she purred, bluebell blue eyes surveying him in that vaguely intrigued way she always managed to look. "You seem to be in a good mood… how's Duskcloud?"

"Fatter than a mouse in green-leaf. Do you know why WindClan is taking their good-old time getting here?" Ravenwind didn't give her more than a sniff and a once-over.

"I'm proud of your medical assessments. You've grown so fast." Honeypool paused to copy his gaze to the crossing stones. "Looking for Runningshadow? He might have stayed in his den tonight, given how much that recent outbreak took out of him."

Ravenwind instantly felt the flowering in his chest wither. "It was two quarter-moons ago," he huffed.

Honeypool's eyes were on him still; he could feel them. He vaguely wondered if Hollypaw had felt the same gaze on her when Honeyheart was stalking her kill.

"Though, he might make it just to see his friends. Some cats value cats in other clans as much as they do their clanmates."

Ravenwind finally looked at her. "Do you always sound so disapproving and creepy when you give SkyClan advice?"

Honeypool dipped her head, looking at him with the same amusement a queen watching her kits held. "My clanmates trust me with things, and I haven't had too many complaints. Last time I did, I told the cat that he was welcome to dig up Toadcroak if he wanted a second opinion."

Ravenwind actually laughed at the comment. More than his usual dry snort. "Stars above, you're just as terrible as my sister."

Honeypool flicked her tail over his in a you-know-it gesture. "The trick is saying something blunt, but making it sound like you're giving them a compliment. Instead of saying your sister is huge from growing kits, I would say that Duskcloud is looking as healthy as a feasted mouse."

"I prefer to be straightforward. You just sound evil." Ravenwind snorted Oh, how proud Hazelstripe would be of him for socializing so much in one night.

"I get it from my mother. Though, I have more sense than either she or my father did." Honeypool paused, her gaze turning even softer as she looked at him. He hated her for looking like Junipershade in that moment. "Be careful, Ravenwind. I know you aren't as mouse-brained as you let others believe."

He suddenly remembered all of his misgivings about SkyClan's medicine cats. _She has the audacity to be so sweet and calm while manipulating me._

Ravenwind didn't need another cat who meant well behind a shroud of greenery and false smiles. "Maybe not the only thing you got from your mother."

Honeypool didn't even flinch. "You're more original than that," she said, and disappeared into the crowd. He'd have to see her again soon enough, but he tried to believe that glaring at her retreating form meant that he won.

Then the scent of moors and night wind hit his nose. His head shot up to look over the crowd, but a clump of burly RiverClan cats blocked his sight. Joy and trepidation intertwined around his heart once again.

Ravenwind caught sight of the WindClan leader, Sparrowstar. Her fur was fluffed up against the cold. "You're late," he heard Snowstar growl.

Sparrowstar dipped her head. "Apologies, Snowstar. We were held up." She did not elaborate further.

Ravenwind saw the brown and white form of Runningshadow join his fellow medicine cat at the edge of a nettle clump. He heard Owlstar call the Gathering to begin, and his heart sank. _Maybe I can still talk to him afterwards._

Ravenwind slunked up beside the WindClan tom. He looked a bit frazzled. He offered him a small smile in greeting. Runningshadow gave him a tense smile back. _Is something the matter?_ He wanted to ask, but Owlstar had begun speaking.

"We chased a hungry fox out of our territory," she announced. "We warn the other clans to stay vigilant. Morningfoot has delivered her kits, Firekit and Hawkkit. We hope they will grow into strong warriors of ThunderClan one day. That is all."

It was then Ravenwind noticed Milkpool was missing. Fallowleaf looked exhausted as well. He wondered if she was still sick. Instead of addressing the topic of her missing medicine cat, Owlstar nodded for Snowstar to speak next.

"Leaf-bare has been lucky for ShadowClan," Snowstar went on. "Though we've had heavy snowfall, finding prey has not been a problem." _That's not true,_ Ravenwind thought bitterly. _If it was, Songkit wouldn't have snuck out._

"We have two new queens, and we expect healthy kits to be born come new-leaf," Snowstar meowed. "Other than that, ShadowClan has nothing of importance to report."

Alderstar spoke next. "I'm pleased to announce my son, Mintpaw, is here with us tonight."

Runningshadow glanced across the clearing to see the grey and white tom. He looked ever confident as the other four clans turned their eyes on him. Ravenwind briefly remembered the young tom from his time in SkyClan.

"SkyClan is saddened to share the news of Vinestep's passing," Alderstar meowed. "She served her clan for many moons, and she will not be forgotten."

Many cats bowed their heads in respect for the deceased elder. Her name sounded familiar to Ravenwind, but he was not the social type, and thus, could not put her name to a face. Hazelstripe looked especially downtrodden. _They must have been good friends..._

Sapstar spoke next. Her deep voice silenced the hushed murmurs that had begun to spread at the news of Vinestep's death. "This last snow-fall has frozen the river. Though prey is short, rest assured RiverClan stays strong." Ravenwind surveyed the RiverClan cats. Their pelts had lost their usual glossiness.

Sparrowstar was last to speak. "WindClan is recovering well from the meadow saffron poisoning. We have Runningshadow to thank, who received his full medicine cat name at the Moonfall last half-moon."

Runningshadow turned his head away at the attention of the other clans staring at him. His paws were fidgeting, and he looked much more antsy than usual.

"We were lucky to have no casualties, and hunting has been good on the moors," she announced. "That is all WindClan has to report."

Around him, cats began to drift around the clearing to mingle once more. Ravenwind turned to say something to Runningshadow, but the WindClan tom had disappeared. Hazelstripe had joined a SkyClan elder in conversation, while the other medicine cats wandered to their own devices.

He was about to taste the air for where Runningshadow's scent had gone, when he felt something tug his scruff. He was pulled back into the undergrowth with no warning, fur brushing through the bramble thicket.

Ravenwind whirled around to hiss at whoever it was, only to find Runningshadow staring at him with round blue eyes. The WindClan medicine shushed him.

"Follow me," he whispered. He crept away, ears and tail lowered. Ravenwind followed his scent into the darkness. He smelled the sharp scent of ivy, and he saw the outline of Runningshadow in front of him brush the ivy aside to reveal a little alcove in the rocks.

The bright moon shone silver dappled light into the shadows. Ravenwind's eyes slowly adjusted. His heart was pounding so loud he could barely hear his own thoughts. There was barely enough room for the both of them in that little space. _He's so close!_

"I wanted to- to talk to you," Runningshadow whispered. He sounded nervous.

"Then talk." _Why am I so nervous now?_

Runningshadow was silent for a heartbeat. Then, he took a deep breath. "Do you remember the first Gathering we were at together?" Ravenwind nodded. "The question you asked me that night… it's plagued my thoughts. You've been a constant living in my mind ever since."

Ravenwind forgot how to breathe. The blood in his ears was roaring. He got lost in Runningshadow's eyes. He was certain his heart was going to burst through his chest.

"Truthfully, I've been lying to you," Runningshadow said softly. "I've known the answer since the night you asked me. I told you I didn't know, but I lied. I do know."

Ravenwind was wrapped up in the gentle sweet smell coming from Runningshadow's vanilla leaves. It was mild but intoxicating. He dared not interrupt him, for fear of losing the moment.

"I like toms," Runningshadow whispered. So quiet, if they were further apart, he wouldn't have heard. "One tom in particular."

Ravenwind's heart was a lump caught in his throat. _StarClan, let it be me. I'd give anything to have it be me. I don't care about the rules. I only care about him._

"Ravenwind, I- I think I'm…" Runningshadow trailed off, and then shook his head. "No, I _know_. I know I'm in love with you. You're the only one who makes me feel this way. I love you, Ravenwind."

His heart stopped. He forgot Runningshadow couldn't read his thoughts for a moment. The WindClan tom was staring at him with an air of desperation.

"You're a toad-brain, you know that?" Ravenwind whispered. "You beat me to it. I was planning on telling you tonight, too." He leaned forward and rested his nose against his ear fur. He felt Runningshadow shiver against his warm breath.

"Telling me what?" Runningshadow asked quietly.

"You know what," Ravenwind murmured. He was breathing in the scent of vanilla and wildflowers on his fur.

"I want to hear you say it," Runningshadow mewed. Their mews were barely breaths.

Ravenwind drew back and stared deeply into Runningshadow's eyes. _Three words and we break two codes,_ he thought. _I couldn't care less._

"I love you," Ravenwind breathed. He pressed his nose to his cheek. "I love you, Runningshadow. I could say it a hundred times and it wouldn't be enough. You're all I want."

Runningshadow returned the soft touch. "You have me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In conclusion, I'm soft.


	13. Haunted Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runningshadow helps Turtleheart prepare for her mate ceremony.

**Chapter 13: Haunted Heart**

* * *

_The sky was completely blue. There was a cool breeze that ruffed Runningshadow's face fur pleasantly._

" _Runningshadow."_

_He spun around. There were two kits at his paws. They were almost the size of an average apprentice, but not quite. One was brown splotched, and the other a pale brown._

" _S- Sorrelkit!" He exclaimed in surprise. "Mousekit! You're here?" He looked around. "I'm dreaming, aren't I?"_

" _Yes and no," Mousekit mewed. "We have a message we're supposed to deliver to you."_

" _Okay, what is it?" He asked, wary._

_Sorrelkit opened her mouth, and a torrent of blood poured out. Runningshadow leapt back in surprise. Mousekit's jaws were dripping blood as well. The blood rose, and he sunk into the inky red. It pulled him down, until he finally could no longer hold his breath._

_When he instinctively breathed in, the blood was metallic. Suddenly, Runningshadow found himself washed up, spluttering and coughing. Mousekit and Sorrelkit were standing over him._

" _Was that really necessary?" Runningshadow growled._

" _A sickness threatens not just WindClan, but every clan," Sorrelkit said. "Blood will pour and cats will die if something is not done."_

_Runningshadow blinked. "Do you mean greencough?" It was leaf-bare, after all._

" _No," Mousekit said gravely. "It is called redcough."_

" _Is there anything I can do?" Runningshadow asked._

" _That remains to be seen," Sorrelkit said. "Heed the call."_

Runningshadow woke with a start. It was a little past dawn. Turtleheart was staring down on him with big bug-eyes.

"What do you want?" Runningshadow mumbled, rolling over.

"Did you forget what today is, you hare-brain?" Turtleheart scoffed.

Runningshadow's thoughts were jumbled from sleep. Then, it hit him. He sat up abruptly. "Your mate ceremony!"

Turtleheart smirked. "Applewhisker already took Yewtail to pick flowers. Are you going to leave me without any flowers on my ceremony day?"

Runningshadow licked a paw and swiped it over his face. "I'd never. You've had your mate ceremony planned since we were kits."

"And you know that I want you to pick my flowers," Turtleheart mewed. "So get up and let's get to picking."

Runningshadow yawned. The dream from his sisters came flooding back, and his shoulders slumped. Turtleheart frowned.

"What's got you looking like I just stole your moss-ball?" She asked.

Runningshadow shook his head. "No, no, I-..." He sighed. "It's nothing. You're right. We should get going. We don't want Applewhisker getting the flowers I have in mind for you."

Turtleheart jumped to her paws. "You already know what flowers you want me to have?"

Runningshadow laughed. "I've known since I was a kit, too."

Turtleheart broke out into a grin from whisker to whisker. She eagerly dragged him out of his nest. The leaf-bare air was crisp and fresh, and the smell of cold morning dew filled his nostrils. Sparrowstar was coordinating with Cloverwing, likely going over what she was meant to say at the ceremony. Though Sparrowstar had been leader for many moons, not many mate ceremonies had taken place in a very long time. All of WindClan was bustling with excitement.

"So, what flowers have you chosen?" Turtleheart asked as they slipped past the heather barrier and out into the frosty moorland.

Runningshadow rolled his eyes. "As if I'd tell you and ruin the surprise."

Turtleheart huffed, but she was smiling. "This is one of the moments I've waited for my whole life." She was staring at her paws. "It's hard to believe it's actually happening."

Runningshadow gave her a light shove with his shoulder. "You're the type to make your dreams come true. And I'm glad it's Yewtail. He really loves you."

Turtleheart flushed. "Oh, shut up. I already know he does."

Pale fog swirled around the moors, clogging their senses of sight and smell. Runningshadow could feel tough, springy grass beneath his paws. The only thing he could smell besides the moist of the fog, was the sharp tang of peaty earth.

"Ugh, can you even smell anything with all this fog?" Turtleheart whined.

"I know where I'm going," Runningshadow assured her. He was a tad uneasy without his nose to rely on, but he knew the moors well enough to walk them without sight or smell.

The sky was open and blue above them. With the fog dancing, the sun shone pale grey light into the mist. It made their fur shimmer as the sunlight bounced off the rolls of fog. The smell of wet moss drifted to their noses as they passed the Patch Rocks.

The fog was less thick there, and Runningshadow could see the swaying stalks of the budding hollyhock plant. Turtleheart's pricked when she saw Runningshadow looking in the direction of the colorful flowers.

"Hollyhock?" She asked, tilting her head.

Runningshadow bit at the base of one. "They mean ambition. And you're the most ambitious cat I know."

"I think they're pretty," Turtleheart cooed. She was admiring the white, pink, and red flowers. Runningshadow was carrying a stalk with each color.

The fresh scent of their clanmates blew in on a breeze, and Runningshadow turned his head to see Applewhisker and Yewtail padding back towards camp. Yewtail must have scented them too, because he turned in their direction. He spotted Turtleheart, and immediately looked away.

"I'm not supposed to see you!" He exclaimed.

"That's not until we're wearing our flowers, hare-brain," Turtleheart teased.

Yewtail opened his eyes. "Well, I already know you're going to look beautiful." Turtleheart practically melted.

Applewhisker was carrying peonies in his jaws. _Huh… bashfulness. I guess Yewtail is pretty shy when it comes to Turtleheart._ "Come on, Yewtail," Applewhisker mewed. "We still gotta put the flowers in your fur."

"I'll see you at the ceremony," Yewtail purred. He briefly brushed his nose to Turtleheart's cheek before catching up to Applewhisker. Their forms disappeared into the fog.

Turtleheart stared until Yewtail was completely gone. She let out a long, dreamy sigh. "I can't believe I'm going to be mated to him forever. It feels so unreal."

"Getting cold paws?" Runningshadow teased.

Turtleheart swatted him with her tail. "Of course not! I'm just saying… I never thought he'd fall for me, too."

"He'd be a fool not to," Runningshadow said surely. "Any cat would be an idiot not to see how amazing you are."

Turtleheart pressed her side to him. "You always know just what to say," she purred. "I love you."

Runningshadow leaned into her as well. "I love you, too, Turtleheart. Now, these hollyhocks aren't going to put themselves in your fur. Let's get going."

He could feel Turtleheart's anticipation growing as they reached camp. Their clanmates were cleaning the clearing of dry leaves and snow to make it look neat. Applewhisker and Yewtail were off somewhere secret to dress the flowers in his fur.

"We can go in the medicine den," Runningshadow mewed. Turtleheart followed.

Cloverwing blocked their path. "I'm sorry, but Perchfur is in there."

Worry flashed across Turtleheart's eyes. "Is he okay?"

"Not to worry," Cloverwing assured her. "But he may be contagious and I don't want it to spread."

"Want what to spread?" Turtleheart meowed. Her voice tensed.

Runningshadow caught Cloverwing's eye. He pushed Turtleheart away gently. "Come on, I'm sure Oatkit, Brightkit, and Reedkit would love to help with these flowers."

Managing to pull her away, Turtleheart and Runningshadow slipped into the nursery. Moonblossom purred a greeting. "How's your big day going?" The queen asked.

"We thought your kits might like to help their aunt get ready," Runningshadow mewed. He dropped the hollyhock stalks down. The three kits were at his paws in an instant.

Oatkit pawed at the flowers. "Do we get to put these in your fur?"

Turtleheart nodded. "If you like, yes."

Oatkit eagerly ripped at a white flower and stuck it onto Turtleheart's side. Brightkit and Reedkit began haphazardly picking the flowers and tossing them at Turtleheart.

"No, like this!" Oatkit hissed at her brothers. She grabbed a red flower, and with her little paws, got it to stay in place against Turtheart's fur. They watched her, and nodded, copying Oatkit. Turtleheart purred in amusement.

Runningshadow was much more careful. He was carefully weaving the flowers onto her back, making sure her fur was clinging to the flowers so they wouldn't fall when she walked. He now had two things to worry about; the dream from Sorrelkit and Mousekit, and the fact Perchfur had fallen ill.

Turtleheart's eyebrows were creased with worry. With a gentle paw, Runningshadow tucked a red hollyhock behind her ear. "Everything is going to be okay," he whispered. He didn't believe himself, but Turtleheart seemed to relax, and that was all that mattered in that moment.

Turtleheart let out a shaky laugh. "All of a sudden, I'm so nervous."

"Do you remember your vows?" Runningshadow asked.

Turtleheart nodded. "I don't know if they're any good, though."

"You told them to me," Runningshadow reminded her. "They're perfect. Yewtail will love whatever you say."

Turtleheart sighed. She seemed to ease up. Runningshadow wove in the last hollyhock and gazed into her eyes softly. "You look wonderful," he whispered.

Turtleheart touched her nose to his. "I know," she whispered back.

"Runningshadow?" It was Cloverwing.

He pressed his nose to her cheek comfortingly. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere." Turtleheart rolled her eyes. He slipped out of the den.

"What is it?" Runningshadow asked. Cloverwing looked stressed.

"I think he's got greencough," she whispered. "But I'm doubtful." She turned for the medicine den, and he followed quickly.

The deputy was laying in a nest of heather. He was wheezing, and his eyes and nose were streaming. Runningpaw could feel the heat of fever radiating off the tom. His sides heaved as he let out a raspy, wet cough.

"We still have catmint, don't we?" He asked.

"It doesn't seem to be helping," Cloverwing mewed. "He said he's felt unwell for a few days, but didn't think much of it. He should have come in sooner."

"We should focus on keeping his fever down," Runningshadow said. "Then maybe he'll be able to sleep."

Cloverwing shook her head. "No, it's the cough. I can hear it crackling in his chest, but it doesn't seem to be breaking up."

Runningshadow pressed his ear to Perchfur's chest. He could hear his breathing whistling with every shallow breath. He felt the tom's throat, and felt the lymph nodes to be heavily swollen. Though he had a fever, Perchfur was shivering with chills.

Runningshadow stood up. Perchfur's body shook as he was consumed by a coughing fit. Cloverwing and Runningshadow watched in helpless worry. He hacked painfully, and blood spit up from his cough. Runningshadow felt sick in his stomach. Cloverwing looked shocked.

"I- I had a dream," he whispered in her ear. "Sorrelkit and Mousekit came to me last night."

Cloverwing blinked. "What did they say?"

"They warned me of a sickness coming," he mewed worriedly. "They called it redcough."

"Did they say anything else?" Cloverwing asked, casting a glance to Perchfur. His eyes looked bleak.

Runningshadow shook his head. "Nothing helpful, at least. They said blood will pour." Anxiety stabbed his heart. "Should we call off the mate ceremony?"

Cloverwing was staring at Perchfur. Then, she shook her head. "No, it's best not to worry the clan right now." She plucked some borage and tansy and began chewing them for Perchfur. "You should finish getting Turtleheart ready."

Runningshadow cast a look in the direction of the nursery. "She is." He looked back to Perchfur. He was too weak to eat the borage or tansy. "Shouldn't I be doing something? I'm a medicine cat, too."

"You should be keeping everyone distracted," Cloverwing meowed firmly. "I don't want the clan panicking."

Runningshadow bit his lip. With a frustrated lash of his tail, he left the medicine den. Turtleheart was pacing in the mouth of the nursery, her face contorted with worry.

"What did Cloverwing want?" She asked the moment she saw him.

"She just wanted to ask me if I gathered the herbs for the ceremony already," Runningshadow lied. "I did it yesterday."

Turtleheart relaxed. "We're not late, are we?"

Runningshadow shook his head. "Not to worry. Sparrowstar hasn't called yet." Just as he spoke, the WindClan leader yowled from atop the Highhill. "Never mind."

Turtleheart smoothed her fur down nervously. "Can you see? Is Yewtail out there yet?"

"Cats of WindClan," Sparrowstar began. "I call you today to witness the bonding of two hearts. Turtleheart, Yewtail, come forward."

Yewtail was hidden partially by a wall of heather. The peonies in his fur made his yellow eyes stand out. Turtleheart walked forward, her nervousness suddenly disappearing as confidence oozed from every step she took.

"Recite your vows, so all of StarClan may hear and approve," said Sparrowstar.

Yewtail stepped forward. "Turtleheart, you have never ceased to amaze me since the day you were made my apprentice. I didn't think I'd fall in love with you, but you've become the best thing to ever happen to me. If I could do it over again, I would change absolutely nothing."

Turtleheart took a deep breath. "I've had my entire life planned out since I was a kit. None of it ever felt like it would come true. I don't care if it does anymore, but this is the one thing I always wanted to happen. Having a ceremony… it felt so far away. And then I fell in love with you, and picturing us having a mate ceremony just felt so right. I'd give up all my dreams to be happy with you."

Sparrowstar looked towards the medicine den. "Runningshadow, bring the herbs."

Runningshadow stepped forward. In his jaws, he carried lemon, wormwood, coriander, and moss dripping with honey. He placed the four herbs between Yewtail and Turtleheart. The powerful smell of the coriander leaves made Runningshadow think of Ravenwind.

"Taste the sour," Sparrowstar said. "For every enduring relationship has times that are less than perfect. Will you offer love and support, without limit? If so, taste, and say 'I will.'"

"I will," said Turtleheart.

"I will," said Yewtail.

The both of them licked the juice of the lemon piece. Their eyes and noses scrunched, but they continued to lap at the sour taste until the lemon was dry.

"Taste the bitter," continued Sparrowstar. "For every enduring relationship will know disappointment and sadness. Will you offer guidance and wisdom, without limit? If so, taste, and say 'I will."

They agreed, and chewed the wormwood leaves. The strong bitterness made them clench their jaws, but their throats bobbed as they swallowed the leaves.

"Taste the hot," Sparrowstar went on. "For every enduring relationship has spice and passion. Will you offer respect and encouragement, without limit? If so, taste, and say 'I will."

Speaking in unison, Yewtail and Turtleheart took their share of the coriander. Turtleheart panted at bit at the spice, and Yewtail's eyes watered.

"Finally, taste the sweet," Sparrowstar said. "For every enduring relationship has life and enjoyment. Will you offer unconditional love, without limit? If so, taste, and say 'I will.'"

"I will," said the couple in unison. Together, they lapped at the thick honey dripping from the moss with eager tongues. After all the unpleasant flavors, the honey was a warm welcome.

"Present your catches," said Sparrowstar.

Turtleheart and Yewtail produced fresh-kill they had caught in the wee hours of the morning. Turtleheart presented him a finch, and Yewtail presented her with a hare.

"I promise to hunt for you, to care for you in green-leaf through leaf-bare, and provide for any kits we may have," said the couple. They exchanged prey, and each took a bite.

"Your hearts are now bonded as one in the eyes of StarClan," Sparrowstar announced. "May your ancestors join together and light the path of your new life."

Softly, Turtleheart and Yewtail touched noses. Runningshadow could practically feel the love and affection rippling off of them. The clan was joyous. Applewhisker ran to his sister and practically knocked over in excitement. Mallowpool, their father, had limped his way from the elders' den to lick his daughter's ears in congradulations.

However, the celebration quickly came to a startling stop when Cloverwing came hurrying out of the medicine den towards Sparrowstar. The grey tabby she-cat whispered something into the leader's ear, and Sparrowstar's eyes went wide with horror.

Cloverwing and Sparrowstar disappeared into the medicine den, leaving the WindClan cats confused and worried.

"What's going on?" Sandsky whispered.

"Is something wrong?" Runningshadow heard Dawnfeather growl to Blackstorm.

"Is it Perchfur?" Grassclaw cried, craning her neck to try and get a glimpse inside the medicine den where her mate was. Mosspaw and Silverpaw, her kits, were tense beside her.

Whispers and cries soon overtook the celebration of the union between Turtleheart and Yewtail. Turtleheart wore a distressed look as Yewtail pressed his cheek to hers in an attempt to comfort her.

Runningshadow was about to investigate, when Sparrowstar emerged. She was immediately bombarded with demands to know what was happening. With a stoic face, Sparrowstar leapt onto the Highhill once more to address her clan.

Her voice was steady and solemn. "Perchfur is dead."

To say the clan was shocked was an understatement. For a moment, the entire camp was quiet with one collective gasp. Then, everything descended into chaos. All focus was now on the topic of Perchfur. Turtleheart looked like she had been crushed.

"Silence!" Sparrowstar hissed at the cacophony. The clearing was quiet once more. "Now is not the time for dissention. I have already chosen a new deputy."

Hushed whispers washed over the camp again. _She chose that quickly?_ Runningshadow thought in surprise. _Did she know Perchfur was going to die and planned ahead, or is she just that goal oriented?_

"I say these words before StarClan so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice," Sparrowstar announced. "The new deputy of WindClan is Turtleheart."

The clan was speechless. Turtleheart blinked. Runningshadow could see her eyes were welling up. Horror, surprise, and devastation were written across her face.

With a choked noise, large tears spilled over and down her face. She was breathing erratically, trying not to sob, but she was already crying. Yewtail tried to lick her tears away, but she sniffed, and ran off.

Yewtail glanced to Runningshadow helplessly. It was clear he was heartbroken as well. "I'll go find her," the medicine cat promised.

She was easy to locate. Turtleheart hadn't gone far. She was sitting hunched over just outside camp in a patch of wilting sunflowers. Muted, barely audible sobs could be heard coming from her.

"Turtleheart?" Runningshadow whispered, slowly approaching. The moment he was close, she flung herself onto him and cried into his shoulder.

"This was supposed to be _my_ day!" She cried. "It was supposed to be perfect!" Her tears were warm against the cold, sunhigh air.

"I- I'm sorry," Runningshadow stammered. "We should have called it off."

Turtleheart shook her head. "No, I loved it. But this isn't what I wanted!" She looked up at him with watery eyes. "I didn't want it to happen this way!"

He placed his chin on the top of her head. "I know you didn't."

She buried her muzzle into him. "It's all ruined now," she sobbed. "My perfect day. _Our_ perfect day." She sniffled loudly. "Oh, I just left Yewtail there. Why am I such a wreck?"

"He just wanted to make sure you're okay," Runningshadow assured her. "He's fine."

"I've wanted to be deputy for so long," Turtleheart sniffed. "But not like this. _Never_ like this. Why did Sparrowstar choose _me?_ Does she pity me because it's my ceremony day? Why not Yewtail? Why not literally anyone else!" Anger made its way into her voice.

"I know you're capable, Turtleheart," Runningshadow said gently. "You're never selfish and you always put the clan before yourself. I think Sparrowstar would have chosen you even if it wasn't your ceremony day."

Turtleheart's nose scrunched in a snarl. "I want to be selfish sometimes. Don't I deserve at least that much? Today was supposed to be the one day that's about just me and Yewtail! And I can't even have that!"

"It's not fair, I know," Runningshadow mewed softly in her ear. "I want to make you feel better."

Turtleheart let out a congested sigh and leaned the side of her head on his shoulder. "Just… stay with me. For a moment longer." She closed her bloodshot eyes. "You make me feel safe right now, okay?"

Runningshadow pulled her close. "Okay."

They stayed like that until Turtleheart's eyes dried. She sniffed one final time and all her emotions were pushed down. "I'm ready," she whispered.

The clan's celebratory energy had died. A hush fell over the clearing when Turtleheart made her way to the Highhill. Yewtail was still sitting at the base of the hill, waiting for her. Her face was the most serious Runningshadow had ever seen. Firm, and determined, but he knew underneath, there was a torrent of anger and sadness.

"As your new deputy, I promise to put the clan's needs before my own," Turtleheart swore. "I don't deserve this honor, but I will do more than my best to become a deputy worthy of this position."

Yewtail caught her eye, and her stiffness seemed to relax a bit. She continued. "WindClan will stay strong. There will be difficult times ahead, but I swear, on my life, we will get through this together."

Though her words were addressed to all of WindClan, Turtleheart never tore her eyes away from Yewtail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I came up with the idea of a mate ceremony with my best friend for my main story, Stolen (on fanfiction.net). This story actually takes place in the same universe, albeit a few years before. The general idea is a kittypet that joined ShadowClan introduced the idea to the clans that two cats are bonded under StarClan and are "legitimate" in the eyes of StarClan. However, it got warped and became a way to invalidate half-clan relationships if they're not bonded, since only a leader or medicine cat can perform the ceremony.
> 
> I took inspiration from different marriage traditions in different cultures, but the most evident one is the Yoruba tasting ceremony. I think it's a beautiful sentiment and I couldn't resist incorporating it.


	14. Nightmare Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravenwind deals with sickness in ShadowClan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got busy with school so i apologize to anyone who actually reads this that it's late

" _I wish we could stay like this forever," whispered Ravenwind. He pressed his nose into Runningshadow's side. "I love you.'_

" _If we were in StarClan, we could stay together forever," Runningshadow mewed nonchalantly._

_Ravenwind blinked. "You're not suggesting…"_

_Before Runningshadow could answer, he was consumed by a fit of coughing. Ravenwind crouched at his side as he hacked painfully._

" _What's wrong?" He cried. "Are you okay?"_

_The WindClan cat continued to cough and splutter. Blood was coming up and Ravenwind was helpless to stop it. He was stammering uselessly as he watched his love practically cough up his lungs._

_The tips of Ravenwind's paws were wet with his blood. Runningshadow choked on his breath and struggled to breathe. He collapsed onto his side and his blue eyes were glassy in a matter of moments._

_Horror had barely sunk in when Ravenwind realized he was crying. Then he was screaming._

And then he was waking up. He was cold and drenched in his own sweat. The beginnings of tears were bunched in the corners of his eyes. His heart was pounding in his ears and he had to take a shaky breath to steady himself.

Ravenwind saw Hazelstripe's lips form words, staring down at him, but his heartbeat was far too loud. As the sudden adrenaline died down, he was able to slow his racing heart.

"What did you say?" Ravenwind asked, trying to keep his voice from trembling. He was busy pushing the memory of his nightmare into the darkest corners of his mind.

"You were yowling," Hazelstripe explained. "I asked if you were alright."

Ravenwind looked away. "It was just a dream." He groomed a paw, and saw it was still dark out. "Why are you waking me up?"

Hazelstripe's face was serious. "Duskcloud's gone into labor."

The drunkenness of sleep left Ravenwind in an instant. He was on his feet and snatched up the herbs he had collected in advance. "Is she okay?" He demanded. He was already charging towards the nursery, not bothering to wait for an answer.

Ravenwind heard the sound of pained cries coming from the nursery, but they didn't belong to his sister. He peered in to see Duskcloud smacking Shadeflight on his head repeatedly.

"You did this to me!" She hissed. "Why can't _you_ deliver these kits?"

Ravenwind felt a little relieved. She was still behaving like herself. Shadeflight was letting her take out her pain on him, as she was panting quietly and therefore wasn't putting much effort in hitting her mate.

"How are you doing?" Ravenwind asked her. He looked over her tense body, flanks rising and falling dramatically.

"You try pushing out two little beasts out of your-" Ravenwind cut her off.

"No talking," he mewed. "Focus on pushing."

"You just asked me how I'm doing!" Duskcloud exclaimed.

Ravenwind raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to tell me, then?"

"Well, it hurts worse than any ThunderClanner I've fought," she groaned through gritted teeth. "And I might have to kill Shadeflight when I'm done."

Shadeflight paled, but Ravenwind ignored her comment. "Nothing unusual?"

Duskcloud shook her head. "No, no, I don't think so. Though, I've never given birth before." Shadeflight was miming for her to breathe evenly, and she seemed to listen, because she closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing.

"The first one is breaching," Hazelstripe announced. "I see its head."

Duskcloud breathed an uneven sigh of relief, and a spasm shook her. She clenched her jaw to silence her squeal of pain, and a little dark grey kit slipped out. Hazelstripe nipped the sac and it blindly stumbled towards her belly.

She let out a breathless laugh. "Hey, that wasn't so bad," she panted. "Halfway done."

Duskcloud was breathing erratically once a few minutes went by. Ravenwind was trying not to let his anxieties consume him. His sister seemed to sense his tension, because he felt her tongue on his right ear.

"What was that for?" He muttered, looking away.

Duskcloud crooned. "I know you're worried. But don't be. I'm much harder to get rid of than this." A contraction rippled through her and she hissed loudly.

"You're close," Hazelstripe mewed. "Don't give up just yet."

There was a bit of blood mixed in with the fluids. Ravenwind had to remind himself it was a normal amount of blood.

"There's no way in StarClan I'm doing this again," Duskcloud growled. "If I _ever_ say I'm having more kits, execute me."

"My pleasure," Ravenwind shot back.

Duskcloud's lower half shook and Hazelstripe swooped up a grey tabby kit and placed it beside its litterborn. Duskcloud had craned her head to see, and when she did, she fell back and sighed.

"A she-kit and a tom," Hazelstripe reported. "Do you already have names in mind?"

Duskcloud looked to her mate, then back to Ravenwind and her kits. "We decided on Hollykit if we happened to have a girl. For mom's sister."

Shadeflight was crying, a smile stuck on his face. He was licking Hollykit, her dark fur wet and ruffled as she suckled on Duskcloud's belly. Her brother was kneading with tiny paws beside her.

"Eat this," Ravenwind ordered, pushing her some burnet leaves. "To keep strong."

She swallowed them with no complaints, too high on the delight of seeing her offspring. Her eyes looked like they could barely contain the love and adoration in them aimed at her kits.

"I think they're beautiful, Duskcloud," purred Hazelstripe.

Truthfully, Ravenwind thought they were ugly. Maybe it was because he wasn't a parent. Their fur was all messy from just having been in the womb and furiously groomed by their father. Their eyes were shut, ears folded, and noses painfully pink in color. Ravenwind refrained from voicing his opinion on their appearance.

"They seem healthy," is what he said instead.

The pale yellow of dawn light seeped inside the nursery. It was humid in the nursery and Duskcloud was beginning to doze off with Shadeflight beside her.

"Would you bring Songkit in?" Duskcloud yawned. "She wanted to see them first thing."

Ravenwind nodded, and headed out of the nursery to the elders' den where the kit had been moved for the kitting. She was sitting intently, listening to Willowdusk tell a story. Songkit was close to being the only kit in the nursery, with her foster brothers Fennelkit and Stormkit due to be apprentices in the coming days.

"Hey, Song," Ravenwind called.

Songkit's head snapped in his direction. "G'morning, Ravenwind!" She was certainly something of an early bird. "Is it true you and another medicine cat got chased by a fox when you were apprentices? WIllowdusk was just telling me."

Ravenwind purred and nodded in embarrassment. "Yes, it's true. That's how Duskcloud got that scar on her shoulder."

"How cool!" Songkit exclaimed. "She protected you and the other medicine cat!"

Ravenwind nodded. "She did. And speaking of your sister, would you like to see her kits?"

Songkit was on her paws instantly. "Yes! Yes!"

Ravenwind hushed her gently and led her into the medicine den. The two little kittens were bundled into Duskcloud's fur, their dark pelts almost blending together if it wasn't for her pale underbelly.

"They're so small," Songkit whispered in awe. "Was I that small?"

"No, you were smaller," Ravenwind said. "So small you almost fit in my one paw."

"Are they dreaming?" She asked. The kits' noses were twitching.

"Could be," Duskcloud mewed. "Maybe they're dreaming about milk," she giggled. "It's the only thing they know right now."

"It's weird to think I'm their aunt," Songkit said. "I'm only two moons older than them."

"Three," Ravenwind reminded you. "You turned three moons last waxing crescent."

Songkit made a face. "Those moon phases are so hard to remember. It's dumb."

"It helps us tell time, Songkit," Duskcloud chuckled. "Without tracking the moon or sun, we wouldn't know how long the days and nights are, or how many have gone by."

"You'll get the hang of it," Ravenwind assured her.

Songkit cocked her head. "You know… I'll be alone in the nursery soon. Fennelkit and Stormkit are gonna be apprentices soon. What about me?"

"They're not your brothers," Ravenwind reminded her. "You're much younger than them."

"No, I mean I'll be all alone," Songkit whined. "Sunfall's going back to a warrior once I eat prey all the time."

"Fennelkit and Stormkit will be busier, yes," Duskcloud mewed. "But they love you like a sister and I know they'll make time for you. Even when Ravenwind and I had different schedules, we still made time to eat or share tongues."

Songkit sighed. "Okay. Can I go play now?"

Ravenwind nodded. She cast a look at the kits one more time with round, curious eyes. She was gone for a moment before she poked her head back in.

"Oh, Ravenwind?" She asked.

"What is it?"

"Whitemuzzle sounds sick," Songkit mewed. "He was all sniffly and coughing, and his nose was runny. I thought you should know."

When Songkit had left, Duskcloud and Ravenwind exchanged equally horrified looks. "Greencough," they both whispered.

Ravenwind bolted out of the den. "Songkit, don't go back there!" He called. He caught sight of Whitemuzzle huddled in a half-asleep ball in his nest. "Go get Mothpaw or someone show you a move or a crouch. And don't ask questions."

The urgency in his voice must have surprised her, because Songkit was running towards the apprentice den in a flash. He entered the elders' den with a heavy scowl.

"Am I a medicine cat for no reason?" He hissed. "You're sick!"

"It's just a cold," Whitemuzzle protested. "And I'm tired."

"Well, you can be tired in the medicine den," Ravenwind shot back. "You certainly smell sick."

"He's been ill for a few days," Stonewater admitted. "But it doesn't smell like greencough and none of us are sick. He swears it's just a chill."

"I'll be the judge of that," Ravenwind growled. "Letting kits in here when you're sick. How foolish are you?"

Whitemuzzle only snorted and trudged after Ravenwind to the medicine den. Hazelstripe looked up as the stench of sickness poured in the den.

"Get the catmint," he barked. Hazelstripe fetched it in a matter of seconds.

"How long have you been like this?" Ravenwind asked, feeling up the elder's throat.

"Six- no, seven. Seven days," Whitemuzzle rasped. "I'm old. This happens sometimes."

"Not for seven consecutive days, it doesn't," Ravenwind scoffed. "You're infected."

Whitemuzzle paled. "Is it greencough?"

Hazelstripe cocked his head. "To be honest, I'm not sure." He sniffed the elder and felt his forehead. "It's got all the symptoms, but no one else has gotten it, nor does it smell anything like it."

"Either way he's still sick," Ravenwind meowed. "We should work on treatment."

"Here," Hazelstripe muttered. Whitemuzzle weakly took some catmint from Hazelstripe. He was consumed by coughing mid-chew and Ravenwind's nightmare came to strike him through the heart. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to see Runningshadow. Make sure he was okay.

Ravenwind turned away to soak some moss in water, shaking his head of his thoughts. He heard Whitemuzzle start coughing again while his back was turned. He dipped the moss-ball in the water.

"Ravenwind," came the quiet call of Hazelstripe. He sounded unsettled.

He turned around, moss-ball in jaws. "What-" he froze.

There was blood on the ground, coming up as Whitemuzzle coughed. "Here, drink!" Ravenwind gasped. The elder stopped hacking with a dry swallow to lick the moisture off the moss.

He pulled his mentor aside. "Have you ever seen greencough make a cat cough up _blood?"_ Ravenwind hissed, appalled.

Hazelstripe shook his head grimly. "No, but whatever this is, it isn't greencough."

Ravenwind's dream flashed in his mind. "I think StarClan tried to send me a warning," he whispered. "Runningshadow was in my dream- and- and he started coughing blood. It wouldn't stop and he died, and then I-"

Hazelstripe shushed him gently, cutting off his rambling. "Runningshadow is fine. You saw him at the last Gathering."

"Either way, it's not a coincidence," Ravenwind growled. "Can't StarClan have been a little more helpful?"

"They could be telling you to go to WindClan if you saw Runningshadow," Hazelstripe suggested. "Another medicine cat doesn't appear in someone's dream for no reason."

Ravenwind bit his lip, refraining from revealing it wasn't for no reason. "Should I go? They're not expecting me."

Before Hazelstripe could answer, Patchpaw came in the medicine den. "Hazelstripe? Ravenwind?" The apprentice sounded worried.

"Yes, what is it?" Hazelstripe meowed.

"Sootflower's unwell."

Dread shot through Ravenwind. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"She started wheezing on the patrol. And her eyes and nose are streaming," Patchpaw mewed.

"I'll check on her," Hazelstripe said. "Ravenwind, come with me."

Ravenwind followed his mentor out of the medicine den and to where Sootflower was resting, her breathing whistling. Even without touching her, Ravenwind could feel the heat pulsing off her body.

"She's sick," Hazelstripe announced. "Patchpaw, help me move her in the medicine den. Ravenwind, go tell Snowstar about your dream."

Ravenwind dipped his head and crossed the clearing of camp to reach Snowstar's den. "It's Ravenwind," he mewed.

"Come in."

"ShadowClan is sick," he announced. He saw Snowstar's eyes go wide. "So far it's just Sootflower and Whitemuzzle."

Snowstar stood. "Is it greencough?"

Ravenwind made an awkward face. "Well, that's where it's complicated. It's got all the symptoms, and it's too early to see if the catmint is working. Whitemuzzle coughed blood."

Snowstar blinked in surprise. "I've never heard of greencough causing that."

"Because it doesn't," Ravenwind said. "I had a dream last night. I think StarClan wants me to pay WindClan a visit. Perhaps they can offer some aid or insight."

Snowstar made a thoughtful hum. "I don't like being indebted to WindClan… but I don't see much choice. If they can help, maybe you and Hazelstripe can figure out what's going on before anyone else falls ill. You may make the trip."

Ravenwind took it he was dismissed. He dipped his head and quickly exited the den. Even the pines felt dead as he trekked through the frosty forest, dry leaves crunching as he walked.

He saw a WindClan patrol coming up the ridge. Ravenwind wasn't sure if it was good or bad luck.

"What are you doing so close to the border, medicine cat?" a light grey tabby tom growled. There were four cats on the patrol, all varying degrees of suspicious.

"I'm here on the will of StarClan," Ravenwind answered sourly. "Borders mean nothing to medicine cats."

"Doesn't mean we have to let you on our territory so easy," a silver tabby hissed.

"Fernfoot, easy," shot a white she-cat with brown splotches. She studied Ravenwind with careful blue eyes. "We'll escort you. Stay at my side."

Ravenwind crossed the border, and he saw Fernfoot's tail lash. The white and brown she-cat led the patrol, obviously the senior warrior of the bunch. The other cat was thin and solid black, and her intense stare made Ravenwind's neck fur stand up as she brought up the back.

Patches of snow were half-melted on the moors, while rabbit holes were eyesores. He saw an apprentice crouched by one, waiting for a rabbit to jump out.

"Runningshadow!" called the white and brown she-cat. "There's a ShadowClan medicine cat here."

Ravenwind;s heart leapt into his throat when he saw the WindClan tom's face peek around the corner of the medicine den. He looked equally surprised and delighted to see Ravenwind.

"Mom!" He gasped. "What's he doing here?"

Ravenwind blinked. "Mom?"

Runningshadow gave a little groan. "Ravenwind meet, Brownthistle. My mother."

"A pleasure, darling," Brownthistle purred. "I'm sure you'll be able to help Runningshadow just fine."

"Help him?" Ravenwind cocked his head. "I'm here for his help."

"What do you need my help for?" Runningshadow asked. He flicked his tail for Ravenwind to follow him away from the warriors.

"A new sickness," Ravenwind explained. "I thought it was greencough at first, but then Whitemuzzle coughed up blood, and-"

"He coughed blood?" Runningshadow gasped. Ravenwind nodded. "Get him away from the healthy cats. This thing spreads like you would not believe."

Ravenwind's chest clenched. "WindClan is sick, too?"

"We've already lost three cats in a quarter-moon," Runningshadow mewed. He looked like he was without sleep. "We found that hawkweed is good to prevent it, but once someone has it, we don't know what to do."

 _That explains why he smells like he rolled around in hawkweed,_ Ravenwind thought. "You're not sick, are you?"

Runningshadow shook his head. "No, Cloverwing and I wash our muzzles day and night, and keep hawkweed stocked up good."

"Then… I can do this," he whispered, and brushed his muzzle against Runningshadow's sharp cheekbone. It was a fleeting touch, fear of being seen.

"I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing," Runningshadow sighed.

"Not nothing," Ravenwind murmured into his fur. "I get to see you."

"Someone's gonna see you!" Runningshadow hissed quietly.

"Oh?" He pretended to flick something off the WindClan tom's fur. "You just had a bit of hawkweed stuck to you."

Runningshadow narrowed his eyes. "That's only gonna work so many times." Ravenwind only shrugged.

"C'mon," Runningshadow meowed. "I think we can spare some hawkweed."

The sight in the medicine den was pure horror. Cats were strewn about in hurriedly made nests, and the smell of sick was heavy in the air. The sound of raspy coughs and rattled breathing filled the den.

Two warriors lay weakly in their nests. One was asleep, while the other lay awake with fever-glazed eyes. Cloverwing was coaxing a kit to drink some water. A grey tabby she-cat, likely an apprentice, was curled up and close to tears.

"Ravenwind is here," Runningshadow announced.

Cloverwing looked up. "Oh! What a surprise."

"I was given a sign," he explained. "I thought it was telling me to come here."

"Well, I don't know how much help we'll be if ShadowClan's got redcough too," Cloverwing admitted with a growl. She looked just as exhausted as Runningshadow. "StarClan didn't give Runningshadow any advice either."

Ravenwind turned to him for clarification. "My kit sisters visited me," Runningshadow explained. "They warned me it was coming, but nothing else."

"Do you know if the other clans have it?" Ravenwind asked. He was inspecting the sleeping warrior. His symptoms were like that of Sootflower, somewhat in the early stages.

"We think it started in ThunderClan," Runningshadow mewed. "Fallowleaf and Milkpool took in that farm cat who coughed blood and died. It's the only thing we can think of."

"Makes sense," Ravenwind muttered. The she-cat laying in her nest looked so out of it he wasn't even sure she knew where she was.

"Lilynose was the second to get it," Cloverwing sighed, approaching Ravenwind. "I'm afraid she won't make it through the night."

Ravenwind was just about to suggest deathberries to let her die a painless death, but he remembered it was a strictly ShadowClan practice. He flicked an ear awkwardly at the silence.

"Can we spare some hawkweed?" Runningshadow asked. "Hazelstripe will be disappointed if he comes back empty-pawed."

"I used the last bit on Sparrowstar," Cloverwing mewed. "Pick some while you escort him to the border."

 _That's an awful nice way to say get out of my den,_ he thought with bitterness. He gave the sick WindClan cats one last surveying look, hoping to get some clue, but it only looked like greencough if it wasn't for the apprentice in the corner coughing up blood.

The energy of the WindClan camp was bleak. The two medicine cats slipped out of the den. Ravenwind saw the fresh-kill pile was completely empty. He looked up towards the heather tunnel to see a tortoiseshell leading a hunting patrol into camp.

Their kills were few in numbers; only two rabbits and a mouse. The tortoiseshell brought the rabbits to the medicine den.

"Will this be enough for the sick cats?" She asked Runningshadow.

He dipped his head. "Yes, thank you."

She sniffed at Ravenwind, nose turned up. "Why is the ShadowClan medicine cat here? Who let him in?" Her sharp eyes darted around for the guilty party.

"Turtleheart, calm down," Runningshadow urged her. "He's here on StarClan business. Ravenwind, this is Turtleheart, our new deputy, and she also happens to be my best friend."

Ravenwind blinked. He remembered Runningshadow talking fondly of her frequently. Before he was certain of the WindClan tom's leanings, he was jealous of her.

"So Sparrowstar made you deputy?" Ravenwind asked. "I take it Perchfur is dead."

Turtleheart's tail lashed. "I'm just as capable as he was."

"I didn't say you weren't," Ravenwind meowed.

"This is the tom you won't shut up about?" Turtleheart scoffed. "I'm a much better friend."

"I can have more than one friend!" Runningshadow protested. Ravenwind felt a stabbing pain in his heart at being called merely a friend. He saw sympathy in Runningshadow's eyes.

"I'll never understand medicine cats," Turtleheart sighed. "As long as he's under watchful eyes, he can stay."

"He was just leaving," Cloverwing meowed from the mouth of the den. She took the rabbits from Turtleheart. "Thank you. Silverpaw really needs something to eat."

"What about Lilynose?" Turtleheart asked.

Cloverwing's eyes darkened. She glanced long at Ravenwind, then back to Turtleheart. "She won't make it. There's nothing I can do for her now except ease her suffering."

The horror on Turtleheart's face was evident. She steeled herself quickly in Ravenwind's presence. "I'll tell Gorsesky," she sighed. "She'll want to say goodbye to her sister."

Turtleheart left for the warriors den, leaving just the three medicine cats. "Don't forget to get more hawkweed on your way back," Cloverwing meowed firmly, before disappearing back into the medicine den.

"C'mon then," Runningshadow murmured. He led Ravenwind through the heather tunnel, the ends tickling down his spine. Ravenwind had only been in WindClan camp once before, when Hazelstripe sent him to learn their medicine. It was lively and bright. Now, it seemed a dark cloud of hopelessness hung over the camp.

"You look tired," said Ravenwind.

Runningshadow didn't look at him. "I am tired."

Ravenwind stepped in front of him. They stopped walking. "Are you okay? I- I'm worried about you."

"I'm scared," Runningshadow whispered. "I'm not supposed to be. I'm supposed to cure them, but there isn't a cure. What am I supposed to do? What- what if WindClan dies out?!"

Ravenwind embraced the WindClan tom tenderly. He was shaking. Runningshadow practically melted into him, grateful for the affection.

"Whatever happens, we'll get through it together," Ravenwind muttered into his ear softly. "I- I promise."

Runningshadow pulled back, rolling his eyes a little. "You can't promise something like that."

"Well, I just did," Ravenwind huffed. "And I intend to keep it."

Runningshadow leaned his head against Ravenwind's chest. "I love you," he sighed softly. Ravenwind was absolutely floored, and he felt his heartbeat speed up.

Runningshadow must have heard it, because he lifted his head and wore a sly little smirk. "Aw, you're all flustered," he teased. "Was it me saying I love you?"

Ravenwind felt his face heat. "No! You're crazy."

"I think I like shy Ravenwind," Runningshadow laughed. "No, I love him."

Warmth reached the tips of his ears. He bit his lip. "Stop it," he muttered.

"Never!" Runningshadow snickered. Ravenwind twisted away from him and took to running, and the WindClan tom took chase after him playfully.

They were running in lazy zigzags, darting up and away from one another. Runningshadow was much faster than Ravenwind, so it wasn't long before the WindClan medicine cat pounced and pinned him to the ground.

Runningshadow was standing over Ravenwind. They were both panting softly, lost in each other's eyes. Everything was quiet except for the sound of the running river a few mouse-lengths away.

"I love you, Ravenwind," Runningshadow whispered. "I'd scream it to StarClan if I could."

"I- I love you, too," Ravenwind gulped. He knew Runningshadow reciprocated his feelings. Yet, every time he saw him he seemed to fall all over again.

"Uh…"

Someone had seen them.

Panic shot through Ravenwind. He keened his head back to see who was standing on the ShadowClan side of the border. Upside down, was none other than his sister, Duskcloud.

He squirmed out from under Runningshadow in a flash, and the WindClan tom moved to a distance. _Well, we're dead,_ Ravenwind thought.

It was silent for a painfully long time before Duskcloud spoke. "You're… you're just partners, right?"

 _Are you stupid, Duskcloud?_ Ravenwind lashed his tail. _What are you talking about?_

"My eyes were playing tricks on me," Duskcloud meowed steadily. "I didn't see you two. You were just gathering herbs, right?"

 _She's… she's letting us lie to her!_ Ravenwind realized with a jolt.

Runningshadow took the bait much quicker. "It's medicine cat business," he said. "A warrior wouldn't understand. We musn't discuss it with anyone but medicine cats."

Duskcloud nodded slowly. "Good. That's what I thought."

 _I don't tell her I love her enough._ "You didn't have to do that," Ravenwind whispered.

Duckcloud feigned ignorance, cocking her head. "Do what? He's just your partner."

 _Partner. Two people working together. It's also another term for mates._ Ravenwind scoffed quietly. _How clever._

"Wait, what are you even doing here?" Ravenwind exclaimed. "You should be resting!"

"I needed to stretch my legs," Duskcloud groaned, emphasizing her point by arching her rear in the air and stretching her front legs out. "I've been on bedrest for days!"

"You gave birth this morning for StarClan's sake!" Ravenwind hissed.

Duskcloud rolled her eyes. "Either way, you're needed back. Whitemuzzle's gotten worse. I was hoping to run into you and bring you back."

"We need that hawkweed first," Runningshadow reminded him.

"Uh- one minute, Duskcloud," Ravenwind said quickly. He followed Runningshadow over a hill that dipped down into a thatch of hawkweed, patches of dusty yellow swaying slowly in the gentle breeze.

"Is Duskcloud going to tell?" Runningshadow blurted nervously. "Are- are we doing something wrong?"

"It's the code that's wrong!" Ravenwind growled back. "And no, she'll keep it secret. She's claiming plausible deniability it seems. As much as she's a pain in my tail, she's no snitch."

Runningshadow's fur bristled anxiously as he picked the stems off the hawkweed. He was clearly not convinced.

Ravenwind dropped the hawkweed he had gathered to move close to Runningshadow and press his nose into the crook of his neck. He felt the WindClan tom shiver a little, then he relaxed.

"Besides," Ravenwind murmured. "Even if she does tell, which she won't, we could run away together."

Runningshadow tensed. "Come on, you don't mean that."

Ravenwind met his blue eyes firmly. "I do mean it. We could go anywhere. We could go past the two-leg place and make our own clan. Or we could go to the mountains and try to find the tribe cats from the nursery stories."

Runningshadow blinked. "You'd really leave the clans so we could be together?"

"I don't care where we go, as long as we go there together," Ravenwind swore. "And we'll get through this together, too."

Runningshadow sighed lightly. "We should probably go back before someone else finds us like this."

"All intimate?" Ravenwind muttered, giving Runningshadow's cheek a subtle lick. He got a gentle nudge in return.

"Yes, all intimate," he huffed.

"You were the one saying I love you over and over again," Ravenwind shot back.

Runningshadow rolled his eyes. "Touché."

They padded down across the moors. Duskcloud was boredly swatting at the cattails by the riverbank. She sat up when she saw them get closer.

Ravenwind crossed over the border and turned to look at Runningshadow. The WindClan medicine cat blinked slowly, and Ravenwind returned it. Duskcloud stared at the two of them until they broke eye contact and Ravenwind turned to walk away.

The silence was deafening. Ravenwind almost couldn't stand it, until Duskcloud finally spoke.

"Do you love him?"

His breath hitched. "Yeah. I do."

Duskcloud popped her lips. "Good."

Ravenwind froze. "Good?"

She shrugged. "Well, yeah it's good. You're lucky to have found someone who you love. It wouldn't be good if you didn't love him."

"But…" Ravenwind trailed off. "He's WindClan."

Duskcloud rolled her eyes. "Look, I'm just glad he's not a ThunderClanner. You could've done worse. And trust me, the less I know the better."

Ravenwind swallowed. "So, you really won't say anything?"

Duskcloud tilted her head at him innocently. "About what?"

Ravenwind sighed in relief and smiled, leaning his head onto hers. "Thank you, Dusk."

Duskcloud gave him a playful shove. "Anytime, Raven."

The atmosphere changed drastically when they entered camp. All of ShadowClan was gathered in the center of camp and a depressing mood hung in the air. In the middle of the cluster of their clanmates, was the dead body of Whitemuzzle.

Ravenwind's breath was stolen from him. He fervently looked around and spotted Hazelstripe just in the mouth of the medicine den. "Hazelstripe!" He hissed quietly. "What happened?"

"He stopped breathing," Hazelstripe whispered. "Duskcloud offered to get you when he started getting worse, but we didn't know how long you'd be gone… he passed a little bit ago."

Ravenwind was speechless. He wanted to say something, but none of his words were right. "It's in WindClan, too," was all he managed to say. "They called it redcough."

"How fitting," Hazelstripe said dryly. He glanced at Ravenwind, whose amber eyes were stuck to the body of Whitemuzzle. "You can pay your respects, if you like."

Wordlessly, Ravenwind stepped forward. By then, most cats had already whispered kind words into his fur. The only one left was Stonewater, who was curled into his side with his chin resting on Whitemuzzle's shoulder.

His vision swirled. He felt the familiar feeling of guilt creep in, but he managed to push it down. "I'm sorry," Ravenwind choked out.

Stonewater weakly looked up at him. "I know." The elder sniffed. "It's his own fault, really. Never askin' for help. Had it comin' if you ask me."

 _I know you don't believe that._ Stonewater laid his chin back down on his mate's still shoulder with closed eyes. _I know how you feel._ Ravenwind briefly touched his nose to Whitemuzzle's fur. _I'm sorry I can't care._

"Willowdusk and Stonewater will sit vigil through the night," Hazelstripe meowed. "They're all he had left."

"How's Sootflower?" Ravenwind asked, desperate for a topic change. His apathy irked him.

"She's sleeping now," Hazelstripe answered. "Was WindClan any help?"

"They found out hawkweed is good for keeping it at bay," Ravenwind answered. "But when it comes to a cure, they're as lost as we are." He flicked his tail in the direction of the pile of hawkweed he gathered with Runningshadow. "They let me take some."

"Have they lost anyone yet?" Hazelstripe asked, eyes round with sympathy.

Ravenwind dipped his head. "Runningshadow said three. Perchfur was one of them."

Hazelstripe sighed heavily. "Do you know who their new deputy is?"

"It's Turtleheart," Ravenwind replied.

Hazelstripe's ear flicked. "I don't know that name."

"She's Runningshadow's best friend," Ravenwind answered casually. "She's my age. They grew up in the nursery together so they're really close."

Hazelstripe raised an eyebrow at him.

Ravenwind felt embarrassed. "I mean- from what he told me…" He cleared his throat. "I'm sure she'll make a fine deputy."

"If you think highly of her, she must be," Hazelstripe teased.

"I'm sorry I didn't find more answers," Ravenwind mumbled.

Hazelstripe pressed his shoulder against his comfortingly. "You interpreted your dream to what you thought it was telling you. And you still got us something to prevent it from spreading."

Ravenwind sighed. "I'm gonna check on Duskcloud. She shouldn't have been up and moving around yet."

Hazelstripe dropped the subject. Ravenwind was already slipping inside the dim nursery. It was strange how much smaller seemed now he was fully grown.

Duskcloud was curled around her kits, watching them nurse with the softest look he had ever seen on her face. She looked up at him. "Precious, aren't they?"

Ravenwind sat beside her. "Have you come up with a name for the tom yet?"

Duskcloud nodded. "Shadeflight and I finally agreed on Cinderkit. What do you think?"

"You don't care what I think," Ravenwind scoffed. "He's yours to name, not mine."

Duskcloud let out a bark of laughter. "True. Even if you hated it, he'd still be Cinderkit." She ran her tail down the tiny heads of her kits. "Welcome to the world, Hollykit and Cinderkit."

In the back of the nursery, Spiderwhisker began to cough.


	15. Summoned Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runningshadow and Ravenwind are given a message from StarClan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted on fanfiction.net but forgot to post here my bad folks

**Chapter 15: Summoned Hearts**

* * *

The night was dry and cold. No air stirred the barren trees. Every step ached, and Runningshadow thought he was going to fall asleep on his paws.

"Hang in there," Cloverwing muttered to him.

Runningshadow squeezed his eyes shut and shook himself awake. "I'm fine."

The scent of the other clans was fresh in the air. Runningshadow could see the forms of his fellow medicine cats down below waiting. He took a careful step forward, when a rock shifted underfoot, and he slipped. He slid down the slope, dirt flying, before he was caught by Ravenwind.

"Are you okay?" The ShadowClan tom asked, steadying him with his body.

Runningshadow nodded and got to his paws. "Thank you." They shared a brief, tender look, before pulling away.

"The moon is nearly in position," Fallowleaf said. "We should go in."

"Wait, where's Milkpool?" Cloverwing asked, looking around. The ThunderClan medicine cat was missing.

Fallowleaf bowed his head solemnly. "She… she died. She got redcough before anyone else did."

Pondpaw placed her head sympathetically on his shoulder, though she said nothing. Fallowleaf gave a heavy sigh, clearly grief-stricken. Wordlessly, he pulled away from Pondpaw and headed into the cove.

The atmosphere was heavy. No one spoke as they all laid down on the cold stone to dream. Runningshadow felt Ravenwind scoot closer to him so the ends of the fur on their sides were touching.

_Runningshadow opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Ravenwind standing right in front of him._

" _Is this your dream?" Ravenwind whispered, amber eyes wide in awe._

" _It's both of your dreams," said a deep voice._

_The medicine cats turned their heads to see two medicine cats standing side by side, staring them down with serious looks. One was Silverwater, his thin form winding around the other medicine cat, who Runningshadow did not recognize._

" _Bramblestone?" Ravenwind gasped, at the same time Runningshadow said, "Silverwater?"_

_They looked at each other, then back to their predecessors. "Why are we sharing a dream?" Ravenwind asked._

" _To be given a message," Bramblestone answered._

" _We're listening," Runningshadow mewed._

" _Without a cure, redcough will ravage the clans," Silverwater said gravely. "You two have been chosen to leave the clans in search of this cure."_

" _Follow the setting sun until the trees touch the sky," Bramblestone meowed. "There you will find what you need."_

" _Just the two of us?" Runningshadow asked, blinking in surprise. "Alone?" It was too good to be true._

_Silverwater narrowed his eyes. "Do not think this is some reward for breaking the code, Runningshadow. You two are simply the only ones who can leave the clans without leaving a clan without a medicine cat."_

_Ravenwind glanced to him. "He's right. Pondpaw still has training so she can't go or be left to RiverClan alone. Fallowleaf and Honeypool are the only medicine cats of their clans, so that leaves just us because we're full medicine cats but we still have our mentors."_

" _If we could choose other medicine cats instead, we would. Be sure of that," Bramblestone growled. "You are the clans only hope."_

Everything was cold.

Runningshadow opened his eyes on darkness. Ravenwind was waking up beside him. All the other medicine cats were staring at them curiously. They sat up, confused.

"What's going on?" Runningshadow asked. A little voice in his head told him his relationship had been found out, however improbable that was.

"You two are the only ones who dreamt," Honeypool meowed. "StarClan did not appear to the rest of us."

"Were you told something of importance?" Hazelstripe asked, peering at his apprentice.

"Bramblestone appeared to me," Ravenwind explained, "along with a WindClan cat."

"SIlverwater," Runningshadow added quickly.

"They told us to travel- away from the clans," Ravenwind went on. "That we were the only ones who could find a cure."

Cloverwing and Hazelstripe exchanged glances. Honeypool's eyes were completely unreadable, while Pondpaw and Seedcloud looked concerned. Fallowleaf only stared.

"Let's talk," Cloverwing said to Hazelstripe.

When the other clan cats went their separate ways, Cloverwing and Hazelstripe were whispering a few mouse-lengths up ahead.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Runningshadow mumbled.

"I dunno," Ravenwind replied. "It's out of their paws. We're going whether they like it or not."

Runningshadow couldn't take it. He curled his paws into the dry grass, shaking with anger. "This isn't fair!" He hissed. "I prevented the meadow saffron poisoning, for what? Just for my clan to die of a new sickness?"

Ravenwind blinked numbly as Runningshadow let his temper loose. "We don't even know where we're supposed to go!" He shouted. Cloverwing and Hazelstripe were looking now. "Can't StarClan ever be more specific? The clans are dying! And all they do is spew riddles!"

"Runningshadow!" Cloverwing snapped.

"It's true!" He growled back. "I'm so tired, and frustrated." His anger flickered out quickly. "Can everyone stop dying for just one minute so I can breathe? I want all the terrible things to stop. I don't want to save anyone just for them to die from something else. It's not fair."

Ravenwind didn't care about the glare he received from Hazelstripe as he pressed his forehead to Runningshadow's. "We're going to fix this," he whispered. "I know we can."

Cloverwing cleared her throat. "Ravenwind, come to WindClan at dawn. You two should leave as soon as possible."

Runningshadow blinked slowly. "I'll see you then."

Hazelstripe lashed his tail, silently ordering Ravenwind to follow him. He lingered for a moment before disappearing after his mentor. Runningshadow stared after him until he felt Cloverwing's tail on his flank. He turned to walk at her side back to camp.

"This has been hard on all of us," Cloverwing whispered softly.

His body ached. "I know."

The rest of the walk was quiet.

Slinking through the heather tunnel and into camp brought a sudden change of atmosphere. He felt trapped, with an oppressive air filled with the smell of sickness.

Runningshadow dipped a wad of moss into cold water and brought it to a sick cat laying in a nest, coughing roughly. "Here you go, mom," he murmured, bringing the moss to her lips.

Brownthistle drank, then looked up at him with bleary eyes. "Runningshadow…" she rasped. "You didn't go to the Moonfall?"

"I already went," he said back gently. He looked down at his paws. "Look, you… you won't see me for a while. I don't know how long." He pressed his nose to her warm forehead. "So stay strong until I'm back, okay mom?"

Brownthistle sighed quietly, closing her eyes and laying her head down on her paws. Runningshadow looked at her sadly. "I'm not letting you go," he hissed under his breath. "You're gonna get better."

Runningshadow did not sleep.

He sat outside, staring up at the sky. The few healthy cats that remained in WindClan were up when the sky began to lighten. Turtleheart looked about as exhausted as Runningshadow now, and with so many of their warriors ill, Sparrowstar had taken to going on patrols too.

His mother had tossed and turned all night. _But she made it through,_ he had to remind himself.

Runningshadow felt Cloverwing sit down beside him. An orange line traced the horizon where black blended into various shades of blue. White clouds glowed with pink and yellow where the rays of young dawn light shone.

"Ravenwind will be here soon," Cloverwing said.

"I already gathered our traveling herbs," Runningshadow said.

The sun had risen halfway from the horizon when the heather tunnel rustled, and the thick-furred form of Ravenwind entered camp. He was carrying a small bundle of herbs in his teeth.

"Runningshadow has already put together your traveling herbs," Cloverwing mewed. She had taken the bundles from the medicine den for him.

"Hazelstripe sent me with some herbs for you," Ravenwind said. "He thought they might be of use." He laid the ivy leaf wrap on the ground at Cloverwing's paws.

"You two should be off," Cloverwing said. She pushed the traveling herbs closer towards the two medicine cats.

They swallowed the bitter herbs with screwed shut eyes and scrunched up noses. Runningshadow was suddenly very terrified.

"Cloverwing?" He mewed. "Will… will you tell Turtleheart I'm sorry for leaving without saying goodbye? I- I don't want to face her."

His mentor dipped her head. With a pounding heart, Runningshadow lead Ravenwind to the edge of WindClan territory. Pine trees made the forest dim, as if it were still night.

"Are you ready?" Ravenwind asked.

"No," Runningshadow said. He turned to his partner. "Let's go."

His fur was raised with dread. He had been to the outskirts of the woodlands, but the further they ventured outside the territory of the clans, the more Runningshadow felt way out of his depth. Pine needles crunched as they brushed through the undergrowth from one patch of shadow to the next.

Runningshadow had his mouth open to taste the air for scents; specifically any other cats. "There's squirrels here somewhere," he reported. He cocked his head at Ravenwind. "How good are your tree climbing skills?"

"Ha ha," Ravenwind barked dryly. "I think we'll stick to mice."

"Oh, I dunno," Runningshadow said. "I bet one of us could fish adequately. Whaddya say?" He was egging him on at this point.

"I think if you ever bring back a fish I'll kill you," Ravenwind growled.

Runningshadow let out a low coo. "Aw, you wouldn't. You love me."

Ravenwind shoved him in the shoulder. "Shut it."

"Mmm, no," Runningshadow chuckled. "Tell me."

Ravenwind spared him a glance. The WindClan tom was piercing him with big blue eyes. "Fine," he grumbled. "I… I love you. Happy?"

Runningshadow's purrs were deafeningly loud. "Yes. Very."

The ShadowClan tom rolled his eyes, but he was fighting a grin. "So, do we even know where we're going? It's not like Bramblestone or Silverwater were very helpful."

Runningshadow's shoulders sagged a little. "Honestly, no. I mean, they told us to go west, right? 'Follow the setting sun' is what they said after all. There's an old barn here and I thought we could make shelter there while we look for… whatever it is we're looking for."

"Well, at least one of us has a plan," Ravenwind sighed. "The barn's a good idea. We can eat mice till we pass out."

"It shouldn't be too far now," Runningshadow laughed. "It's been a while since I've really eaten anything."

That much was evident. The frame of his ribs was visible against his mousey-brown fur, and the nubs of his spine poked out along his back. If Ravenwind looked at him too long, Runningshadow could see the pained worry in his eyes.

Ravenwind suddenly stepped in front of him. "Wait," he growled softly. "Do you smell that?"

Runningshadow lifted his nose. "I can't smell much through all this pine," he admitted.

"It's rogues," Ravenwind said. He was speaking in a hushed whisper. "There must be some staying at the barn." He turned concerned amber eyes on Runningshadow. "How good can you fight?"

Runningshadow gulped. _Fight? Does he think it'll get violent?_ "Not good," he mumbled. "I chew my claws too much, and my form's always all wrong, and I trip, and-"

Ravenwind cut him off. "That's okay," he whispered. "I can protect you. Stay here, I'll go check it out." He turned in the direction of the barn.

"Whoa, wh- Ravenwind!" Runningshadow hissed. "Wait!"

The ShadowClan cat turned back to him. "What?"

"There's probably more than one," he pointed out. "Do you really think you can take them? We're just medicine cats, we're not meant for battle. Wouldn't it be better to just avoid the barn then?"

Ravenwind shook his head. "No. On our own, it'll take too long to build a den. And who knows if we'll luck out and find an old set or something. This is our best bet."

Runningshadow flexed his stubby claws in and out of the chilly dirt as he contemplated. "Okay, okay," he finally said. "Just… be careful. If it gets too dangerous, I'd rather sleep in the cold than have you get hurt."

Ravenwind pressed his nose to Runningshadow's briefly before he turned away. The bushes ahead rustled quietly as Ravenwind crept forward. Through the foliage and where he was hiding, Runningshadow could see the faded red color of the barn.

The grass surrounding it was wispy and dry looking, and the structure of the barn looked worn. The roof was sunken in a little, and Runningshadow had no doubt rain would leak through during storms.

He pricked his ears to try and listen, and he was peeking through the bush to try and see Ravenwind. The dark tom was padding to the mouth of the barn, shoulders hunched in suspicion.

A deep yowl cut through the air, one that Runningshadow knew did not belong to Ravenwind. A flash of white darted out of the barn and pinned the ShadowClan tom to the ground on his back. He gasped for air, struggling.

"Ravenwind!" Runningshadow shrieked. The fur along his spine rose.

"No!" Ravenwind choked out. "Stay back!" The rogue brought claws down to his face, and Ravenwind moved just in time for them to only graze his cheek.

The ShadowClan tom jabbed his back paws into the belly of the rogue and with all his weight behind his paws, shoved him off. They circled each other for a minute, tails bushy and eyes wild.

A familiar scent filled Runningshadow's senses when the wind shifted. It had been four or five moons, but he recognized it due to it being so unique.

"Wait!" Runningshadow cried, leaping out from his hiding spot. "King, Don't hurt him!"

Both the rogue and Ravenwind stopped grappling with each other to gawk at him. Ravenwind took his chance with his enemy distracted to buck the rogue away.

"Runningpaw, is that you?" The rogue asked, getting to his feet. Runningshadow almost didn't recognize him with how he was positively glowing. He had barely broken a sweat fighting Ravenwind.

Ravenwind was panting. "You know this rogue?" His voice was rough, and his pupils still slits.

"I do," he confirmed. "He's one of the rogues I tended to a few moons ago. I told you about him."

Ravenwind licked his chest fur. "I remember," he huffed.

"It is most delightful to see you again, Runningpaw," King proclaimed, pressing his nose to the medicine cat's forehead. Ravenwind snorted and looked away.

"Actually, I'm Runningshadow now," he mewed. He quickly explained the tradition of earning your name. King looked puzzled.

"That is somewhat of a disappointment," King admitted. "Cookie and I named one of our kits after you."

Runningshadow blinked in surprise. "I- you did? I mean- uh- thank you! Are- are they here?"

King gave a curt nod. "Yes, I told them to hide when I thought we were being attacked." He turned to Ravenwind. "Sorry."

"S'fine," Ravenwind said gruffly. "You didn't know."

"You're bleeding," Runningshadow pointed out. They made their way into the mouth of the barn and he forced Ravenwind to sit. "Let me," he mumbled. Tenderly, he licked the shallow scratch on Ravenwind's cheek.

"Dear, are you- oh!" Runningshadow glanced away from his partner to see Cookie emerge from a haystack. "Runningpaw!" She looked healthy.

"He goes by Runningshadow now," King meowed. "It's a clan tradition."

Cookie nodded thoughtfully. "I see. I wish we had known," she giggled. "We would've named Running Paw Running Shadow instead."

At the mention of his name, a brown and white tabby tom popped out from behind his mother. His eyes were amber just like Cookie's. "My name could have been Running _Shadow?"_ The young rogue whined. "That is so much cooler than Running Paw."

"You're still named after him, Running Paw," Cookie laughed softly. "Don't be so rude."

Running Paw came forward first, sniffing the air warily. Hesitantly, three more cats came out of hiding. Only one was completely white like King; the others all had some sort of brown on them.

"This is Cinnamon, Flax, and Duke," Cookie purred, referring to her kits. "And you've met Running Paw."

Though Cinnamon was the only she-cat of the litter, she was in no way the runt. She had a stocky figure like her father, and a dusty reddish coat. Duke had his mother's eyes, but otherwise looked like an exact copy of King. Flax was the lithest, white with brown paws and ears.

"You smell weird," Cinnamon said bluntly. Her nose was pointed at Ravenwind.

"I'm Runningshadow," the WindClan medicine cat said. "And that's my- uh- Ravenwind. We're from east of here."

"We know about the clans," Running Paw huffed. "Mom and Dad told us how you helped them get better before we were born."

"I've smelled WindClan before, but he smells different," Cinnamon said. She was still looking at Ravenwind, who had averted her gaze, uncomfortable with the attention.

"I'm ShadowClan," Ravenwind said coolly, narrowing his eyes. "And we ShadowClanners _eat_ kits. And I'm getting hungry."

Cinnamon yelped "eep!" as she looked up to see Ravenwind flashing her his shiny fangs and took a few steps back. Runningshadow stepped in between them.

"He's not once for socializing," he laughed awkwardly.

"Well, if he's a friend of yours, he's a friend of ours," King said warmly.

The fur on Ravenwind's back stood on end. "I'm not his _friend!_ I- I'm… ugh!" He stomped out of the barn and rounded the side of it, disappearing from view.

"He means we're- we're mates," Runningshadow gulped. "Well, I guess not officially… but still. We can't tell anyone back home and… I know it bothers him."

Duke cocked his head in confusion. "Are two toms not allowed to be together in the clans?"

Runningshadow shook his head. "No, no that's not it, we- we're from two different clans, and that sort of relationship is forbidden. And we're both medicine cats, so even if we were from the same clan, that would keep us apart too."

Cookie hung her head. "Will you get in trouble if you're found out?"

Runningshadow's tail flicked. "Probably. But we're careful!" _Sure, we are. Except when Duskcloud saw us._ "I- I love him."

He felt King's tail on his back. "You should go talk to him," the rogue said. "Love is worth fighting for, even if you're not allowed."

Dipping his head, Runningshadow exited the barn. Ravenwind hadn't gone far. He was sitting in the tall, dry grass around the corner of the barn slicing at dandelion weeds with his claws.

"What're you doing?" Runningshadow asked, sitting beside him. Their bodies touched, and he had to fight the trained instinct to pull away. Allowing himself to be affectionate still felt… strange.

Another flower crumpled under Ravenwind's claws. "Taking my feelings out on these weeds," he growled.

"Aw, what'd they ever do to you?" Runningshadow teased. Ravenwind stayed quiet, slashing at the pale green stems with a blank stare forward. Runningshadow sighed. "You know you're not _just_ my friend, right?"

"I know," Ravenwind mumbled.

"And you can't get mad at King," Runningshadow pointed out. "He just didn't know."

Ravenwind huffed. "I know. I just…" he trailed off, struggling to find the right words. Runningshadow waited patiently. "I wish we could just exist," he finally said. "Without anything against us. I want to be able to call you my mate."

Warmth spread across Runningshadow's cheeks. "You can," he blurted. "Here, I mean. We're not in the clans. We don't have to be a secret right now."

That was news to Ravenwind. His eyes went wide as the thought bounced around in his head.

"And, by the way," Runningshadow added, "you looked pretty great fighting. You know... protecting me, and all that. It was... you were... I- I'm just sorry you got hurt."

Ravenwind shook his head, scuffing a torn up dandelion to the wind. "Nah. We're both medicine cats after all. You coulda patched me up."

Runningshadow raised an eyebrow. "Were you hoping I'd have to fix you up just for an excuse to be close to me?"

The ShadowClan tom's ears shot up. "Wha- n- no! Shut up!"

Runningshadow devolved into a fit of laughter, and when he opened his eyes, tears pricking at the corners, he saw Ravenwind staring at him with such a powerfully lovestruck look it shook him to his core. Ravenwind stood up abruptly and dragged Runningshadow back into the barn with him, looking fiercely determined.

His shadow fell in the barn and King and Cookie turned to look at the both of them.

"Runningshadow is my mate," he said firmly. Runningshadow's heart felt like it had stopped. "I love him. He _is_ my friend, but he's so much more than that. We're mates."

The ShadowClan tom looked pleasantly surprised when the only reaction the rogues had were smiles. "Ah, you two do look cute together," Cookie sighed.

"If you're mates, does that mean you have kits too?" Flax asked innocently.

"No," Runningshadow and Ravenwind said decidedly in unison. They looked at each other and laughed.

Runningshadow looked about the barn. Something clicked in his head. "Hey, where's Nan?" He swallowed thickly. "Is she… gone?"

King looked almost amused. "Oh, it'll take more than fleas and ticks to get rid of my mother," he chuckled. "No, the cold just makes her tired. She's sleeping in the loft still."

"Loft?" Ravenwind asked, bewildered. Runningshadow had learned from his time with rogues to just pretend you knew what some words meant.

King nodded in the direction to a higher part of the barn. "Climb the ladder and there's a smaller area up top. It's nice and warm."

"I'm glad she's healthy," Runningshadow purred.

"So, what brings you so far from WindClan anyways?" Cookie asked. "No clan cats have even come close to here while we've been here."

Ravenwind and Runningshadow exchanged dismayed looks. Runningshadow spoke first. "We're sick," he said. "Well, not us specifically, but the clans. It's bad. Really bad. We were sent to find a cure."

King and Cookie's eyes went wide. "Hey, sweetings," Cookie called to her kits. "Go wake Nan. If you're nice, maybe she'll show you some cool moves or tell you a story."

The four kits scrambled away, pushing one another to try and get up the ladder. They looked about four moons old, but more well fed than any rogue Runningshadow had seen before. _Probably all the mice._ The scent was heavy in the air.

"How bad?" King asked seriously, once his kits were out of earshot.

"We didn't bring it, did we?" Cookie whined, looking incredibly guilty.

"No," Ravenwind said certainly. "It was a cat ThunderClan took in and it spread from there. We can't stop it, only delay it. At the rate it's been spreading, all of the clans will be sick within two or three moons."

"We found something that helps prevent it," Runningshadow added. "But once someone has it…" he swallowed a lump in his throat. His mother popped in his head.

The straw nests were pokey. Cookie and King were mirroring each other, paws tucked under their chests as they absorbed all what Runningshadow and Ravenwind knew, which admittedly, wasn't much. The two medicine cats kept shifting uncomfortably.

"It sounds like bloodlung," Cookie said after a moment. "That's what we rogues call it. It comes from farm cats cause they can get chilled, or catch it from sheep or cows."

"I'm afraid we can't help much," King admitted. "Rogues who get bloodlung go to the vet. That's the only way we know how to cure it."

Runningshadow's eyes widened. "Wait, you had redcough and survived?"

King nodded. "I was probably about four moons old. I didn't know nothing about healing, so I made myself known to some upwalker who took me to the vet and got me better."

Ravenwind made a disgusted face. "You went to a _twoleg_ for help? I'm pretty sure starClan doesn't want us to do that."

Runningshadow ignored him. "Did they give you anything? What sort of medicine?"

King frowned. "Upwalker medicine is very different than clan medicine. Sometimes it's some foul liquid, and other times it's a little pellet you're made to swallow whole. You usually get better within a few days, though."

The two toms sighed in defeat.

"Don't look so defeated," came a raspy voice.

"Nan, where are the kits?" Cookie asked. "I sent them to you."

"Oh, so it was you who woke me up," the elder grumbled. "Bah, they're chasing some crickets out back. I showed them a crouch and they want to be better than each other at it."

The pale grey she-cat hobbled over and sat down, albeit with an "oof" of pain. "I know a thing or two about bloodlung," Nan said. "Took my parents when I was a kitten. My brother and sister had it too, and I eventually caught it as well."

"What'd you do?" Runningshadow asked.

"We didn't want to be separated," Nan said. "If we went to upwalkers, we knew that would happen. We eventually found an old hedgecat to help us, as long as we promised to hunt for her when we got better."

"So there really is an herb!" Runningshadow exclaimed. "I can save my mom?"

Nan's posture drooped. "Sadly, I don't know where to find it. It was bright pink, and heart-shaped, I remember that much. Smelled nice. And the hedgecat kept telling us it was poison in large amounts, so she had to administer it little by little. Worked fast though. Two quarter-moons and we were back on our paws."

Runningshadow stared off straight ahead hopelessly. He felt Ravenwind's tail on his back in an attempt to comfort him. It pulled him away from his beginning of a spiral.

"You should try the woodlands a ways west," Nan suggested. "It's a lot like where I grew up; moist, a little humid, you know."

Ravenwind pressed his nose to Runningshadow's cheek. "It's true we'll probably find it in a similar environment."

"Is it far?" Runningshadow asked abruptly.

Nan exchanged looks with King and Cookie. "It's a three day journey," King answered. "And three days back."

"We should go now then," Runningshadow said numbly. He stood up and headed towards the forestline. Ravenwind stammered and chased after him.

"We can't go right now!" Ravenwind exclaimed. "We're tired, we're hungry, we need to get our energy back before we can go on."

Runningshadow fixed him with serious blue eyes. "The more time we waste, the sicker our clanmates get. The sicker _my mother_ gets." He looked down in shame. _If we don't go now… what if she's already..._

Ravenwind's tone softened. "I'm not saying we don't go. We will. But we should stay a few days here. We can patrol this pine forest a little more each day, expanding a perimeter to look for it."

Gently, he turned Runningshadow's face so he'd look at him. "Once we're well rested and well-fed in a few days, we'll go. Our clanmates are strong. I promised you we'd get through this together, didn't I?"

A heavy sigh escaped Runningshadow. He practically collapsed into Ravenwind. "I don't want to lose her too," Runningshadow whimpered. "She's the only family I have left."

A flash of remorse shot through Ravenwind. It often slipped his mind that Runningshadow had no littermates, not anymore. His father had died with his sisters during the leaf-bare when they were kits. Brownthistle really was the only family he had left.

"We'll save them," Ravenwind whispered confidently. Runningshadow's ear fur brushed his nose. "We'll save them all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back babey hehehehe


	16. Bonded Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravenwind comes up with a way to show Runningshadow his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> getting back on track isn't easy but i'm stilll trying :D

**Chapter 16: Bonded Heart**

* * *

It was a brumal evening. The glow of the setting sun on the treeline made the pine trees look golden and the yellow grass field as if it were ablaze. A gust of wind caused Ravenwind to shiver.

"Are you paying attention?" Cookie asked.

_Definitely not._ "Yes."

"Then you won't mind demonstrating what I was showing you," Cookie said, sitting down and raising her chin.

_Ah. You got me there._ "Uh." Was all Ravenwind had to say.

Movement caught the corner of his eye. The undergrowth trembled, and King and Runningshadow emerged from the forest. King was carrying a mouse and squirrel, and Runningshadow looked particularly proud of the two mice in his jaws hanging by their tails.

Ravenwind purred at the sight of him. "Welcome home, honey," he said, brushing muzzles as his partner dropped his prey. _Home?_ What a strange thing to say. They had only been at the barn for five days, but it felt so natural.

"Perfect timing," Cookie said with a frustrated sigh. "Runningshadow, tell Ravenwind here he should be paying attention! I don't think he's listened to a word I've said."

Ravenwind shook his head. "That's not true. I heard when you said 'now listen closely.' _Then_ I zoned out."

Runningshadow's amused laugh was cut short by a glare from Cookie. "You know we both should be learning how to hunt better," he pointed out. For emphasis, he motioned to his mice. "Look at what I caught! I'm getting better at that hunting crouch King showed me."

Ravenwind flopped his head to the side with an innocent pout. "But you look so cute when you hunt. Can't I just watch you instead?" His voice was oozing with persiflage.

"Oh no," Cookie scolded. "You won't get anywhere with flattery, right Runningshadow?"

Wrong. Runningshadow wore an absolutely spellbound look, ears twitching in embarrassment like a lovestruck fool. "I- I don't mind hunting for us both," he stammered. "I'm better at that than fighting. King keeps trying to show me, but I'm no good."

"Unbelievable," Cookie sighed.

"Oh, let them be," King chuckled. "They're young.

"Yeah, leave us be," Ravenwind echoed, sticking out his tongue.

"Really, Ravenwind?" Cookie asked with a raised eyebrow. "You're more mature than that."

The ShadowClan tom shook his head. "I'm really not." With a cheeky grin, he grabbed one of Runningshadow's mice by the tail and followed him into the barn.

Their first night there, they had found some moss to make bedding out of, and the four kits helped move hay bales to make room for their nests. It was more of one big nest in truth. One thing Ravenwind could never get sick of was waking up everyday beside Runningshadow. It made his heart feel so full he thought it might burst.

Ravenwind was acutely aware of Flax staring at him with big green eyes as he sat beside his partner. The young cat probably thought he was slick, hiding partially behind a hay bale, but Ravenwind could clearly see his eyes peeking over.

"You know I can see you, right?" Ravenwind said, tearing into his mouse. Runningshadow snickered beside him.

Flax stumbled. "Ye- yeah." He came out from behind the hay bale. "I- I wanted to ask… what are the clans like?"

Ravenwind glanced to Runningshadow. The WindClan tom gave a lazy shrug in response. They beckoned the young tom over, who quickly scampered closer and sat in front of them. Cinnamon and Duke gravitated over within a few moments, but Running Paw was busy brooding in a shadowy corner.

"Have you ever killed anyone?" Duke asked bluntly.

Runningshadow looked taken aback. "What? No!" He exclaimed, at the same time Ravenwind shrugged and said, "yeah."

"You've _what?"_ Runningshadow sounded horrified. "Ravenwind, we're medicine cats!"

Ravenwind's eyebrows knitted together. "ShadowClan medicine cats use deathberries to make a slow painful death easier. No cat should suffer in their last moments." Runningshadow visibly relaxed.

Duke frowned. "That doesn't count." Ravenwind stuck out his tongue with a scowl.

"We heal, Duke, we don't hunt or fight," Runningshadow meowed. It wasn't the first time he had to explain it to the rowdy tom. "And each clan has a different way of practising."

"Have you ever _had_ to fight?" Cinnamon asked. "What about dogs?"

"We see more foxes and badgers than dogs," Runningshadow explained. "Dogs only come onto WindClan territory in greenleaf with their twolegs sometimes."

A wry smile made its way onto Ravenwind's face. "Heh, remember that fox that we ran from when you came to ShadowClan?"

Runningshadow cringed. "Yes."

"Oh, oh, tell us!" Flax gasped eagerly.

Ravenwind stared with serious eyes. "I just said we ran. There isn't much to tell." He waved a paw nonchalantly. "We gathered herbs and waited for the patrol to get back so we could fix 'em up."

Flax and Duke looked bored. "Well, there was this one time," Runningshadow began with a squeak. Ravenwind's eyes whirled on him in an instant.

"One time? What time?" Ravenwind pressed.

Runningshadow tilted his head guiltily. "I had to get some celadine for Cloverwing a few moons ago; she got a scratch in her eye. So I had to find some in this forest here and it turned out there were some hostile rogues who made camp there."

Ravenwind sat up fast and swallowed a bite of his mouse he had to chew. He choked on it for a moment. "You didn't tell me that!"

Runningshadow shrunk down. "I didn't want to worry you! You're all protective!"

Ravenwind sniffed. "You're worth protecting," he mumbled under his breath. Runningshadow smiled a little and gave his cheek a brisk lick. Cinnamon cooed at them.

"So?" Duke pressed. "What happened? With the other rogues?"

"Oh, right," Runningshadow said. "It was three-on-one, and I've never learned how to fight. Even if I did, I couldn't fight off all three of them." He pointed to a small jagged scar on his hind leg. "One of them gave me this."

Ravenwind's amber eyes melted. "You told me you fell in a thornbush!"

"I'm _okay_ now," Runningshadow assured him. "Turtleheart was luckily leading a patrol and noticed my scent went over the border and came to investigate. She gave the tom who scarred me a much nastier scar, trust me."

"Did you fight at _all_?" Duke asked. He obviously wanted some bloody war-story neither of them could provide him with.

"It was all defensive," Runningshadow admitted. "I was trying not to die."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't," Ravenwind meowed, leaning his head into him.

"Wow, how romantic," Runningshadow teased.

"How did you two meet?" Cinnamon asked sweetly, at the groans of her brothers.

"It's kind of boring," Runningshadow laughed awkwardly.

"He fell down a slope and then I fell for him," Ravenwind said bluntly, though there was a trace of a smile on his features.

Cinnamon giggled. "That sounds funny."

"It wasn't funny!" Runningshadow exclaimed, hot in the face. "It was embarrassing!"

"It was funny," Ravenwind agreed, nodding his head seriously. Runningshadow flicked him with his tail, and Ravenwind smirked.

"You two make cute mates," Cinnamon gushed. "I don't want one myself, but seeing mom and dad and you two is sweet."

_Mates…_ It still felt strange to not be walking on their tiptoes when expressing affection. Part of Ravenwind half expected Hazelstripe to round a corner and find him close to Runningshadow and scold him. Runningshadow must have sensed his mate tense up, because he laced their tails together and rested his head on the ShadowClan tom's shoulder.

Duke and Flax called for Cinnamon by the outside of the barn. "Cinnamon, Running Paw! Wanna go throw rocks in the river and see whose makes a bigger splash?"

"It's frozen over, idiots," Running Paw scoffed.

Duke thought for a moment. "Wanna see who's rock can smash through the ice?"

Running Paw looked like he was thinking. Then, he pushed off from the wall he was leaning against. "I'm only coming to make sure you don't do something stupid."

"Cinnamon, you coming?" Flax asked.

She glanced to the two clan cats, who just shrugged at her and then stood. "Coming!" She called, scrambling after her brothers.

Ravenwind watched as the four young rogues ran off. He distantly heard Cookie shouting after them.

"You know," Runningshadow mumbled, "it's still kinda weird to hear." Ravenwind gave him a look, prompting him to elaborate. "Hearing us be called mates. I like it, don't get me wrong! It's just, when we go back, we won't hear it anymore."

"That won't stop us from being together," Ravenwind said. "You know how I feel about those rules."

"No, I know," Runningshadow sighed. "It's just… I don't know. I guess… I never really wanted a mate before, you know? I used to think it had to be between a tom and a she-cat because WindClan doesn't talk about that sort of thing."

Ravenwind felt a kind of pain that he knew all too well. He hated that Runningshadow knew it too. "I know," he whispered back.

"Turtleheart used to talk about it all the time." He gave a little laugh. "She had the biggest crush on Mousetalon when we were kits; thought she was gonna have her ceremony with him."

"Duskcloud's always been more goal oriented," Ravenwind meowed. "But by StarClan, when she got her first crush it was torture. I had to listen to her all day long talk about how hot Snailspots was."

"But was he? Hot, I mean," Runningshadow asked. He looked amused.

Ravenwind made a face. "Ugh, I don't know. Maybe? Him and Eaglestorm have absolutely nothing going on their heads. For some reason, Duskcloud finds that attractive."

Runningshadow sat up. "Turtleheart too! I mean, I like Yewtail well enough and all, but I tease her all the time about her taste in clueless toms."

"I heard she had a mate ceremony," Ravenwind meowed.

Runningshadow nodded, His eyes looked fond. "I put hollyhocks in her fur. She looked amazing. And I wish it had been her perfect night. She deserved that much."

"Duskcloud didn't have a mate ceremony," Ravenwind said. "She said she wants one, but then she found out she was pregnant and her and Shadeflight decided to wait until the kits are apprenticed."

The WindClan tom had gone quiet suddenly. Ravenwind peered at him. "What is it?" He asked.

Runningshadow let out a heavy sigh. "I-" he let out a defeated noise. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing," Ravenwind insisted. "Tell me. Please."

Runningshadow frowned in thought. "Growing up, Turtleheart would always talk about her mate ceremony, and how she wanted me to be the one to put the flowers in her fur. And I did! And it was nice. And I never thought it was something I wanted. But… that night. I- I thought about if- if I had a mate ceremony with... _you,_ and then everything changed."

Ravenwind's heart lurched. _With me? He wants a mate ceremony with me? The one that binds your hearts together forever?_ He snapped himself back to reality.

"Liking toms is part of why I became a medicine cat," Ravenwind admitted. His voice was softer than usual. "I was afraid. I didn't think anyone could love me for me. Or that I'd find anyone. As a medicine cat, I thought at least I could spare myself the heartbreak."

Runningshadow nudged him. "That working out well for you?"

"Well, I found you, so I'd say yes," Ravenwind said. Runningshadow's ear flicked shyly. "I don't care if we don't get to have a ceremony. Any moment with you is more important."

Runningshadow looked away. "I… I guess I'm just disappointed we won't ever have that. I always said I hated mate ceremonies, but I think about one with you, and I want it. More than anything. I know it's silly."

A truly genius idea struck Ravenwind. He stood up and stared down at Runningshadow. "It's not silly. Let's do it."

The WindClan tom looked confused. He gave a half laugh, half scoff. "Do what?"

"Have a mate ceremony," Ravenwind said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We could do it right now."

Runningshadow was standing now too. "Wait, you're not kidding?" Ravenwind shook his head. "Like right now, right now?" Ravenwind nodded eagerly.

_I just said I didn't care… So why is my heart racing?_ "We can get Cookie and King to put the flowers in our fur," Ravenwind said. "And I'm sure they could remember what to say during the tasting."

"Oh, wait, but who will officiate? Only leaders or medicine cats can do that," Runningshadow pointed out.

Ravenwind bopped his nose. "Uh, duh. We're medicine cats? We can officiate it ourselves."

Runningshadow raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure we can do that?"

Ravenwind shrugged. "I don't see why not. I think it's double officiated since there's two of us."

Runningshadow squinted at him. "I- I don't think that's right."

Ravenwind nodded, eyes closed. "Yes, it is." His voice was serious. "We're gonna be double bonded."

His laugh became a snort, and Ravenwind thought it was a beautiful sound. "Okay, okay," Runningshadow meowed. "We're really going to do it right now?"

"Why not?" Ravenwind shrugged. "I love you. I want to be with you forever."

Runningshadow hid his face. "H- how can you just say such things so easily? Don't you get… nervous?"

"I just say what I'm thinking," Ravenwind meowed casually. "It leads to problems most of the time."

"You say nice things," Runningshadow muttered.

"Only to you," Ravenwind said. "So, have any flowers in mind?"

"We've only been together two moons!" Runningshadow protested. Ravenwind blinked. "Okay. Fine. Maybe. Yes." He hung his head.

The ShadowClan tom pressed his nose to his partner's forehead. "You're adorable. You know, this ceremony is already a little unconventional. How do you feel about picking flowers for each other instead of letting someone pick them for us?"

Runningshadow frowned a little. "I wish Turtleheart was here. I wonder if she's thought about what flower she'd pick for me."

Ravenwind leaned against him. "I'm sorry she can't be here."

Runningshadow shook himself. "No, it's for the best." He turned to Ravenwind. "We have to do it now. Who knows when we'll get another perfect chance like this? No clan rules to bother us… we can just… be."

"What could possibly go wrong?" Ravenwind said sarcastically.

The WindClan tom shoved him. "Don't say it like that, you'll jinx it!"

All smiles and soft laughs, the two toms walked out of the warm barn and into the frosty night. The sky was darkening with purples and the faint twinkle of stars could be seen.

"What's got you two looking like you caught the canary?" Cookie jested. Whatever joke she tried to make went over their heads. "You look very happy."

They exchanged looks. Ravenwind decided to explain. "In the clans, we have something called a mate ceremony. It's said to bond your hearts together forever. It's kind of involved, and well, since we're away from the clans, it's our only chance to have one."

"You want our help," King guessed.

"Please," Runningshadow added.

Cookie purred. "It's the least we could do, dear. Just tell us what to do."

"We need flowers to go in our fur," Ravenwind said. "Usually someone close to you picks one for you, but… we're picking for each other. Will you help us look?"

"Sure thing!" King said heartily. "Nan's watching the kits, so it's no trouble."

"There's still the matter of the tasting," Runningshadow pointed out. Ravenwind looked thoughtful.

"What's the tasting?" Cookie asked.

"You get something sour, something bitter, something spicy, and something sweet and you gotta eat it all," Runningshadow explained. "It's meant to represent the ups and downs of a relationship."

"Each clan uses something different," Ravenwind said. "ShadowClan uses lemons, mugwort, paprika, and honey."

"WindClan uses lemon and honey for the sweet and sour too," Runningshadow said, "but we use wormwood and coriander for bitter and spicy."

Ravenwind glanced instinctively to his medicine cat herb. "Well, I guess we could use some of my herb for the spicy then… but I'd rather not."

"I'll tell mom," King said. "I'm sure and the kits could wrestle up something clever. Anything else?"

"Yeah, we have to catch something for each other to eat," Runningshadow said. "I went hunting earlier."

"I caught a vole last night," Ravenwind supplied in a chilled tone.

"And there's specific things you've got to say," Runningshadow said. "There's a few other elements, but they can't be done. It's family stuff." Ravenwind gave a dry laugh.

"Oh, and we're not supposed to see each other after the flowers go in our fur until the ceremony," Runningshadow added.

"We should split up then," Cookie said. "I can go with Ravenwind and you can go with Runningshadow, dear."

"I already know what we're looking for," Runningshadow said timidly. He whispered something in King's ear.

"Ah, I believe I know where to find those!" He beamed. "This way." King took off to the left past the treeline with Runningshadow trailing behind.

Cookie sighed. "I remember when King and I were so completely lovesick. I feel like I fall in love with him everyday."

Ravenwind looked down and away, face warm. "I… know what you mean." He suddenly felt exposed. "I mean, I guess," he said gruffly.

Cookie smiled wide. "Don't be afraid to be vulnerable, Ravenwind. The ones we love make us vulnerable, and it can be hard. But it's worth it."

Ravenwind fixed her with a look. "Tch," was all he said with a light scoff.

"You put up this facade of not caring but I know you care a lot, don't you?" Cookie continued. _Stop._ "You think caring makes you weak." _Stop it._ "But it doesn't." _Just stop._ "Keeping your heart open isn't easy. Trust me, I know."

"What do you know?" Ravenwind snapped. "You don't know me, you _barely_ know Runningshadow! I- I don't get you. All sunshine and smiles talking about how you understand me." He lashed his tail, jaw clenched.

Instead of spitting back a retort, Cookie only gave a pitied smile. "Because I was you," she said simply. "Bitter, closed off, spiteful. King and his mother helped pull me out."

Ravenwind spared her a glance. "How?" He asked in a quiet voice.

Cookie looked wistful. "It started the day I met King. My mother was hit by a car- you call them monsters- and my father ate foxglove because he couldn't cope."

Ravenwind stared at her, unblinking as she went on. "I'd caught a finch, and two other rogues picked a fight with me over it. King came to my rescue and drove them off. I thought he was just trying to take my catch for himself. That's just how it is as a rogue. At least, that's what I thought. He asked me if I was okay, helped me up, offered to get my wounds healed. I passed out, and when I woke up, I was in his family's den."

"He helped you even when he didn't know you," Ravenwind mumbled.

Cookie smiled and gave a nod. "The finch was right beside me when I woke up, and King's father had fixed me up. Blanc was the best at medicine stuff. When he died, that's when we had to go to the clans for help. They looked after me, helped me, without expecting anything in return."

"I don't expect anything of Runningshadow," Ravenwind retorted, offended. "I just want to love him!"

"Let me finish," Cookie said firmly. Ravenwind shut his mouth. "All throughout my time with King's family, I was a pain. I was rude, I started fights, and I told myself I didn't care. Well, one day, King had been hurt. It was raining, but I didn't even think twice before I went to find him and bring him back for Blanc to heal. I realized then that I _did_ care. It wasn't easy, but I let myself relax a little more each day around them after that."

Ravenwind was staring at his paws. He poked at the cold earth with a claw. He didn't say anything.

"Were you listening?" Cookie asked. Her voice was edged.

"Yes," Ravenwind muttered. He wasn't lying this time. "It's a… nice story."

He felt Cookie smile at him. "I know you care about Runningshadow a lot. It's so strong, you probably feel you're willing to die for him. But do you think you tell him enough? And I don't just mean saying 'I love you'."

Ravenwind's eyes widened a little. "I know what flower I want to give him." He met Cookie's eyes. "Will you help me look for it?"

The sun had completely set. The pale moon was full in the sky. It hung like a threatening omen above Ravenwind's head. He pointedly ignored it.

It had taken longer than he had anticipated but with Cookie's help, he had found the perfect flower for his love. King and Runningshadow were already back, sitting in the field.

"Snowdrops," Ravenwind muttered through the stalks. He placed them at Runningshadow's feet. "They symbolize purity, modesty, and love." On short, thin green stalks were clusters of soft white, bell flowers.

"Red gladiolus," Runningshadow said. His voice was small. He pushed the flowers forward shyly. "They symbolize sincerity, honor, and strong character." The flowers were bigger than the snowdrops, with narrow, blade-shaped petals in a piercing crimson shade. "An- and love," he added.

"I love them," Ravenwind blurted. "They're…" Starclan, his heart could explode. "...perfect. They're perfect."

Runningshadow grinned proudly, albeit a bit flustered. "Y- yeah? You think? The meaning just makes me think of you. They grow a lot on the moors, and so I just thought-"

Ravenwind put their foreheads together. "I love them," he assured him softly.

"Okay," Runningshadow whispered. "I love the snowdrops too. They're pretty." He plucked one off its stem and tucked it behind his right ear.

"Heh, it looks like you have two medicine herbs now," Ravenwind teased.

Runningshadow took one of the gladiolus and put it behind Ravenwind's left ear. "There." He pulled away. "Now you do too."

They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment that felt like a blissful eternity. Ravenwind couldn't think of a place he would rather be.

"Um, you're supposed to put them in your fur, right?" King asked, nudging the snowdrops with a paw.

Ravenwind nodded. "Someone else has to do it," Runningshadow said. "Usually the same cat who chose your flower... but it's just us."

"Psh, it can't be that hard," Cookie scoffed. She gathered the gladiolus in her jaws. "C'mon. We'll go in the barn. Runningshadow isn't supposed to see you, right?"

Ravenwind looked back over his shoulder as he followed Cookie into the barn. King was struggling to pluck a snowdrop with his big paws.

Cookie tore off a gladiolus off its stem and tried to get it to stay in Ravenwind's fur. He felt it keep sliding off. Cookie growled lowly and with a slow movement, finally got the first flower to stick.

"Okay, maybe not as easy as it looks," Cookie admitted.

The brown tabby queen had gotten five flowers woven in his fur when a draft came in through the barn doors. It stirred up sawdust and tickled Ravenwind's nose. He sneezed suddenly and powerfully. The movement caused the flowers to fly off his pelt.

Cookie threw down the assortment of flowers. "I give up!" She cried in frustration.

"I had to sneeze!" Ravenwind protested.

"This is near impossible," Cookie complained. "How do clan cats do this?" Ravenwind turned around to see her eyes were watery and her eyebrows creased. He forced his thorny facade down.

"It's alright," Ravenwind said gently. "Get Runningshadow. It breaks tradition but he'll know how to do it. King's probably having trouble too."

Cookie stood up with a relieved sigh. Her lithe form disappeared around the side of the barn. Ravenwind held one of the red flowers in his paws, staring at it as his mind wandered.

" _No, like this!" Duskkit said. She tucked the stem of a dandelion puff into their mother's fur to demonstrate. "Now me!"_

" _Why do I have to dress you with flowers?" Ravenkit huffed._

_Duskkit pouted. "'Cause you're my brother! I'll do you next."_

_Ravenkit turned up his chin. "No way! I'm never having a mate ceremony! You're not putting any dumb flowers in my fur!"_

" _You're too young to be thinking about it anyways," Sharpheart said._

" _I think it's cute," Junipershade cooed. "They're just dandelions, sweetheart."_

_Sharpheart said nothing. "Hey, we're almost apprentices!" Duskkit retorted. "It'll only be a little while now." She blew the puffs off a dandelion into Ravenkit's face. "And then we'll be apprentices together and hunt and fight and train together!"_

" _I'll put the dandelions in your fur now," Ravenkit said. "Turn around."_

_Duskkit didn't notice the change of subject. She only sat with her back to Ravenkit, waiting expectantly. Instead, Ravenkit took a clump of damp soil and smushed it into his sister's coat._

" _Ravenkit!" Duskkit hissed. "I'm gonna kill you!"_

" _Nyeh, I'd like to see you try!" Ravenkit taunted._

_Duskkit stuck her tongue out. "I'm never letting you put flowers in my fur for my mate ceremony now! And don't expect me to do it for you either!"_

_Ravenkit stuck his tongue out back at her. "Fine by me! I didn't want a stupid mate anyways!"_

Ravenwind looked up when he heard the barn door creak. Runningshadow stood in the doorway, pelt aglow with silver moonlight casting a stark shadow over the wooden floorboards. A few stray snowdrops were sticking in his fur, and he wore a bashful look on his face.

"Um, King got in some before he gave up," Runningshadow chuckled. He stayed put, paws shuffling. "Guess it's a learned thing."

Runningshadow was absolutely breathtaking. Ravenwind forgot how to form words for a second. The only thing he knew was basking in the handsome glory of the WindClan medicine cat he was lucky enough to love.

"You look… wow," Ravenwind finally managed to say. It came out more of a breathless exhale.

Runningshadow's ear twitched; a telltale sign of his unfamiliarity with compliments. "Thanks. You look wow, too."

"I don't even have any flowers in my fur yet," Ravenwind chuckled self-consciously.

Runningshadow walked forward with a chuckle and sat down next to him. "Let me," he said softly. With skilled paws, he tucked the red flowers into the ShadowClan tom's thick, fluffy fur.

"You're good at this," Ravenwind teased.

Runningshadow made a little humming noise. "Turtleheart used to make me practice on her. I guess she wanted me to be good at it when it came time."

"I'm sure she looked nice," Ravenwind mumbled. He was focused on the quick, muscle memory way Runningshadow was weaving the flowers. "You're doing really well."

"Your fur is thicker than Turtleheart's," Runningshadow chuckled. "Softer, too. I like it."

Heat spread across Ravenwind's face to the tips of his ears. "Thanks." it was barely audible. There was something so profoundly uninhibited about the whole moment. For once, they were both completely relaxed; free of the worry they might be discovered. It was dead silent in the most comfortable of ways, aside from the soft sounds of them breathing. They had never felt more free.

"My turn," Runningshadow said quietly. Though the barn was empty, they spoke in hushed tones. Like speaking any louder may ruin the moment. All that remained of the gladiolus that weren't in Ravenwind's fur were bare green stems.

Ravenwind's paws were shaking. _My heart's beating so fast…_ He swallowed the lump in his throat. It refused to go away.

"Hey," Runningshadow whispered. "What's wrong?" He could feel Ravenwind trembling.

"Noth- nothing," Ravenwind stammered. "Everything's perfect." He took a deep, shaky breath. "That's the thing."

The WindClan tom's eyebrows creased in concern, urging him to elaborate. His tail found Ravenwind's, and he felt almost instantly comforted.

"You're- you're so _good,_ you know that?" Ravenwind meowed. "Everyone always tells me I'm not. And I embraced it. 'Ravenwind, the bad guy.' The mean one for no reason, the one who pushes everyone away." He hung his head. "I don't know why I kept doing it. It was so lonely."

"Ravenwind…" Runningshadow muttered, placing his paw on his. He seemed at a loss for words.

"What I'm trying to say is, sometimes I think- no, a lot of the time- I think I didn't do anything to deserve you in my life," Ravenwind admitted. "You're my light. The good. What makes me allowed to have you with me when you're so good and I'm so _not?"_

Everything poured out. "I love you so much it hurts; it hurts so good," Ravenwind choked out. His vision stretched with tears. "How can someone like me be what you want? What if I ruin it like I do everything else?" His voice cracked desperately and the sight of Runningshadow grew blurry behind his tear-filled eyes.

"You're allowed to be happy, Ravenwind," Runningshadow said gently. _I… I am?_ "You didn't have to _do_ anything to deserve me, either. We chose each other because we make each other happy."

Runningshadow's blue eyes were big, watery, and so full of love. "You may think you're bad, but the fact you care so much about whether you're good or bad shows you're not. A bad person wouldn't care. I know you say you don't care, because it's hard to say what you feel. That's okay. We understand each other. And you are _everything_ I want and more."

In that moment, Ravenwind had never felt more seen. It was as if Runningshadow could peer right into the depths of his heart. He felt vulnerable, but most of all, he felt _safe._

"It's that simple?" Ravenwind asked quietly.

Runningshadow gave a small nod. "It's that simple."

Ravenwind sniffed deeply and blinked his tears away. He felt better. Who knew talking about it would help? "Let's get these flowers in your fur," he said, pulling a snowdrop off its step and placing in his thin fur.

Runningshadow's pelt was short; much shorter than those in ShadowClan. It was fine, and slipped through his claws as he weaved the flowers in delicately, but ever so soft and silky. The brown tom licked a paw and swiped it over both sides of his face.

"How do I look?" He asked bashfully. He wasn't looking directly at Ravenwind, blue eyes skittery. Moonlight shone down on him, making the snowdrops look like they were glowing. He looked ethereal.

Ravenwind's breath left him. He sighed softly, taking a moment to just admire him. _How did I get so lucky?_ The quiet filled the barn, and nothing felt more intimate than simply taking in the other, burning the sight of each other into their memories forever.

"Everything is ready," Cookie said, poking her muzzle in. "Whenever you're all set." Her eyes were closed, as if she were the one not meant to see them. Ravenwind found it amusing.

"Are you ready?" Runningshadow asked softly, looking deep into his eyes.

Ravenwind touched their noses together. "I've never been more ready for anything in my life."

Side by side, the two toms walked out of the barn and under the open sky. The full moon was at its peak. There was a circle of river stones in the center where they had all gathered. They stepped inside it.

"Tonight, we celebrate the unifying of Runningshadow and Ravenwind," King began. _Not how it goes, but okay._ "The- er- bonding of their two hearts."

Although it seemed King had forgotten some of the words, Ravenwind couldn't care less. All that mattered in that moment was Runningshadow.

"The moon," the WindClan tom whispered. "Do you think…?" He couldn't bring himself to say it, and neither could Ravenwind. It was full, and that meant a Gathering. And should clouds cover the moon… Ravenwind shook his head.

"No," Ravenwind said with certainty. "This will be perfect." Runningshadow smiled wide.

"Recite your vows, so we may all hear and approve," King announced.

Runningshadow went first. He tipped his head to the side with an awkward smile. "So, this all happened really fast and I didn't think of anything," he admitted. Ravenwind laughed through his nose. "So- so I'm just going to say what I'm thinking."

He looked confident; sure of himself. It was a rare look on him. "You make me feel like I can relax," he started. "Whenever we're together, everything just _fits._ I've- I've thought about this day between us in secret countless times. It's not what I pictured, but it feels right. It feels like us. It feels perfect. I love all of you; everything. Not just some idea of you or just a part, but as you truly are."

Runningshadow stole his breath away. He almost forgot it was his turn to say something. "I want to spend today and every tomorrow from now on with you," he said. The words flowed like instinct. "It doesn't matter how big the gap separating us grows; I will always be yours and you mine. I promise you this. I promise to protect you, to cherish you, to be there for you, to- to _love_ you with all that I am _,_ but most of all, I promise that whatever life throws at us, we'll make it through it together.

Ravenwind glanced to the moon. It was still clear. He still felt partially on edge. He knew Runningshadow did too. _But that won't stop us._

King was crying, tears openly pouring out of his one good eye. By some stroke of luck, Nan had gotten the four kits to sit still and observe. For the most part, they looked either bored or confused.

Cookie took over for her mate. She was looking at the tasting ingredients. "Er… um…" she mumbled.

"Sour," Runningshadow said, masking it with a cough.

"Yes!" Cookie exclaimed. "Um, taste the sour, for every relationship has its unpleasant moments. Do you offer your love and support without limit? If you do, say 'I do.'"

"It's 'I will', dear," King said in a hushed tone.

"Sorry- I _will,"_ Cookie corrected herself.

"I will," the toms said in unison. From smell alone. They could tell which was the sour herb. It had reddish stems and thick, round leaves. _Huh, purslane. Interesting choice._ It wasn't as sour as a lemon, but enough to be gross. Runningshadow seemed to like it.

"Taste the spicy-"

"Bitter," Ravenwind whispered to her.

"Taste the bitter," Cookie went on smoothly. "For every relationship has its- um- setbacks and sorrows." _Close enough._ "If so, taste, and say I will."

Another somewhat uncommon herb, though probably more common in these woods, was valerian. It was almost woodsy, like chamomile, but less warming.

"Taste the spicy," Cookie continued. "For every relationship has heat and passion. Will you offer your faith and er- and protection? If so, taste and say I will."

"Um, which is it?" Runningshadow asked awkwardly. Neither of them had seen either herb before. One looked like a red berry, tipped off in a point in the end. The other was fruity in appearance, with a greenish orange color.

"That one," Cookie said. "Those are peppers."

Given the name, Ravenwind thought it akin to peppergrass. Boy, was he wrong. It wasn't spicy at first, but it lingered on his tongue and in his throat. Runningshadow had more of a visible reaction. Truthfully, Ravenwind kind of liked the spice.

"Finally, taste the sweet," Cookie meowed. "For every relationship should be filled with life and fulfilment. Will you offer unconditional love, without limit? If so, taste, and say I will."

"I will." Ravenwind was saying so much more than two words. It was a lifelong promise.

"I will." Runningshadow had the same look in his eyes. Determined, and overflowing with a love so strong it could burn the whole forest down.

The fruit was so sweet it was almost sickly. The juice stuck in his mouth, leaving a strange taste. It was closest to a pear, but unlike anything either of them had tasted before.

"You may present your catches," Cookie said.

Runningshadow offered up the mouse he had caught earlier that evening, and Ravenwind nudged him yesterday's vole he had managed to catch.

"I promise to hunt for you, to care for you from green-leaf through leaf-bare, and to always be there when you need me,' Runningshadow swore. They had changed the words a bit to better suit themselves.

"I promise to protect you, to care for you from green-leaf through leaf-bare, and to always be there when you need me," Ravenwind swore.

With that, they swapped prey and took a bite. Runningshadow had his muzzle stuck in the flesh of the vole. Ravenwind glanced up to admire him, when he saw something strange in the corner of his eye behind his new mate.

The white-light encased forms of Silverwater and Bramblestone were staring them down, wearing identical looks of disapproval. Runningshadow had his back to them. Ravenwind fixed the StarClan cats with a hard look just as cold.

_No. You will not take this away from us._ Ravenwind thought sourly. _I won't let you ruin the mate ceremony Runningshadow wants._

He looked up at the moon, fear gripping his chest with icy claws. No clouds in sight. Relief washed over him. When he looked back, the dead medicine cats were gone.

"Our hearts are now bonded as one," Runningshadow announced. "Uh- may- may our ancestors join together and light the path of our new path."

Ravenwind tried not to imagine that. _May they not._ Runningshadow looked elated as he glanced to the moon and back..

"StarClan didn't disapprove," he said in awe. "We're okay."

_But our predecessors do._ Ravenwind smiled softly. He pressed their foreheads together. "I told you so," he whispered. "Our hearts are now bonded as one," he repeated.

Runningshadow chuckled. "Hey, I already said that."

Ravenwind shrugged. "Well, now I said it too. I said we'd be double bonded, didn't I?"

Runningshadow pretended to look thoughtful. "Ah, so does this mean were double the mates as any other clan cat?"

The ShadowClan tom winked. "Now you're getting it."

"The clans have a beautiful way of celebrating love," Cookie purred. "It's very romantic."

Ravenwind gave a little shrug. "Truthfully, it's younger than our other ceremonies. Some ex-kittypet ShadowClan cat introduced it before the clans left the lake."

"You lived by a lake?" Flax asked curiously, eyes glittering.

"Not us," Ravenwind clarified. "Our ancestors." Flax frowned in response.

"No cat alive remembers the lake anymore," Runningshadow explained further. "I think before that, the clans were in a forest. But our stories get told, so we live on."

"What now?" Cookie asked. "That was it to the ceremony, wasn't it?"

Runningshadow flicked an ear. He looked to Ravenwind truly deviously. "C'mon." He practically dragged him back to the inside of the barn where they collapsed in a pile of hay and straw with a chorus of joyous laughter.

Ravenwind brushed away a piece of straw on his mate's head. "Eager for our first night together as mates?" He asked teasingly.

The WindClan tom made a little noise in his throat. "Well, yes, but I'm all… excited, and my heart's racing… I don't think I'll be able to sleep." He looked directly into Ravenwind's amber eyes. "I love you too much."

"I- you- we- we can stay up," Ravenwind stammered awkwardly. It was most unlike him. "If- if you want."

Runningshadow smiled in such a tender way it felt unwarranted. It didn't match the passion twinkling in his dark blue eyes. "I would like that very much," he purred.

Ravenwind gave a dry little laugh. "Wanna know something funny?"

Runningshadow peered down at him. "Hm?"

"I used to be jealous of Turtleheart," he admitted with a small 'heh'.

"What?" Runningshadow chortled. "Why her?"

Ravenwind gave a helpless shrug, resting his head on Runningshadow's chest. "I dunno. You talked about her a lot. I thought you might like her." He looked up at the WindClan tom. "I wonder what past me would say if he saw us like this."

"Lucky me?" Runningshadow offered with a teasing smirk. It earned him a paw to the face.

Runningshadow laughed as Ravenwind pushed him away. "Oh, shut it," he growled. "I thought you wanted to have a _moment."_

"We were having a moment, and then you mentioned Turtleheart," Runningshadow pouted. "Can't I just dote on you?"

"Yes," Ravenwind said like it was obvious. "You don't even have to ask."

"Well, I'm still gonna," Runningshadow mewed decidedly. "C'mere."

Ravenwind obeyed. His heart was overflowing. "I love you," he whispered.

Runningshadow looked like he might melt. "I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im kinda stumped at what to put for chapter 17 (the next one) so if anyone has anything they'd like to see or just some suggestions please comment it down below! anything is appreciated.


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